Pregnancy and Child-Rearing

[Mick]

Rob's recent post in the General Visa Discussion about his experiences with his newborn in China got me to thinking about cultural differences in terms of pregnancy and child rearing. The fact that Li is pregnant makes this issue of particular importance. I think that having a child together, and raising that child, will necessitate much compromise on the parts of both parents. Chinese culture and American culture have many differences in terms of raising children.

 

I open this topic for general discussion and would love to hear ideas from both sides of the Pacific. I want to be as sensitive as possible to Li's ideas about how to best raise our child.

 

Let's hear from some of you. Dave G. , Rob, Tine, and others. Whaddya think>

[Dave G.]

Well....since you asked........................

 

We already hit our couple of little hurdles. First was the issue of caring for the baby. I guess extended family (grandmothers specifically) have a big hand in the child's life for the first several months. JM asked if we could get her step-mom a visa for six months to live with us and care for the baby. Nu-uh. I told her I had no probs with family visiting but I wanted to do the work with JM. She's nervious about the whole thing (her mom basically took care of everything with her first). What we finally agreed on was to have my sister stay here for the first couple of weeks. That made JM feel more relaxed.

 

The other issue we haven't agreed on is having the baby sleep in its crib in our bedroom. Most parents I know "kick" the baby out soon after it's born. JM wants the baby in our room for six months. Nu-uh....but I haven't succeeded in talking her out of it. We'll see.......

 

As far as other things such as diapers.....well, when in Rome I guess. Rob has done a great job adjusting to that issue. But, that "behavior" won't work here. His wife will have to start adjusting. I imagine in the first year or two we'll be likely to have babysitters. How can I ask them to endure a child without diapers?http://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/l/loki.gif

 

I guess my biggest "success" was convincing JM to breast feed. She never did before. Originally, she had no interested as it made her uncomfortable thinking about it. But, now that her body is changing and she sees "production rates" slowly on the rise, she's very excited to latch the kid on and let it do its thing.

[warpedbored]

I think it is extremely important that the child never forgets half of his/her heritage. That being said the child also needs to fit in well with the culture in which it will be raised. When the two are in conflict it stands to reason that one would defer to the culture you are living in. Much like Rob and the diaper issure in China.

[tonado]

Mick,

 

According to some Chinese tradition, I heard the wife is not supposed to eat lamb meat and some fish (too much mercury) during the pregnancy (for the health of the baby).

[yanhua]

oh..the good tradition from China raising a child are as follows:

1.The parents would help the couple with taking care of the baby.Most Chinese couples both have to work all day long and would be too exhausting for them.

2.Chinese parents would do everything they can..even to sell their last treasure to support their kids to go to school for education

3.Chinese parents would beat their kids if they do something real bad. I find it good...this worked for me

.......

Good tradition from USA

1.American parents put lots of emphasis on childrens independence

2.More equality and respect for privacy

....

[Mick]

oh..the good tradition from China raising a child are as follows:

1.The parents would help the couple with taking care of the baby.Most Chinese couples both have to work all day long and would be too exhausting for them.

2.Chinese parents would do everything they can..even to sell their last treasure to support their kids to go to school for education

3.Chinese parents would beat their kids if they do something real bad. I find it good...this worked for me

.......

Good tradition from USA

1.American parents put lots of emphasis on childrens independence

2.More equality and respect for privacy

....

Thanks for your post Yanhua, as well as your kind PM. B)

 

I had hoped more folks might respond to this thread as it is a pertinent cultural issue that a number of us are currently facing. Also, as more couples get the blessed visa and are reunited, there may be even more who will be expecting.

 

Li and I have discussed many of these issues already, even before she was pregnant. It seems that we have little disagreement on any of the issues. We will both share the duties of raising the child, we will teach her/him both languages from the outset. Although the child will be raised in America, we will make every effort to keep the child well aware of his/her Chinese heritage. We have even discussed having the child go back to China for an extended stay with her/his grandparents and aunt and uncle.

 

We are in agreement as to the sleeping arrangement. She/he will have his/her :unsure: own room. Diapers and pampers will be the order of the day. This is as much Li's idea as mine.

 

Hope to hear from some of the other board members. Owen, where the hell are you.

[Dave G.]

What scares the hell out of me? JM told me she's been buying pants for pee pee and poo poo. Not diapers....pants. What is she buying????????

 

http://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/3/nono.gif

[Bryan_Qunying]

The only thing I could ever tell you is to keep both mother and baby happy. Do it together and in the way you and she feel the baby/child should be raised.

 

There is nothing in this world that will tell you the best way to raise your child. Only you can do that.

 

Mick, you are already on your way to a perfect family. All you have to do now is carry out the actions and personnal investments.

 

Understanding, carring and love goes a very long way.

 

Good luck,

 

BTW, My wife and I have 6 children (5 mine, 1 hers) and 6 grandsons. When I told her how many children I had I thought she was going to faint. B)

 

 

Bryan

[Mick]

What scares the hell out of me?  JM told me she's been buying pants for pee pee and poo poo.  Not diapers....pants.  What is she buying???????? 

 

http://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/3/nono.gif

My guess is that she is buying those pants that have a little window or flap in the back so, if the baby has to go, you can just open it up and he or she can let fly.

 

I often saw this very scenario on the streets and in the eateries of Hefei. I am not making this up Dave. Be prepared!

[owenkrout]

What scares the hell out of me?  JM told me she's been buying pants for pee pee and poo poo.  Not diapers....pants.  What is she buying???????? 

 

http://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/3/nono.gif

Split bottom pants. Allows them to take care of business wherever with no difficulty. Typically in China the child is never left without mother, grandmother, auntie, sister, cousin, etc (or all the above) in immediate attendance. They are acutely aware of watching for signs they need to relieve themselves and rush them to the sqatter or a bucket. At least most of the time. I commonly saw infants relieving themselves on or alongside the sidewalk.

 

In fact one to the things that is an improvement in the Chinese system over the Western way of doing things is that like America, young parents often both must work to make it, but children normally have family members attending to them. They are not left to strangers and are not left to cry in the playpen. There is no playpen and they are scooped up by an auntie or grandma as soon as they wimper. Making good use of all those unemployed relatives. Our daughter was drafted to live with her cousin to take care of the cousin's newborn. The fact that grandmother and an auntie where there also was just considered normal.

[Mick]

Li and I won't be buying any split-bottom pants.

 

I have a background in psychology and have to wonder what Freud would have to say about these little pants with the "zephyr window".

 

Dr. Spock, where are you when we need you?

[Mick]

Also, I wonder if they have these things in France.

 

Too bad Eric is off in Poland and can't enlighten us.

 

As a matter of fact, I wonder if they have them in Poland?