Food. :^(

[Minister]

Hello, Team! Here's a conundrum that I know everyone has talked about before. I know that if I ask directly about it, the Greek chorus will respond with, "Give her time," and, "You'll get used to it eventually." But I'm hoping to hear more about some people's individual experience with this situation and how you approached it at the time.

 

Please note, this is an ongoing disagreement between us. It is not a deal breaker or a major issue, but it is something to talk about that I think a lot of people have been through.

 

Food is, not a big problem, but a nagging one. One of us (I won't mention who), maintains that American food is garbage, that the other one doesn't know anything about healthy eating, and that friends, neighbors, and relatives who have complemented that person's cooking in the past were simply being kind.

 

The other person (who shall also remain nameless), provides the counterpoint that the above mentioned culinary expert only knows how to make about five dishes (not counting instant noodles), has spent their life basically living on Asian cafeteria food and thus doesn't know any better, and finally, has moved to a foreign country for an indefinite period of time and had, therefore, better grow accustomed to the local fare for those times when Mabo Dofu, Nabeyaki Udon, and Bi Bim Bap are not readily available.

 

The current situation is as follows: She cooks Monday through Friday. I have told her that I would like to cook, but she says, "You're working right now and I'm not. I don't have anything else to do right now and I don't want to wait until you get home at 6:30 for you to start cooking. We won't eat dinner until at least 7:30 and then it's too late." I have to be satisfied by cleaning up (which I do with a smile because, no matter what, I do appreciate the fact that someone is cooking for me).

 

And it's noodles noodles noodles and pork.

 

So, theoretically, on Saturday and Sunday, I get to cook. Well, the usual situation is that we go out to eat at least one of those days for lunch and she is then "too full to eat dinner" (but not too full to stuff down a huge bowl of fruit before bed). Finally, I end up cooking about once a week.

 

That's one Western meal per week... (I miss meat).

 

An American diet, particularly a city diet, is pretty diverse. While growing up, we had American about four nights a week and the rest of the week was peppered with Italian, French, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Middle Eastern, Greek, Mexican... You name it, we ate it. Growing up in The D (that's Detroit to everyone else), I had quite a bit of cultural exposure as the Automotive Industry attracted people (and authentic ethnic food) from all over the world. I guess the end result is, I get quickly bored by eating the same things day after day...

 

The other side of this coin is someone who lived in China and Japan for 30 years. Most Chinese people like Chinese food. Period. And Japanese people are even worse. Most Japanese will eat terrible Japanese food before eating at a five-star Western restaurant. The result is someone who's so accustomed to a certain diet that she actually claims to get sick when she eats something unusual.

 

So, I want to eat something different about every two days. She can stand to eat something different about once a month.

 

The resulting argument usually goes like this:

 

A: Please let me cook tomorrow.

B: No. I don't want to give you trouble.

A: It's no trouble. I like to cook.

B: You'll cook too late.

A: I'll get everything ready tonight and we'll heat it up.

B: That's too much trouble.

A: Not for me.

B: (flustered) What do you want to make?

A: (Dish name)

B: (nervous) You don't know how to make it.

A: Yes I do. I made it for you two months ago. You said you liked it. You ate three helpings.

 

And then we escalate through all of the normal Chinese girl defense mechanisms ("I don't want to bother you", "It's not good for you", "You don't love me", "Ok. Whatever. Fine. I don't care.")

 

But despite all of this, I still persist in arguing month after month because I feel that:

1. I don't want to eat Chinese food every day of my life for the next 40 years and I don't think that feeling that way is unreasonable.

2. I think that a little "tough love" is in order as she will be better off increasing her tolerance for Western food.

 

So, have you experienced this? What was it like? What was the outcome? Please let me know how you handled it.

 

I know that a lot of people will want to say, "Just give her time." Ok, I will. Then what?

 

Thanking you in advance!

[tonado]

Enjoy a non-Chinese meal for lunch and eat less for dinner. Maybe if you eat less for dinner, then she will get the point that you are tired of her cooking.

[IllinoisDave]

Enjoy a non-Chinese meal for lunch and eat less for dinner. Maybe if you eat less for dinner, then she will get the point that you are tired of her cooking.

Yeah. Start leaving a lot on your plate. When your clothes no longer fit that should get her attention.

[jim_julian]

A few ideas:

 

- Have you considered that what she cooks may be healthier for you than "Italian four times a week"?

 

- Try making one night a week salad for dinner. She should be able to put a salad together and it will be a big change to her diet to eat uncooked vegetables. My wife was initially quite leery of salads but now she loves them.

 

- Dream up some American meals that can be prepared and cooked by the methods she is used to. I assume she chops a lot and cooks in a wok. You can make meat balls in a wok or fry Italian sausage and peppers. I'm sure she can prepared noodles which is pretty darn close to cooking spaghetti. Therefore she ought to be able to whip up some pretty good pasta.

 

- Buy a slow cooking crock pot. No so different from a rice cooker. Get a crock pot cookbook with lots of photos. Initially maybe you assemble the ingredients the night before and she just throws it in the pot at the appointed hour and setting ... gradually perhaps she will learn to put crock pot dishes together.

 

- Get her excited about using the oven. Most Chinese homes don't have them. It took a while but now I have my two girls doing a little baking, but still with a lot of consultation -- weekend project. Lao Po made some banana bread last week to take to China in her suitcase. You should have seen the reaction the first time I made "Beer Can Chicken" in the oven. They couldn't believe a whole chicken sitting upright on a beer can ... but they ate it pretty fast!

 

I guess the theme here is try to innovate. It will take time but once you have the first success or two progress comes more swiftly.

[tsap seui]

Oh to have a problem like that.

 

Good luck to ya.

 

tsap seui

[Robert S.]

It sounds like the biggest problem is that she is not a good cook, and especially is short on variety, "noodles and pork" as you put it. I wish we lived near you so she could see the excellent variety of dishes my wife makes. Maybe it would be possible for her to meet another Chinese lady who is a great cook and she could imitate her. Or if nothing else maybe you could buy some cookbooks for Chinese food and she would try some of those recipes.

 

At any rate, thanks for the enjoyable post and good luck with your "problem." B)

[Sebastian]

Here's my random thoughts....

 

 

It's not Chinese Food. It's HER food. Her cooking Style. You can ask her to cut back on the salt, msg and soy sauce, and use black soy vinegar instead (less salt content).

 

Ask her to teach you how to steam fish in a wok. That's the easiest 'hard' thing to learn, imo. I betcha if you show her that yer interested to learn her cooking style, and then learn it - you can mix it up and do some interesting variations.

 

But for now, just remember - this is the 'stuff' she's used to, she can whip it up quickly, and she's PROUD to cook for you. Anything that bursts that bubble, yer headed for disaster !

 

There's an American 'instant steam' machine, useful for steaming chicken in 20 minutes (roughly) - So with a steamed chicken (no salt) she can whup up some other side dishes.

 

I'll have to reread your longish post for more comments, don't flail me yet...

[H.Woodside]

Here's my random thoughts....

 

 

It's not Chinese Food. It's HER food. Her cooking Style. You can ask her to cut back on the salt, msg and soy sauce, and use black soy vinegar instead (less salt content).

 

Ask her to teach you how to steam fish in a wok. That's the easiest 'hard' thing to learn, imo. I betcha if you show her that yer interested to learn her cooking style, and then learn it - you can mix it up and do some interesting variations.

 

But for now, just remember - this is the 'stuff' she's used to, she can whip it up quickly, and she's PROUD to cook for you. Anything that bursts that bubble, yer headed for disaster !

 

There's an American 'instant steam' machine, useful for steaming chicken in 20 minutes (roughly) - So with a steamed chicken (no salt) she can whup up some other side dishes.

 

I'll have to reread your longish post for more comments, don't flail me yet...

Sounds like a winner to me!

 

Meeting "half way" seems like the right thing to do (or some where inbetween), IMHO.

 

We ALL "give up" a lot but gain so much more in return, ten fold!

 

Hang in there dude, you will find middle ground.

 

Hamp

Edited July 15, 2008 by H.Woodside (see edit history)

[Dennis143]

Food is such a big part of Chinese culture that it's not so easy for them to stop clinging to what is familiar. And, it may not be so easy for you to adapt to change in your eating habits too. Although it may appear minor, I still believe that this (adapting to each others taste in foods) is probably one of the greatest cultural differences that new couples can face and may lay the ground work for other differences and challenges to come.

 

I simply say get yourself out of her kitchen (for now). On occasion where you've got to have American food, get yourself a bar-b-q and grill up some meat of your choice, baked potato, corn on the cob and nice tossed salad and have at it. She can sample some and might even learn to enjoy it, over time. But, don't force her to change and try your best to show her that you're adapting to her choices. Don't be afraid to tell her what you like and dislike, as trying to bluff your way ain't gonna work.

 

Don't meet her half way, go as far as you can (stomach) in learning her taste. Learn to become as adept at using chopsticks as this will convey a lot to her in your trying to accept her and her ways.

[Guest WenDylan]

Something I enjoy, is growing my own ingredients. I have a good spot here in Oklahoma and you can grow just about anything depending on the season. I tend to grow a lot of tomatoes myself, but you can have corn and potatoes and eggplant, or whatever your desire for the year.

 

This serves two purposes.

 

1. It gets me active outside in the yard, maybe even a darker tan!

2. It is extremely healthy, and I can implement my own meal planning.

 

By doing this, perhaps it will provide opportunity for both of you to either use already learned cooking methods, or grow new ones to design your family's meals. And if worse come to worse, and I don't want to eat something that is served, I always know I have fresh vegetables, readily available to add to the plate, if my needs aren't me.

 

Here's some photos I took today of my growing tomato plants. I already had plenty as a snack today, so not many ripe ones left.

 

http://a560.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/114/l_a7c74f9c50066adbe206c68a81e8696f.jpg

 

http://a886.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/97/l_1f0e2de5bc186547ee686082eedf14d5.jpg

 

http://a638.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/69/l_beb50eb8f2ca0b6e3db1e754a07e71ad.jpg

 

and of course, the killer of birds, gophers, spiders and snakes. Our garden's best friend...

 

http://a417.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/50/l_8671a547eb0854cb7f672007233641b8.jpg

 

always on the hunt!

 

http://a49.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/93/l_b05cc92e98ee487ec5e6d2a8a0313da8.jpg

[hakkamike]

Something I enjoy, is growing my own ingredients. I have a good spot here in Oklahoma and you can grow just about anything depending on the season. I tend to grow a lot of tomatoes myself, but you can have corn and potatoes and eggplant, or whatever your desire for the year.

 

This serves two purposes.

 

1. It gets me active outside in the yard, maybe even a darker tan!

2. It is extremely healthy, and I can implement my own meal planning.

 

By doing this, perhaps it will provide opportunity for both of you to either use already learned cooking methods, or grow new ones to design your family's meals. And if worse come to worse, and I don't want to eat something that is served, I always know I have fresh vegetables, readily available to add to the plate, if my needs aren't me.

 

Here's some photos I took today of my growing tomato plants. I already had plenty as a snack today, so not many ripe ones left.

 

http://a560.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/114/l_a7c74f9c50066adbe206c68a81e8696f.jpg

 

http://a886.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/97/l_1f0e2de5bc186547ee686082eedf14d5.jpg

 

http://a638.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/69/l_beb50eb8f2ca0b6e3db1e754a07e71ad.jpg

 

and of course, the killer of birds, gophers, spiders and snakes. Our garden's best friend...

 

http://a417.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/50/l_8671a547eb0854cb7f672007233641b8.jpg

 

always on the hunt!

 

http://a49.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/93/l_b05cc92e98ee487ec5e6d2a8a0313da8.jpg

Looks like ur DIY earthbox's are working out for U

[Guest WenDylan]

 

Looks like ur DIY earthbox's are working out for U

 

 

Especially when everything is home made to our specifications!

 

Or to the best of our abilities to construct this thing. Haha.

[Corbin]

One thing that hasn't been said yet is that she feels the need to do the cooking to do something that provides to the house hold (ie: family). The reason I say this is because I believe you said she does not work now or does not work yet.

 

Does she want to work and do you want her to work. Maybe it is a case of she wants to work or at least provide her share to the family, because family is important in China. If she was working she may be more willing to let you cook some more and you could also learn to cook some Chinese meals that are Americanized some to help in the adjustment.

 

These are only some thoughts for you as I haven't had to deal with this yet because Ada is still in China.

 

Side bar note: You mentioned Detroit, do you still live in the area? I grew up in Redford Twp, Grandriver / Inkster Rd area. Now I live out in the Brighton / Howell area.

[Minister]

Good morning, Everyone!

 

Thanks for so many good ideas! And it's great to see that so many people have done a lot of the same things that I have!

 

Dave-> It's true, I do eat less now-_^

 

Jim -> I got her hooked on salads too. Fortunately for me, salads are popular(ish) in Japan, so this one wasn't so bad

 

Tsap -> Yeah, I've got no real complaints. It is a lucky time for me.

 

Darnell -> It's also true that I have already adapted to black vinegar and I am a certified expert in chop sticks (her parents are impressed)

 

Dennis -> This is very good advice. I'll start by finally telling her that I freaking hate cucumber (but I'll choose a softer way to say it! -_^)

 

Dylan -> I've planted eggplant, peppers, and tomatoes this year (We live in a condo so there's limited garden space in our courtyard). We also planted petunias, but that part wasn't my idea (they sure are pretty, though). If I can ever sell this place, I hope to get a bit more yard somewhere.

 

Corbin -> I'm from Farmington Hills and I still live here (though I travel for business several days per week). As soon as the house sells, my company wants to move me to Cincinnati. But the way things are going, that could take years... (Thank goodness! I'd miss my home). Last weekend, I took my Sweetie to Eastern Market. That was quite a hit and the savings on fresh food were more than worth the cost of the gas!

 

Howell is only about 20 minutes away and has a beautiful downtown area. When your lady arrives, we should hook up! I ground through the K1/AOS process rather laboriously. If I can be of help, let me know!

 

http://img169.imageshack.us/img169/8917/1005348gx4.jpg

[SheLikesME?]

Your situation sounds better than your first post. I too like all the ideas.

 

I wish my problems were as simple as yours like someone else stated.

 

I cooked when she first arrived and until we got more food in the house of her choosing, which was the cheapest on sale. My wife is a good cook and always does a variety. Now she is settled in. I made a deal that I will clean and she cook. This way I got to observe. Finally I broke out and began cooking what I like to cook and it surprised her and she likes it. She seems to have forgotten those first few days of arrival when she disliked everything.

 

Her and daughter love to bake cakes now and experiment with ideas. She hates the stuff in the box as it has too much sugar.

 

Back to your problem. There are some pretty bland boring meals, watery tasteless rice, or that clumped up glue-rice #$%^. I just eat it and conform like I know she has. I prefer her noodles over rice dishes. She made a mistake on the rice and it came out the American way. She saw I liked it. So sometimes we get it that way. I like her egg-tomato dish and cooked onoins with a little meat dish. I never ate onions before.

 

Overall, even though she works, she loves to cook while I do something else. She loves to DO for me. Too many times she cooks a Chinese dish I said I liked in the past while her and lil one eat something spicy or that water rice.

 

Wish you the best.