PhoenixRising

My SO and I chatted again this early morning. She never mentioned the living allowance. We did talk of me returning to China at the end of this month. I do not have a problem helping her out if the need is there. ie Dental, illness etc. Afterall she is my future wife. As far as me dumping her because she asked for money that would be going to the extremes. We all have heard of the bad stories on how men are manipulated for money. This is true be it in American Culture or Chinese Cultire. Hell we have fought wars for the love of a woman in our turbulent human history. I am sure we will work this out.

When I first started looking for an Asian women to share our lives together. I would ask these ladies if they wrote their own e-mails to me. Some never responded back and some admitted they had a "friend" write to me. I also was amazed how fast some of these ladies fell totally in love with me after the 3rd or 4th e-mail to me. (I guess there are alot of lonely and insecure people out there in the world.) They took me at cyber value as is no warranty. I politely dropped these ladies right away. I had one aggressive woman after the second e-mail asked me about my home and wanted to see pictures of it and wanted to know the square footage of my house. She is still waiting for my response. When I met my SO she was different. She did not fall in love with me after the initial e-mails. She was conservative in her writings to me and still is. She asked me to buy a web cam so she could see what she was talking to. If your SO is using a 3rd party e-mail Ghost writer you maybe in for one hell of a surprise with each other.

I am going to return to China maybe the end of September for National Day if I can tie up some loose ends here at home by the end of this week. I have already agreed to provide the necessary funds for her trip to Guangzhou and of course here to the USA when her Visa is approved. We also talked of her going to school here in the USA to gain accreditdation for an American Nurses Certificate. We have not explored this area to much. Her lifestyle is middle class Chinese. She owns her own motor scooter and has a nice conservative wardrobe. She owns her computer and writes all her e-mails to me and we use the web cam also in our correspondence with each other. Her English is improving every day and she is no longer afraid to speak to my children or friends on the phone when I call her. She is not involved in one of those Dating Services that preys on unsuspecting woman and their suitors. She is a nurse and says she earns about 1,550 RMB per month and has no debt. Her Father and Mother are retired now and they where both educators. Her brothers are professional type men and are very sharp. She owns a BS degree herself and has had her diploma translated into English now. Her Daughter is in college now in her Sophmore year. Both her and her ex-husband help their daughter out through college. Her ex-husband is a doctor. She has been divorced now for nearly a decade. She claims to have made it on her own with very little help from her family. I don't know maybe the financial pressure of helping her daughter out is the financial burden she is refering to.

I recall when when I first looking on AFF,I chatted to a woman from Shanghai, on our third conversation, she said" ok i will be your gf if you send me money every month" After picking my self off the floor and controlling my laughter I politly said bye, bye. I think we both chatted with the same lady from Shanghai.

My SO attends English classes 3-4 times per week plus works 8-5:30 at a clinic. She is a worker for sure. She asked if I could help her out in this fashion she would always be indebted to me. I do not wish for her to be indebted to me for anything. All I wish for is to have her and our love grow to full blossom and to have her for my very best friend in the whole world. After we finished chatting today she sent me an e-mail telling me how much she enjoys having me in her life and loves me and misses me. She did not mention anything we talked about in our conversation today. A yard is not alot of money as we know but it all adds up. Embarking on an International relationship is a long tedious process and expensive as we are fully aware of. It maybe a thing that her friends are saying to her. Gee my Zhang Fu sends me money to me why is yours so cheap. I don't know if it is peer pressure or something like this.

My SO and I had a long discussion early this morning. She has informed me that she will need a monthly living expense now. She is working in the medical field and now she wants me to send her a $100 per month. This is not alot of money but my question to her is why? You where making a living before you met me why now this extra cost. Her response was I could ease her burden if I would do this. She said that many woman she knows who have American/British Fiances help their Fiancees out in this manner. I do not now why all of a sudden she needs a living allowance. She lives in Guangxi Province and I do not know if this is a custom there or what. I do not wish to seem analytical here but I have concerns now. I hate to use the words Red Flags. However this is an issue we must resolve one way or the other.

The Japanese are known do commit suicide when major errors happen. When I lived in the Carolinas a Japanese ship Captain committed suicide because water came into a cargo bay and ruined a large part of the freight he was hauling.

We all know what is certain death and taxes. My SO and I have not discussed this subject at length but it is one that we must address. If something would happen to me I definitely wish to have her with a degree of security.

Larry very touching story. I wish you the best in good fortune forever.

Look at the Tragedy In Newark, New Jersey. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20145099/

Wishing you only the best.

The Old Chinese culture is gone with the wind. Now there Attorneys are becoming Amercanized.

Life can be very exciting or very boring. It is up to you to choose. If you think you are living in an area that is a lemon turn it into lemonade. My SO is very familar with my area I live in. I have gave her all kinds of information on my Metro area. She wishes to see so many things when she finally arrives here that I never thought of seeing or doing.

cultural misunderstandings overhyped i think, and probably more of an excuse to not put forth the proper effort to learn about your mate. just be preapred for a long process...make sure your relationship can handle this, and that you spend the proper time to get to know each other and will probably be well for ya in the end. good luck! This is what we hope to avoid or use as a crutch the cultural misunderstandings.

My SO can speak fair English. Many times she gets frustrated and goes into Mandarin to help her get back on track. She also can speak Cantonese. She goes to English classes 4 days per week for 2 hours each session. Her Daughter and a Neighbor help her with "study halls" during the week with English. She also practices with her class mates. She is very dedicated on learning English by the time her interview comes up. Now only if I would get to learn more Chinese that may help.

I am chinese woman with american husband. I expect my husband being very sweet, very loving, very spoiling me, but also can ean a lot money, save a lot money, and spend a lot on ME!!! oh, forget mention listening to me. Do I ask too much????? I hope thats a 2 way street. You would hope so. If not someone is going to be heading for one bad emotional car wreck in the near future.

Hey, buddy, I'll share his dream with you guys: "Hey- I was dreaming last night that we worked together and that you were wearing a very very short skirt and you kept dropping things so you could bend over and pick them up in front of me. You were smiling while you were doing it" The above is what he expects from me : What if you dream that your wife only wears slacks?

I hope my new wife and I make love, more love and grow in love forever.

Please do not forget Whirlpool.

My fiancee and I are both very kind and caring people. She is in the medical field and is a care giver. An old saying is " meet nice people; not people who have to be trained to be nice". Her family has been very nice to me and they have given their blessing to us. She has a daughter that will turn 20 this month. Her daughter wishes to remain in China and finish her education. She may wish to come to the USA or stay in China and make her life there. As any good Mother she would like her daughter here in the USA and close by her. I explained to her about the long wait period her daughter may have to face once she turns 21 if she decides to come to the US. She says she understands this. I know that blood is thicker then marriages also. My children have long been on their own and out of the house. I have heard that the Chinese Families do not encourage this sort of independence until the child marries. I have also been told that when you marry a Chinese woman you also marry her family. My belief is you marry your wife and you have a good relationship with your wifes family and your marriage must always come first. My future wife does not appear to be high maintenace type. She earns a fair living in China and wishes to work here in the USA. She has a good education holding a Bachelor degree also. I know she wishes to send money back to China occasionally to help her family out. One of my friends who is married to a lady from China told me that his wife does this occasionally also. It seems like the macic number is $300. Another man I know who was married to a woman from the Phillipines had huge problems with his wife when she started to work she wished and did send all of the money she earned back to her family there. They wound up getting a divorce over this practice. I know any realtionship is a gamble by both sides. I just wish to make the transition easier for us.

My SO and myself are going through the 129-F process and I plan on filing very soon for us. What are some of the things I should learn and be aware of. I have read some of the posts here recently and it seems many of the problems that have risen from cultural misunderstandings that have led to both parties being accused of being a bad person. I of course wish to avoid this from coming up in our future. My Lady is a professional and her family are very well educated people. Any ideas on this?

I talked with my Fiancee about these options and her daughter wishes to finish her schooling in China. Her Daughter does not really know if she wants to immigrate here to the USA. Her Daughter turns 20 this month and this is going to leave a very short window of opportunity for us if she wants to come to the USA. Plus I beleieve her Father has a lot of say in what happens with her. I wish we had more time to consider this but time is evaporating.

My Fiancee's daughter is 19 and she has two more years of college left. My future wife would like to see her daughter live here in the USA after she graduates from college in China. It still up in the air on this as her daughter really does not know what will be in store for her two years from now. She does have a really good relationship with her Mother and Father. Since my Fiancee daughter is 19 and we will not be married until sometime next year what are some of the steps we can take in finding out more information on this subject.