Baby Processing

[SmilingAsia]

Baby Processing

We¡¯ll look like grandparents at this age!

 

My SO wants a baby! He is 61 years old and I¡¯m 41. If we have a baby, we¡¯ll look like grandparents rather than parents!

 

He is a registered nurse and he was in Viet Nam in 1960s. It¡¯s said in Viet Nam in 1968, life expectancy is 16 minutes (¡°16 fucking minutes¡± I learnt from a movie). Just don¡¯t understand why he didn¡¯t have any kids after he returned to LA from Viet Nam. After seeing my daughter and my little niece, he said he wants a baby of our own.

 

He meets my expectation: a kind heart and a decent education, 5'10'' in height, but he just doesn¡¯t feel secure. He thinks I¡¯m too good to be true. He checks my motive every step we¡¯ve walked. I don¡¯t think he will feel secure before we have a baby.

 

Anybody at our age have a baby?

[Rakkasan]

Baby Processing

We¡¯ll look like grandparents at this age!

 

My SO wants a baby! He is 61 years old and I¡¯m 41. If we have a baby, we¡¯ll look like grandparents rather than parents!

 

He is a registered nurse and he was in Viet Nam in 1960s. It¡¯s said in Viet Nam in 1968, life expectancy is 16 minutes (¡°16 fucking minutes¡± I learnt from a movie). Just don¡¯t understand why he didn¡¯t have any kids after he returned to LA from Viet Nam. After seeing my daughter and my little niece, he said he wants a baby of our own.

 

He meets my expectation: a kind heart and a decent education, 5'10'' in height, but he just doesn¡¯t feel secure. He thinks I¡¯m too good to be true. He checks my motive every step we¡¯ve walked. I don¡¯t think he will feel secure before we have a baby.

 

Anybody at our age have a baby?

237445[/snapback]

I am 50 and SO and I have discussed and are planning on increasing the world population after her arrival, by at least 2 if possible. She is younger than I and well within child baring years, but I can honestly say it already scares me to think that I would be teaching a child to drive when I am 67 years old. That alone may do me in, if the other teenage drama doesn't kill me first.

 

Good luck. Kids are so much fun to be around. I recently moved and am fortunate enough to live on a street where there are at least 20 kids between the ages of 4 and 12. They all play outside all day riding bikes, roller skating, skateboarding, and playing hide and seek at dusk. Apparently not a single one has a video game that has ruined their childhood.

Edited August 14, 2006 by Rakkasan (see edit history)

[SmilingAsia]

I am 50 and SO and I have discussed and are planning on increasing the world population after her arrival, by at least 2 if possible.  She is younger than I and well within child baring years,

237447[/snapback]

50 and 61 is big difference. I just feel my body doesn't function as well as it did 10 years ago. But it's cruel if I say no cuz he has no children of his own and I want to be a good Chinese woman.

[MikeandRong]

That's a tough call. At 41, your body is not exactly in the child bearing years anymore, and in the uSA would be concidered a more high risk. Still can have children, but just more to be careful about.

 

That being said, I might be a good idea to learn to live together for a bit first before having children. You both have alot to learn about eachother, and being pregnant at the same time right off the bat, will add to things.

 

Just my opinion. Good luck what ever you choose.

[LeeFisher3]

I am 50 and SO and I have discussed and are planning on increasing the world population after her arrival, by at least 2 if possible.   She is younger than I and well within child baring years,

237447[/snapback]

50 and 61 is big difference. I just feel my body doesn't function as well as it did 10 years ago. But it's cruel if I say no cuz he has no children of his own and I want to be a good Chinese woman.

237450[/snapback]

This can be a difficult choice at any age, but as we all get older it becomes more difficult and the consequences are much more dramatic.

 

Somethings the two of you you should discuss have to do with what the two of you expect out of life. Having a child sets you on a path that may conflict with the plans you both have for your life together. Feedings and diaper changes at 2am come to mind.

 

One of the questions that should be asked is how the two of you will provide for a child who would be in school until he is 83-85 years old, one of the major questions is: are we(you and him) able to provide for a good education and life for this child. Also life expectancy should play a role in this discussion.

 

Also, with a child travel dreams are extremely limited because the child is either too young or in school and parents have a responsibility to put the needs of their children first when making many decisions.

 

Another factor concerns the possible risks of child birth when a woman is older.

 

With all of this said, it's a decision that both of you need to agree upon and discuss. If you find yourself saying you would only do this to make him happy then I would reconsider, it needs to make both of you happy. If you are doing this to help him feel secure, maybe he needs to consider how secure this would make you feel if his life were very short and what security would this provide for his wife and child. Security in your relationship needs to be firmly established before deciding to have a child.

 

Personally, we decided that while each of us would have a child if the other desired, neither of us wanted our lives to move in that direction. Our son is now 10 years old and we are in the early stages of planning for his college education which restricts a few of the dreams we had, but then he should finish college before I reach 65 and we still have time to fulfill some of our dreams.

[Guest pushbrk]

Baby Processing

We¡¯ll look like grandparents at this age!

 

My SO wants a baby! He is 61 years old and I¡¯m 41. If we have a baby, we¡¯ll look like grandparents rather than parents!

 

He is a registered nurse and he was in Viet Nam in 1960s. It¡¯s said in Viet Nam in 1968, life expectancy is 16 minutes (¡°16 fucking minutes¡± I learnt from a movie). Just don¡¯t understand why he didn¡¯t have any kids after he returned to LA from Viet Nam. After seeing my daughter and my little niece, he said he wants a baby of our own.

 

He meets my expectation: a kind heart and a decent education, 5'10'' in height, but he just doesn¡¯t feel secure. He thinks I¡¯m too good to be true. He checks my motive every step we¡¯ve walked. I don¡¯t think he will feel secure before we have a baby.

 

Anybody at our age have a baby?

237445[/snapback]

Trust and compatible life goals are two critical areas to examine when choosing a mate. It looks like neither are strong plusses in your relationship at the moment. A serious mismatch in either would be a deal breaker for me. Both mismatched would be a no brainer.

[Dennis143]

Suggesting having children is sometimes a test of your commitment to the relationship by the American man. This can be especially true with someone 61 and never having children. I say this as a (almost) 57 year old man who also chose not to have children.

 

Although Leiqin yearns to have a child together, I have no inclination to take on this responsibility now. And, I would have difficulty believing that someone 61 has now decided to do this, that is unless he is financially secure (American movie stars who fathered late in life: Tony Randell, Warren Beaty etc) where he could afford outside help, Nanny etc.

 

With all this being said, I must say that children do not care how old their parents are. They only care about being loved.

[tonado]

Are you more concern about your age or his age? My cousin passed away about 15 years ago. She was in her lower 50's and has a daughter and a son. Her husband was 62 at that time and went back to China and got a 29 years old bride. He is around 75 now and has two daughters (12 and 7) and the couple seems to be happy. The wife is the breadwinner now. He retired many years ago.

[LeeFisher3]

Something to keep in mind, if his fiancee was an American woman and he suggested having a child like this he most likely would hear "Are you out of you F##KING MIND?".

[Dennis143]

Something to consider; recent research shows that men over 50 have greater risks of fathering children with deformities. Men over 50 have a greater number of mutant sperm. It has also been found that these mutant sperm are faster swimmers than normal sperm.

On the bright side, there are methods where birth defects can be detected in the fetal stage and can be aborted to assure that only pregnancies with healthy babies go to term.

Edited August 14, 2006 by Dennis143 (see edit history)

[SmilingAsia]

Something to consider; recent research shows that men over 50 have greater risks of fathering children with deformities.  Men over 50 have a greater number of mutant sperm.  It has also been found that these mutant sperm are faster swimmers than normal sperm. 

237475[/snapback]

That's my first concern: will our baby be normal as everyone else?

[SmilingAsia]

Something to keep in mind, if his fiancee was an American woman and he suggested having a child like this he most likely would hear "Are you out of you F##KING MIND?". 

237467[/snapback]

I thought I was not a typical Chinese but still Chinese in the bone. My mother has 6 children and she always encourages me to have a son , but at this age

He said "If you don't want a baby, just tell me. I'll still love you."

I'll further discuss with him.

[SmilingAsia]

Are you more concern about your age or his age? 

237466[/snapback]

Both, I'm running out of hormones - that's why I chose someone of his age. I'll be 63 when our kid is at college.

[SmilingAsia]

That's a tough call. At 41, your body is not exactly in the child bearing years anymore, and in the uSA would be concidered a more high risk. Still can have children, but just more to be careful about.

 

That being said, I might be a good idea to learn to live together for a bit first before having children. You both have alot to learn about eachother, and being pregnant at the same time right off the bat, will add to things.

 

Just my opinion. Good luck what ever you choose.

237451[/snapback]

Sounds reasonable, thank you.

[jim_julian]

One question you need to answer from deep within your heart is "Would this be fair to the child?"