how much to give to the girl's parents?

[Guest Rob & Jin]

I think it is the second marriage for most members in CFL, or else it will be a little different..

 

 

umm..Jins first marriage

[Guest Rob & Jin]

I believe there are provincial differences.

 

Jin's parents wouldn't/didn't expect a dim from me.

 

It was never mentioned.

More educational than provincial. If you think about her family should pay you because that marriage is their ticket just to see America (or to get her out of their hair!)

 

 

thats funny

[Guest WenDylan]

I think it is the second marriage for most members in CFL, or else it will be a little different..

 

 

umm..Jins first marriage

I guess I am not of the majority as well...

[georgeandli]

First time for both of us. Sadly, both of her parents have past on so that never came up.

[Guest lilac6451]

I think it is the second marriage for most members in CFL, or else it will be a little different..

 

 

umm..Jins first marriage

I guess I am not of the majority as well...

 

 

I know there are more and more young people in this forum, which is good. But you two havent been married yet, right?

[lostinblue]

It was yan's second marriage ,She was K-1 so cost of marriage was here and subject never was mentioned.

[Trigg]

hi,

 

I've talked to a few people regarding how much is a good amount to give the girl's parents as gratitude for raising her all these years, and everyone gives a different answer.

 

Oringally, i thought 20,000RMB would be a good amount, but since I'll be taking their daughter from Shanghai, is 40-50,000RMB too little? It's a touchy subject and I thought I'd seek advice from the wise folks on this board. If I give too little, I dont want to feel like I'm disrespecting them, and if I give too much, I'll be hurting to pay the bills.

 

Thanks in advance for your help,

Don

20k rmb is a good amount-more than most give-50k rmb is great IF you can afford it but not neccesary.

 

Whatever you give, put it in a red envelope and make it 999 or 9999 or 99999 or 999999999999999. I found that how much wasn't important as long as you honored their custom and gave something ending in 9's. I've gotten my money back 10 fold from her family. They INSIST on paying for everything when I'm in China and send me and wifey VERY expensive gifts--hmmmm me thinks they don't want her back???

[shadeOgray]

I asked Ting Ting about this and her mom is a teacher at a middle school and her dad sold coal. They have lived in Baotou, Neimongol all there lives.

She told me maybe 50k RMB is the average.

Her parents actually don't want the bride price from me, they say everything I am doing now for there daughter with the Visa and buying the very nice rings and the endless hours of effort I have spent on the visa was enough.

I am torn on the subject of this custom personally. It is something I personally find offensive, makes my mind start thinking in the area of going to an auction to buy the prised cow. I don't think money and love should be mixed in this fashion. It appears her parents agree with that, they just want there little girl happy. Man my toes curl at the amount of flack I will catch for this post LOL.

You know it's ok to agree to disagree right?

Be gentle...

[JimS.]

I asked Ting Ting about this and her mom is a teacher at a middle school and her dad sold coal. They have lived in Baotou, Neimongol all there lives.

She told me maybe 50k RMB is the average.

Her parents actually don't want the bride price from me, they say everything I am doing now for there daughter with the Visa and buying the very nice rings and the endless hours of effort I have spent on the visa was enough.

I am torn on the subject of this custom personally. It is something I personally find offensive, makes my mind start thinking in the area of going to an auction to buy the prised cow. I don't think money and love should be mixed in this fashion. It appears her parents agree with that, they just want there little girl happy. Man my toes curl at the amount of flack I will catch for this post LOL.

You know it's ok to agree to disagree right?

Be gentle...

LOL, lots of folks agree with you. Just do a search for bride price and see.

You will find some good history on it as well.

And what ever you do don't buy her a mop.

[hello123]

This is a great question and one I am still trying to sort out....

 

I have found out her siblings were married and had the "grattitude payment". I don't know how much as each husband had different wealth...

I am a bit torn by this whole idea in many ways. Heck, just on the practical side after all the expenses of bringing her here I am not exactly flush with cash!

 

I think I am leaning on the symbolic amount idea.

 

BTW, this is both our 1st marriage.

[JimS.]

This is a great question and one I am still trying to sort out....

 

I have found out her siblings were married and had the "grattitude payment". I don't know how much as each husband had different wealth...

I am a bit torn by this whole idea in many ways. Heck, just on the practical side after all the expenses of bringing her here I am not exactly flush with cash!

 

I think I am leaning on the symbolic amount idea.

 

BTW, this is both our 1st marriage.

This is something that you will have to discuss with her. Normality it is handle ny the 2 parents involved and setting on a price. Read some of the links provided to help you along with understanding the process.

I DON'T trust my Mother, so I going to use my sister

[amanda1969]

I am not good at Chinese wedding tradition even though I got married twice in China. I think for the girl's first wedding normally she would get money from the groom but the money is not for the price of bride but to buy something that the bride could pay for the wedding such as colthes, hair-dressing etc.

Before Richard came to meet me in person, he did ask me about this but he just gave me an example of others. (he is always so smart )I never expected or cared about how much I might get even though at my first wedding with my ex. So I told him my parents always think of me as precious daughter and they did not or will not sell their only daughter at any rate at any time.

My parents told Richard that they wish he takes care of me and my son which is always the best gift.

I feel so uncomfortable that paying big money to girl's parents is somehow treated to be old Chinese tradition.To get married someone means to get togetehr as one family which hers is his and his is hers.If parents get more money but at the same time husband feels uncomfortable. Is this the good begginning to be a good marriage?To keep a good relationship will be the best gift for the girls parents.

My parents have never asked any money from either ex or my husband but they do hope good marriage for me.

To disscuss with your Chinese SO, and you will get a conclusion about her parents and her aim for the marriage.

Edited September 22, 2008 by amanda1969 (see edit history)

[shadeOgray]

I asked Ting Ting about this and her mom is a teacher at a middle school and her dad sold coal. They have lived in Baotou, Neimongol all there lives.

She told me maybe 50k RMB is the average.

Her parents actually don't want the bride price from me, they say everything I am doing now for there daughter with the Visa and buying the very nice rings and the endless hours of effort I have spent on the visa was enough.

I am torn on the subject of this custom personally. It is something I personally find offensive, makes my mind start thinking in the area of going to an auction to buy the prised cow. I don't think money and love should be mixed in this fashion. It appears her parents agree with that, they just want there little girl happy. Man my toes curl at the amount of flack I will catch for this post LOL.

You know it's ok to agree to disagree right?

Be gentle...

LOL, lots of folks agree with you. Just do a search for bride price and see.

You will find some good history on it as well.

And what ever you do don't buy her a mop.

 

Mops gone, swiffer Sweeper is in

[humblestudent]

I've talked it over with my parents and asked my fiance as well. Since it's the first marriage for both of us and I'm taking her far away from her family, supposedly I'm to give a little bit more.

 

The amount I'm giving to Eva's parents is 50,000rmb. Between that, the banquet in Shanghai, the fees for AOS, it looks like I wont be able afford a new car for a few years, perhaps for my 35th birthday. haha.

Edited October 8, 2008 by humblestudent (see edit history)

[yaya44]

if you are going through with a dower, i would advise giving in increments of 8's: 888, 8888, 88888 rmb (my amount), etc....

Edited October 8, 2008 by yaya44 (see edit history)