Lasting Love

[Lowen/Zhang]

An Asian woman gave me a book the other day as she knows my wife is coming very soon. She told me she and her American husband read the book and it does help keep love strong. I have read it from beginning to end. Wonderful book and I suggest it to everyone especially us that have been through LOVE before and are starting a new life with someone of a different culture. The name of the book is "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. It teaches how to find your SO's Love Language that will keep Love high in the future.

I have read many posts hear of problems that occur because of misunderstandings and I think this book can help. Many of you have even responded to problems posted with similar tactics described in this book. I plan on reading it again and eventually read it with my wife when her English skills become more proficient. I suggest that everyone take some time and read this book and try practicing some of the ideas. See if they help bridge the barriors of different culture and language.

 

Mike

[IluvmyLi]

He has several books of the same name. Which one is it?

Edited September 12, 2006 by IluvmyLi (see edit history)

[Dennis143]

An Asian woman gave me a book the other day as she knows my wife is coming very soon. She told me she and her American husband read the book and it does help keep love strong. I have read it from beginning to end. Wonderful book and I suggest it to everyone especially us that have been through LOVE before and are starting a new life with someone of a different culture. The name of the book is "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. It teaches how to find your SO's Love Language that will keep Love high in the future.

I have read many posts hear of problems that occur because of misunderstandings and I think this book can help. Many of you have even responded to problems posted with similar tactics described in this book. I plan on reading it again and eventually read it with my wife when her English skills become more proficient. I suggest that everyone take some time and read this book and try practicing some of the ideas. See if they help bridge the barriors of different culture and language.

 

Mike

How about sharing some of the major points of the book here with us?

[leejcandle]

He has several books of the same name. Which one is it?

 

Ditto, a search on Amazon.com creates 3 pages of results.

 

The most likely hit for us may be this one:

 

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate (Men's Edition) (Paperback)

 

http://www.amazon.com/Five-Love-Languages-...TF8&s=books

[izus]

ok Mike lets have an detailed outline

 

 

......due on the boards by friday

[Lowen/Zhang]

I am not sure wich edition I have I left it at work because I read it at down times. I am going through it a second time it is not the Men's Edition. I will have the edition later today. It discusses the Five Languages of Love and how to recognize which language you are and which your SO is. It gives great insite into how to fill your SO's heart with a feeling of Love by speaking her Love Language. The Five languages mentioned are:

1 Words of affirmation

2 Acts of service

3 Receiving gifts

4 Quality time

5 Touch

Figure out which is your SO's primary and she will respond and feel in her heart your love for her. Find out your own love language and discuss with her if she does not already know.

 

Mike

Edited September 13, 2006 by Lowen/Zhang (see edit history)

[Lowen/Zhang]

The object here is for you to read the book not me read for you. Trust me it is informative reading material and worth the effort. If you give it a try and it works for you. It may take some time figuring out the primary language you SO speaks but once you find it and practice it the books seems to reveal the benefits would be tremendous. I will find out very soon!!

 

ok Mike lets have an detailed outline

 

 

......due on the boards by friday

[whutthapho]

I am not sure wich edition I have I left it at work because I read it at down times. I am going through it a second time it is not the Men's Edition. I will have the edition later today. It discusses the Five Languages of Love and how to recognize which language you are and which your SO is. It gives great insite into how to fill your SO's heart with a feeling of Love by speaking her Love Language. The Five languages mentioned are:

1 Words of affirmation

2 Acts of service

3 Receiving gifts

4 Quality time

5 Touch

Figure out which is your SO's primary and she will respond and feel in her heart your love for her. Find out your own love language and discuss with her if she does not already know.

 

Mike

 

 

It's not enough to just figure out which is your SO's primary. All 5 of these are basic indicators of a loving (intimate) relationship. So, you shouldn't only focus on one.

 

Also, if you've had previous failed relationships, be honest with yourself and do an inventory of which items you handled "poorly"...and improve.

 

The concept goes both ways...is your SO actively engaged in the relationship? Does she contribute in the 5 areas?

[Cathy]

I read this book. It is a good one. My fiance read it before he visited me, we read together when we were together, and i read it through the engagement.

 

I think the main idea of this book is saying to love your spouse the way he/she loves. As human, we take things for granted and think the other people are like us. For example, I like coffee, so do the others. But, if your spouse prefers tea, then your pouring a cup of tea for him/her will be much highly appreciated; or, vice versa.

 

This reminds me of a thread here at CFL talking about how an American man shows his love to a Chinese fiancee/wife. Details there can be categoried into five love languages mentioned in the book.

 

This book is mainly talking about the techniques in a relationship; however one issue in cross-cultural relationships and this visa waiting period is not mentioned, which I think it would be the foundation of a relationship. If there is no trust nor commitment, a relationship would be fragile.

 

There is another book I would recommend on this lasing love topic will be The Art of Loving from Erich Fromm. It is a classical psychology masterpiece. It talks about the psychological foundation of love. Here is some excerpt:

 

'... love is not a sentiment which can be easily indulged in by anyone, regardless of the level of maturity reached by him. ... all his (reader's) attempts for love are bound to fail, unless he tries most actively to develop his total personality, so as to achieve a productive orientation; that satisfaction in individual love cannot be attained without the capacity to love one's neighbor, without true humility, courage, faith and discipline'.

 

Enjoy reading.

[Dennis143]

I am not sure wich edition I have I left it at work because I read it at down times. I am going through it a second time it is not the Men's Edition. I will have the edition later today. It discusses the Five Languages of Love and how to recognize which language you are and which your SO is. It gives great insite into how to fill your SO's heart with a feeling of Love by speaking her Love Language. The Five languages mentioned are:

1 Words of affirmation

2 Acts of service

3 Receiving gifts

4 Quality time

5 Touch

Figure out which is your SO's primary and she will respond and feel in her heart your love for her. Find out your own love language and discuss with her if she does not already know.

 

Mike

Sounds like something straight out of COSMO.

[NewDay2006]

I read this book. It is a good one. My fiance read it before he visited me, we read together when we were together, and i read it through the engagement.

 

I think the main idea of this book is saying to love your spouse the way he/she loves. As human, we take things for granted and think the other people are like us. For example, I like coffee, so do the others. But, if your spouse prefers tea, then your pouring a cup of tea for him/her will be much highly appreciated; or, vice versa.

 

This reminds me of a thread here at CFL talking about how an American man shows his love to a Chinese fiancee/wife. Details there can be categoried into five love languages mentioned in the book.

 

This book is mainly talking about the techniques in a relationship; however one issue in cross-cultural relationships and this visa waiting period is not mentioned, which I think it would be the foundation of a relationship. If there is no trust nor commitment, a relationship would be fragile.

 

There is another book I would recommend on this lasing love topic will be The Art of Loving from Erich Fromm. It is a classical psychology masterpiece. It talks about the psychological foundation of love. Here is some excerpt:

 

'... love is not a sentiment which can be easily indulged in by anyone, regardless of the level of maturity reached by him. ... all his (reader's) attempts for love are bound to fail, unless he tries most actively to develop his total personality, so as to achieve a productive orientation; that satisfaction in individual love cannot be attained without the capacity to love one's neighbor, without true humility, courage, faith and discipline'.

 

Enjoy reading.

after past relations, I want to get this marriage right and make her feel like a queen in my life, I think I did in the previous ones, I guess to a point and there you go ,it's always easy to blame the other spouse, but I know I want to be the best man that I can be... I ordered the book. I also ordered a similar on Amazon.... Divine love how to give and receive it.....by the same author.... $24.95 shipping included for both books. I plan to send it to her after I finish it.

Edited September 13, 2006 by NewDay2006 (see edit history)

[Lowen/Zhang]

IF you read the book you will discover that all 5 points are important but each person has a PRIMARY love language, 1 of the 5 listed (some but few have 2 that are equal). If this 1 primary love language is not fulfilled, to its fullest, the rest will NOT matter. The primary love language can usually be uncovered by what the SO requests of you the most. Listen and watch carefully to learn their language and fulfill it because if their love language is not fulfilled the will not respond to you in a committed way. And, Yes and don't forget the others. The author mentions that this is even true where there is a verbal language barrior.

I am not sure wich edition I have I left it at work because I read it at down times. I am going through it a second time it is not the Men's Edition. I will have the edition later today. It discusses the Five Languages of Love and how to recognize which language you are and which your SO is. It gives great insite into how to fill your SO's heart with a feeling of Love by speaking her Love Language. The Five languages mentioned are:

1 Words of affirmation

2 Acts of service

3 Receiving gifts

4 Quality time

5 Touch

Figure out which is your SO's primary and she will respond and feel in her heart your love for her. Find out your own love language and discuss with her if she does not already know.

 

Mike

 

 

It's not enough to just figure out which is your SO's primary. All 5 of these are basic indicators of a loving (intimate) relationship. So, you shouldn't only focus on one.

 

Also, if you've had previous failed relationships, be honest with yourself and do an inventory of which items you handled "poorly"...and improve.

 

The concept goes both ways...is your SO actively engaged in the relationship? Does she contribute in the 5 areas?

[izus]

sounds worthy...

im at the point where i will be my best and do what is need be...

 

 

seems most chinese girls fall under the acts of service

[Mick]

sounds worthy...

im at the point where i will be my best and do what is need be...

 

 

seems most chinese girls fall under the acts of service

I don't know about most Chinese girls, but acts of service is true in my wife's case. Not that she expects it or demands it, but she sure responds positively to it. For example, each day I come home from work at lunch and make her bed for her. It seems a small thing, but it does light up her eyes, and her heart.

[BillV 8-16-2004]

An Asian woman gave me a book the other day as she knows my wife is coming very soon. She told me she and her American husband read the book and it does help keep love strong. I have read it from beginning to end. Wonderful book and I suggest it to everyone especially us that have been through LOVE before and are starting a new life with someone of a different culture. The name of the book is "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. It teaches how to find your SO's Love Language that will keep Love high in the future.

I have read many posts hear of problems that occur because of misunderstandings and I think this book can help. Many of you have even responded to problems posted with similar tactics described in this book. I plan on reading it again and eventually read it with my wife when her English skills become more proficient. I suggest that everyone take some time and read this book and try practicing some of the ideas. See if they help bridge the barriors of different culture and language.

 

Mike

 

Here is another view on lasting love. Couples in conflict or disharmony typically believe they have a long and tough road ahead of them if they are to turn their relationship into a healthy one. This could not be farther from the truth. These three skills, if applied in your marriage, can immediately turn your relationship around!

First and foremost is honor - respecting your spouse for all of his or her individual qualities as well as differences from you; next is communication - speaking to one another in a way that moves conversations and conflict into deeper realms of understanding; and, last, constant renewal - recharging your spouse emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.