Should I tell her?

[Feathers268]

I guess for everything good that happens, there has to be balance. As I continue with the preparations for my trip, I was given very bad but not that unexpected of news today. This past February, I lost an aunt to cancer and my father lost his youngest sister. Shortly after, one of my uncle's was also diagnosed with a very rare cancer and started chemo therapy. This morning, I learned from my mother that he is not expected to live much longer. Although Jennifer does know he has been sick, I am reluctant to mention his current condition because with all that is going on, I don't want her worrying about me and my family. Would this thought be a mistake? This will not affect my going to China in that he would be the first to kick me in the @%$ and tell me to get over there and take care of your girl. My Uncle John was always the one us kids would gravitate to. His sense of humor is very off beat and would fit right in the LL. I so wish Jen would have had the chance to meet and get to know him.

I so wish that Jen was here today as this begins to sink in, but at the same time I really don't want to burden her with worrying about me and my family.

[tonado]

I think telling her is fine if she is not the nervous type. Or you want to tell her later (after the interview). However, you should keep it quiet from her family. Some Chinese family are very superstitious and don't want her to marry in the same year of a death of family member.

[Dan R]

I'd let her know. If you don't she may wonder if your mood is caused by something she did.

 

My Mom died three days before I took off for my first trip to China. She had been the one in the family most supportive of my long time dream to visit China. Before she went into coma we had talked about my preparations. She had told me to take plenty of pictures. Up to a week before the trip I had hoped to show them to her when I got back. I took plenty anyway and saw many things I know she would have liked.

 

Like your Uncle she would have been very upset had I changed plans because her life was ending. So I am doing my best to live it fully. There have been many changes since and more coming.

 

So tell her and drink a toast in Guangzhou together to him. I'm sure he will enjoy that.

[Feathers268]

Thanks guys,

Out of all of my cousins and my brother included, the next generation has only one boy to carry on the family name so he had told me he is expecting us to have one. Guess if that happens I'll have an idea for a name.

I'm thinking I will tell her, but I'm not leaving this to an e-mail. Next time we chat on-line I'll talk with her about it.

As for superstition, Jen's mother is also young enough that such she is not very superstitious and I don't think we would have any problems there.

I had talked with the dispatcher earlier about it hoping to schedule myself in the area tomorrow to go by. I was interupted by him saying,"just go. I know how that is so get in your car and just go down there."

[Dan R]

Nice Dispatcher. Make it a good visit.

[Feathers268]

The whole service department in almost like family. Just like my upcoming trip to China, for such things they will help, no questions asked.

[Feathers268]

To update from yesterday,

My uncle passed away over night in his sleep. I'll be down there today with the family. I feel in a way this means he will be with me in a couple of weeks to make sure I can bring back my Jennifer.

[Dan R]

Sorry to hear of your lose Jim. Yes he'll be there. While you are there why not do or see something he would have enjoyed and think of him.

 

Best Regards to you and the family,

Dan

[Feathers268]

Thanks Dan,

I'm already thinking of something I know he'd like and I'm very familiar with. If I can find a good place to set up, we'll drink a toast and set off some fireworks.

[tonado]

Sorry for the passing of your uncle. God bless him.

[Feathers268]

Thanks Tony,

Out of my whole family, he was the one besides my parents I really wanted Jen to meet. It almost feels like he knew that it was time and left though the night to save the family any added trouble. he will be missed.

[david_dawei]

Jim, sorry to hear this news. Thinking of you... -david

[Feathers268]

Thanks David, it's nice to have so much support here from my other extended family.

[Feathers268]

I honestly wonder why I even thought otherwise.

After getting home from being with the family, I had e-mailed Jennifer and told her of my uncle's passing. I got a response from her earlier expressing her sadness for me and my family. That was followed by her scolding me because I had e-mailed so late and should have been asleep due to work.

I should have known better. Not only could she handle such sad news and be comforting, but she also imeadiatly turns and makes sure I'm not risking getting hurt because I'm too tired after being up late. It's going to be so wonderful to have her around to look after me. Next week can't come soon enough.

Guess I'll take my Sweetheart's advice and turn in so talk to you all later. B)

[Larry & Meirong]

We are sorry to hear about losing your uncle, but glad for Heaven's gain-and your Uncle's gain.

 

I found the Chinese people to be very mature and comforting in their acceptance of death. My wife told me of the time that her beloved Wei po (maternal grandmother) died. They gave her a bath and dried her off. They dressed her in her best clothing and put her to bed. She died soon thereafter. They buried her at the top of a mountain, which is a procedure Chinese like to follow if possible. They are a wonderful people, and we are so lucky to have found wives from there.

 

Drink a toast to your uncle, remember him fondly, let the positive influences from him and his memory be a comfort to you.

 

Good luck with your Chinese treasure.