A Blizzard of Whites

[michaln]

you really rushed into it Steve we didn't marry until the 4th day

Edited February 12, 2009 by michaln (see edit history)

[Zhen's Tiger]

you really rushed into it Steve we didn't marry until the 4th day

Slowpoke!!

[weiaijiayou]

Im going to be a little controversial here and say that I am a bit surprised that people are surprised when they get turned down for a visa after they marry their girl on the first visit. It just shows right away a lack of clear thinking and a high gullibility factor. I know that in many cases there have been 1 year relationships following the marriage and maybe a couple repeat visits but that doesnt eliminate the HUGE message it sends to the consulate that you can be easily snowed. You are just doomed if you do that.

 

This visa problem is being created by the internet entrepeneurs connecting these girls with American guys and promoting the concept of a quick marriage and visa. The flood of applications go in and they all have a very similar profile and the consulate is just shooting them down by profiling. I am very surprised the SCs are not cutting them off there. I am sure GUZ is taking matters into their own hands because of that. Its the SCs that are making their lives hell because of all the acceptances.

 

I really think applicants need to take the time to spend a significant amount of time with their prospect before getting married and before submitting the application and not bog the whole system down with petitions that are doomed for denials. Its only slowing down the process for those that want to take the time to figure out if she is "the right one".

 

Hold off on marriage, spend at least a couple months with her and get a K1, then get another 90 days to see if its right. I'm disappointed the system doesn't make it easier to spend time together in person but I can understand the rampant fraud situation.

 

I met a girl online from the Phillipines here in the US on a K1. Shortly after she got here the guy bailed out on her. She spent the rest of her 90 days searching for a way to stay here, even dating other guys, while living with her ex-fiance. She was a very sweet naive girl who got fooled into thinking this guy really loved her. The truth is they were just a complete mismatch and he was hoping for a young, wild, submissive which she was not. Its a good thing they at least figured it out before they got married.

 

I think you just have to take your time to see if its right before starting the process. Thats what I am doing...

 

I am very glad I found CFL when I started this adventure and I find myself feeling the same as most of you but why so many guys are just diving into marriage after a few DAYS of meeting in person is beyond me and then being so surprised when they get white slipped. CLEARLY, GUZ is saying "take another year to get to know her, then we'll see...". Blue slip doesnt do that.

 

I had this same knee-jerk reaction when I first saw how many people have gotten engaged or married within days of meeting. Unlike you, though, the thing that makes me worry is that these people seem so savvy when it comes to visa preparation. Right off the bat, they seem to know that they should set things up so that all of their conversations, meetings, and milestones can be documented for government review. In my case, on the other hand, I met my fiancee first in person, we were very close friends for over a year before officially getting together (because soon after we met I had to return to the United States), and for another year after I returned to see her again (and after we both confirmed that we really were the only ones for each other) I was so focused on simply building our relationship and enjoying our growing love that I never thought about what evidence we would need to prove our relationship to an outside party.

 

So the thing that makes me react when I see those who got married or engaged right off the bat is, quite simply, my fear that my own relationship could look lesser when compared to a couple whose relationship is certainly no more full of love, understanding, sacrifice, trust, etc. than mine and my fiancee's (although it may of course be just the same).

 

On the other hand, I'm gradually overcoming the notion that two people won't have a long and happy marriage just because they decided to marry quickly. Number one, this seems to happen A LOT in other countries (e.g., sometimes still in China today). Number two, I have never seen any data showing that such relationships are less likely to stand the test of time. After all, it's probably hard to beat the ~50% probability of divorce that exists for people in the United States who do it the traditional way. When it comes down to it, having a happy marriage probably has much more to do with what you do on a daily basis once the relationship hits the doldrums, you get irritated, bored, or just detached, than it does with how you got together or whether or not you had already discovered each other's shortcomings before making the leap.

 

When it comes down to it, we're all marrying someone from a different country and culture; so while I don't consider myself a slouch by any means in terms of my understanding of and interest in Chinese culture, I also don't fool myself into thinking that three and a half years of knowing someone can completely prepare one for the ingrained differences in perspective that we will all have to confront and learn to appreciate in a lifetime of marriage. In this way, we're all probably more like those who got engaged after a week than we'd like to admit. It's about what we do in the future that counts -- whether we're going to love our partners no matter what they do, say, feel, or think; whether we're going to tolerate what we can't work out; and whether we're going to be willing and able to change ourselves to make our fiancees and us more happy when we need to.

 

As a final comment, I'm sure that visa officers are making their decisions on a much more superficial level than this, and so I can certainly understand your general point that quick engagements and marriages would probably raise a red flag for them, regardless of whether the timing actually says anything veridical. So point taken, and you're brave for saying what you did.

Edited February 13, 2009 by weiaijiayou (see edit history)

[weiaijiayou]

I just realized I say "when it comes down to it" way too much.

[bob&haiqing]

Just my thought for what it's worth ... I've mentioned before on a couple of occasions on CFL that the visa process is NOT about love ... it's a legal process and understanding and preparing for it to the best of ones abilities will go a long way towards a successful outcome even though it won't guarantee it.

 

I wouldn't take a drivers test without reading and studying the book ... or take the driven test without some practice before hand ... or go for a job interview (although not always a legal process but you get the idea) without dressing appropriately, knowing about the company, resume up to date and polished, ready to answer all questions unless I really wasn't interested in success

 

The visa process is like that ... on no form we filled out did it ask if we loved each other but they certainly wanted to know if we were legally in a position to receive the benefit of a visa ... could I care for and provide for her ... background checks ... etc. ... and be able to prove any of it.

 

We personally know a couple here in China who have been married for three years and love each other very much. They figured being married for such a long period of time and being able to prove it was enough to ensure them the benefit of a visa so they didn't prepare properly for the process. Their outcome? ... a white slip and a lot of heartache.

 

I think the best three words of advice I could give anyone going through this is READ, RESEARCH and PREPARE! ... and with a little bit of luck you'll get what you want

 

Best of luck to everyone!

Bob

[SmilingAsia]

If 100 people stay and only 2 get visas???

That sucks!!!! 98 blues or whites!!

Cuz our pixies are very cute :

"Why you want to go to America?"

It writes on the face of the pixie:

1. America is more developed.

2. America has better air and environment.

3. America has better social security system.

 

So train the pixie to love the big yeti before visa interview. Other red flags we cannnot change (it's the job of a lawyer), such as:

Petitioner needs a co-sponsor, Petitioner had brought an alien to the US before, Petitioner immigrated to US “by boat”, Petitioner had criminal records, Petitioner or Beneficiary had multi marriage records... ect......

Edited February 14, 2009 by SmilingAsia (see edit history)

[chilton747]

If 100 people stay and only 2 get visas???

That sucks!!!! 98 blues or whites!!

Cuz our pixies are very cute :

"Why you want to go to America?"

It writes on the face of the pixie:

1. America is more developed.

2. America has better air and environment.

3. America has better social security system.

 

So train the pixie to love the big yeti before visa interview. Other red flags we cannnot change (it's the job of a lawyer), such as:

Petitioner needs a co-sponsor, Petitioner had brought an alien to the US before, Petitioner immigrated to US ¡°by boat¡±, Petitioner had criminal records, Petitioner or Beneficiary had multi marriage records... ect......

 

Hi Eunice, good to see you posting again, and with common sense as usual

[Lee VD]

Well, I missed this post until today but I find it necessary to reply. You may have a few valid points and things have changed in the Visa process since we went through it, but the way you generalize about certain people is way off base. I lived across the street from my first wife & we dated for 2.5 years before we got married, and we were divorced in 6 months... if I was ever snowed in my life, it was then.

I met Zhen online on New Years Eve, 2005 and went to see her for the 1st time on March 20th, 2006 & we got married on March 23rd... so we knew each other for 3 months and were married on the 3rd day of actually meeting. She got her Visa less than 10 months later with no problems. We'll be married for 3 years soon and our son is 7 months old now. Boy, she really snowed me - I can't wait for the blizzard to start!

I wish you no ill will, but I'm curious how your posts will look if you are blue/white slipped after all your high & mighty planning. I'm sorry that some of the other unfortunate people who received white slips are only slowing down the process for those like you that want to take the time to figure out if she is "the right one".

 

I am amazed at how people are interpreting my post. I am only explaining the logic that it appears the VOs are using and how best to avoid red flags by waiting for awhile.

 

Sure, there are many successful marriages after short courtships and a lot of bad marriages after long courtships. ... and there are many visa approvals in the past with short courtships. But the point of this thread is that it appears things have changed and we are trying to interpret the reasoning of the VOs. I do not think it is unreasonable to think that many (not all maybe) VOs have the general opinion that a short courtship is a non bonafide relationship. Whether you feel the same or not, it appears thats what they are thinking.

 

The VOs are going to generalize and stereotype... thats what they do... they put applications into buckets so they have guidelines to make [attempted] consistent decisions. It may be wrong and unfair but thats what they are gonna do.

 

No need to vilify me for suggesting what the VOs may be thinking. I think if you want to improve your chances of success then wait.. You have to wait a year for the visa process anyway...

 

Sure my case may go down in a white slip flame too but whatever I can do to improve my odds Im gonna do. If anyone decides they don't want to wait because they don't want to give in to the misconceptions of the VO is just taking on more risk.

 

Lee

Edited February 17, 2009 by Lee VD (see edit history)