Do I keep quiet or do I spill the beans?

[Dan R]

Poor ole Al, this 45 year old man thought he was traveling 8000 miles to China to meet a beautiful 22 year old girl. Boy howdy we're all gonna just weep for him when he learns that his dream girl's already gotten married and instead he'll be greeted by her 22 year old cousin who's even more beautiful. Yes, poor ole Al suckered for becoming just a meal ticket for this beautiful young woman. Breaks your heart don't it.

 

Seriously, that's really the crux of it. My wife says that Jin and Jie look quite a bit alike, but Jie "is more beautiful, and more hard working and smart and drives a car and..."

 

Come on, the man's going to be well taken care of, how many men go through life having and getting an opportunity like this? And, I am told to just throw cold water on him/it, because deception is deception and lies are lies and the end result don't matter...

 

You can see where I am leaning...to just stay silent and hope for the best. And, yes, by not speaking up, I have become an accomplice... I know.

 

I still have a few weeks to give my final answer though.

I'm not sure if you previously left out the ages... 45 year old USC having a shell game with 22 year old chinese ladies

 

I think I've heard enough... I think I'd warn Jie at this point

 

 

SSsssssshhhhhh There is more than one game being played here.... Stay tuned for the outcome.

[tsap seui]

Poor ole Al, this 45 year old man thought he was traveling 8000 miles to China to meet a beautiful 22 year old girl. Boy howdy we're all gonna just weep for him when he learns that his dream girl's already gotten married and instead he'll be greeted by her 22 year old cousin who's even more beautiful. Yes, poor ole Al suckered for becoming just a meal ticket for this beautiful young woman. Breaks your heart don't it.

 

Seriously, that's really the crux of it. My wife says that Jin and Jie look quite a bit alike, but Jie "is more beautiful, and more hard working and smart and drives a car and..."

 

Come on, the man's going to be well taken care of, how many men go through life having and getting an opportunity like this? And, I am told to just throw cold water on him/it, because deception is deception and lies are lies and the end result don't matter...

 

You can see where I am leaning...to just stay silent and hope for the best. And, yes, by not speaking up, I have become an accomplice... I know.

 

I still have a few weeks to give my final answer though.

I'm not sure if you previously left out the ages... 45 year old USC having a shell game with 22 year old chinese ladies

 

I think I've heard enough... I think I'd warn Jie at this point

 

Amen

[rogerluli]

Poor ole Al, this 45 year old man thought he was traveling 8000 miles to China to meet a beautiful 22 year old girl. Boy howdy we're all gonna just weep for him when he learns that his dream girl's already gotten married and instead he'll be greeted by her 22 year old cousin who's even more beautiful. Yes, poor ole Al suckered for becoming just a meal ticket for this beautiful young woman. Breaks your heart don't it.

 

Seriously, that's really the crux of it. My wife says that Jin and Jie look quite a bit alike, but Jie "is more beautiful, and more hard working and smart and drives a car and..."

 

Come on, the man's going to be well taken care of, how many men go through life having and getting an opportunity like this? And, I am told to just throw cold water on him/it, because deception is deception and lies are lies and the end result don't matter...

 

You can see where I am leaning...to just stay silent and hope for the best. And, yes, by not speaking up, I have become an accomplice... I know.

 

I still have a few weeks to give my final answer though.

I'm not sure if you previously left out the ages... 45 year old USC having a shell game with 22 year old chinese ladies

 

I think I've heard enough... I think I'd warn Jie at this point

 

 

SSsssssshhhhhh There is more than one game being played here.... Stay tuned for the outcome.

 

Is this whole thingie a figment of Dennis' overeager imagination???

 

If so he'll be in for one heck of a whomping by his fellow members...

[Jon & Jas]

My two cents, for whatever it's worth:

 

Dennis, no matter what you decide in this situation (and it looks like you have chosen the path of least resistance), you must extricate yourself from your sister-in-law's activities post haste.

 

I will not question your decision in this matter, since you know your wife the best and you are the one who has to live with her (and your decision). However, if your sister-in-law is doing this for "many Nanning women", it will happen again (your wife's attitude suggests that it has happened in the past), and you don't want to be caught in the middle again. You must ask them to not share your information with any future potential suitors.

 

BTW, for all of you who are implying that a 45 year old contacting a 22 year old girl in China may be playing another game, I would believe that if Dennis did not already mention that Al is nervous because it will be his first time out of the country. I think this guy may have real hopes, and may be more than simply disappointed when the truth is revealed. The danger is whether he will be incensed enough to do something about it, or just play along and enjoy a trip with a beautiful young girl. And if the former, would there be any legal consequences since he has your contact info?

[Dennis143]

 

 

Is this whole thingie a figment of Dennis' overeager imagination???

 

If so he'll be in for one heck of a whomping by his fellow members...

OH, if that were only true, Rog.

 

Still good topic for discussion, eh? Sure beats all those immigration question posts. JK

[Dennis143]

 

I will not question your decision in this matter, since you know your wife the best and you are the one who has to live with her (and your decision). However, if your sister-in-law is doing this for "many Nanning women", it will happen again (your wife's attitude suggests that it has happened in the past), and you don't want to be caught in the middle again. You must ask them to not share your information with any future potential suitors.

 

THAT is a very good point and one that I shall take!

[SheLikesME?]

So Dennis,

urrrr....... ummm...........how much does ol Al make? Maybe I could work a trade in or something?

[david_dawei]

Is this whole thingie a figment of Dennis' overeager imagination???

Did you mean: a figment of Dennis' overaged ej#%Q@tion

[Jon & Jas]

 

I will not question your decision in this matter, since you know your wife the best and you are the one who has to live with her (and your decision). However, if your sister-in-law is doing this for "many Nanning women", it will happen again (your wife's attitude suggests that it has happened in the past), and you don't want to be caught in the middle again. You must ask them to not share your information with any future potential suitors.

 

THAT is a very good point and one that I shall take!

 

Glad I could be of some help in this morally ambiguous time

[Joanne]

Poor Dennis!

 

I thought with the Christian faith, you wouldn't need to be troubled by such moral delimmas. It would be so easy to take the moral high road and put your mind at ease and never to regret your decision (of revealing the "truth" to Al).

 

However, what outcome would be best for the two involved? It seems the group of you (Lieqin, her sister and even you) have to play "god" for them now. You might make it better for them or you may not. Whatever the outcome, you have to live with the consequence. It is riskier for you not to tell Al. But there would be hope for them.

 

There is the middle road which have been suggested by others, that is, not exactly revealing the whole truth, but inject enough info to Al so that he knows the possibility of being "victim" (or winner) of the switch game. I like this approach.

 

If I were you, I would ask Leiqin not to be mingled with her sister's match making game anymore. After all it is scam.

[Jeikun]

Poor ole Al, this 45 year old man thought he was traveling 8000 miles to China to meet a beautiful 22 year old girl. Boy howdy we're all gonna just weep for him when he learns that his dream girl's already gotten married and instead he'll be greeted by her 22 year old cousin who's even more beautiful. Yes, poor ole Al suckered for becoming just a meal ticket for this beautiful young woman. Breaks your heart don't it.

 

Seriously, that's really the crux of it. My wife says that Jin and Jie look quite a bit alike, but Jie "is more beautiful, and more hard working and smart and drives a car and..."

 

Come on, the man's going to be well taken care of, how many men go through life having and getting an opportunity like this? And, I am told to just throw cold water on him/it, because deception is deception and lies are lies and the end result don't matter...

 

You can see where I am leaning...to just stay silent and hope for the best. And, yes, by not speaking up, I have become an accomplice... I know.

 

I still have a few weeks to give my final answer though.

I'm not sure if you previously left out the ages... 45 year old USC having a shell game with 22 year old chinese ladies

 

I think I've heard enough... I think I'd warn Jie at this point

 

 

Holy crap, I didn't pay attention to that either. Off topic a bit maybe... but while age is just a number... he was older than she is now when she was born... 23 years, wow. And not a 65-42 23 years... But a college student marrys a grandfather 23 years. And she's really good looking to boot? Pardon the stereotype but sweet young thing, college age marrying the 45 year old from Wisconsin, on the basis of manufactured emails? Sounds like a starter husband or a lecherous mid-life crisis guy type situation to me. Maybe both...

 

I'm harping... but this guy was communicating with a woman much older believing it to be the young one, yes? So maybe he thinks she is wise beyond her years and a tasty dish to boot... but... I harp on this because it adds another dimension to it:

 

Generation gap (not just age gap) + Serious language barrier + Culture shock + deception = what exactly? And what are the odds of not getting pinged at GZ?

[IllinoisDave]

Anything to report Dennis?

[Dennis143]

Anything to report Dennis?

Nothing.

 

I am just laying low for now.

 

Interesting responses to my post question - rather polarizing with little middle ground:

 

*Tell him, they are despicable for this ruse.

**Don't say a word. He's a big boy and this happens all the time.

***He's a lecher.

 

I'm taking the ** approach. I will post a post-visit follow-up from both sides later. I am as interested to learn the outcome as anyone.

Edited January 23, 2009 by Dennis143 (see edit history)

[Guest jin979]

Poor Dennis!

 

I thought with the Christian faith, you wouldn't need to be troubled by such moral delimmas. It would be so easy to take the moral high road and put your mind at ease and never to regret your decision (of revealing the "truth" to Al).

 

However, what outcome would be best for the two involved? It seems the group of you (Lieqin, her sister and even you) have to play "god" for them now. You might make it better for them or you may not. Whatever the outcome, you have to live with the consequence. It is riskier for you not to tell Al. But there would be hope for them.

 

There is the middle road which have been suggested by others, that is, not exactly revealing the whole truth, but inject enough info to Al so that he knows the possibility of being "victim" (or winner) of the switch game. I like this approach.

 

If I were you, I would ask Leiqin not to be mingled with her sister's match making game anymore. After all it is scam.

 

 

so there it is. do you want to be party to visa fraud ?

Edited January 23, 2009 by jin979 (see edit history)

[Richard & Li]

so there it is. do you want to be party to visa fraud ?

 

I guess I'm not too surprised this thread is still going (it IS interesting).

 

I don't think there has really been any mention of a visa. Just a guy going to meet a girl.

 

About the age difference: It is pretty large, especially considering the cultures. The girls in our Chinese family are just beginning to date at that age. While an American guy his age could already have been married and divorced several times (and have kids her age).