Angry SO

[nygatl15]

I had a couple of episodes like that.  The first time it was very trivial - she thought I brought too much stuff to China.  Her explanation is that it is "normal" for her to react very emotionally. However, I have noticed she doesn't seem to hold grudges at all and within a very short time forgets completely about it.  It scared me for a while but I have written it off to her generally passionate nature. She pretty much shows all her feelings and doesn't withhold anything. So, I am always pretty clear about her feelings.

At first, my reaction was what are you doing? I was really afraid because it made me think of my ex's... I just don't like to argue or have someone scream at me... I told her we should say goodbye, then we hung up... I later got back online with internet phone and she was very apoligetic... She must have said sorry 20 times. But she knew I saw a part of her that I never saw before...

 

I appreciate your comments... I know women are emotional, it just scares me... I'm supposed to go there next month, but I find myself asking do I want to go now( I know that is silly, at this point).

 

just a little shaken now. I knew her for one year and this was the first time.

 

After 2 divorces, I'm a little gun shy...

 

I would never hit her... I just can't stand anyone screaming at me. I don't do it, but I guess she is not me

[Dan R]

The mild manners and disposition is a main reason, i'm attracted to the Asian woman...

Women are women.

Wait a minute here... Are you suggesting that all our problems with women won't magically go away just because we now have an asian SO?

 

So I explained everything there is to know about men a while back and it only took 3 paragraphs.Can you explain women to us in say 3 pages ?

Ah Roger the only reason it may seem to magically go away is that you blame it all on cultural differences. Once you learn which things are cultural and which not it will boil down to the old male female thing.

 

Now if you want to reconsider Trigg may have a sheep you can bargain for.

[nygatl15]

The mild manners and disposition is a main reason, i'm attracted to the Asian woman...

Women are women.

Wait a minute here... Are you suggesting that all our problems with women won't magically go away just because we now have an asian SO?

 

So I explained everything there is to know about men a while back and it only took 3 paragraphs.Can you explain women to us in say 3 pages ?

Maybe I was thinking my problems would go away with an Asian woman, that is probably not very intelligent. I guess, I'm having some personal issues and maybe I'm a little more sensitive that I would normally would be... Neither of us is mad at the other, I was just "taken back".

 

Maybe sometimes I think too much... but I just want this to work this time more than anything.

[Dan R]

When this happens and I am not sure if she took it seriously, I ask "are you mad at me?" Usually I just get back "what do you mean?" Why do you say that." Once in awhile I get told something and it has usually been a translation error.

Good Luck.

[rogerluli]

but I just want this to work this time more than anything.

If you looked at the poll on previous marriages you know that most of us have had 1 or 2 marriages already. Foremost in everyone's mind is that we want this marriage to be THE ONE...

[rogerluli]

The mild manners and disposition is a main reason, i'm attracted to the Asian woman...

Women are women.

Wait a minute here... Are you suggesting that all our problems with women won't magically go away just because we now have an asian SO?

 

So I explained everything there is to know about men a while back and it only took 3 paragraphs.Can you explain women to us in say 3 pages ?

Ah Roger the only reason it may seem to magically go away is that you blame it all on cultural differences. Once you learn which things are cultural and which not it will boil down to the old male female thing.

 

Now if you want to reconsider Trigg may have a sheep you can bargain for.

Dan do you mean to say that Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus applies to cross-cultural relationships also...

 

Do you think goats could substitute for sheep? I have a friend getting rid of her 3 goats...

[BuffaloPaul]

I guess, I'm having some personal issues and maybe I'm a little more sensitive that I would normally would be...  Neither of us is mad at the other, I was just "taken back".

 

Maybe sometimes I think too much... but I just want this to work this time more than anything.

I was just reading a book about Every other weekend dads and it had a secton on remarriage. One of the interesting points made was that people will often either marry someone just like their ex-souse or go to the opposite extreme and try to find someone totally opposite. They then project their ex-spouses behavior onto the new spouse and over-react to anything at all that reminds them of their ex. I think that I was doing that. I constantly looked for signs that Jenny might be a feminist or angry or anthing at all that reminded me of my ex. So her outburst scared the hell out me first. But over time, I have come to realize that she doesn't really have many of my ex's behaviours at all. Howver, she still is a women and an eternal mystery to my simple manhood

[BuffaloPaul]

PMS.

Wow it only took Tony 3 letters...

 

Good thing wifey isn't around or he would be looking at 3 mop slaps...

One neat thing about my new love - when I say PMS she just admits it's true. My ex would literally beat me if I ever insinuated that

[rogerluli]

Howver, she still is a women and an eternal mystery to my simple manhood 

As my Lu Li says to me, " I understand you, you no understand me."

 

[nygatl15]

I One of the interesting points made was that people will often either marry someone just like their ex-souse or go to the opposite extreme and try to find someone totally opposite. They then project their ex-spouses behavior onto the new spouse and over-react to anything at all that reminds them of their ex. I think that I was doing that. I constantly looked for signs that Jenny might be a feminist or angry or anthing at all that reminded me of my ex. So her outburst scared the hell out me first. But over time, I have come to realize that she doesn't really have many of my ex's behaviours at all. Howver, she still is a women and an eternal mystery to my simple manhood

I think I'm a little paronoid....

 

just as you say Paul. Really afraid to make the same mistake for a 3rd time...

 

Wenjie is nothing like either of my ex's. I guess it took me almost a year to tick her off... pretty good I guess.

 

I must say that it feels good to be able to talk about this and receive different points of views. This is good... most people wouldn't understand unless they are enduring our situations. This is the beauty of CFL.

 

I feel much better because of you guys. Thanks again!

[BuffaloPaul]

I think the thing that intrigues me most about this woman is her total transparency. Yes, one minute she can blow a fuse and light up half the city but the next she's the most loving, caring considerate person I've ever met. In some ways she has an innocent, childlike behavior. Now when she does it, I just sit back and smile at her, let her vent and move on. When she's here I expect that a lot of that passion will be channeled to more, how should I put this, pleasurable outlets

[rogerluli]

We have both wondered what our first fight will be about, hasn't happened yet. She said she has been asking a friend who is married to an American how they argue.  I told her I don't hit but when I asked if she does, she said maybe.   .  I think arguing style is a real concern for the SOs because they hear so much about violence in America.

My SO and I have agreed to never argue. After being married twice before I have figured it out guys. There are two parts to this...

 

First - Pick the right woman...

 

Second - Do everything she tells you to...

 

 

Any questions ?

Well Don you have the first part right. You've picked the right woman. Now you just have to go along with part 2 of my equation and everything will be better. Trust me on this Don...

[rogerluli]

We have both wondered what our first fight will be about, hasn't happened yet. She said she has been asking a friend who is married to an American how they argue.  I told her I don't hit but when I asked if she does, she said maybe.   .  I think arguing style is a real concern for the SOs because they hear so much about violence in America.

My SO and I have agreed to never argue. After being married twice before I have figured it out guys. There are two parts to this...

 

First - Pick the right woman...

 

Second - Do everything she tells you to...

 

 

Any questions ?

Well Don you have the first part right. You've picked the right woman. Now you just have to go along with part 2 of my equation and everything will be better. Trust me on this Don...

Just can't do that - I still have to be me.

Do you (if you're old enough) remember the Burma-Shave signs along roads? There was one I will always remember, "He was right, all right, as he drove along, but he's just as dead, as if he'd been wrong."

 

Surrender to the higher power Don. Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream...

[maiyademama]

The mild manners and disposition is a main reason, i'm attracted to the Asian woman...

Women are women.

Wait a minute here... Are you suggesting that all our problems with women won't magically go away just because we now have an asian SO?

 

So I explained everything there is to know about men a while back and it only took 3 paragraphs.Can you explain women to us in say 3 pages ?

I could never explain women to myself much less anyone else, but apparently some scientists are working on it

 

I am not a big Maureen Dowd fan...so please don't shoot the messanger!

 

Thanks

 

Posted on Tue, Mar. 22, 2005

 

 

Do genes help women X-cel?

 

MAUREEN DOWD

 

 

Men are always telling me not to generalize about them.

 

But a startling new study shows that science is backing me up here.

 

Research published last week in the journal Nature reveals that women are genetically more complex than scientists ever imagined, while men remain the simple creatures they appear.

 

"Alas," said the Duke University genome expert Dr. Huntington Willard, "genetically speaking, if you've met one man, you've met them all. We are, I hate to say it, predictable. You can't say that about women. Men and women are farther apart than we ever knew. It's not Mars or Venus. It's Mars or Venus, Pluto, Jupiter and who knows what other planets."

 

Women are not only more different from men than we knew. Women are more different from each other than we knew — creatures of "infinite variety," as Shakespeare wrote.

 

"We poor men only have 45 chromosomes to do our work with because our 46th is the pathetic Y that has only a few genes which operate below the waist and above the knees," Willard observed. "In contrast, we now know that women have the full 46 chromosomes that they're getting work from and the 46th is a second X that is working at levels greater than we knew."

 

Willard and his co-author, Laura Carrel, a molecular biologist at the Pennsylvania State University College of Medicine, think that their discovery may help explain why the behavior and traits of men and women are so different; they may be hard-wired in the brain, in addition to being hormonal or cultural.

 

The researchers learned that a whopping 15 percent — 200 to 300 — of the genes on the second X chromosome in women, thought to be submissive and inert, lolling about on an evolutionary Victorian fainting couch, are active, giving women a significant increase in gene expression over men.

 

As the New York Times science reporter Nicholas Wade explained it to me: "Women are mosaics, one could even say chimeras, in the sense that they are made up of two different kinds of cell. Whereas men are pure and uncomplicated, being made of just a single kind of cell throughout."

 

This means men's generalizations about women are correct, too. Women are inscrutable, changeable, crafty, idiosyncratic, a different species.

 

"Women's chromosomes have more complexity, which men view as unpredictability," said David Page, a molecular biologist and expert on sex evolution at the Whitehead Institute for Biomedical Research in Cambridge, Mass.

 

Known as Mr. Y, Dr. P calls himself "the defender of the rotting Y chromosome." He's referring to studies showing that the Y chromosome has been shedding genes willy-nilly for millions of years and is now a fraction of the size of its partner, the X chromosome. "The Y married up," he notes. "The X married down."

 

Size matters, so some experts have suggested that in 10 million years or even much sooner — 100,000 years — men could disappear, taking Maxim magazine, March Madness and cold pizza in the morning with them.

 

Page drolly conjures up a picture of the Y chromosome as "a slovenly beast," sitting in his favorite armchair, surrounded by the litter of old fast-food takeout boxes.

 

"The Y wants to maintain himself but doesn't know how," he said. "He's falling apart, like the guy who can't manage to get a doctor's appointment or can't clean up the house or apartment unless his wife does it.

 

"I prefer to think of the Y as persevering and noble, not as the Rodney Dangerfield of the human genome."

 

Page says the Y — a refuge throughout evolution for any gene that is good for males and/or bad for females — has become "a mirror, a metaphor, a blank slate on which you can write anything you want to think about males." It has inspired cartoon gene maps that show the belching gene, the inability-to-remember-birthdays-and-anniversaries gene, the fascination-with-spiders-and-reptiles gene, the selective-hearing-loss-"Huh" gene, the inability-to-express-affection-on-the-phone gene.

 

The discovery about women's superior gene expression may answer the age-old question about why men have trouble expressing themselves: because their genes do.

[BuffaloPaul]

We have both wondered what our first fight will be about, hasn't happened yet. She said she has been asking a friend who is married to an American how they argue.  I told her I don't hit but when I asked if she does, she said maybe.   .  I think arguing style is a real concern for the SOs because they hear so much about violence in America.

My SO and I have agreed to never argue. After being married twice before I have figured it out guys. There are two parts to this...

 

First - Pick the right woman...

 

Second - Do everything she tells you to...

 

 

Any questions ?

Well Don you have the first part right. You've picked the right woman. Now you just have to go along with part 2 of my equation and everything will be better. Trust me on this Don...

Just can't do that - I still have to be me.

Do you (if you're old enough) remember the Burma-Shave signs along roads? There was one I will always remember, "He was right, all right, as he drove along, but he's just as dead, as if he'd been wrong."

 

Surrender to the higher power Don. Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream...

The thing I always heard from a counseler was "would you rather be right or be happy?"