Baby Processing

[Joanne]

Physically I cannot recover as easily as before after child birth, at this age.

238268[/snapback]

You are probably right on this. I haven't yet shedded the extra pounds gained during pregancy. However, my husband once chided me when I was complaining about this simply fact: Don't blame DD for that. You looked this way the day I first met you.

238269[/snapback]

But don't worry about this either, SmilingAsia. Once you arrived US of A, you will not notice those extra pound anymore.

 

Now, I am worried, because I will be back to China in half a month.

[SmilingAsia]

Maybe you need to ask about the details of the lady who used him. There are always two sides to the story, as is said often here in CFL.  I found with my wife that she did not want to know details to the point that when she found out later it crushed her. Maybe you should dig a bit more with details about him and find out what all his doubts are and why.  Seems this is affecting you now.  With this kind of decision for another human life I would take all the precautions.  Also how do you feel about his retiring and were you going to work then???  Is that really OK with you?  If so more power to you and him.  Maybe this will keep him young.  Can you take care of this child and work if something happens to him or there are problems?  Just idle thoughts.  Wish you the best.

238055[/snapback]

My old Sam told me his story:

He was living with a Chinese woman for two years then her husband and son came which shocked old Sam. This woman doesn't speak English. Sam still has 2 Chinese books and one dictionary and he speaks some Chinese words which amused me.

Old Sam commented: It's ok to be a sugar daddy but the problem was love developed which caused pain for both sides.

 

One year later, old Sam found me online. We communicated for 8 months. He checked my motive every step we walked which drove me crazy. I left him and he said he will always love me even if I don't talk to him. We were off for 6 months but we found out we are still the best choice for each other. He seems nicer than before and he told me he knows what life would be without me and my absence all these months has tamed him.

He is the one who doesn't talk much, who doesn't know how to handle women or kids.

 

If anything happens to him, will I be able to support our child?

Yes, cuz I know there is no guarantee in life, just like visa journey.

 

I'm supporting my daughter through college now. What makes me mad is she takes everything for granted.

What a kid has taught me is you are still able to love her/him while s/he is driving you *#x@*#x crazy or whatever mistakes s/her has made!

 

I believe old Sam still loves me while I'm trying to make him mad.

 

I'll prepare lots of beer and rocket fuel to make him talk more

[SmilingAsia]

What IF something happens to him, can you raise the child here, or would you need to return to China.

237693[/snapback]

If something happens to him, I'll need to borrow the braveness and blindness of Fujian people , and I also need the spirit of how I survived the Cultural Revolution, famine and extreme poverty - I really didn't expect to give up the present comforts to have a baby.

[warpedbored]

There are more risks to having a baby after age 35. Here is a excerpt from a web article and a link to read it all.

 

Mayo reports that the risk of miscarriage increases after age 35, and it further increases after 40. The increasing risk is primarily caused by chromosomal abnormalities in the fetus. There are higher risks of having a baby with low birth weight, premature labor or chromosomal abnormalities such as Down syndrome. Among 25-year-old mothers, the incidence is one in 1,250 births. Among 35-year-old mothers, the incidence increases to one in every 378 births, and by age 45 it is one of every 30. Consequently, amniocentesis is usually offered to women older than 35 to test for Down syndrome. Older women also have a somewhat higher risk of gestational diabetes, pre-eclampsia, and placenta previa. Aside from the medical issues surrounding giving birth later, there are practical ones. In the book Mothers and Daughters, Elsa Malmud, who gave birth to a hearing-impaired daughter at age 44 and another daughter at age 51, found that her family was unsupportive of her late decision to become a mother. Also, Malmud regrets that she won't be around to be with the girls throughout most of their lives or help them with any grandchildren.

 

http://pregnancytoday.com/reference/articles/howold.htm

[SheLikesME?]

Very good post Carl. I had researched this subject when my wife and I met because she is over 35 but under 40 and I wondered what the issues were for waiting. So knowing the risks I wonder myself what we will do. My fist wife had a whole string of misscarriages to have the 2 we had. We just assumed at our young age it was part of the process. It didn't bring us heartache or anything. More like oh well another will be along. Disapointment in more waiting time perhaps, at least on my end because I wanted them so bad. I should have listened more to her because she felt a bit unsure of our marriage. Turned out she was right. We divorced after 8 years.

 

Now what will my wife and I do? I am not sure. But it is encouraging to know that in a lot of casses there is a natural miscariage if something is wrong. Of course the chances are still there. Good post, as that very point was going through my head as I read this a few days ago. Thanks....

[Joanne]

There are more risks to having a baby after age 35.  Here is a excerpt from a web article and a link to read it all.

 

Mayo reports that the risk of miscarriage increases after age 35, and it further increases after 40. The increasing risk is primarily caused by chromosomal abnormalities in the fetus. There are higher risks of having a baby with low birth weight, premature labor or chromosomal abnormalities such as Down syndrome. Among 25-year-old mothers, the incidence is one in 1,250 births. Among 35-year-old mothers, the incidence increases to one in every 378 births, and by age 45 it is one of every 30. Consequently, amniocentesis is usually offered to women older than 35 to test for Down syndrome. Older women also have a somewhat higher risk of gestational diabetes, pre-eclampsia, and placenta previa. Aside from the medical issues surrounding giving birth later, there are practical ones. In the book Mothers and Daughters, Elsa Malmud, who gave birth to a hearing-impaired daughter at age 44 and another daughter at age 51, found that her family was unsupportive of her late decision to become a mother. Also, Malmud regrets that she won't be around to be with the girls throughout most of their lives or help them with any grandchildren.

 

http://pregnancytoday.com/reference/articles/howold.htm

238342[/snapback]

You are right, Carl. I have absolutely forgoten how nervous I felt when I was pregnant with my daughter for fear there would be problems. To think of it, this is the original reason why I hesitated having another baby, because it would not be fair for both kids if the younger sibling is handicaped. Good point!