Culture Shock?

[Guest Se_Lang]

Ok folks I am still waiting for my MM and there is a great many of you who have your wife's here now, can you or your wives explain some of the anxiety they faced when they arrived and how they handled it. I have a Chinese friend that is here on student visa she said when she arrived she had a great deal of anxiety cause all she knew of US was what she saw in movies. I want to prepare my MM as much as possible for the transition when the day finaly comes.

 

 

off topic a bit: I see everyone write about hard beds I was in china twice and both times I loved the beds but I also stayed at western hotels so not sure if it mattered.

[owenkrout]

Getting passed the Immigration officials at the POE was my wife's biggest hurdle. Actually somewhat to my surprise, she has found a number of things surprising, but has had very little trouble adapting. The racial mix in the US has been her biggest shock. She compares it to watching Star Trek. "Same as Star people!"

 

I did have to stop her from trying on a new skirt in the middle of the women's department at Wal-Mart today. After all, that is the way they do it in China. I have been shopping with her in China and been ordered to

"Try on this pair of trousers."

"Where?"

"Here! Now!"

Embarassing at first, but after being there awhile and seeing everyone else doing the same, I adapted.

 

Her biggest complaint would probably be not having enough Chinese people around. The only jobs I have been able to secure have been in rural areas where immigrant means Mexican.

 

As for the bed... living in a Western style hotel didn't teach you a lot about China. Make a real effort to learn everything you can about her culture. Make it a point to make a trip back with her and live with relatives. You will learn more about Chinese culture and ways of thinking in a week than you ever will by reading about it. I did it in a rural area for two months and it was probably the best thing I did as far as learning to understand her.

[newman]

After seven months I believe my wife has adjusted well. I know in the beginning she was concerned about the lack of people, 30,000 vs two million and many other things. Thank God we found some other Chinese wives that really helped in explaining how things work in the US.

 

Owen's advice about learning all you can about the Chinese culture is good advice but we can't all learn by living with the relatives. I try to read as much as I can. I read about the Moon Festival and even found recepies on the net for mooncakes. I ordered a box and give them to my wife. I was amazed at how surprised she was that I knew about the festival and the mooncakes. She give a cake to one of our few Chinese friends and the friend made the comment that in her sixteen years of marriage her husband never give her a mooncake and what a thoughtful husband I was. Made my day!

[TimD]

Neither my wife or I are in the states yet, but my wife has been to the states on several occasions. I think I can still offer some input here.

 

The fact that there are not 13 million people in my city was one of the biggest differences my wife noted about the states. It's much more quiet and relaxing. The cities here are "alive", as they say here, where as in the states most communities are quiet and peaceful.

 

Food may be another issue for her. Find out what she likes to eat and build some skills in cooking foods that you both enjoy. My wife and I have this part down to an art form. When we eat at home our dinners are a mix of Chinese and western meats, veggies and spices. Look for Chinese markets in your area to help in finding foods and spices that she may be use to. Some western foods may be a bit too rich for her initially and you may want to gradually introduce her to this if she isn't use to it.

 

Most of all get her educated on our culture. My biggest issue here is most Chinese people get their impression of the USA from Hollywood and the Chinese press. When ever this topic comes up in a conversation with Chinese here I ask them, "Do all Chinese know Kung Fu?", of course not. ; )

 

Being a good husband and her best friend is what will help her the most. I too have had to deal with quite a bit of culture shock living in China, but my wife has been wonderful in helping me adapt to the life here. Owen is right, come back to China and live as she does, stay out of the Western hotels and experience life as she and her family does. Remember, that you don't have to become Chinese and she doesn't have to become a yankee, your a "Chinglish" couple which means change and compromises to both of your life styles.

 

-Tim

[Guest Se_Lang]

On my first trip to China it was to meet her, so staying at her parents home would be a little awkward, So I booked a room at a Hilton it was a wonderful hotel, a 4 star for only $50 a night we both loved the room, I also brought her family to the hotel for a western dinner, her suggestion since her father cooked a meal for us. I was only there for 4.5 days so the only culture I got was from Chongqing old town and the Dazu Grottos and I was the only white man in a sea of yellow so even at a towering 5'6" I still got stares.

 

On the second trip we went to Beijing I also booked a room at a western hotel because I got an employee discount a 5 star for only $60 a night I could have saved money if I went with less of a hotel but I cant book them on the internet, heck I cant even find them I guess that is why they cost less lol and I saw all the popular places to see she wanted to see them as much as I did.

 

 

My next trip(Shanghai) I think I will be a little daring and wait till I get there to book a hotel but even at that it has to have a western style toilet I cant see my self squatting where I shower lol

 

My Final trip will be in GZ I hope for her interview, unless they come up with more delays, otherwise I think we are looking at Tibet or Hong Kong.

 

Lastly, she loves all food the hotter the better. I think this is why we are going to shanghai, so she can sample the street food.

 

LOL she says the beds and pillows in western hotels are very nice

[TimD]

You'll love Shanghai. I love the lamb on a stick you get from the vendors, it's great. When you go there check and see if DNA Project is playing at the Hard Rock, they are a great band if you are into good old fashioned USA rock and roll!! You'll need to check out "Fake Street" too while you are there and pick up a "Rolex" for $50

 

If your gal loves spicey food stock up on the dried hot peppers they sell here. I use those in just about everything I cook.

 

I don't know about the rest of you fellas but I love the hard bed we sleep on here. I don't like the stiff pillows we have though. My back feels so much better when I wake up now a days.

 

-Tim

[Mick]

When I first arrived in Hefei in 1998, the vendors used to sell something on a stick as well. However, it wasn't lamb. Looked like a small thin four legged animal. Turned out to be a mouse.

[BillT]

Good suggestion Tim! When in China, please try to do as the Chinese do - you'll be a better person for it and learn so much more about your better 99%.

 

But personally, I avoid any form of meat-like substance on a stick from any vendor anywhere, even in the US (unless I'm the one doing the sticking). Don't get me wrong - I enjoy a juicy, well-turned steak anytime, but there's something about a nameless, unidentifiable-except-by-DNA-methods meat on a stick of unknown origin that puts me off solids for the rest of the day!

 

I was impressed by something the couple times I dared go to the supermarket alone (i.e., without my interpreter!). Each narrow aisle had at least 2 people there, apparently to help the shoppers find what they need. I quickly discovered that each aisle I went through the helper would take the biggest, most expensive-looking item in the aisle and kindly present it to me. Had I been able to say more than "I love you" in Mandarin, I'm sure I would have gleaned a little more information from the experience. I just stick to buying the stuff I can see through the glass or little window on the package. Oh, and take a pocketful of cash, just in case! I'm pretty sure shoplifting is not appreciated in China like it is here, and explaining it in SEVERELY BROKEN Chinese would be just a little awkward.

 

Zai jian!

 

Bill and Fengjuan

[Dave G.]

You'll need to check out "Fake Street" too while you are there and pick up a "Rolex" for $50

 

I think I need to send you shopping with JM. If you pay one RMB more than she thinks it's worth, she'll tear your head off. $50 -- or 400 RMB -- for a "copy" Rolex (JM's word)? Nooooooo.....150-180 RMB. Make the offer and when they say no, leave. Simple. They'll call you back in a heartbeat. Until they agree to something in the range I suggest, keep walking away....no need to argue. You'll have your watch PDQ.

 

I got several while in Shanghai. Gave them away one night as party favors. You should have seen people's eyes! Quite entertaining........