Please help me understand

[NewDay2006]

I'm actually highjacking Chilton's thread. Not intentionally, but I want to talk about it from a different perspective.

 

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=36812

 

I first read about this last week in Time. I started to read the article and I didn't finish. I told my wife about it and she didn't seem too interested. To my displeasure, I later found the magazine with the pages of this article torn out, by my wife.

 

To say the least, I wasn't happy. I wasn't angry either for that matter, but I didn't understand. My wife isn't a very political person. Yet I do know she feels her country is great and I agree it is. I would never say the US is better that China to her. The US is my home, but I wouldn't want to disrespect anyone and tell anyone from anywhere,"my home is better than your home",... it would serve no purpose or benefit to do so.

 

Yes, China has problems like America has problems. I'm sure we here in america have a strong sense of rights that are not present in China.

 

Having saud the above, I stil don't understand why my wife felt she had to distroy my magazine(article). We didn't have an argument, but I did let her know I wasn't happy about it. She simply said she needed to use the pages for something. (toilet paper maybe? ). I beleive she felt Time was saying bad things about her country. I'm pretty sure she didn't read the article.

 

She doesn't seem to beleive what happened in Beijing back then and doesn't seem to care to know. As far as politics, my wife says she doesn't know who the president of China is and doesn't care.

 

My point in starting this thread is not to paint my wife in a negative light, I'm just trying to ascertain if this is a common feeling among a the common population in China.

 

I do remember a woman I knew once from China, who had a masters degree and was in the square when the shooting starting. She used to ask me, "don't you feel lucky living in the US.?"

 

Just wondering if anyone else has had any other similar situations or what does thier wife feel about how thier country is about human rights.

Edited May 27, 2009 by NewDay2006 (see edit history)

[samsong]

Her Chinese pride and what she was taught and raised to believe in during her life in China and the perspective of the Tiananmen Square incident that I suppose all Chinese have.

That's my thoughts on it, Charles. My wife is the same way. She has done things that resemble what you have mentioned.

When I talk to her about the incident, she always brings up the cases where the students burned soldiers alive.

Again, a case of "culture clash", the difference in the east and the west in all perspectives imaginable.

[NewDay2006]

Her Chinese pride and what she was taught and raised to believe in during her life in China and the perspective of the Tiananmen Square incident that I suppose all Chinese have.

That's my thoughts on it, Charles. My wife is the same way. She has done things that resemble what you have mentioned.

When I talk to her about the incident, she always brings up the cases where the students burned soldiers alive.

Again, a case of "culture clash", the difference in the east and the west in all perspectives imaginable.

 

My wife has told me, that we(the police and military) kill people too.

 

I must say she was in a very small town 1.5 million and was probably very shielded from much of what has gone on in China and the goverment. The Internet has allowed much more iformation to be shared, but I know it is still sheltered and TV doesn't show anything negative.

[Joanne]

Zhao Ziyang could have been a great leader if China had a political system like US. Since he was a member of the CCP, he is subjected to the CCP rule and decipline.

[ididntdoit]

I'm actually highjacking Chilton's thread. Not intentionally, but I want to talk about it from a different perspective.

 

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=36812

 

I first read about this last week in Time. I started to read the article and I didn't finish. I told my wife about it and she didn't seem too interested. To my displeasure, I later found the magazine with the pages of this article torn out, by my wife.

 

To say the least, I wasn't happy. I wasn't angry either for that matter, but I didn't understand. My wife isn't a very political person. Yet I do know she feels her country is great and I agree it is. I would never say the US is better that China to her. The US is my home, but I wouldn't want to disrespect anyone and tell anyone from anywhere,"my home is better than your home",... it would serve no purpose or benefit to do so.

 

Yes, China has problems like America has problems. I'm sure we here in america have a strong sense of rights that are not present in China.

 

Having saud the above, I stil don't understand why my wife felt she had to distroy my magazine(article). We didn't have an argument, but I did let her know I wasn't happy about it. She simply said she needed to use the pages for something. (toilet paper maybe? ). I beleive she felt Time was saying bad things about her country. I'm pretty sure she didn't read the article.

 

She doesn't seem to beleive what happened in Beijing back then and doesn't seem to care to know. As far as politics, my wife says she doesn't know who the president of China is and doesn't care.

 

My point in starting this thread is not to paint my wife in a negative light, I'm just trying to ascertain if this is a common feeling among a the common population in China.

 

I do remember a woman I knew once from China, who had a masters degree and was in the square when the shooting starting. She used to ask me, "don't you feel lucky living in the US.?"

 

Just wondering if anyone else has had any other similar situations or what does thier wife feel about how thier country is about human rights.

 

Not a good idea to debate with her the pros and cons about

China. The USA its ok to do so. My wife does not like the .gov

in China at all but she does not care for anyone putting the PRC

down including me. I found real fast its best to let her bring

up the subject. She will be your guide on what to say and what

not to say.

 

Its up to you to figure out how she wants you to react.

Best not to dwell on a chinese thing as a whole.

Not if its between you and wife. Its best to leave it

at that. Mood changes may not apply though, seems

to differ then

Edited May 27, 2009 by ididntdoit (see edit history)

[chilton747]

Brother C, perhaps she does not believe what the USA writers have to say. My wife got may first hand accounts of what happened there 20 years ago from many of her school friends that went to Beijing. Needless to say, I am getting an education here. I will write more as she tells me.

[NewDay2006]

 

Not a good idea to debate with her the pros and cons about

China. The USA its ok to do so. My wife does not like the .gov

in China at all but she does not care for anyone putting the PRC

down including me. I found real fast its best to let her bring

up the subject. She will be your guide on what to say and what

not to say.

 

Its up to you to figure out how she wants you to react.

Best not to dwell on a chinese thing as a whole.

Not if its between you and wife. Its best to leave it

at that. Mood changes may not apply though, seems

to differ then

 

We didn't really debate anything much. I was just surprised that she banned me from reading it. I never say much negative about China. I know there was a time when her family was poor, but they prospered in later years. Heck, that was my life also.

 

As far at the US over China, my wife would have been just fine with me moving to China instead of her moving here.

[NewDay2006]

Brother C, perhaps she does not believe what the USA writers have to say. My wife got may first hand accounts of what happened there 20 years ago from many of her school friends that went to Beijing. Needless to say, I am getting an education here. I will write more as she tells me.

 

Charles, I don't think my wife even read the article. I know I will never know.

[ididntdoit]

 

Not a good idea to debate with her the pros and cons about

China. The USA its ok to do so. My wife does not like the .gov

in China at all but she does not care for anyone putting the PRC

down including me. I found real fast its best to let her bring

up the subject. She will be your guide on what to say and what

not to say.

 

Its up to you to figure out how she wants you to react.

Best not to dwell on a chinese thing as a whole.

Not if its between you and wife. Its best to leave it

at that. Mood changes may not apply though, seems

to differ then

 

We didn't really debate anything much. I was just surprised that she banned me from reading it. I never say much negative about China. I know there was a time when her family was poor, but they prospered in later years. Heck, that was my life also.

 

As far at the US over China, my wife would have been just fine with me moving to China instead of her moving here.

 

I understand. She kinda banned me to. Dont have a real reason

why she did, she just did. I guess its a subject we guys talk

about between ourself. With wife we just kinda have to agree.

Its ok though, not a subject for argueing. Nothing realy is.

 

Our home is in China also. I'm still trying to understand why

we are not there now. Its been 5 years, still have a few

things cant seem to get a straight answer on. Shes my life

so all I know to do is she will tell me.

 

To do it my way wont work.

I'm happy with that.

[Guest Tony n Terrific]

My wife is not into Chinese politics and that is a good thing I guess. She is interested in our new President and how he will be making all these changes she has read about.

During my last visit I a caught a small cold and it was gone in 3 days. My wife being a nurse believes in the power of the pill. She gave me some Chinese medicine. It looked like a contact tablet. It did not work to well since I still had a runny nose. I made the statement to her that Chinese Medicine was no good. (Poor choice of wording. If I would have said it is not working I would have been fine). Heavens to Lao Tzu she jumped up and started speaking in rapid Chinese I guess about the medicine. She has pride and loyalty to her country just like I do with the US. So making a crack like I did was uncalled for and showed disrespect to her and her country on my part.

I told her about a true story about an American guy and his Chinese wife that just used him to get into the US and then set him up in a black mailing attempt to ruin him financially. She was horrified at what happened to this man. She told me that this Chinese woman put the shame on all Chinese woman for her actions and she makes all Chinese Woman appear to be nothing but scum. Its all about saving face with the Chinese.

Edited May 28, 2009 by Tony n Terrific (see edit history)

[samsong]

My wife is very sensitive to Chinese critcism. I stay away from it in any arguements but she will, and does get highly emotional over it. Chinese pride, I guess.

She will get upset and shout, "you look down chinese!?!", causing me to ...and then ...run for the hills!

[usagroom]

It is understood in my family that governments, all of them, do good and no good. USA and China included. I emphasize the word DIFFERENT, not good or bad. Things the USA does are DIFFERENT than China, not better or worse. Everyone knows there are different people everywhere. It is personal whether anything is good or bad. I explained this the first time I met my SO's parents in China. When her baba proudly showed me a picture of him with Chairman Mao I told him that Mao did many great things. He nodded, smiled and said he did many crazy things too. I said it is the same for presidents in America. We had a good laugh.

[Bert]

I made the mistake after a very frustrating day of asking rhetorically, "Is everything in China fake?" That was the source of our first major argument. She let me know quickly that I disrespected her and her country. She also asked if I thought her love was fake. She cut down to the bone. I won't make that mistake again. Ironically, she has since made that statement to me and asked if I agreed. Believe me, a no answer is the best response.

 

She has recently developed the penchant for discussing politics. It's a conversation that I have to tread very lightly. I've resigned myself to never winning an argument. If I disagree, it can sometimes come down to "you look down on me" or "you don't believe me". I've learned when the best thing to do is say, "Yes, Dear."

[Zhou Zhou]

It is understood in my family that governments, all of them, do good and no good. USA and China included. I emphasize the word DIFFERENT, not good or bad. Things the USA does are DIFFERENT than China, not better or worse. Everyone knows there are different people everywhere. It is personal whether anything is good or bad. I explained this the first time I met my SO's parents in China. When her baba proudly showed me a picture of him with Chairman Mao I told him that Mao did many great things. He nodded, smiled and said he did many crazy things too. I said it is the same for presidents in America. We had a good laugh.

 

That's my main tactic...we only do things differently...sometimes both are wrong and sometimes both are correct. I have been asked directly if I though that Chinese waste electricity...I told her yes. Do I think Chinese waste food? Absolutely...then we love to compare our governments corruption. I always win that argument and tell her we are the champions and have the most corrupt in the world. We laugh over our debates mostly.

[david_dawei]

Brother C, perhaps she does not believe what the USA writers have to say. My wife got may first hand accounts of what happened there 20 years ago from many of her school friends that went to Beijing. Needless to say, I am getting an education here. I will write more as she tells me.

 

Charles, I don't think my wife even read the article. I know I will never know.

I suspect she did not read it for the same reasons she feels you don't need to read it... that's why she tore out the pages.