To the girls still waiting for your EMS

[Charlotte]

001 Girls: hang in there!!!

As this visa delay turned from weeks to months, many of you many think: why going to America? The government is so screwed up!!! Some of you many decided to stay in China giving up their American dream - since all you had during the past few months has been a nightmare!

 

I can feel your frustration and your doubt about the government is not unfounded. Please do not let this process overshadow your view about the America in general. The wait is difficult and very depressing. You can have mouths all over you and don't know how to answer all kinds of questions coming from your family and friends in China. But all governments have flaws, and the US government is no exception. Nevertheless, from my personal experience, there is more of a chance to register or win a complaint against a government office in the US than in any other countries in the world! The freedom the Americans enjoy here is no money can buy anywhere else.

 

Although the action of this clearance process may stink, the intention is very logical and reasonable in the name of protecting the general public Americans. This visa mess is by far not what America is all about. Please give yourself and your fiance a little more time to wait this out and come to the US and then if you still don't like it, both of you can decide then where you want to live. But without being here, you will never know what you miss and what you don't miss in life. During the visa delay time, I asked my daughter if she wanted to give up coming here, her answer was emphatically a big "NO" because she was in 2001 for two months and knew what she would miss if she did not come!

 

I had lived in Shanghai most of my life and last 13 years in the US. I visited my hometown in 1997, 2000 and 2002. I can tell you this much: I always enjoyed my trip every time and also always glad to be back in states after each visit! Do not want to bore you with details, but feel free to email or PM me on any questions.

 

In closing, I attach an email response to a candle JM a week ago, who has a visa already. She wrote me a very depressing email and asking for help. She is all happy now, but I think whatever I said to her may be applicable to some of your situations now:

 

Hi XXX,

Thank you for your letter. It is true, very upsetting this whole mess. Don't worry and don't give up. This should be over very soon. You need to tell your family and friends that you will wait forever to shut them up. I know how XXX feels about you and he is desperate. Please don't say anything more to make him feel powerless. I will help him find out more about your case tomorrow. He is so depressed because he knows you are upset now. Please let him know that he is a good man and you will wait for him as long as it takes. You should never let your family/friends' opinion influence your judgment. As long as you know that he is doing all he can do, you should be happy to have such a devoted fiance. He will make a very loving husband. Man like this is not easy to find anywhere. Even harder in China. We are looking forward to your coming here soon. I will give him a call tonight and calm him down, but when he calls you again, try to be understanding and be nice to him. I can tell he is worried about you. He sent me an email and left me a message today too. So please relax and I will help you the best I can. Rudi is very nice about it. He knows I am helping and he is very supportive of you and XXX -- together soon. Don't worry about it. I love to see you here as soon as possible. Take care, Charlotte

 

 

[Mick]

Charlotte:

 

First of all, let me thank you for posting such a kind, thoughtful, and empathic letter on the board. I think it will be a big help to all those who are stuck in the miserable waiting process.

 

To those who are still waiting I would first say that I can sympathize with your feelings. This whole process has taken so long, has been filled with so much uncertainty, and has taken an emotional toll on all concerned. There is no doubt that you have all experienced many ups and downs throughout the process. I know we did. But I want to say, above all else, don't give up hope. This process, although illogical at times, will soon come to an end for all of you. I know it is hard to believe that at times, but it will all work out for the best in the end.

 

There were times during the process that Li and I considered giving up as well. We even thought of abandoning the idea of going to America all together. But when we really thought about it, looked at our long range goals, and tried to be as objective as we could, we always came back to the reality of our goal, our dream. That dream was to return to America and begin to build a life for ourselves there. That is still our dream and I have no doubt we will realize it. Our timeline covered a full year and a half but we finally received our visa. We never gave up, we remained proactive, and above all else, we supported one another. When I was down, Li picked me up. When she was down, I picked her up. When we were both down, we reminded each other that this was not the final act in the play. That the period of darkness is greatest right before the dawn. We knew, and kept the faith deep in our hearts, that soon our day would come. And it did.

 

I know that distance and separation make things difficult for many of you. Yet I would encourage you to trust that your loved ones back in America are doing all they can to solve the problem. But also recognize that there is much in this process that is beyond their control. America is trying to institute new measures to protect itself from future events like 9/11. Although I don't agree with all the measures they are taking, I do understand the reasoning behind them. America is a great nation and, once you all arrive there, I believe you will begin to understand this from your own experience. I have lived in China now for five years and this is also a great country filled with many wonderful people. America is the same. It is unfortunate, but our country is going through a difficult time in its history in the wake of 9/11 and adjustments have to be made. So please be patient not only with your loved ones in the States, but with America itself.

 

I guess I could go on and on about this, but I will choose to stop here. Again, don't give up hope and don't allow this delay to drive a wedge between you and your loved one. Instead, let it be something to draw both of you closer together, a bridge that makes your hearts bond with one another. Let this time of difficulty be transformed into something that can make you a better person and your love a deeper reality.

[AZwolfman]

Charlotte, thank you so much for this post. I encourage all the ladies to read it. You are all coming to America to be with your love. But the American Dream is a worthwhile bonus that, as Charlotte knows, you will only come to truly know and appreciate after you are here.

[Robert S.]

To the ladies who are thinking about giving up because of so much waiting, please continue to be patient. Look at how much time you are going to live after this wait is finished. Some day you will not even remember this waiting time at all. If you change your mind now, then you will lose the chance to change your life forever. It will be worth the trouble to go to America. After you come here you will see.

 

We American men who have been to China, we all love China, but China has too much people. Right now America really does not have enough young people because there were not enough babies coming 20 years ago. America will be very happy to have you beautiful China ladies when you come here. You just keep waiting. The America government does not want to make you wait too much longer. It will not be so much time. Then you can be with your husband in your new country and have a new life.

[AZwolfman]

Mick, you said this so well. We have gone through the same as you and Li. We pick each other up when the other is losing hope.

[Eric&Yuhui]

I wish Yuhui would have read Charlotte's post back then :-)

Wunderbar post Charlotte !

Spirits might be down at times, but nothing will bring true love down..

[owenkrout]

Fellows, I hope you can learn from this letter also.

 

It is just part of life in China that your fiancee's family will be constantly second guessing and questioning why you have not gotten her a visa yet. People here feel very free to criticize, offer advice and to ask questions that would be considered too personal in the US. Your fiancee has tremendous pressure on her from friends, family and co-workers to justify why you are making her wait so long. They don't understand the system and tend to assume it is just like China where properly applied influence or cash lubrication can take care of any delay. Plus, honestly, there will be no shortage of other jealous women who delight in making her feel bad.

 

Try to understand that much of the questioning and tears that you hear are really coming from elsewhere. You may be the only one that she can talk to about it without being criticized.

[Charlotte]

You are right, Owen. Unlike here, people like to mind others' business in China-- very much so. It is not that the girls don't understand the American GGs, they are pressured day to day by the people around them. Some really care, like family members and close friends. Others may just like to see it fail. You really can't blame anyone but just suck it up and calm them down as much as you can.

In my case, no one should doubt my intention of bringing my daughter here, but this delay is so nerve-racking, even my mother called me one midnight urged by my father to ask me if I can use my wai quo hua (foreign tongue) to ask Washington about Lily'case. She even questioned: "Are you sure they did not forget her name in the computer?" I usually call them every two weeks, but still not enough to keep them off my back!

This is getting harder and harder for those still waiting. I just hope all of you can tough it out. The result should be a sweet success in the end. Those of us who have had our visas will still be around for any support we can provide.

[Kaige]

Charlette, I don't think I spelled it correct. oops. I know what you meen about the family pressures on the women there, we had some pressure, but thank goodness for Mama and Baba, everything worked out for us both. Mick and Charlette your letters were great, I hope everyone helps each other through the wait, husband helps the wife, wife helps the husband, all good things come together. After things come together for some of you still waiting, your family will be very joyful and happy, when all is completed.