Opinions wanted...

[fortunecookie]

Hello All,

 

This question does not pertain to me personally - But after reading Steves post about his ongoing problems with GUZ - it created a question in my mind that may be worth getting opinions on.....

 

Would any of you (especially old timers who have been around a while) consider it a bit strange if the women you were dating or planning to marry - if she talked like she had been working as a marriage broker? For example: what if she referred to Fujian as the center of visa fraud. And named Nanning as the place where you can find the most women who are seeking foreign husbands (through brokers). And named Shanghai as a bad place to look for wife because these ladies are too independant or business minded, etc etc.

 

Just throwing this out to get opinions - especially on this type of womans motive or past in connection to brokering marriages.

 

I am only opening this topic for discussion if anybody has interest in the question. Are there "good" or "bad" cities to look for wives in? Are country women better or worse than big city women?

 

Thanks,

FC

[David&Wendy]

First question I would ask:

 

Do you work for a marriage broker?

 

Second question I would ask:

 

Where did you get this information?

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

I wouldn't say that her having knowledge of visa fraud is a red flag at all. Why not just ask straight up whether she either is a marriage broker, has worked with one in the past and / or knows someone that has. I've seen far too many members worry themselves sick over things they "think" might be happening, when a lot of the anxiety can be reduced or eliminated by asked direct questions. Anything else is speculation.

Edited September 24, 2007 by ShaQuaNew (see edit history)

[fortunecookie]

Ok........... assuming this woman does (turn out to) have some sort of past connected with marriage brokering - would you consider this to be a red flag? My point I guess that comes to mind that if she is connected or has been in the past connected with this behavior - then with all the talk lately of "agendas" - does this make this women one who PROBABLY DOES have the wrong agenda?

 

FC

[chilton747]

IT TAKES TIME TO GET TO KNOW A PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Randy W]

When I was first looking for someone, I was under the impression that most of this was fairly common knowledge.

 

I would give her a few points for being aware, and question her further.

[IllinoisDave]

I would take issue with her saying that Shanghai is a bad place to look for a wife.

[DMikeS4321]

I think many women have various ideas about the women from other parts of the country. From what you've posted, I'm not sure I see the "marriage broker" connection.

 

There was a thread a while back about what attitudes women had about women from other parts of China. I'm pretty sure Nanning women think they are the best, but I'm also pretty sure that this is true of women from other areas as well.

 

I tend to agree with the Nanning women on this point ( ). I also think Shanghai women get a bad rap from most everyone for reasons I don't understand. I've corresponded with some very nice Shanghai women in the past, don't know what the problem is.

[Dennis143]

Scott, your (her) generalizations of women from different cities are also viewed by many Chinese women.

 

I've heard it more than once how Shanghai women are often spoiled, pampered, and high-maintenance. Whereas, Nanning women are traditional and frugal... Seems there are universal generalizations among women as to what another's character and habits are based on the region she is from.

 

So, are you in the market again?

[Guest Rob & Jin]

Scott, your (her) generalizations of women from different cities are also viewed by many Chinese women.

 

I've heard it more than once how Shanghai women are often spoiled, pampered, and high-maintenance. Whereas, Nanning women are traditional and frugal... Seems there are universal generalizations among women as to what another's character and habits are based on the region she is from.

 

So, are you in the market again?

 

I think there are good and bad wherever you look, its the individual that counts

[SirLancelot]

 

So, are you in the market again?

A very astute and prophetic observation.

 

Sounds to me like the person FC is referring to is shopping for a product.

 

These are women, gentlemen. Maybe future spouses not used or pre-owned cars.

 

Would it have been better if I blew Ying off because she was from Fuzhou? Maybe find me a "better" and "easier" new and improved model in a "Good" city.

 

Sorry, first thing in the morning and I'm not a morning person.

 

I hear ya Steve. Some odd comments in this thread.

 

It read as if FC is shopping for meat from different Chinese cities.

 

I sure hope the goal is to find someone to fall in love witg first, not looking specifically for a "wife" from a specific city in China to bring home to do the cooking and cleaning.

 

Too independent and business minded? What era are we in? 1950s?

[C4Racer]

The first two have been talked about here on CFL or brought up at some time or another. The third is simply an opinion. Opinions are like a__'s everyones got 'em. We have also discuss north/south or city/country attitudes. So does this make us marriage brokers? I know that these topics have also been discuss over at 001. I've talked about all of these issues with my wife. She is definately not a marriage broker, but she is well informed.

 

She could simply be someone who is quite serious about finding a foreign husband. Serious means she wants to better her odds at finding a good husband so she did some research on the subject rather than throw the dice blindly. So does this mean you are looking for someone with their head in the sand?

 

From the way your question is worded, I gather your opinion is:

Marriage Broker = mean evil person

 

I have a friend who used to own a marriage service in China. She has been here three plus years and married very happily. She is a sweet person. Works very hard on her marriage. Just because she is currently or was in the business doesn't make them a bad person. Like Chilton said, get to know the person!!!!!

[SmilingAsia]

1. For Steve's case, I believe Ying was scared at her visa interview which VO assumed she was lying. When GUZ called her asking about her ex she was scared as she should not have been.

For too much information they have submitted, they may have conflicted information which GUZ used their own logic to think it's a scam.

GUZ likes to screw cases when the Income Tax Return of the petitioner doesn't look so good.

 

2. I don't think GUZ or consulate of any western country likes a marriage broker.

A marriage broker helps other women to hook up guys, rich or poor. If your financial situation is not so good and she is money hungry, it's not a good idea to marry a marriage broker.

 

3. Some city girls are fun, entertaining but some can be high maintenance. I believe a lawyer, a politician would prefer a city girl.

 

If you have a more humble, simple life to offer, it's better to pick up a country woman.

Still, women are women. It varies from person to person. From casual talking you can get the information you want: whether she is emotionally stable, whether her expecattaion value exceeds your current situation.

This question does not pertain to me personally - But after reading Steves post about his ongoing problems with GUZ - it created a question in my mind that may be worth getting opinions on.....

 

Would any of you (especially old timers who have been around a while) consider it a bit strange if the women you were dating or planning to marry - if she talked like she had been working as a marriage broker? For example: what if she referred to Fujian as the center of visa fraud. And named Nanning as the place where you can find the most women who are seeking foreign husbands (through brokers). And named Shanghai as a bad place to look for wife because these ladies are too independant or business minded, etc etc.

 

Just throwing this out to get opinions - especially on this type of womans motive or past in connection to brokering marriages.

 

I am only opening this topic for discussion if anybody has interest in the question. Are there "good" or "bad" cities to look for wives in? Are country women better or worse than big city women?

[Zachary And Lychee]

This is all my opinion so take it as you will:

 

My lady is Fujianese. This automatically puts a red flag up to the VO. It makes the process harder unfortunately for us in proving the legitimacy of our relationship. Yet, we don't despair, because we trust each other.

 

We take risks with everyone we date/marry. I believe you can never know someone 100%. Even after dating a girl for 5 years and getting engaged to her... I felt I knew her and could trust her, and I believed she loved me as well, however it only took three months for her to change everything in our 5 year relationship when she decided she liked my roommate more than me. This girl had complained about how guys in the past always left her and did her wrong, and I always treated her golden, yet she left me after 5 years for a guy she met for less than 3 months, and she broke off our engagement. A year later they were married.

 

To a degree I believe it takes time to know someone, but you're still taking a risk no matter where you're looking. If you let suspicion rise up it will destroy your relationship whether she's legit or not. If a girl's not legit, but she's smart, she will enter the relationship as if it were real in her mind, but when the time came she somehow has this uncanny ability to switch everything off in her mind and leave after she got what she wanted (visa or whatever). I've seen this happen before (unfortunately with a Fujianese and American). I believe my lady is real, and I love and trust her, and, to me, the risk I take with her is no different than the risk I take with any other girl. However I feel that in order to love someone you must give them trust. You must give them the benefit of the doubt for situations. Keep things in the back of your head, though. Keep track of the signs but take them a grain of sand... until you start forming a beach, then it's time to just be direct with her. Tell her your worries and ask her questions.

 

Remember, she's taking a risk with you too. She's taking a risk by leaving her home and family and maybe job to travel to another country and be with you. She's trusting you to take care of her and support her. Her life is in your hands. If you leave her, where can she go? Just do your research first with her and be totally honest with each other. Get to know her friends and family and look for talk of money (although it's not uncommon in the Fujian provice for legit marriages to involve money for the introduction).

 

The rewards of finding a loving and supportive wife that will stick by your side for the rest of your life, to me, far outways the risk one takes by trusting her. And I believe I just so happened to find mine in China.

[DMikeS4321]

 

So, are you in the market again?

A very astute and prophetic observation.

 

Sounds to me like the person FC is referring to is shopping for a product.

 

These are women, gentlemen. Maybe future spouses not used or pre-owned cars.

 

Would it have been better if I blew Ying off because she was from Fuzhou? Maybe find me a "better" and "easier" new and improved model in a "Good" city.

 

Sorry, first thing in the morning and I'm not a morning person.

 

I hear ya Steve. Some odd comments in this thread.

 

It read as if FC is shopping for meat from different Chinese cities.

 

I sure hope the goal is to find someone to fall in love witg first, not looking specifically for a "wife" from a specific city in China to bring home to do the cooking and cleaning.

 

Too independent and business minded? What era are we in? 1950s?

 

I've got to call BS on a couple of these replies. C'mon guys, he was asking a question and it didn't include an endorsement of what he has heard, just recounting it as evidence that the woman in question had experience with or as a marriage broker.

 

As for the generalizations.... they are all around us. Don't we have generalizations about people from Maine being rather reserved, New Yorkers being impolite, Californian's being airey-fairy???

 

Let's not get TOO carried away with the PC nonsense. As for "Too independent and business minded?"... those are Chinese referring to other Chinese. SL, people in China just might not have the same sensibilities as you and I and the rest of America.

 

Talk about cultural arrogance....

Edited September 25, 2007 by DMikeS4321 (see edit history)