Having a tough time

[aclassic]

My SO has only been here a couple of days and I can see that she really misses here home, but most importantly her daughter. I was hoping that she would bring her along in order to make the transition easier but she decided to come first and bring her daughter later Having just gotten back from China myself I was not able to take any time off from work. She has spent most of her time sleeping and when awake I know she is thinking of home. Today I dragged her out of bed and took her to Chinatown in order to do some shopping and get her out of the house. My friend brought over a couple of Chinese movies. At first she did not want to watch but she is now sitting in front of the TV and we are drinking some green tea. I know that she will come around eventually. I need to try and support her as much as I possible can. I want to see if she can make some friends. There is a nice Chinese lady where I bank who wants to meet her. It would really be nice if some ladies from CFL especially the Houston area based ladies could volunteer their phone numbers so that they can chat and share some of their experiences.

[SheLikesME?]

Yes I think the daughter would have helped a little. Also gives her some time with her own language while she adapts to you and others full time.

 

My wife brought her daughter but honestly for the first several days, she also slept and generally seemed a depressed, exhausted from school, and disapointed in a number of things in the USA as well as her English.

 

Well I wish you the best. Wife is in CHina now, and beside she didn't want to know anyone from CFL. She had aquaintances come over from China to go to UTA up here, but that only went so far.

 

Chinatown in Houston did more for her than anything. Take her to the store where Randy's wife works, and there is a pretty good hotpot resturaunt in the same parking lot toward the street. Beside we found better deals at that store over the others we looked in. That was the best I could do at the time.

 

Wish you the best and wish I could help.

[aclassic]

Thanks! Were does Randy's wife work?

 

Yes I think the daughter would have helped a little. Also gives her some time with her own language while she adapts to you and others full time.

 

My wife brought her daughter but honestly for the first several days, she also slept and generally seemed a depressed, exhausted from school, and disapointed in a number of things in the USA as well as her English.

 

Well I wish you the best. Wife is in CHina now, and beside she didn't want to know anyone from CFL. She had aquaintances come over from China to go to UTA up here, but that only went so far.

 

Chinatown in Houston did more for her than anything. Take her to the store where Randy's wife works, and there is a pretty good hotpot resturaunt in the same parking lot toward the street. Beside we found better deals at that store over the others we looked in. That was the best I could do at the time.

 

Wish you the best and wish I could help.

[Randy W]

Thanks! Were does Randy's wife work?

 

 

Dun Huang. It's on the south side of Bellaire Blvd in the shopping center closest to the Beltway 8. There are a number of good stores along Bellaire Blvd - Dynasty, Diho, Welcome, and Hong Kong, and the Viet Hoa on Bissonet.

[paula]

me too. I almost came the US for 4 months now, but I dont know these days I am very depressed. I miss china, miss my parents very much!! I dont like here, it seems americans in my work always tried to take advange of me as I am very nice and helped everyone even though it is not my responsibility. Here americans only did their duties, but sometimes they asked me "paula , can you bring me something? or paula can you help take something?" It is hard for me to say NO, so everytime I helped them, but one night I tried to let one help, he said " I am busy" I did feel very hurt. I dont like here!!!!

[paula]

oh, my husband said I should tell it to manger, but for me it seems I would complain. I dont like to stack back someone. Acutally my manager saw it, he once told me he knew I helped everyone and I am very hard working no matter it is my duty or not. He said" paula, you dont need to do that much, it is not your duty" but I cant stand the table mess and floor is dirty! I am very clean woman!!

[RLS]

aclassic and Paula

 

So sorry to hear that. aclassic, I think if your so can meet a few people and make friends, it will start to get much better. I plan to do that with my SO. She must have friends she can talk to or be with during the day.

 

Paula, the last time I read your post it seemed like you were doing so well. What has happened? Is it only because of your work? I can't offer any advice because I will be going through this in the future. I can only send you best wishes and truly hope you feel better in the coming weeks. Ron

[aclassic]

Yeah! I took her to Welcome Friday evening. Yesterday I took her to the Chinese Community Center but the people who offer the English ESL program won't be in until Monday. Classes don't start until June. We went to Hong Kong Market yesterday and she seemed to like the selection better than what she found at Welcome. I thought I would take her to Viet Hoa today but she seems to have come down with a cold. I really feel for her and want her to do well. She wants to work as soon as possible so I will try my best to help her. I hope Randy's wife is at Dun Huang today. I might swing by there today. Thanks guys

 

Thanks! Were does Randy's wife work?

 

 

Dun Huang. It's on the south side of Bellaire Blvd in the shopping center closest to the Beltway 8. There are a number of good stores along Bellaire Blvd - Dynasty, Diho, Welcome, and Hong Kong, and the Viet Hoa on Bissonet.

[paula]

aclassic and Paula

 

So sorry to hear that. aclassic, I think if your so can meet a few people and make friends, it will start to get much better. I plan to do that with my SO. She must have friends she can talk to or be with during the day.

 

Paula, the last time I read your post it seemed like you were doing so well. What has happened? Is it only because of your work? I can't offer any advice because I will be going through this in the future. I can only send you best wishes and truly hope you feel better in the coming weeks. Ron

 

Yes the generally speaking the work is better than the grocery job. I can eat asain food and also take some food back home everyday. My tips is good too. but I dont know why I just dont like american working way.

 

These days I work untill over 10:30pm back home, and my husband was sleeping, when I didnt work, he was not at home and went to his business trip. The life seems is similair to the life I am in China. Alone!

[Dennis143]

aclassic and Paula

 

So sorry to hear that. aclassic, I think if your so can meet a few people and make friends, it will start to get much better. I plan to do that with my SO. She must have friends she can talk to or be with during the day.

 

Paula, the last time I read your post it seemed like you were doing so well. What has happened? Is it only because of your work? I can't offer any advice because I will be going through this in the future. I can only send you best wishes and truly hope you feel better in the coming weeks. Ron

 

Yes the generally speaking the work is better than the grocery job. I can eat asain food and also take some food back home everyday. My tips is good too. but I dont know why I just dont like american working way.

 

These days I work untill over 10:30pm back home, and my husband was sleeping, when I didnt work, he was not at home and went to his business trip. The life seems is similair to the life I am in China. Alone!

You need a heart to heart talk with your husband, Paula. I hope that he listens and hears you.

[sawadee]

aclassic,

 

Sorry to hear about the rough time your wife has. I remember clearly I had kinda rough time too when I first came here--home sick, had to fix some pending issues, slight depression, being alone at home for too long and so on.

 

The main cause is it is really a big change of life style for me. I used to live a huge huge city where shopping malls, theatres, restaurants all within 5 mins walking. Now we have to drive everywhere, and everything so far away from each other.

 

I have to learn to enjoy the country life.

 

Thanks to my husband, who provide company, comfort, and good advice for me to work out the problems.

 

We found good Asian food markets in the neighbourood, we dine out frequently.(I love western food), we try to have a walk on the trail everyday, we make future plans on our yard and house, and so on.

 

I volunteer to work at the library, and it turns out to be a supreme experience for me(cause I love reading books), and I have been treated very very very nicely by them. Meanwhile, I got to know a few very nice friends too.

 

When I stay at home, I have my books, DVDs(I like wathcing HK TV drama a lot), and CDs, and recently, 2 cute cats, to accompany me. Somedays I cook, someday he cooks, we have Asian and western food in turn.

 

I still remember my early depressions and difficulties, and amaze how everything work out perfectly for us. We are very very grateful for all that.

 

You know what? My new home in State, the whole neighbourhood, the people here, already grown on me. I think I might be homesick if I am out of town!

 

aclassic, just be patient and please tell your wife be patient, it takes time, effort and mutual understanding to adjust to a new place. Hopefully 6 months from now, your wife will be happily readjust there and both of you can enjoy the pleasure of being together here in States.

 

Sawadee

[aclassic]

Thanks! I appreciate the great advice

aclassic,

 

Sorry to hear about the rough time your wife has. I remember clearly I had kinda rough time too when I first came here--home sick, had to fix some pending issues, slight depression, being alone at home for too long and so on.

 

The main cause is it is really a big change of life style for me. I used to live a huge huge city where shopping malls, theatres, restaurants all within 5 mins walking. Now we have to drive everywhere, and everything so far away from each other.

 

I have to learn to enjoy the country life.

 

Thanks to my husband, who provide company, comfort, and good advice for me to work out the problems.

 

We found good Asian food markets in the neighbourood, we dine out frequently.(I love western food), we try to have a walk on the trail everyday, we make future plans on our yard and house, and so on.

 

I volunteer to work at the library, and it turns out to be a supreme experience for me(cause I love reading books), and I have been treated very very very nicely by them. Meanwhile, I got to know a few very nice friends too.

 

When I stay at home, I have my books, DVDs(I like wathcing HK TV drama a lot), and CDs, and recently, 2 cute cats, to accompany me. Somedays I cook, someday he cooks, we have Asian and western food in turn.

 

I still remember my early depressions and difficulties, and amaze how everything work out perfectly for us. We are very very grateful for all that.

 

You know what? My new home in State, the whole neighbourhood, the people here, already grown on me. I think I might be homesick if I am out of town!

 

aclassic, just be patient and please tell your wife be patient, it takes time, effort and mutual understanding to adjust to a new place. Hopefully 6 months from now, your wife will be happily readjust there and both of you can enjoy the pleasure of being together here in States.

 

Sawadee

[tonado]

After almost 4 years and even with her family here (older sister and parents), my wife still have problem adjusting. She complains that her English is not good enough to find a good job. She thinks everyone is laughing at her English. I think she speaks very well. She went back to China for 5.5 months two years ago. And she will be back this week after 4 months stay in China. I am hoping in few years that she won't keep going back to China for long visits.

Edited April 15, 2007 by tonado (see edit history)

[ameriken]

I just wrote a post about a site that will be helpful for any of the ladies here in the US. Here is the link to the post:

 

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=24382

[Dennis143]

You might also want to find a Chinese or multi-racial church.

 

For many Chinese, it is more than a place of religion, it is a social gathering place for them. I am certain that your wife will quickly be embraced and comforted by the women there, as most likely all have been through and have experienced what she is feeling now.

 

All the best. She is fortunate to have a caring husband like you.