I am just a male chauvinist pig¡­

[Dennis143]

So, I am at work this morning talking to a female coworker about my wife and my wife¡¯s job. I was telling the coworker how my wife had been working 10 hours a day straight for the last 12 days. The work is easy, selling clothes in a Chinese woman¡¯s department store. Leiqin will sit and knit and visit with the other shop owners. Anyway, she works from 11am to 9pm daily and I seldom see her. I went on to say that I asked Leiqin to look for some other work, as I didn¡¯t get married to be alone all the time. So, Leiqin agrees and immediately finds another job working for a Chinese vitamin/herbal shop. She started last Saturday, but instead of getting paid in cash, she¡¯ll get paid once a month, in check with all the deductions. Leiqin and I agreed that she should continue to look for something better. So at the end of this conversation, the female coworker says ¡°It sounds to me like you are stifling your wife.¡± I replied, ¡°Why would you say that I stifle her? We talk things over and she listens to her husband.¡± At which the female coworker mutters, ¡°Oh brother!¡± and walks off. I call out, ¡°See, now that¡¯s the typical answer I get when I talk with an American woman.¡± Now, there are about three other American, female, coworker whose heads have now popped up out of their cubes to give me a look of disdain for saying something negative about them as a group. I try to explain, but realize I am just digging my own grave and, if I don¡¯t apologize to them as a group, I will find myself in HR and being sent off to attend sensitivity classes.

 

Seems in their minds, I really did go out and find and marry a woman who¡¯s submissive and one that I could control. And, now when I talk matter-of-fact about our roles, as husband and wife, they find reason to blast me.

[Randy W]

. . . And so now you come on Candle and try to control us?

Edited March 19, 2007 by Randy W (see edit history)

[NewDay2006]

Thanks for the lesson Dennis. I know what you were feeling, but we must be sensitive these days, especially to an american woman. ... I would think many resent the fact we go to another country to find a wife.... I know the women here will have thier noses turned up, but hey, This was my decision for my life. I have been careful when asked questions about my wife and my future. some will say, what is wrong with the women here in the US, ... nothing, but my wife is Chinese and

Edited March 19, 2007 by NewDay2006 (see edit history)

[ameriken]

I almost dont even know what to say...when I hear things like this from American women, I am reminded of why I didnt want to be with any of them anymore. I am just twisting and turning and writhing in my skin.

 

I even asked Jie......."Do I try to stifle or control you?" She said "No, not at all!"

 

I said "Thank you, you can go back to the dishes now"

[AmericanRooster]

I almost dont even know what to say...when I hear things like this from American women, I am reminded of why I didnt want to be with any of them anymore. I am just twisting and turning and writhing in my skin.

 

I even asked Jie......."Do I try to stifle or control you?" She said "No, not at all!"

 

I said "Thank you, you can go back to the dishes now"

I have two standard responses to this question...

 

If they ask nicely, I usually tell the truth... no relationship I had with an american woman in the last 17 years worked. My brother and some friends suggested "going international". Suddenly everything was easy.

 

If they are catty, I point out that there is a big difference between unselfishness and submissiveness. Julie is by no means a wet rag that I can twist under my thumb... on the other hand, she is genuinely giving and puts other people before herself in _all_ her relationships. And... if someone sees her giving attitude as a bad thing, perhaps it's time for them to check their own values. In recent history, unselfishness and kindness were qualities that many women aspired to.

Edited March 19, 2007 by AmericanRooster (see edit history)

[ameriken]

If they are catty, I point out that there is a big difference between unselfishness and submissiveness.

 

In recent history, unselfishness and kindness were qualities that many women aspired to.

Wow, excellent view of these great woman we have!

 

My joking aside, I have to say that what I feel from Jie is, whatever she does, she does for the benefit of us as a couple/family. I dont feel that she does anything for her own 'self esteem' or 'personal advancement'.

[se_lang]

On a flight back from China I told a couple of women about my wife the response was "can she cook and clean?" My response was I can do those things I don't need a wife for that.

 

The woman you spoke to caught you off guard and you just did not have time for a real answer which is wanting my wife to find a better job is not stifling it is encouraging her and then supporting her in "her" final decision don't let the feminazi's get to you. I have met plenty of American woman that don't act like that remember it is an individual trait and not all women are like that.

[ameriken]

On a flight back from China I told a couple of women about my wife the response was "can she cook and clean?" My response was I can do those things I don't need a wife for that.

 

The woman you spoke to caught you off guard and you just did not have time for a real answer which is wanting my wife to find a better job is not stifling it is encouraging her and then supporting her in "her" final decision don't let the feminazi's get to you. I have met plenty of American woman that don't act like that remember it is an individual trait and not all women are like that.

It sounds to me that the 'listens to her husband' part of what Dennis said is what lit her fire.

 

My wife once said "You handle the big things, I'll handle the little things." I like this and it feels more traditional to me. Its got nothing to do with power or control, but of being effective in the marriage and sharing the responsibilities we are more comfortable with. We talk about everything, make our decisions together and there are times she follows my advice about things, and times I am following hers.

Edited March 19, 2007 by ameriken (see edit history)

[Rakkasan]

I try to explain, but realize I am just digging my own grave and, if I don¡¯t apologize to them as a group, I will find myself in HR and being sent off to attend sensitivity classes.

 

Dennis, aren't sensitivity classes and anger management classes what the communists used to call re-eduacation camps? If you don't conduct yourself like we think you should we will send you away until you conform to our way of thinking.

 

Encouraging your wife to find a job that will pay her more money while making use of her natural talents is not stifling her, except in the minds of insecure women who feel threatened by the possibility that more American men might pursue Chinese brides and they will find themselves old, bitter and alone in her later years because no one wants to be around their kind.

 

I understand the HR situation, apologize but keep your fingers crossed behind your back.

[stacato]

HR?? sensitivity classes???

 

Should send those three biatches to femininity classes

[ameriken]

HR?? sensitivity classes???

 

Should send those three biatches to femininity classes

[Rakkasan]

HR?? sensitivity classes???

 

Should send those three biatches to femininity classes

It would cost to much to send them all to China to learn femininity.

[ameriken]

I've got an idea......since so many American men are marrying Chinese women, why not start matching up Chinese men and American women!!!

 

That'd be a killer match!!!

[tywy_99]

I've got an idea......since so many American men are marrying Chinese women, why not start matching up Chinese men and American women!!!

 

That'd be a killer match!!!

We have members here who have met and fell in love with their man from China.

[Dennis143]

It was simply tongue-in-cheek, when I stated "My wife listens to her husband." Even though Leiqin is lectured by her family to do just that.

 

What gets me is how I really must walk on egg shells with women around the office anymore. There's a big difference when joking with men than there is with women. You can bust men's balls all day and it just rolls off. Women can bust our balls all day and it rolls off, but damn me to hell if I should tease or give just a little back.

 

Now, I only speak about work related subjects and even then choose my words very carefully. Sometimes, there's still just a little slip-up though.