Lazy or just Stupid

[dnoblett]

OK, I had to put in my 2 cents worth.

 

Growing up I remember having several Vietnam refugees settle, and enter my small town school, they knew next to nothing with regards to English, within a year or so they had a very good grasp on the language.

 

More recently we had new neighbors across the street, that immigrated from Latvia, their boy was about 10 at the time, and spoke no English, within a year or so the boy was doing fine.

 

The younger they are the quicker they can pick up a language, it takes some patience, but from my experience you will be quite surprised what a year of being immersed in English will do.

[Trigg]

ENOUGH OF THE PISSING CONTEST!!!

 

If you boys want to argue go outside and slap the snot out of each other! This topic is to important to have to close because someones ego is damaged.

 

KEEP THIS ON TOPIC!!

[tywy_99]

ENOUGH OF THE PISSING CONTEST!!!

 

If you boys want to argue go outside and slap the snot out of each other! This topic is to important to have to close because someones ego is damaged.

 

KEEP THIS ON TOPIC!!

No, I don't want to argue. I just feel that the OP deserves more respect and compassion than he has received with this thread. I don't like arguing. I never argue but this one is personal!

[Dennis143]

The OP asked for help. Calling him on his choice of words could, quite possibly, be the best help that anyone could offer him.

 

Dennis, when it comes to pointing out, it should NOT become the focus of the discussion. What's happened here in this thread is that a few members considered it more important to POINT it OUT, and then couldn't leave it alone. Have you ever met anyone that got upset about something then couldn't move on from it? Have you ever been to a party with Debbie Downer? I have a 16-year old Chinese daughter. A lovely child indeed, but also very strong. Let's not forget that we are all human here; it would be helful if we all would lose the push to go self-righteous about their fabulous parenting skills. If you have help to offer the OP, do so. If you simply want to beat a drum louder and louder about a phrase or term, then from my estimation, you are offering nothing to anyone except inciting discontent. Admonishment can be a useful tool when in the hands of the skilled. I know very few people that can do it sucessfully.

I feel so scolded. Sorry, I forgot everyone was human. Thank you for your skillful admonishment.

[Guest knloregon]

Well,

 

Back to the advice to the OP..... As a guy that pulled two girls out of Chinese orphanages, I can tell you I have no sure solution for this situation based on my experiences with them---neither fit exactly the problems you are experiencing, although both came with their own seperate set.

 

This might sound sort of generic, but what I would suggest trying is making a rule in the house that at some time in the evening you read to her in English. On weekends you go to the library and SHE gets to pick out the books---which have lots of pictures--- for the week ahead. And as your read, you interact with her, and draw the connection between the words and the pictures, and then the whole sentences...

 

You will become closer to her, and I strongly suspect that she will become closer to you as well, which I also suspect will become a good start to solving a whole lot of differnt problems.

 

Not hard, and worth a try

[dnoblett]

This might sound sort of generic, but what I would suggest trying is making a rule in the house that at some time in the evening you read to her in English. On weekends you go to the library and SHE gets to pick out the books---which have lots of pictures--- for the week ahead. And as your read, you interact with her, and draw the connection between the words and the pictures, and then the whole sentences...

Made me think of the picture dictionary I got for Yu.

 

 

http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/I/510CX64PY1L._BO2,204,203,200_PIlitb-dp-500-arrow,TopRight,45,-64_OU01_AA240_SH20_.jpg

 

http://www.amazon.com/Oxford-Picture-Dicti...2841&sr=1-9

 

OR

 

http://g-ec2.images-amazon.com/images/I/61VTSZWVS9L._BO2,204,203,200_PIlitb-dp-500-arrow,TopRight,45,-64_OU01_AA240_SH20_.jpg

 

http://www.amazon.com/New-Oxford-Picture-D...2966&sr=8-2

[Guest knloregon]

Great suggestion--

 

Read the text and refer to the picture dictionary for vocabluarly not illustrated in the book.

[SmilingAsia]

Ok, you cannot say a kid is stupid or lazy. The adults who have raised her to this way and have influenced her are fucking stupid and lazy!!!

 

You Americans cannot imagine in what hell some kids were raised.

I saw in Guangzhou a kid sleep on a mattress without bed sheets and the mattress has not been cleaned for 14 years! The fucking stupid mother is busy playing ma jiang all the time.

 

I had great pain pushing one of my colleagues to school for learning English and computer skills cuz her husband is a green card holder in Los Angeles. She is in 20s. Her parents, her brother, uncles and aunties, cousins barely write Chinese at all. I had bitter struggle to work with her.

[chilton747]

Ok, you cannot say a kid is stupid or lazy. The adults who have raised her to this way and have influenced her are fucking stupid and lazy!!!

 

You Americans cannot imagine in what hell some kids were raised.

I saw in Guangzhou a kid sleep on a mattress without bed sheets and the mattress has not been cleaned for 14 years! The fucking stupid mother is busy playing ma jiang all the time.

 

I had great pain pushing one of my colleagues to school for learning English and computer skills cuz her husband is a green card holder in Los Angeles. She is in 20s. Her parents, her brother, uncles and aunties, cousins barely write Chinese at all. I had bitter struggle to work with her.

 

You are absolutely right Eunice. Us Americans cannot understand because we were not there. Sure we can read about it but it does not have the same impact. Us Americans need to become more educated about our Chinese loved ones. Haihua's parents are illiterate but her lifelong ambition was to study. She has overcome many obstacles just as you and other Chinese people. "Stupid and Lazy" is far from the truth when it comes to children. They are products of their environment just as you have said. They seek a better life just as all people do. When us Americans say we want to give them this then we need to understand what it really means to them.

[hakkamike]

Ok, you cannot say a kid is stupid or lazy. The adults who have raised her to this way and have influenced her are fucking stupid and lazy!!!

 

You Americans cannot imagine in what hell some kids were raised.

I saw in Guangzhou a kid sleep on a mattress without bed sheets and the mattress has not been cleaned for 14 years! The fucking stupid mother is busy playing ma jiang all the time.

 

I had great pain pushing one of my colleagues to school for learning English and computer skills cuz her husband is a green card holder in Los Angeles. She is in 20s. Her parents, her brother, uncles and aunties, cousins barely write Chinese at all. I had bitter struggle to work with her.

I agree, its the paternal mother and fathers fault Aint it time to close this one

Edited October 11, 2007 by hakkamike (see edit history)

[SirLancelot]

Ok, you cannot say a kid is stupid or lazy. The adults who have raised her to this way and have influenced her are fucking stupid and lazy!!!

 

 

I was going to post some comments but after seeing this comment from Eunice, I think it's going to be difficult to get my point across as she contradicts what I wanted to say.

 

I think Chinese households are very different when it comes to raising children than American households. I don't want to say which is better as both households offer something in their own right.

 

I've never had children, so I won't comment as if I had, but I have been a child myself. Historical Chinese culture--and in fact most Asian cultures--do not advocate the supportive, touchy feely, lovey dovey affirmation kind of child upbringing that is fairly common of American middle class families. The Asian parent rarely, if ever, says "I love you". "You're doing great. You tried your best and that's all that matters." All these are not the normal phrases one hears in a Chinese household in China, nor frankly in Chinese American households.

 

While it's not overtly advocated that Chinese parents should call their children stupid or lazy, it happens often and is indeed a tactic used by parents to guilt a child into doing better. I'm sure scientific studies can be done to see if it indeed improves grade performance or not but empirical and anecdotal evidence clearly show that Chinese and Chinese American students in the US do extremely well in primary and secondary schools. I can assure you that most of those kids didn't come from households where the parents kept on telling their kids they loved them. It's not that Chinese parents don't love their kids any less than their counterpart American parents, but that love is conveyed differently.

 

For any Sino-American marriage with children involved, there's going to be a lot of arguing about how to raise the children. The cultures are so diametrically different with regards to how children are raised.

 

Again, I'm not saying one is better than the other, but I'm sure most on here think the American way of raising children is the better way but I'm equally sure the Chinese SO will strongly believe the Chinese way of raising children is better for their education and career.

 

I can say with a certain amount of assurance that a child raised the Chinese way will do better in school--at least with regards to performance scores and standardized tests--and get into good colleges/universities, but their childhood and teen years won't be as fun filled or enjoyable as a comparable child raised with the American way. The Chinese child is expected to succeed in school and education and to sacrifice everything else during the pursuit of education. There is immense pressure. To be sure, there are some American households who raise their children in this manner as well, but only some. In Chinese households, it's almost universal.

 

I personally don't think it's good to call a child lazy or stupid--as it does impact the child's self-esteem--but overwhelming empirical evidence suggests to me that it works in Chinese households with regards to pressuring children to do well in school.

 

I kind of liken it to army/marine boot camp. I would hate to be called all those foul names by the drill sergeant but the Dept. of Defense continues on with this method of indoctrination. Why? Because it seems to work. How come we don't have hippies with peace pipes training our armed forces?

Edited October 11, 2007 by SirLancelot (see edit history)

[lostinblue]

How about maybe a problem with learning

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyslexia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learning_disability

This may have been mentioned before as I have not read every post.

[warpedbored]

I'm with Trigg on this thread. If you can't offer something helpful don't bother posting. The dog pile mentality where some of you have jumped all over Richard is despicable. I know Richard and have talked with him at length. He is a good man who loves his step daughter. Some of his words may have been ill chosen but they were also taken out of context by many on this board. I'm not closing this yet because some of you, like Lance for instance, have posted some very insightful words.

[tywy_99]

I only know of two (2) who have taken things out of context and I dare say I have had several to support me on this.

[david_dawei]

I just read this completely through and then completely forget what the entire thread is about because there so much b/s going on in this thread to justify this or that instead of the giving any thoughts to the OP.

 

I'd rather start back at the beginning.. the girl is in 4th grade (I assume 9 y.o)... and from the time she gets home till she goes to bed she is doing homework.. [can we make this a law in the US?]

 

The fact is.. the girl is immersed in english AT school... and immersed in homework at home... SO.... What's the problem with her?

 

Look at her social, emotional and mental activities in regards to being in this country and going to this school and living in this home...

 

This is just a narrow slit of life going on right now.. in the 4th grade... I'd hardly say she is 'throwing her life away'... she may be holding on to a meager life.. not sure she would even call it a life truly.

 

Exactly why does she need to come home and STUDY english after being in a school all day, if her time is spent on english homework? She is absorbing english everyday in school and in her textbooks, right?

 

I think she is learning more than anyone can imagine.. but I would personally take her out for more ice cream or something that gets her away from 6 hours daily of homework...