GENERAL Observation on Chinese women¡­

[Dennis143]

When making a decision, Chinese women can ¡®throw a mental switch¡¯ to block emotions. Seldom are their decisions emotionally based, but are simply based on practicality. Stoic comes to mind: free from passion, unmoved by joy or grief, and submission without complaint to unavoidable necessity.

 

I have seen them give their child to relatives in China to raise, in the belief that those early years among Chinese are more beneficial for the child. I cannot fathom an American woman consider such a thing. There is no judgment here. I admire and am in awe of women strong enough to do what they believe is best for their child and who will place the child¡¯s best interest over any personal emotional feelings they may have.

 

I have seen again and again Chinese couples living and working apart, in separate cities, to only visit each other every other month or so. Again, I have seldom seen this is western culture. If it is more practical to work in another city for the long-term benefit of the family, then there is no emotional equation to it. It is simply what is best and the way it shall be. Life goes on without complaint.

 

I have often seen Chinese women simply turn and walk away from a cushy home with just a suitcase in hand, because they will not tolerate living with an angry man. Try to control a Chinese woman through anger, shouts and pouts and she will drop you like a bad transmission. Once they¡¯ve thrown the switch to leave, there¡¯s little that can be done to draw them back. Stubborn or just strong willed? Maybe both, more likely it is simply a practical decision. The promise was unfulfilled so it is time to move on. They will never sit stagnant, but will constantly seek to move forward in a constant endeavor for a secure life.

 

Give them love and security without condition and Chinese women are the most loyal and devoted women on the face of the earth. There is no grey area with them. Their switch is either on or off. And, we control the switch. The key here is ACTION. By our actions, they will be loyal, loving wives or they can become cold and detached in a heartbeat.

[Joanne]

I have seen them give their child to relatives in China to raise, in the belief that those early years among Chinese are more beneficial for the child. I cannot fathom an American woman consider such a thing. There is no judgment here. I admire and am in awe of women strong enough to do what they believe is best for their child and who will place the child’s best interest over any personal emotional feelings they may have.

A lot of them, if not most, did so for their own convenience.

I said so because I am raising my own kid.

Edited February 13, 2008 by Joanne (see edit history)

[Shenzhen K-1]

When making a decision, Chinese women can ¡®throw a mental switch¡¯ to block emotions. Seldom are their decisions emotionally based, but are simply based on practicality. Stoic comes to mind: free from passion, unmoved by joy or grief, and submission without complaint to unavoidable necessity.

 

I have seen them give their child to relatives in China to raise, in the belief that those early years among Chinese are more beneficial for the child. I cannot fathom an American woman consider such a thing. There is no judgment here. I admire and am in awe of women strong enough to do what they believe is best for their child and who will place the child¡¯s best interest over any personal emotional feelings they may have.

 

I have seen again and again Chinese couples living and working apart, in separate cities, to only visit each other every other month or so. Again, I have seldom seen this is western culture. If it is more practical to work in another city for the long-term benefit of the family, then there is no emotional equation to it. It is simply what is best and the way it shall be. Life goes on without complaint.

 

I have often seen Chinese women simply turn and walk away from a cushy home with just a suitcase in hand, because they will not tolerate living with an angry man. Try to control a Chinese woman through anger, shouts and pouts and she will drop you like a bad transmission. Once they¡¯ve thrown the switch to leave, there¡¯s little that can be done to draw them back. Stubborn or just strong willed? Maybe both, more likely it is simply a practical decision. The promise was unfulfilled so it is time to move on. They will never sit stagnant, but will constantly seek to move forward in a constant endeavor for a secure life.

 

Give them love and security without condition and Chinese women are the most loyal and devoted women on the face of the earth. There is no grey area with them. Their switch is either on or off. And, we control the switch. The key here is ACTION. By our actions, they will be loyal, loving wives or they can become cold and detached in a heartbeat.

 

Very nice thoughts from you Dennis!!

 

About a year ago I saw that "switch" in action, not a pretty thing!!

 

We had a minor problem just about 1 year ago right around 2/14 and it was like who are you?? You are right I have seen anger and pain in an American women's face but never like this, no real emotion. We had quite the week or so and now it just a moment she likes to give me a hard time about! She saw that I was not quitting over something small, was not saying anything but I love you and you alone, did not go looking for just any Chinese women, but her! She has never looked back and is the soon to be wife I have always wanted. My only question is after I saw the "switch" go in my direction is this??

 

I just want to know am I getting a very romantic wife or a caring Mother?? One time in Shenzhen she made sure I was clean for supper, gave me a warm drink and told me no "toucha" too hot and then got a cloth to wipe off my face and make sure I was comfortable?

 

I have tried to describe it like you have and still some things hard to describe??

 

But when they decide you are the one, well you are the one and only!!!

[Jay & Ping]

I've come to understand that a profound difference between eastern and western cultures is deeply rooted.

I find in western cultures (ours, Europe, etc) we treat life's difficulties as an obstacle to overcome. We analyze, study, find solutions that remove or minimize those obstacles. In Asia and India life is full of these same obstacles. Their philosophy is to learn to accept those difficulties and find peace within themselves. They learn to accept and live with them.

I've known many Chinese even here that live in separate cities to work. They don't like it just as we don't. When pressed that will simply state "That is the way it must be". I think this is part of why we get along with our spouses so well. They like that we fight for them, and we like that they accept all our flaws as part of the bigger picture.

Edited February 13, 2008 by Jay & Ping (see edit history)

[Shenzhen K-1]

They like that we fight for them, and we like that they accept all our flaws as part of the bigger picture.

 

Jay I have flaws, that is just not right!!

 

These are great thoughts and a nice thread!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes Dennis, I said a nice thread, even from you!!

[ameriken]

I just want to know am I getting a very romantic wife or a caring Mother??

 

The answer is 'Yes'

[esun41]

As far as the children part, my wife's agenda was for her children to come to the United States for a chance at education and career success. They are off to a good start. My wife has recently been offered a good opportunity in business back in China. She has asked me to look after Jack and Lulu during her absense.

 

 

 

No problem, they don't call me "Dad" for nothing ya know.

 

Good post here Dennis as it hits the mark pretty closely!

[warpedbored]

The one stereotype I will grant you Dennis is that Chinese people in general are more pragmatic than their American counter parts. My wife also makes decisions rapidly in calm and calculated manner. I think that's more coincidence than a Chinese trait in general. Sometimes I think we try too hard to put all Chinese women into a neat and tidy box. Truth is they are just people like everyone else. For instance, to hear it told here on CFL all Chinese women are neat freaks who keep immaculately clean houses. Not so in my home. I'm as likely to clean house as she is and neither one of us do it as often as we should.

[Dennis143]

The one stereotype I will grant you Dennis is that Chinese people in general are more pragmatic than their American counter parts. My wife also makes decisions rapidly in calm and calculated manner. I think that's more coincidence than a Chinese trait in general. Sometimes I think we try too hard to put all Chinese women into a neat and tidy box. Truth is they are just people like everyone else. For instance, to hear it told here on CFL all Chinese women are neat freaks who keep immaculately clean houses. Not so in my home. I'm as likely to clean house as she is and neither one of us do it as often as we should.

My point may have been overlooked. And, please note my post title states in caps GENERAL observations. My observations are not just from my wife, but from the many Chinese women whom I know or have met.

 

At work yesterday, I received a phone call. It was from a man who was driving a big rig down from Oregon. He was carrying his Chinese wife, 'Amy;, with him. She was coming to LA to start a new life. Leiqin was going to help her.

 

I left work, met them and drove Amy home and returned to work. I learned that Amy's husband cried a lot on the drive south. Yet, Amy had made up her mind. She was tired of the constant yelling and fighting between them. She never forgave him for hitting her.

 

One example does not a sample make.

 

I am tired. I will try to finish my post/thought tomorrow...

[Dennis143]

When making a decision, Chinese women can ¡®throw a mental switch¡¯ to block emotions. Seldom are their decisions emotionally based, but are simply based on practicality. Stoic comes to mind: free from passion, unmoved by joy or grief, and submission without complaint to unavoidable necessity.

 

I have seen them give their child to relatives in China to raise, in the belief that those early years among Chinese are more beneficial for the child. I cannot fathom an American woman consider such a thing. There is no judgment here. I admire and am in awe of women strong enough to do what they believe is best for their child and who will place the child¡¯s best interest over any personal emotional feelings they may have.

 

I have seen again and again Chinese couples living and working apart, in separate cities, to only visit each other every other month or so. Again, I have seldom seen this is western culture. If it is more practical to work in another city for the long-term benefit of the family, then there is no emotional equation to it. It is simply what is best and the way it shall be. Life goes on without complaint.

 

I have often seen Chinese women simply turn and walk away from a cushy home with just a suitcase in hand, because they will not tolerate living with an angry man. Try to control a Chinese woman through anger, shouts and pouts and she will drop you like a bad transmission. Once they¡¯ve thrown the switch to leave, there¡¯s little that can be done to draw them back. Stubborn or just strong willed? Maybe both, more likely it is simply a practical decision. The promise was unfulfilled so it is time to move on. They will never sit stagnant, but will constantly seek to move forward in a constant endeavor for a secure life.

 

Give them love and security without condition and Chinese women are the most loyal and devoted women on the face of the earth. There is no grey area with them. Their switch is either on or off. And, we control the switch. The key here is ACTION. By our actions, they will be loyal, loving wives or they can become cold and detached in a heartbeat.

 

Very nice thoughts from you Dennis!! B)

 

About a year ago I saw that "switch" in action, not a pretty thing!!

 

We had a minor problem just about 1 year ago right around 2/14 and it was like who are you?? You are right I have seen anger and pain in an American women's face but never like this, no real emotion. We had quite the week or so and now it just a moment she likes to give me a hard time about! She saw that I was not quitting over something small, was not saying anything but I love you and you alone, did not go looking for just any Chinese women, but her! She has never looked back and is the soon to be wife I have always wanted. My only question is after I saw the "switch" go in my direction is this??

 

I just want to know am I getting a very romantic wife or a caring Mother?? One time in Shenzhen she made sure I was clean for supper, gave me a warm drink and told me no "toucha" too hot and then got a cloth to wipe off my face and make sure I was comfortable?

 

I have tried to describe it like you have and still some things hard to describe??

 

But when they decide you are the one, well you are the one and only!!! B)

You're right. She threw that switch that told her you are the one.

 

My point here is that if you fail to hold up your end, she will just as easily flip that switch and bail.

 

Her decision isn't based so much on emotions as what is necessary and practical. All her hopes and dreams are with you now...

Edited February 13, 2008 by Dennis143 (see edit history)

[SheLikesME?]

Dennis you have been around a lot of Chinese and know their lives. Good observations and I generally concur.

 

My wife regrets very much that she sent her daughter back to china last time. She picked up some horrible habits that we are contending with. Also the job thing was important to her so we live in separate cities now. I have had to learn that this is not a threat just like it was not when in the visa process, though it bothers me. I work on her all the time that we need to be under the same roof for her daughters behavior if nothing else. It may end anyway before long. Her company is looking at outsourcing her entire department. I make plenty for us. Anyway the challenge goes on.

 

Lovely OP Dennis regardless of your detractors.

[Dennis143]

I have seen them give their child to relatives in China to raise, in the belief that those early years among Chinese are more beneficial for the child. I cannot fathom an American woman consider such a thing. There is no judgment here. I admire and am in awe of women strong enough to do what they believe is best for their child and who will place the child¡¯s best interest over any personal emotional feelings they may have.

A lot of them, if not most, did so for their own convenience. B)

I said so because I am raising my own kid. B)

Probably so, Jo. Nevertheless, true in many aspects.

 

So, is your implication saying that they would rather not be burdened with rearing their child, but give that (burden) to another family member to endure?

[david_dawei]

joanne... let's at least be fair... that great american nanny is helping you.. daycare

 

As usually Dennis... you are more in the cake than in the frosting

 

and as Carl points out, in the end, it's hard to categorize them all.. while my wife is not a clean freak (I look good for the first time in my life).. she is a cleanliness freak in other ways

 

I generally see most of the issues Dennis raises... have been shocked by that 240 V switch of chinese origin... usually it does the job better than the 120 V american version B)

 

As in their philosophy of life.. it's an incredible balancing of issues where they seem more in tune with accept the cards they are dealt; ready to go 'all in' if the hand is right, but also ready to quick fold when the combination is just not worthwhile. B)

 

I've learned a few lessons over the many years of being exposed to chinese (including prior to meeting my current wife)... it can be like going through the lion's den and also like walking into the celestial city B)

 

I have stories that would both shock and awe... some which I would never share since most would never believe nor accept as possibly within the actions of such beautiful ladies... it must be a conspiracy to turn the beauty in a beast

 

In the end, one gets all the natural elements; great rays of sunshine, pounding rain, windy days, calm seas, dark nights, humid summers, and dry winters... yet these seasons are taken as natural and not meant to possess some inherent harm; a natural outcome of emotions when we think they are without such. Enjoy the ride...

[tsap seui]

Damn GREAT stuff guys, in paticular Dennis and David.

 

I studied David's FAQ's in the extreme leading up to the interview and even started studying the AOS side for a month when I came home without my love. I may or may not ever need the AOS side of Candle, but I VERY need this side. While I love and need the humorous side of Candle, these snippets are the part I thrive most on now, hell, I've forgotten what forms I would need for AOS. This is the part that helps me to grow and understand. And I DO WANT to grow and understand my precious lil' rabbit's thoughts, her actions, her culture.

 

I've grown miles and miles in my understanding of my "wife", but my mind is like a dry sponge and I hungerly seek knowledge. Heck, I don't have the words to express my profound depth of wanting to understand.

 

Thank you for giving me knowledge. The knowledge to change, a very willing to change man, from his american background.

 

tsap seui

[Shenzhen K-1]

 

Thank you for giving me knowledge. The knowledge to change, a very willing to change man, from his american background.

 

tsap seui

 

David, Dennis, tsap seui, and others great stuff here!!

 

tasp seui did raise a very good question is his last post??

 

Did we change as men/ladies after we met our new Chinese love interest?

 

Would we have changed the same for an American mate and why did we??

 

I know I have changed quite a bit in the last year or so, and all my friends have confirmed it over and over again!

 

Just something I noticed.........Mark!