Another dirty trick from Guangzhou

[JamesBDennis]

Another dirty trick from Guangzhou

Last Friday afternoon I went to the consulate to see if I could get some answers about what the problem was with my wife’s application. As some of you might remember it was rejected Dec 23. After spending an hour sitting in a room with 8-12 angry men and 15-25 Chinese women I get my turn at the window.

A very nice male VO tells me that they have reason to believe that my wife has an “ongoing relationship” with her ex. After I pressed him some more on this, he went and checked and came back and said that there was no question about it. She had an ongoing relationship with her ex and that in a few weeks or less they would send her a letter explaining what they know and what she could do about it, but he (the VO) could not tell me what it was just then.

I ask if they would send me a letter and he gets this look on his face as if to say “wow what a good idea”. I tell him that I need to know this. He agrees and run’s off again to talk to some one. Pretty soon he comes back and tells me that “soon” some one will contact me. I explain that I will be in China, living with my wife, for at least the rest of the month and if she is cheating on me I need to know this and soon. He tells me that within two weeks they will contact me.

So here I sit. How do I treat my wife? My wife tells me she has no idea what they are talking about, loves me and only me, and is not going to worry about what they think and that it will all work out. I have to tell her that I still love her but now do not know if I can trust her. I will be fair to her but if it is true she understands that I am out of here. This is not some thing that I will put up with.

It is funny what you can find useful. Early in our relationship I had a problem with her worrying that I would find another woman or had a girlfriend in the US. After a while I explained that I did not have any other women, was not going to get any other women, and did not want any other women. I explained that I could not prove this and she was just going to have to learn to trust me. I explained that I understood her concern but I would not leave her for any other women, but I would leave her if she made me too uncomfortable worrying about it.

I explained that I would not do this to punish her, but that if she could not learn to trust me it would not be a healthy relationship and I was not going to live like that. I also explained that there were going to be pretty women that we would see and that I was going to look at. I told her that I would do my best to not do this but it was going to happen. I told her that this did not mean that I was going to fall in love with them, or want to have sex with them, just that they were very pretty. I loved her, only her, and what I loved was what was in her heart and her head, not her pretty face and her body.

She kind of went “O” and shut up about the other women thing. I am sure that the part about not leaving for any other women but would leave about being nagged soaked in. I went on to explain that we did not have to agree, we did not always have to be happy with each other, but we did have to be nice to each other.

How this is useful is I reminded her of this, and explained that now I did not know what to think. I did not know if I should trust the consulate or her, but until I learned what the consulate had to say I would do my best to trust her and be fair to her. As far as I can tell she understands completely.

Now for the strange part! If she is guilty she is one hell of an actor. Life goes on much the same as before. She is just as loving and kind as before. The only change is that she worries that I look too worried and that I “think too much”. She does not seem like a person waiting for the end of her dream or the loss of any thing. She has not ever got any amount of money out of me of and I know that I am not that good in bed. What has she to gain at this point? About the only thing I can think of is, I know that she like’s to have people see her with me when we walk about town. Big deal!

With each passing day I believe more and more that the consulate has their #### up their%%%%. I will keep you posted and also in a few days post a piece on “trust”. It might be under a different topic. Thanks

Jim

[Yuanyang]

James,

I suspect they have a 3rd party letter. IF that is the case then She/You should DEMAND to know who sent the letter and it's content.

 

We must be allowed to defend ourselves from liars, extortionists, and jealous peoples.

 

Regardless, don't let others split you two apart until the facts are on the table.

[frank1538]

Think of it this way. Unless the consulate now has a surveillance group dedicated to ferreting out fraud among the thousands of visa applications, what it "knows" can only have come from some third party source. Almost without exception, third party correspondence discussed on CFL turn out to be spiteful, vindictive, jealous, and FALSE. Be patient and don't jump to any conclusions without some real facts.

[mercator]

Yep -

 

I'd bet 2 fen on the jealous ex...

 

Sounds like BS to me. And she'd not be real excited about spending a month with you if she was carrying on with her ex. Even by US standards that would be pretty messed up.

[philb]

James:

 

This sounds like 3rd party extortion coming.

 

Demand that they show you what they have on file...to you and/or your SO.

 

Good Luck,

 

Phil

[ameriken]

I agree with all the others on the 3rd party bit, however would also like to add, that you know firsthand your wife and who she is and your relationship.....so I will say that trust her first, and dont let possible misinformation come between you. It would be horrible to let this break up what was a good relationship, only to find out the information was false.

Trust your wife first.

[david_dawei]

This smells TPC all the way... I would definitely believe in my spouse over the consulate on this issue.. particularly without any proof.

 

See this below thread.. appears that one member was able to get proof of a TPC , although at first they had no idea of why the denial.

 

This might be like calling DOS, where you got to try, try again... I'd go back and hope to talk to another VO and get more details/proof.

 

Maybe the two of you need to dig a little mentally and see if you can come up with who is most likely to do this... if you have proof that someone could of wanted to do, then I'd bring that to the consulate as well...

 

Guangzhou gave us blue paper

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=13009

[LeeFisher3]

You need to trust your wife and quit worrying about her fidelity. The statement made by the VO without any evidence sounds like they are trying to figure things out themselves.

 

You want evidence of this allegation, you want it now and your first stop should be to visit King and have him help you demand they either provide you with substantiated evidence or issue the visa.

[Yuanyang]

This smells TPC all the way...  I would definitely believe in my spouse over the consulate on this issue.. particularly without any proof.

 

See this below thread.. appears that one member was able to get proof of a TPC , although at first they had no idea of why the denial.

 

This might be like calling DOS, where you got to try, try again... I'd go back and hope to talk to another VO and get more details/proof.

 

Maybe the two of you need to dig a little mentally and see if you can come up with who is most likely to do this... if you have proof that someone could of wanted to do, then I'd bring that to the consulate as well...

 

Guangzhou gave us blue paper

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=13009

180901[/snapback]

Here's GUZ's Party Line on 3rd parties: http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=13283

 

But I reiterate to believe in your wife and not a clerk.

[JamesBDennis]

This smells TPC all the way...  I would definitely believe in my spouse over the consulate on this issue.. particularly without any proof.

 

See this below thread.. appears that one member was able to get proof of a TPC , although at first they had no idea of why the denial.

 

This might be like calling DOS, where you got to try, try again... I'd go back and hope to talk to another VO and get more details/proof.

 

Maybe the two of you need to dig a little mentally and see if you can come up with who is most likely to do this... if you have proof that someone could of wanted to do, then I'd bring that to the consulate as well...

 

Guangzhou gave us blue paper

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=13009

180901[/snapback]

Here's GUZ's Party Line on 3rd parties: http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=13283

 

But I reiterate to believe in your wife and not a clerk.

180917[/snapback]

Hi Guys

Thanks. I just went on a short walk to the park and come back to see you guy's are all over this. Yes I am believing my wife more and more. Also I was tending to go for the third party idea also. I also think it is the ex that screwed us. When ask for his location with RFI she made some calls, located his phone #, called him, he sent us some thing we knew would not work, he sent us a bunch more stuff that we thought would work, and we submited it. She did not get much of a chance to check it out as it arrived shortly befor we had to leave and she was having a lot of problems at work, but her sister-in-law who has much better english skill's and is also a professional, did and thought it was all good.

One of my complaint's about my marrage and living in China is she has a job that takes up a lot of time by US standards and she has a large close family. Life is often conducted by committee. It also often centers around eating. It is hard to get much private time to work on things. By the time we get time alone and some time to unwind it is bed time.

Well thanks again. Jim

[Tine & Ella]

Jim,

 

Just like the others have said, you should trust your wife. I also think it was from her ex, just to cause you both trouble. Hang in there man, I think in the end all will be fine.

 

Tine

[hakkamike]

James, Looked at your post from back in Dec. What about King now? MAYBE he can force GUZ hand????

180931[/snapback]

I agree.

Edited January 9, 2006 by hakkamike (see edit history)

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

You need to speak to King right away. Getting an attorney working on this right away is your best bet to a speedy resolution. Just like anywhere in the world there can be someone lurking in the corners that intends to do harm to another. Third party correspondence it's called here....

 

edit...

 

I think it also important to understand that GUZ is just doing their job. If someone writes or contacts them with information about your case, like what you have here, then GUZ MUST investigate.

Edited January 9, 2006 by ShaQuaNew (see edit history)

[esun41]

You need to speak to King right away. Getting an attorney working on this right away is your best bet to a speedy resolution. Just like anywhere in the world there can be someone lurking in the corners that intends to do harm to another. Third party correspondence it's called here....

 

edit...

 

I think it also important to understand that GUZ is just doing their job. If someone writes or contacts them with information about your case, like what you have here, then GUZ MUST investigate.

180946[/snapback]

Adding to Jesse's statement...

 

GUZ sees you as just another file... not a beating heart.

 

Their job is to protect our border from undesireables and terrorist activity. There is reason to believe something is not quite right... IN THEIR EYES!

 

I went through denial slip... overcome process... the doubting feeling that my wife was using me for a visa... all of it. It is a terrible feeling to have but with a good game plan and lots of patience... you will succeed!

 

Keep the faith...

 

Eric

[Dean Hall]

I agree with everyone else. I believe you can whole heartedly trust in and enjoy your wife.

 

Third party = bad.

 

???? Question ???? Outside of the required contact with the ex husband (what a catch 22 irony - wasn't it the GUZ that required confirmation that the ex was an ex requiring your wife to contact him?). Any way, my question is, has there been any other contact with any of the local "proffessionals" who claim they can help with the paperwork? Has anyone had access to your paper work, outside of you, your wife, and GUZ. As I recall from earlier posts, some people have thought that third party interference may also be comming from the Chinese scammers that hang out around the consulate. Even having them fill in some English blanks ect. can be dangerous. I have personally seen some of their work, and the work itself (just filling in the english portions of paperwork) was bad enough to cause a blue slip on its own.

 

Dean