SO plans to bring a friend with her

[Joanne]

Is it possible for Lihua's friend to change the travel date for her plane ticket?

[Thomas Promise]

Is it possible for Lihua's friend to change the travel date for her plane ticket?

199182[/snapback]

I do not know Joanne. I just found out about this last night what her plans were. I do not know how to contact Lihua's friend here in the US.

[Joanne]

If I were you, I would tell Lihua that I would be happy to host her friend in near future, but I consider the first few days of our reunion a honeymoon period and would rather spend with her alone. However, if her friend's travel time could not be re-arranged, I would happily go along with their fixed plan nonetheless.

[SheLikesME?]

Even thoug already married, my wife says that when she gets her visa she will come to visit for 3 weeks, if possible, and bring her daughter and then return to finish her degree, before she comes for good. She says she will consider this a HONEYMOON.

 

Now guys I don't think bringing a child along IS a honeymoon. But she gives it no thought, like so many other things different than our culture. She thinks it will be so much fun.

 

Thomas I have no idea how your SO feels. I think I would ease into this when you talk with her. I think she will share her true feelings about how good of a friend it is to her and if she can be trusted. I know my wife tells me what she thinks of people after I meet them. If all is on the up and up, then I would just accept it, and not let the lady get in the way of your happiness. Have fun your SOs way this time. Maybe it is a wedding guest for her. These gals love to visit each other and hold hands and such.

 

Otherwise the cautions that Dennis gives are valid. I am sure your SO will have an opinion about all of those questions.

 

PS: You certainly have something to work out, and you should share your feelings about it. Wish you the best.

Edited March 16, 2006 by SheLikesME (see edit history)

[izus]

such different ways and thinking,

im realizing what different thinking really means more and more...

unless we have lived in China, none of us really know our Lady's (or guys)

i was constantly amazed by comments and reactions when i was there this last february for her interview. becoming more and more comfortable around each other our real personality begins to surface more and more.

We are all giving in to purely faith itself.

 

i dont care how much phone time you have

i say 6 months of phone time 2-3 hours each night is equal to about 2-3 weeks of spending time with her.

Thomas i would not worry about it. but be sure to voice your gentle thoughts and concerns privately to your SO early on so she knows exactly where you stand.

Edited March 16, 2006 by izus (see edit history)

[tonado]

Two Chinese women in one house. Good luck.

[Thomas Promise]

Two Chinese women in one house.  Good luck.

199247[/snapback]

I know I have called three kitchen remodling companies for competitive bids. Beside I have always heard that Heaven on Earth was to have a Oriental Wife, a Chinese Cook, A British Country Estate and an American Salary. 3 out 4 ain't bad.

[david_dawei]

It seems to me that the decision has already been made. Go with it.

199150[/snapback]

I'm with Randy on this one...

 

My wife is so incredibly happy when she's with another chinese lady that she really connects with... Frankly, this will make her arrival happier than just being with you alone (why? Because she already decided it) and not as happy if you force her to change it... IMO...

[jemmyell]

Relax and go with it. Show her how you are committed to her happiness and then SHE can show YOU how she is comitted to your happiness!

 

-James

[LeeFisher3]

As she has said the friend will only stay a short time you might consider sitting down with them after they have rested from the trip, say the next day and explain there is so much you would like to do with the time available and ask when you need to take her friend to the airport.

Your explanation is that you wish to plan the time properly for all the things you wish to do while her friend is here.

 

It's a nice way of discovering a firm end date and you can use the time to take advantage of the friend's English ability in helping your SO get acclimated to the area.

 

I would also suggest in the first few days all of you going and getting a marriage licence together, the wedding planning may take a while, but this will also give your SO a large amount of security knowing this has been done. It will also give your SO bragging rights for being the best husband in the world, which can be helpful when it is time to send the friend home.

[Thomas Promise]

I found out more of my house guest plans last night. She is going to be here for two weeks and is going back to China then. Her work visa is legit. She was planning on coming here next week but she figured since Lihua's plane was stopping in LA she would fly from LA to Cincinnati now. Lihua thought this was just a great idea. Oh Boy! I guess this is my 1st lesson in being Mop Slapped. Lihua is tickled to death with her being here for two weeks. I can remember when I was in China and I ran into a some Americans and Brits we where very happy to meet each other and talk. It is no different with Chinese people.

Last night I went to my favorite 19th hole and a few people asked me about Li when she was coming here and so on. I told them that she is bringing a friend with her to visit for a 2 weeks. One of my friends showed a lot of intrest in meeting her friend. I don't know about fixing this guy up with her. If they hit it off I would have a house guest for more then two weeks I think. Lihua would love it. Besides she is not here to find a husband but to enhance her occupational career with training and educational seminars here in the US. However things do change.

[Trigg]

Yuppers, you have been mop slapped for sure. This is a no brainer. If you tell her her friend cant come now,wife looses face. If wife looses face, wife isn't happy. If wife isn't happy, ain't nobody happy!

 

Yup, mop slapped alrighty! Welcome to our world!

[ameriken]

If I were you, I would tell Lihua that I would be happy to host her friend in near future, but I consider the first few days of our reunion a honeymoon period and would rather spend with her alone.  However, if her friend's travel time could not be re-arranged, I would happily go along with their fixed plan nonetheless.

199191[/snapback]

I have to agree with Joanne.

 

After all these months apart, I would wonder why doesnt my SO want some exclusive private time with me without interruption, so we can have that time together we so badly wanted? Why does she want to split that important time with a friend? Where is the 'honeymoon period'? There are so many special 'private' moments we looked forward to, our first hug and kiss at the airport, driving home together, her first time coming in the door, first dinner together, etc and so on. Now it feels to me the privacy and time together is interrupted with the addition of a friend.

 

I understand we have to respect cultural difference, but that should be a two-way street in a relationship.

Edited March 17, 2006 by ameriken (see edit history)

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

Yuppers, you have been mop slapped for sure. This is a no brainer. If you tell her her friend cant come now,wife looses face. If wife looses face, wife isn't happy. If wife isn't happy, ain't nobody happy!

 

Yup, mop slapped alrighty! Welcome to our world!

199440[/snapback]

I agree with Trigg. This is a very delicate situation that simple blind submission will NOT resolve. Of course blind submission really never resolves anything unless you're in a relationship where there is a clear boss and a clear servant, and that really doesn't sound like it would be all that much fun. Bottom line is that only YOU can decide what your limits are. Everyone wants their alone time, especially at the culmination of your partner's arrival. Plant the seeds you need to plant. Let your SO know how you feel, but in so doing let her know that you support her decisions. What would be a definite NO for someone else may or may not be for you....

Edited March 17, 2006 by ShaQuaNew (see edit history)

[Thomas Promise]

Everyone here has been so kind in giving me there input on this thread.

I was thinking that maybe just maybe Li (she would never admit of course) was sort of scared and insecure of this MAJOR LIFE CHANGING EVENT for her. When her friend went to LA on business the 1st part of the month I did invite her to our home after Lihua arrived here. Li probably thought gee I am going to America. I have a total flight time including layovers of 32 hours all alone. I can speak some English and of course Tom will always be there for me after I get to Ohio. But what about the first 8,700 miles of my journey. I do not know anything about LA or really America yet. It would be kind of nice to have a life long friend from my hometown meet me there in LA when I come to America. She has friends in LA and I could see a little of LA maybe even Hollywood to boot. Then instead of her coming next week she can fly back with me to Cincinnati now. On the flight to Cincy I can tell her all about my trip to GZ and I can share my dreams of the future with her. I would really like that. I would really feel better if this was to be.

I think all of us at one time or another in our lives had feelings like this. I know I have.

I know that we will have to give up some privacy for a few weeks and I will have to alter some plans that I have for her and myself but to have and see my Future wife happy is priceless. I know when we were waiting for our P-3 and P-4 if I were told you can have the interview now but you will have to have a one of her friends as a house guest for a couple of weeks. I would have said Mei Wen Ti... No Problem.