adjusting in America

[chinchillax]

Not sure if something like this was posted by someone else, but I worry sometimes how she will adjust in America, the cultural differences and stuff. However, where I live there is a sizable chinese community and there is a small chinatown. My parents are well known in the chinese community locally and have a lot of friends. I also have a lot of chinese friends I can introduce to her.

 

Would this help over come loneliness? How long do they take to adjust and does it affect the relationship when she feels homesick and lonely sometimes? However, I must be with her often and care for her since she has no one here. She has never been to the US, but I've shown her pictures.

 

Her cousin is in Boston and he has no problem with American culture and he has adapted pretty well.

Edited March 31, 2007 by chinchillax (see edit history)

[Steve and Aiwen]

Maybe you could point her to the 001 forum, where she could talk with others in her situation.....just a thought....

 

Steve

[lostinblue]

Yan has many friends on QQ that she keeps in contact with.

[tywy_99]

Her cousin is in Boston and he has no problem with American culture and he has adapted pretty well.

There ya go! She has family in America! What is she scared of??

[ameriken]

We were very fortunate...Jie really didnt suffer any of these. She adjusted quickly and quite well, and has been very happy since arriving, as have I. I have watched her, and brought up the subject to her, and she has not really felt any loneliness, homesickness, or 'cultureshock'. We are very blessed to have a close, strong and loving bond, complete trust and confidence in each other, and I think the happiness of being together seems to have help avert any problems.

 

I think being very much in love with each other, knowing you have both found the right person whom you want to spend your lives with, and the happiness of finally being together is the key to avoiding/overcoming much of the cultureshock. In Jie's case, the one thing that did bother her deeply was when she learned her grandfather was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She was closer to him than any other person in her family, including her parents. When she heard the news, she was very deeply saddened that she could not be there with him to provide him comfort and support, plus the reality of losing him hit home. As soon as she got the news on the phone, I was ordering tickets for her to go to Shanghai. She went to China in December to see him, and we saw him again earlier this month on a previously planned trip (march).

 

So, try to be aware and 'pre-emptive.' By really knowing and understand who she is, you should be able to see any changes. "Pre-emptive" things to do would be spending as much time together as you can; taking her on trips to see your state or other states; let her meet new friends; do things together that you both like; order a China TV package with your cable/dish company; plan a trip back to China; find the Asian markets where you are; let her cook/eat her food; keep your China long distance service (we use Dynasky) so she can talk to family and friends as often as she wants; same with her cousin in Boston; and in fact, why not schedule a trip to go see him; give her internet access to her friends; and talk to her....ask her how she is doing, and what you can do to help. Basically, you are making adjustments to accomodate her, which will help lessen the adjustments that she has to make.

 

But I really believe the single greatest thing that will carry her through is your love for her, her love, confidence and trust in you, and the excitement and happiness she will experience from finally being with her lao gong!!!

 

I strongly believe that your love for each other, above everything else, will likely conquer all of these concerns.........

Edited March 31, 2007 by ameriken (see edit history)

[izus]

But I really believe the single greatest thing that will carry her through is your love for her, her love, confidence and trust in you, and the excitement and happiness she will experience from finally being with her lao gong!!!

 

for sure...

for a while my girl sat around the house before she got her job, which was very hard to do. she was used to being able to go anywhere she liked anytime she liked.

when she first got here she went for a visit to tennessee to see her old friends. then a couple months went by and we got married, then her mom stayed for 3 months after the wedding so that was no so bad. once her mom went home though it hit. long days when i was at the office. i tried to come home for lunch as much as possible. my job suffered cause i was so worried about her. she and her mom made a little vegetable garden in the backyard that she would tend to everyday. but that got old after a couple months as well..

she was able to get anywhere anytime in beijing and then she was trapped inside the house everyday while i was at work.

that would be enough to make any one depressed.

 

financially she didnt need to go to work but instead of sitting around the house all day it was the best thing for her, no longer does she have her one hard day a week. shes doing amazing now.... i got my happy dancing girl back 7 days a week

 

dont forget what we are doing to these girls. they will go through some sort of home sickness one way or another.... all for you!!

 

this is for any lurkers reading this thread, if you convince some girl to come over here to live with you and leave everything they know, dont think for one minute that you are doing them a huge favor. i think its a bigger risk for them.

Edited March 31, 2007 by izus (see edit history)

[jim_julian]

Not sure if something like this was posted by someone else, but I worry sometimes how she will adjust in America, the cultural differences and stuff. However, where I live there is a sizable chinese community and there is a small chinatown. My parents are well known in the chinese community locally and have a lot of friends. I also have a lot of chinese friends I can introduce to her.

 

What you might also consider in your case is the possibility that she will be immersed in a comfortable American Chinese community and not integrate quickly into the American mainstream (and by that I don't mean to imply anything bad about your local Chinese community). I have an Arab friend whose wife never integrated with people outside her local Arab community; she is miserable. In SoCal we see many Mexicans, other Hispanics, Vietnamese, Koreans, etc who have large enough local communities that they can "hide" in with little or no effort to integrate. I believe that this is very unfortunate and that they will never strike a balance between maintaining contact with their cultural roots and becoming a truly integrated American.

[david_dawei]

Your well situationed in terms of giving her some chinese cultural influence and community... That would probably help her get over some isolation, but as was stated, she will feel lonliness and homesick... the first six months can be tough.

 

The best way to keep her out of any funk is to keep her busy... either going to ESL or working... You will need to have some things setup and prepared along this lines, IMO... echoing Ken...

 

I think Ken says alot of great things... if your love for her is the source of your action, to 'do' what is necessary for her assurance and security then she will know love is not just empty words but is about caring for another. I think you know, particularly in chinese culture, without action, love is empty.

[chinchillax]

izus

when she first got here she went for a visit to tennessee to see her old friends. then a couple months went by and we got married, then her mom stayed for 3 months after the wedding so that was no so bad. once her mom went home though it hit. long days when i was at the office. i tried to come home for lunch as much as possible. my job suffered cause i was so worried about her. she and her mom made a little vegetable garden in the backyard that she would tend to everyday. but that got old after a couple months as well..

she was able to get anywhere anytime in beijing and then she was trapped inside the house everyday while i was at work.

that would be enough to make any one depressed.

 

Is it possible for her parents to come to the US? to visit her?? I remember one of my friend's parents tried to come visit him, but the US gov't rejected their travel visas, so they weren't able to come to the US to visit him. How are they able to come here to visit with out this hassle???

 

And yes she has QQ to and I have QQ to chat with her. She can chat with her friends on there. Also, she can make new ones since I know quite a few ppl and also I can introduce her to my church as well. I goto a Chinese church...and there are many ppl her age she can make friends with. I already use Dynasky calling card to call her and they are inexpensive....compared to them calling to the US from China. I am quite well known in the local Chinese community and so are my parents.

 

I guess it will take time for her to adapt, but I wonder how long would that take?

 

Her cousin attends Harvard, should we take time to visit him sometime? Would this make of anything for her?

Edited April 1, 2007 by chinchillax (see edit history)

[SheLikesME?]

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=21312

 

There is one link to start with. Just get over into "Meetings and Life Together" and start reading. One is on day to day life. Well many stories. Go back over the last year and take a read. This topic has been discussed.

 

My wife's adjustment is my biggest worry. I still have not put together a new thread on all I am thinking. Maybe some day. It has been commented by many how seemless our bf/gf/spouse is in their own country. My wife like Isuz is coming from Beijing and I can relate so much to that. Just go down stairs and walk anywhere you want for anything. No cars, no hassles like here. Cars, as much as I love them, are a real pain in the ass to happiness.

 

Anyone know what thread has the things to do before comong to America? Was it from Eunice or something David Zs wife gave him to post.

 

4 things?

Get as much seat time driving as possible.

Forget about learning english just get education.

3?

4?

 

For me the best I could/should have done is ACTION. If you take care of as many things as you can for her arrival, then it shows everything.

Edited April 1, 2007 by SheLikesME? (see edit history)

[david_dawei]

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=21312

 

There is one link to start with. Just get over into "Meetings and Life Together" and start reading. One is on day to day life. Well many stories. Go back over the last year and take a read. This topic has been discussed.

 

My wife's adjustment is my biggest worry. I still have not put together a new thread on all I am thinking. Maybe some day. It has been commented by many how seemless our bf/gf/spouse is in their own country. My wife like Isuz is coming from Beijing and I can relate so much to that. Just go down stairs and walk anywhere you want for anything. No cars, no hassles like here. Cars, as much as I love them, are a real pain in the ass to happiness.

 

Anyone know what thread has the things to do before comong to America? Was it from Eunice or something David Zs wife gave him to post.

 

4 things?

Get as much seat time driving as possible.

Forget about learning english just get education.

3?

4?

 

For me the best I could/should have done is ACTION. If you take care of as many things as you can for her arrival, then it shows everything.

here were my comments.. which originate from my wife...

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?...c=23549&hl=

[chinchillax]

Is it possible for her parents to come to the US? to visit her?? I remember one of my friend's parents tried to come visit him, but the US gov't rejected their travel visas, so they weren't able to come to the US to visit him. How are they able to come here to visit with out this hassle???

 

And yes she has QQ to and I have QQ to chat with her. She can chat with her friends on there. Also, she can make new ones since I know quite a few ppl and also I can introduce her to my church as well. I goto a Chinese church...and there are many ppl her age she can make friends with. I already use Dynasky calling card to call her and they are inexpensive....compared to them calling to the US from China. I am quite well known in the local Chinese community and so are my parents. I am chinese and I already know quite a bit of chinese, so that may help her out a lot.

 

I guess it will take time for her to adapt, but I wonder how long would that take?

 

Her cousin attends Harvard, should we take time to visit him sometime? Would this make of anything for her?

[SheLikesME?]

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=21312

 

There is one link to start with. Just get over into "Meetings and Life Together" and start reading. One is on day to day life. Well many stories. Go back over the last year and take a read. This topic has been discussed.

 

My wife's adjustment is my biggest worry. I still have not put together a new thread on all I am thinking. Maybe some day. It has been commented by many how seemless our bf/gf/spouse is in their own country. My wife like Isuz is coming from Beijing and I can relate so much to that. Just go down stairs and walk anywhere you want for anything. No cars, no hassles like here. Cars, as much as I love them, are a real pain in the ass to happiness.

 

Anyone know what thread has the things to do before comong to America? Was it from Eunice or something David Zs wife gave him to post.

 

4 things?

Get as much seat time driving as possible.

Forget about learning english just get education.

3?

4?

 

For me the best I could/should have done is ACTION. If you take care of as many things as you can for her arrival, then it shows everything.

here were my comments.. which originate from my wife...

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?...c=23549&hl=

Thanks, hope you list this link in something somewhere!!!

[cdrobin66]

Hey

If you have access to chinese stores, supermarkets and a community, Your love will be OK.

 

Carl

 

 

Not sure if something like this was posted by someone else, but I worry sometimes how she will adjust in America, the cultural differences and stuff. However, where I live there is a sizable chinese community and there is a small chinatown. My parents are well known in the chinese community locally and have a lot of friends. I also have a lot of chinese friends I can introduce to her.

 

Would this help over come loneliness? How long do they take to adjust and does it affect the relationship when she feels homesick and lonely sometimes? However, I must be with her often and care for her since she has no one here. She has never been to the US, but I've shown her pictures.

 

Her cousin is in Boston and he has no problem with American culture and he has adapted pretty well.

[izus]

Is it possible for her parents to come to the US? to visit her?? I remember one of my friend's parents tried to come visit him, but the US gov't rejected their travel visas, so they weren't able to come to the US to visit him. How are they able to come here to visit with out this hassle???

 

And yes she has QQ to and I have QQ to chat with her. She can chat with her friends on there. Also, she can make new ones since I know quite a few ppl and also I can introduce her to my church as well. I goto a Chinese church...and there are many ppl her age she can make friends with. I already use Dynasky calling card to call her and they are inexpensive....compared to them calling to the US from China. I am quite well known in the local Chinese community and so are my parents. I am chinese and I already know quite a bit of chinese, so that may help her out a lot.

 

I guess it will take time for her to adapt, but I wonder how long would that take?

 

Her cousin attends Harvard, should we take time to visit him sometime? Would this make of anything for her?

 

from what i have experienced and read, it seems like the us government will offer the visa if there is a reason important enough to return back to china, if they have set themselves up finiancially and you follow all the instructions on this website, unless ofcourse you get a VO that has had a bad day.