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A marriage for someone who does not believe in love

lpm100

By lpm100,
in Culture & Language Discussion

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lpm100

lpm100

Posted
Posted (edited)

I don't believe in love. To me, a marriage is something that can be viewed as an arrangement. Even if I am not in love with a woman, there is no reason that we can't be each other's companion.

 

What comes from my end:

 

1. A ticket into the US

2. Financial support

3. Investment in improving the educational and English level of this girl until she can move out of simple jobs (like working in a restaurant or at Walmart).

4. Affection and efforts to make her happy-- not exactly smoldering love, but consistent/ comfortable.

 

What I expect on her end:

 

1. Regular sex;

2. Companionship

 

Is this too much to ask for? I know that Chinese people are very resilient. This should not be too tall an order.

 

Also, I was thinking about taking a girl out of hooking that had only been there for one month. (It is very possible and easy to find girls that have been working for only two days.)

 

I don't know if finding a girl who has been hooking is a bad idea or if it can be done if properly managed. At one point, I met a girl who was working as a hooker after having been in a relationship for 4 years with a Chinese man. She was interested in living with me as a companion, but for some reason I did not take it up. Does anyone have experiences with rehabilitating a "working girl"? (It happens all the time in Thailand and the Philippines.)

 

The current plan is for me to live in China for the next year and live with the girl while I am filling out the immigration paperwork to get her back into the States.

Edited by lpm100 (see edit history)
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Posted
Posted

VO (Visa Officer). The quality of your expectations from your SO (Significant Other) would be greatly enhanced if Love was foundation of relationship IMO (in my opinion).

 

I don't believe in love. To me, a marriage is something that can be viewed as an arrangement. Even if I am not in love with a woman, there is no reason that we can't be each other's companion.

 

What comes from my end:

 

1. A ticket into the US

2. Financial support

3. Investment in improving the educational and English level of this girl until she can move out of simple jobs (like working in a restaurant or at Walmart).

4. Affection and efforts to make her happy-- not exactly smoldering love, but consistent/ comfortable.

 

What I expect on her end:

 

1. Regular sex;

2. Companionship

 

Is this too much to ask for? I know that Chinese people are very resilient. This should not be too tall an order.

 

Also, I was thinking about taking a girl out of hooking that had only been there for one month. (It is very possible and easy to find girls that have been working for only two days.)

 

I don't know if finding a girl who has been hooking is a bad idea or if it can be done if properly managed. At one point, I met a girl who was working as a hooker after having been in a relationship for 4 years with a Chinese man. She was interested in living with me as a companion, but for some reason I did not take it up. Does anyone have experiences with rehabilitating a "working girl"? (It happens all the time in Thailand and the Philippines.)

 

The current plan is for me to live in China for the next year and live with the girl while I am filling out the immigration paperwork to get her back into the States.

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dnoblett

dnoblett

Posted
Posted

"VO"???

VO=Visa Officer, who interviews at the consulate.

Also you may want to look at the following rules on inadmissibility. Particularly:

 

(D) Prostitution and commercialized vice.-Any alien who-

 

(i) is coming to the United States solely, principally, or incidentally to engage in prostitution, or has engaged in prostitution within 10 years of the date of application for a visa, admission, or adjustment of status.

 

http://travel.state.gov/visa/frvi/ineligib...ities_1364.html

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SheLikesME?

SheLikesME?

Posted
Posted (edited)

I wonder why you don't believe in love? Who hurt you and how?

 

USA experience:

Having had a gf in my youth who was abused by her father, and having had some good discussions with hookers, I'm not sure if what you propose is what they want. Hookers are human with feelings. Most have been deeply hurt and want and crave love and loyalty, if they have not totally given up. If into drugs, forget it. If just wanting to get paid for what they love to do, then look out or be willing to share. Thers a couple of kinds that do it for the money too, so be ware of the gold digger type.

 

What of your heart, though? Why are you willing to settle for this? And I don't mean that the hooker isn't worth as much as you or I. I mean a girl can or should change her behavior first, so she is loyal to you. If loyalty is not important then you may find the type who want some extra activity on the side, but always come home to you. They just love sex, and as much as possible.

 

Sex? Huh, go to most any church and look at the married couples there. They have more sex than your wildest single person. It don't take a hooker.

 

I erased a lot here because I have a soft spot for the feelings of hookers. Most I would never judge because of things that happened to them in their youth. I am not sure if you would be one more hard knock in life for them, or your in the same boat as them. But based on your Zappa statement, you kinda sound like another bump in the road for the girl, (PS) unless you fix what may be wrong inside of you. Hope I am wrong. Sorry if I am. Welcome to CFL.

 

PS: Maybe if you post more about yourself I know which way to jump. Yes a hooker can quit or reform easily if the right type. It takes a lot of care and understanding. In the end she may want to go another way in life that does not include you, once she is healed and on her feet. I have heard of some success stories and great loyalty on the girls part. How loyal and good to her will you be?

Edited by SheLikesME (see edit history)
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SheLikesME?

SheLikesME?

Posted
Posted

 

Sex? Huh, go to most any church and look at the married couples there. They have more sex than your wildest single person. It don't take a hooker.

 

 

I'm joinin' your church, Doug!! :P

Hahaha, well OK, come on. :P I just noticed the comments from the guys in my family and close friends and comments my ex' wife got from women that leads me to believe that there is way more sex in marriage than what single people would imagine. Surprise is the word for those who just got married and even years later things seem pretty good with them. I think the key is a good balanced life with discipline. Decided along the way I needed to get a little more balanced mysefl, and not just go to church.

 

Hey we all know what we have now, don't we? :D

 

Sadly prostitutes have a lot of issues and problems usually. This can affect the sex. But oh well, yeah I need to not be so serious. this just strikes a chord in me. I had a little too much trouble in life over 1) love, & 2 ) abused women.

http://aacap.org/page.ww?name=Child+Sexual...ts+for+Families

http://www.stopcsa.org/cause.cfm

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Danax

Danax

Posted
Posted

I don't believe in love. To me, a marriage is something that can be viewed as an arrangement. Even if I am not in love with a woman, there is no reason that we can't be each other's companion.

I would guess that the romantic aspects in "love" marriages fade naturally in most cases anyway, and it ends up pretty much how you're describing.

 

Besides just the basic arrangement points, what about compatibility in interests and personalility? I also would wonder how long a woman would stay in an arranged marriage in America (I'm not sure where you're from) once she becomes independent enough to work or, at least good enough with English to hook up with someone else who she might fall in love with. Women seem to need romance from time to time or they feel cheated. Your approach is very male.

 

I think I understand where you're coming from and the post reads more cold and dry than it probably is.

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tywy_99

tywy_99

Posted
Posted

I don't believe in love. To me, a marriage is something that can be viewed as an arrangement. Even if I am not in love with a woman, there is no reason that we can't be each other's companion.

Do you believe in Federal Means-Tested Public Benefits which are Food Stamps, Medicaid, Supplemental Security Income (SSI), Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF), and the State Child Health Incurance Program (SCHIP)...?

 

And that's just federal......wait until the state gets a hold of you!

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Joanne

Joanne

Posted
Posted

I think your requirements for a relationship are sound and honest. Actually, I have a woman who meets all of these requirements (less the hooker part) and she cooks and cleans too. Is this something bad or wrong? I love her and she loves me and, no, it is not a smothering type of love either.

 

I have no first-hand knowledge of rehabbing a working girl. I suppose if she hadn't been exposed to the business for too long, she might me able to change and devote her self exclusively to you. I just wonder if underneath your stoic exterior may lie-in-wait an untrusting and jealous spouse, later on. So why would a hooker be appealing as a wife? Because, she has proven not to have inhibitions and therefore can devote herself exclusive to your sexual pleasure? Hmmm, might work, might not. Hard to say. Why would you need to marry her? Probably be cheaper just to pay for her services.

 

Love can be developed after marriage. I think this is your case.

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