Having a tough time

[Randy W]

You might also want to find a Chinese or multi-racial church.

 

For many Chinese, it is more than a place of religion, it is a social gathering place for them. I am certain that your wife will quickly be embraced and comforted by the women there, as most likely all have been through and have experienced what she is feeling now.

 

All the best. She is fortunate to have a caring husband like you.

 

West Houston Chinese Church is at Hammerly and the West Beltway 8.

[david_dawei]

homesickness is unavoidable; the stress of relocating into a different way of life and language is something most of us are not willing to even do.

 

Keeping busy is one aspect but one has to keep busy doing something which they don't know what to 'do'... realize most chinese are 'do' oriented and without an understanding of what to do, one can feel lost.

 

my wife's number one comment to this day is; if you cannot control the situation, you are lost. For chinese, controlling their lives, circumstances and future destiny is very important and many cannot cope well with situations where they are not in some form of control.

 

To get back their sense of self, you got to get them out the door IMO.. ESL, work, friends, etc... This is only half the battle... now out the door, they need to find their role within this new unfolding drama...

[dnoblett]

homesickness is unavoidable; the stress of relocating into a different way of life and language is something most of us are not willing to even do.

 

Keeping busy is one aspect but one has to keep busy doing something which they don't know what to 'do'... realize most chinese are 'do' oriented and without an understanding of what to do, one can feel lost.

 

my wife's number one comment to this day is; if you cannot control the situation, you are lost. For chinese, controlling their lives, circumstances and future destiny is very important and many cannot cope well with situations where they are not in some form of control.

 

To get back their sense of self, you got to get them out the door IMO.. ESL, work, friends, etc... This is only half the battle... now out the door, they need to find their role within this new unfolding drama...

I see that with my wife, she is not homesick, she has plenty to do now, but is actively thinking of ways to start a little business, ans well as attending classes at my college, pity that the next full term wont start until fall.

 

I have introduced her to many people, and she is building up quite a lot of new friends.

 

When I am working we still chat on line.

[Joanne]

Well I wish you the best. Wife is in CHina now, and beside she didn't want to know anyone from CFL. She had aquaintances come over from China to go to UTA up here, but that only went so far.

 

 

I think, Doug, your wife is very biased against CFL.

[pkfops]

My wife cried most of the way from GZ to SFO.

 

Once there, we were met by one of her friends and we

went out to have something to eat before heading home.

 

We are very lucky because she has her aunt, uncle and 3 cousins

here in SF. Being in SF is also a plus.

 

Once I turned my pc over to her it become "China Communications

Central". Friends, Fanily, News, Entertainment etc. She is into

gardening and is now posting on a Chinese garden site called SALALA.

 

She has also excelled in SF City college's ESL program and works

there as an aid helping other students.

 

Keeping busy, a sense of worth, family contact (to name just a few)

are what will get you through.

[paula]

homesickness is unavoidable; the stress of relocating into a different way of life and language is something most of us are not willing to even do.

 

Keeping busy is one aspect but one has to keep busy doing something which they don't know what to 'do'... realize most chinese are 'do' oriented and without an understanding of what to do, one can feel lost.

 

my wife's number one comment to this day is; if you cannot control the situation, you are lost. For chinese, controlling their lives, circumstances and future destiny is very important and many cannot cope well with situations where they are not in some form of control.

 

To get back their sense of self, you got to get them out the door IMO.. ESL, work, friends, etc... This is only half the battle... now out the door, they need to find their role within this new unfolding drama...

 

exactly. I do feel sometimes I am lost. I dont know what I should do and how to do something, seems I lost controlling my life, which I hate. but anyway my english major did help me a lot, today I talked to verizon rebate woman on the phone and finally got my $50 rebate back. Next I need deal with ATT about my home phone bill and dish network. My husband is busy with his work evreryday, so I have to deal with all kinds of stuff. Today when he heard I will get that $50 rebate back in two weeks, he said I can use the money to buy him a pair of running shoes, I told him no way, I got it by myself, so I need to use it for myself.

[stacato]

What baffles me is that in a recent poll, most USC's stated that their wife did not experience any culture shock in the US. I think this thread proves otherwise.I think our ladies hold it in a lot and that is the cause to this misconception. You bet they are going through a culture shock.

[Joanne]

What baffles me is that in a recent poll, most USC's stated that their wife did not experience any culture shock in the US. I think this thread proves otherwise.I think our ladies hold it in a lot and that is the cause to this misconception. You bet they are going through a culture shock.

 

I spent 5 months in 2006 and 4 months in 2007 in Philadelphia. But only last week, I finally admitted to my husband that I am probably experiencing some symptoms of a light case of depression.

[IluvmyLi]

I'm depressed living in America and I was born here.

[ameriken]

What baffles me is that in a recent poll, most USC's stated that their wife did not experience any culture shock in the US. I think this thread proves otherwise.I think our ladies hold it in a lot and that is the cause to this misconception. You bet they are going through a culture shock.

I think the poll results may still hold true Stac.....and of course, the definition of culture shock is subjective to each persons opinion.

 

When I think about culture shock, I think of something that is pretty severe. I saw an article on culture shock a while ago (darned if I could find it) and it sort of defined culture shock in a similar emotional level as grief after a death. In other words, there are several stages of culture shock, with symptoms and emotions that are very strong and possibly severe......such as direct anger at the people closest to her, hatred of anything to do with the country she is in, severe depression and loneliness, very strong desire to return home, etc.

 

I think what most people go through is more of an 'adjustment', but maybe not necessarily culture shock. They all have to adjust to a different way of life, different language, they may feel less control and power, and while that does affect them, it may not be as deep or severe as actual 'culture shock'. They can still lead a normal and happy life, whereas culture shock can almost be debilitating.

 

IMO, maybe there are two levels......culture adjustment and culture shock, with most people going through an adjustment, and fewer actually suffering the shock.

Edited April 16, 2007 by ameriken (see edit history)

[pkfops]

Culture shock for my wife was using the clothes dryer;

she thought it made the clothes dirty. "Must be kissed

by Sun."

 

Then after staying at her aunt's for a few days she changed;

she even uses the "soft paper".

 

She still won't let me make ice in the ice trays because it

"taste like food" and is not clean. (I'm the only one one who uses

it though)

 

Advice:

 

Keep a positive attitude and enjoy the ride.