A question on etiquette..

[Dennis143]

While eating dinner with my former SO¡¦s family, everyone would spit their bones etc. into napkins that layed next to their plates. I could not just spit my food out, so I would remove the bones from my mouth, using my fingers. Every head at the table turned and looked at me with an appalled look. I quickly began spitting too.

 

I have since learned that bringing and putting your fingers to your mouth is bad manners, in China. Yet, while eating KFC chicken in GZ recently, my GZ woman said that I ate like a barbarian¡K.ouch!

 

Of course, Chinese can manipulated chopsticks as an extension of their own hands; however, us Americans are so used to biting our nails, ¡§Finger licking good¡¨, using our hands to prepare food (Chef?), etc, that it is commonplace for us.

 

I have recently been dating a local Chinese woman who told me that one of the worst habits that her former husband had was biting his nails, (a west man).

 

While eating my VONS roasted chicken over the sink tonight and peeling the meat off the bone with my fingers, I suddenly thought that I may have to end this practice someday, after I find my Chinese wife.

 

So, my question to those of you with your Chinese wives is; Does your wife ask you not to use your fingers, when eating? Have you had adjust your eating style to adapt to Chinese etiquette?

[notrevorich]

While eating dinner with my former SO¡¦s family, everyone would spit their bones etc. into napkins that layed next to their plates.  I could not just spit my food out, so I would remove the bones from my mouth, using my fingers.  Every head at the table turned and looked at me with an appalled look.  I quickly began spitting too.

 

I have since learned that bringing and putting your fingers to your mouth is bad manners, in China.  Yet, while eating KFC chicken in GZ recently, my GZ woman said that I ate like a barbarian¡K.ouch!

 

Of course, Chinese can manipulated chopsticks as an extension of their own hands; however, us Americans are so used to biting our nails, ¡§Finger licking good¡¨, using our hands to prepare food (Chef?), etc,  that it is commonplace for us.

 

I have recently been dating a local Chinese woman who told me that one of the worst habits that her former husband had was biting his nails, (a west man).

 

While eating my VONS roasted chicken over the sink tonight and peeling the meat off the bone with my fingers, I suddenly thought that I may have to end this practice someday, after I find my Chinese wife.

 

So, my question to those of you with your Chinese wives is; Does your wife ask you not to use your fingers, when eating? Have you had adjust your eating style to adapt to Chinese etiquette?

171531[/snapback]

I quess that I am lucky

I have dated several Chinese woman who have lived in the USA for many years and the issues you describe have never come up .

My SO and her family have never have said anything either

I am not putting my fingers in my mouth ,but I do eat with my hands such things as fried Chicken . the splitting of bones ,I have noticed but I use chop sticks to remove mine or a naphkin .

[Trigg]

My wife is still trying to stop me from wiping my hands off on my shirt when i eat. If she ever accomplishes that, she will then start on the finger eating thing-but it'll be a while.

[david_dawei]

Here's my observation:

 

Fingers on food may be forgiven, but not in the mouth!

 

particularly in public or eating with others, one is expected to be discrete if removing any food, and this includes using one free hand to cover the mouth while the 'jaws of life' hand uses a toothpick, if one is available.

 

They are so good at sorting and separating food and bone that it is amazing to say the least... I use the same spitting technique as they would (and do now at home)... but , as much as I love fish, I skipped a few times to eat some fish dishes since it was so troublesome to separate the bone out. One variety of fish was so small that I was told to eat the bones

[jim_julian]

I was taken aback a bit when I saw people spitting bones on the floor in a restaurant.

 

At home in China the family used to put their bones on the table next to their bowl. After a while I began taking an extra little bowl for bones, then lao po began putting her bones in my bone bowl, then another bowl appeared and soon all of the immediate family was using a few communal bone bowls. When relatives come over for a big dinner everyone reverts to bones on the table.

 

I use chopsticks to remove bones from my mouth; lao po does the same.

 

On my first trip to China a metal spoon and fork appeared by my bowl. I took chopsticks. The spoon and fork remained for a day or two and then disappeared. I've never eaten with anything but chopsticks or, where needed, a Chinese spoon while in China.

[Dennis143]

I was taken aback a bit when I saw people spitting bones on the floor in a restaurant.

 

At home in China the family used to put their bones on the table next to their bowl.?After a while I began taking an extra little bowl for bones, then lao po began putting her bones in my bone bowl, then another bowl appeared and soon all of the immediate family was using a few communal bone bowls.?When relatives come over for a big dinner everyone reverts to bones on the table.

 

I use chopsticks to remove bones from my mouth; lao po does the same.

 

On my first trip to China a metal spoon and fork appeared by my bowl.?I took chopsticks.?The spoon and fork remained for a day or two and then disappeared.?I've never eaten with anything but chopsticks or, where needed, a Chinese spoon while in China.

171594[/snapback]

Well Jim, I've used chopsticks from my frequent dinners at Sushi bars, over the years. But, I never quite got used to them like I did after my visits to China. My Chinese friends and family would laugh, at the way I held chopsticks. They'd often try to show me the correct way. And, after my last trip to GZ, I was finally learning to hold and use them fairly well, even learning to bring meat to my mouth, chew and remove the bones with my chopsticks.

 

But, much like learning the Chinese language, it would take me years to master the dexterity that Chinese have. I'll always remember watching in awe, as my former SO removed tiny fish bones from the fish, prior to placing the meat in my bowl, so effortlessly.

 

I especially have more difficulty with the plastic chopsticks. The bamboo ones are much easier to grip the food.

Edited November 25, 2005 by Dennis143 (see edit history)

[jim_julian]

Hehehe ... OK, now I'll brag ...

 

Do you know "glue balls" ... anyway that's how Carrefour translates the Chinese. What I'm talking about is the frozen rice flour balls with a little stuffing in the middle. You boil them in the wok, stirring until they pop to the top and float? Then you cook them for 5-6 minutes more. Ya know ... those things. Good for breakfast. Served in a bowl with water ... maybe a little sugar.

 

Lao po eats those with a Chinese spoon ... lao gong eats them with chopsticks! Aiiiiyahh ... little difficult ... but if you get those slippery suckers just right you can eat with chopsticks and all present look on with approval.

[tucsonjim]

But, much like learning the Chinese language, it would take me years to master the dexterity that Chinese have.  I'll always remember watching in awe, as my former SO removed tiny fish bones from the fish, prior to placing the meat in my bowl, so effortlessly.

 

It's funny to read this thread... I have had the same impressions of awe of my SO regarding the dexterity of filleting a fish and removing tiny bones with the chopstix. We were in Beihai and she ordered some big fish that came on a plate whole and I was amazed at how she took that thing apart, leaving a bare carcass on the plate. The fish was awesome, but watching her do her thing was the part I enjoyed most.

 

They had a big family get together at her sister's house when I was there in July and I got lots of high marks from her brothers and sisters for my use of chopstix. My SO is always complimenting me and is very happy that I like all the Chinese foods. Once we went to a buffet place with her younger brother and wife. They came around with meats/seafood on skewers to keep your plate full... one guy came along with small whole fish on the skewer and I passed. The next day at the family get together my SO told her family I didn't like seafood.... I told her I like seafood, but I didn't want to deal with all the bones in such a small fish... that got quite a laugh around the table after translation... turns out they are deep fried and you are supposed to eat the whole thing and crunch up the bones, head, tail and all... fortunately the insides were removed... Later on I tried those and they were actually very good... bones in Chinese food was the biggest surprise I had the times I've been over there. My SO won't know what to do when she goes to a market here and sees all the boneless meats... She'll probably opt to buy whole chickens .... my biggest fear is how she will react to the markets here!! Even the Asian markets here are not great and you have to drive a long ways to get to them. Definitely not like SF Chinatown in Tucson!!

[tonado]

I know when you pick your teeth with toothpick on right hand, you should cover your month with the left hand. Showing food in month is bad.

[Dennis143]

I know when you pick your teeth with toothpick on right hand, you should cover your month with the left hand.  Showing food in month is bad.

171679[/snapback]

This explains why the GZ woman grabbed the toothpick from my mouth and threw it on the floor, while we were shopping at the Tee Mall.

[skibum]

Evcryone should remember that there are basic differences between people who live in the cities and those in the rural areas. In the cities is would be very bad manners to spit bones on the table or floor and it is ok to take a bone out of your mouth with your fingers or chopsticks. I have never seen anyone spitting bones anywhere.

When the bone spitters get to the US, they will have to change their ways.

[skibum]

Some of us are more refined. Will you be spitting bones with her when she gets here?

[Trigg]

The biggest city i was in was GZ. I guess this must be considered a rural area because everyone there was spitting food same as in Zhanjiang.

 

MAYBE YA GOTTA GO TO BEJIANG TO GET 'REFINED'.

[Dennis143]

Some of us are more refined. Will you be spitting bones with her when she gets here?

171722[/snapback]

Well, David states that he's chosen his wife's customs.

 

Those Sino-Americans whom I know do not continue to spit their bones and have adapted to western ways and customs; however, many in the non-integrated US Chinese communities continue to adhere to their known ways and customs. So, I suppose it depends...

 

Is it a better custom to place your non-clean hands in your mouth to remove your bones? How many of us actually wash our hands prior to every meal? Or is it more hygenic to simply spit your food into a place next to your plate?

 

It's really a matter of perspective and cultural conditioning.

[skibum]

Trigg is right but there are other cities that you can go to and get refined such as Shanghai, Nanjing and Hangzhou.

 

I can pick a bone from my teeth without putting my hand in my mouth. I guess I am just realy coordinated.