I am facing a dilemma

[bosco]

I don't think she can find a guy that has all those attributes in China.

 

I'm very sorry to hear what you've gone through chinchillax. Been there, done that. It's never easy and everything but fun. Good luck to you in the future.

 

That being said, I'm really sorry to crap on your thread but I just can't let this last statement go by unchallenged. It is unnecessary and extremely uncalled for.

Edited April 4, 2007 by Ling-Curt (see edit history)

[chinchillax]

I don't think she can find a guy that has all those attributes in China.

 

I'm very sorry to hear what you've gone through chinchillax. Been there, done that. It's never easy and everything but fun. Good luck to you in the future.

 

That being said, I'm really sorry to crap on your thread but I just can't let this laste statement go by unchallenged. It is unnecessary and extremely uncalled for.

 

that last part I didn't mean to say it the way I did, I just am depressed and that was one thing I remember she told me and I remembered.

[bosco]

I don't think she can find a guy that has all those attributes in China.

 

I'm very sorry to hear what you've gone through chinchillax. Been there, done that. It's never easy and everything but fun. Good luck to you in the future.

 

That being said, I'm really sorry to crap on your thread but I just can't let this laste statement go by unchallenged. It is unnecessary and extremely uncalled for.

 

that last part I didn't mean to say it the way I did, I just am depressed and that was one thing I remember she told me and I remembered.

 

Understood. It's those haunting echoes that always make endings so difficult. Good luck friend.

[SheLikesME?]

Her family, relatives, and even some of her friends wanted her to goto America to be with me. However, I don't know what she was thinking in her mind.....she doesn't tell me or tell her parents her true thoughts. She has a hard time expressing herself a lot and doesn't talk much, shy. I am not clear on why, but she told me its risky to come to an unknown place she never been to and marry someone and be way from all her family members, but she never told me specifically.

chinchillax,

I am sorry for your situation. I somtimes think of CFL as a support group, at least for some, so I am glad you came here for this time.

 

Yes if you don't know then you just don't. I think if you were the one she would have told you. On the other hand she may really like you but scared of something. It doesn't really matter nor all the speculation. Something is in her. No one knew or knows. You just have to take care of yourself. It takes 2. I wish you the very best. Hang around here too if you want.

[Joanne]

I am sorry to hear this, chinchillax. However, I still think give it some time the situation might change. Is it possible that you haven't yet showed your love to her? Could she sense the enthusiasm from you side rather than simply an arrangement for marriage?

[chrisnhong]

As crappy as you're probably feeling right now, she's just done you a big favor. When a woman says let's just be friends (LJBF), she usually means that your not attractive to her because you're trying too hard.

 

Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. Go to the web site and hang around on the forum there. If you choose to take it seriously then I think your life will improve greatly.

[chinchillax]

I hear many people say move on or give it another chance. Its a tough decision, but I will just move on. I am already currently looking for new prospects. If she wants to come back then she is welcome to.

[ameriken]

As crappy as you're probably feeling right now, she's just done you a big favor. When a woman says let's just be friends (LJBF), she usually means that your not attractive to her because you're trying too hard.

 

Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. Go to the web site and hang around on the forum there. If you choose to take it seriously then I think your life will improve greatly.

Thats the same principle as the 'doc love' principle. Women are simply not interested in men who try too hard.

[ameriken]

I hear many people say move on or give it another chance. Its a tough decision, but I will just move on. I am already currently looking for new prospects. If she wants to come back then she is welcome to.

The right attitude........you didnt lose her.....she lost you!

[chinchillax]

I hear many people say move on or give it another chance. Its a tough decision, but I will just move on. I am already currently looking for new prospects. If she wants to come back then she is welcome to.

The right attitude........you didnt lose her.....she lost you!

 

I am not sure what you mean by this?

 

and I still not sure on what she thought, was she really that scared, thought I didn't love her, or so much pressure from parents, family, and friends. I don't know since she never says anything....*sigh*

[tywy_99]

I hear many people say move on or give it another chance. Its a tough decision, but I will just move on. I am already currently looking for new prospects. If she wants to come back then she is welcome to.

The right attitude........you didnt lose her.....she lost you!

 

I am not sure what you mean by this?

 

and I still not sure on what she thought, was she really that scared, thought I didn't love her, or so much pressure from parents, family, and friends. I don't know since she never says anything....*sigh*

Look at it this way; you aren't married and unattached. You are free!

Things could be alot worse.

However, if you love this girl, go see her in China. Face to Face!

Afterwards, make your decision. It's giving her one last chance.

[ameriken]

I hear many people say move on or give it another chance. Its a tough decision, but I will just move on. I am already currently looking for new prospects. If she wants to come back then she is welcome to.

The right attitude........you didnt lose her.....she lost you!

 

I am not sure what you mean by this?

 

and I still not sure on what she thought, was she really that scared, thought I didn't love her, or so much pressure from parents, family, and friends. I don't know since she never says anything....*sigh*

You have a great attitude about yourself and you mentioned many of your attributes.

 

Keep this attitude...you deserve a woman who will really love you......one who will speak up, one who will be with you despite what family says or does, one who wont let all the worries bother her, because being with you is more important than anything else.....

 

.....she seems very unsure, worried, wont talk, etc, and this will present even bigger problems later on. When a woman is head over heels for you, she wont be giving you excuses why she cant go to American to be with you........rather she will be giving reasons to her family why she should go!

 

So......in light of what I said.......she lost a very good man. Keep the attitude that you are the best and deserve the best.

 

You didnt lose.

 

When you meet the right woman who loves you more than anything else, then you will really understand what I mean.

 

There are two books mentioned in this thread. Read at least one of them, and it will help you move forward.

[chinchillax]

I hear many people say move on or give it another chance. Its a tough decision, but I will just move on. I am already currently looking for new prospects. If she wants to come back then she is welcome to.

The right attitude........you didnt lose her.....she lost you!

 

I am not sure what you mean by this?

 

and I still not sure on what she thought, was she really that scared, thought I didn't love her, or so much pressure from parents, family, and friends. I don't know since she never says anything....*sigh*

You have a great attitude about yourself and you mentioned many of your attributes.

 

Keep this attitude...you deserve a woman who will really love you......one who will speak up, one who will be with you despite what family says or does, one who wont let all the worries bother her, because being with you is more important than anything else.....

 

.....she seems very unsure, worried, wont talk, etc, and this will present even bigger problems later on. When a woman is head over heels for you, she wont be giving you excuses why she cant go to American to be with you........rather she will be giving reasons to her family why she should go!

 

So......in light of what I said.......she lost a very good man. Keep the attitude that you are the best and deserve the best.

 

You didnt lose.

 

When you meet the right woman who loves you more than anything else, then you will really understand what I mean.

 

There are two books mentioned in this thread. Read at least one of them, and it will help you move forward.

 

thanks so much for the encouragement ameriken and everyone on CFL! I like your the part in your sig, be positive. Yes, right now I am heartbroken and sometimes its hard to stay positive after spending so much time, money, and effort to be with her only to have her turn cold.

 

I don't wanna sound like I am repeating myself, but yes she has a lot of insecurity and I wonder if that will help with her finding another man, her parents told me they can always introduce her to another guy if we don't work out, but they really loved me because I was caring and loving to her and them and my family is very well to be in the US. They knew I can support her and she would have a better life in the US. I wonder how will the her next relationship turn out. If she is self-centered and insecure then it may just turn out to be the same that happened to me.

 

^ Is this the bigger problems you mention could be this?

 

Nonetheless, stay positive! move on!

[ameriken]

I don't wanna sound like I am repeating myself, but yes she has a lot of insecurity and I wonder if that will help with her finding another man, her parents told me they can always introduce her to another guy if we don't work out, but they really loved me because I was caring and loving to her and them and my family is very well to be in the US. They knew I can support her and she would have a better life in the US. I wonder how will the her next relationship turn out. If she is self-centered and insecure then it may just turn out to be the same that happened to me.

 

^ Is this the bigger problems you mention could be this?

I was referring to problems in your marriage should you have stayed together. However, you brought up some interesting points too.

 

You really have a lot going for you......I think there is someone very special who will appreciate you and all that you can offer, and she in turn will have much that she can offer you!!!

[SheLikesME?]

Since I just can't get a real feel now about this situation, I can't advise, but on the one hand you could go over, if you want, and just be friends. Maybe this is what she needs to get started. Some people here in CFL date for a year or 2 or 2.5 or more before getting engaged. I don't know why, but that is how it went. So who knows? As long as you leave yourself open for others then it is OK to be her friend and see if she warms up.

 

Then on the other hand, Ameriken and I got engaged or hitched to our wonderful ladies rather quick. Mine seemed to go nuts and now I think regrets not listening to all I tried to tell her of myself at the beginning. I have to tell her the dates so she can look up old emails to prove I told her some of the negatives :lol: . Anyway she is not backing out and I suspect it is because of the chemistry or attraction or love or what ever it is that makes us work though problems. Yes if they flip out for you it makes choices easy. Since your fairly well to do financially then this will make everything smooth. Happy life.

 

But maybe she just needs more time. I dated a gal in CA that liked being with me but was very shy. I figured out that I had to really make her do things with me. Push her to go to the beech or the mountains or where/whatever. As she did it was like new awakenings step by step and her confidence improved tremendously. It was over a year process but we wound up very comfortable with each other and would have got serious and probably married if I stayed in CA longer. It was to that point. But there were times both her and I went out with others as well during that process. Nothing serious but then her and I were not serious. We even talked about those things and knew everything about each other. I am not sure if the cultures allow this with you two.

 

Now I have no idea. Maybe what Ken says is the real thing, being a friend a kiss of death. One can usually tell if she is really getting rid of you or she just isn't ready and needs time and your attention at the right times. I don't know, but thought I would comment what sprung in my head.

 

Maybe show up and just the 2 of you talk and do stuff without any family knowing about it.

 

Do what you want, OR DON'T WANT, as the case may be.

Edited April 5, 2007 by SheLikesME? (see edit history)