sylinchinastill Posted November 21, 2004 Report Share Posted November 21, 2004 Yes- that is true- but I think it depends on the person- people I have dated in the past weren't like that at all- and I think- and probably the girls living overseas think so as well- that it takes an independant person to live in foreign countries- before China I lived in Costa Rica- and even if it is just to protect us- out of their love for us- it can sometimes feel like- for me anyway- that I am being too protected. Link to comment
awch Posted November 22, 2004 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2004 All the stuff about locking doors.. ect is pretty normal. It's when he doesn't want me to walk to Wal-Mart 5 minutes away by myself, or go to the gym by myself, that I feel it's a little too much!! I think it will be worse in the US, which every Chinese person envisions as the most violent and crime ridden place on earth..... Link to comment
sylinchinastill Posted November 22, 2004 Report Share Posted November 22, 2004 Exactly my point- it will be- I can't walk down my street after dark and he doesn't like for me to sit on the front porch because there are some hooligans who walk down the street- this is actually a pretty safe neighborhood but to him- it is dangerous. Link to comment
mari Posted November 22, 2004 Report Share Posted November 22, 2004 Qisheng is very protective of me also, the times that I've stayed by myself in the house in China he makes sure that all doors are well locked, in the public places in China he's always with an eye on me like if I were a small child that can get lost in the crowd, he loves to go shopping with me but there are certain types of clothing that he doesn't like me to wear because it's too transparent and it drives him crazy when he knows that I'm outside late at night in my place. I though it was his particular way, but now I realize it's definitely a chinese male thing. Link to comment
LouRose Posted November 22, 2004 Report Share Posted November 22, 2004 Oh no, it will be so much worse when we go back to the states! I was thinking it wouldn't be a problem becuase its my country and he would think I know how to take care of myself there, but now I see you guys are right! They have this vision of America as one giant violent crime scene and he is going to worry day and night. If you have any tips on how to calm their fears, let us know!*~Louisa~* Link to comment
beijingjenny Posted November 23, 2004 Report Share Posted November 23, 2004 I'd like to know too! Despite a peaceful trip to the US, Jack remains convinced all Americans are toting guns and shooting willy nilly. Mostly thanks to Hollywood, and not helped by people talking about movies like Bowling for Columbine, which while true, is not everyday occurences... Link to comment
awch Posted November 23, 2004 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2004 Hey Ladies:I just wanted to say how much I enjoy reading this thread... until now I haven't had another other women who married Chinese guys to talk about this kind of stuff with.. it's great! And I have a few questions for everyone (you don't have to answer if you don't want to, just curious): Syl- you're not actually "in china still" right? you both are in the US now I believe? Which visa did you use to get there? Jenny: are you guys applying for DCF? Does that go thru Beijing rather than Guangzhou? How long does that take? Louisa: did you decide which visa to do? Or are u gonna stay in China for awhile... Mari: Are you on the K-1 or K-3 visa? As for us.. I think you know but we are doing the K-1. It seems like this is less common on CFL. We heard that it was faster, and also cuz we weren't really ready to get married when we decided to do the visa. We wanted to wait a bit. So it's perfect for us... After we go to the US for a few years we plan to return to China (eventually) to start our own business. We're also thinking about Japan. Is anyone planning on staying in China long term? Well.. these are just things I've been wondering..... amber Link to comment
LouRose Posted November 23, 2004 Report Share Posted November 23, 2004 I love this thread too, for the same reason. Actually I have known a few western women who dated Chinese men but none of them worked out and they are always cynical about it. Its so nice to meet other people that know it can work, and work well! So about your question, we have always planned to go for the CR1, since we are married, already living together, and not in too big a hurry to go back. We have an appointment to file by DCF on December 2nd. If it weren't for Thanksgiving, I would be doing it this week, oh well. As for staying in China in the future, the idea does not appeal to me now, most days I look forward to getting out of here. But then, after having learned all this Chinese it would be good to find a job where I could use it and not waste it. Li Zhuang is very open to living anywhere, but I'm sure he would enjoy being closer to his family which is more important to him than to me. On the other hand, I'm not sure I'd want to have my kids grow up in China, although I know people who say it works out great. So as you can see, I'm kinda conflicted about it. We both want to go to grad school in the states so we'll try to do that first and then see where life leads us... Link to comment
beijingjenny Posted November 23, 2004 Report Share Posted November 23, 2004 Yes, I agree - great thread! Thanks for starting it, we girls are getting stronger on the forum I had wondered why you were doing the K-1, Amber, but seems to make sense for you guys. Yes, I am doing DCF. It's approved through BJ rather than NVC or anywhere in the US. They do it so fast, but then goes to GZ and takes just as long as for everyone else. That's where we are now, waiting for appt. there...hopefully before my contract expires end of March. It was always our plan to go short term to the US for Jack to study but now we had to go the immigration route there are more options. I am way ready to leave now for a while, but am sure we won't be able to stay away too long. Not entirely sure what we will do in either place though... Link to comment
mari Posted November 23, 2004 Report Share Posted November 23, 2004 Amber, we're doing K1, we've discussed the possibility of relocating to China in the future, but the idea doesn't appeal to me that much. I got a good position at my bank now and will be elegible for retirement in 10 years, not to mention the fact that I don't want to leave my mom and daughter behind. If Qisheng doesn't get a suitable job in PR or open a business in his field of work, then I will be willing to relocate to the US. Maybe once we're retired we can spend part of the year in China, but it's not something that I foresee in the near future. Link to comment
sylinchinastill Posted November 24, 2004 Report Share Posted November 24, 2004 We did the K-1- we wanted to get married in the US so we waited and did that. That's right- I'm not in China anymore- but I haven't been able to think of anything else with such nice rhyme so... I think at some point we might want to move to Hong Kong but maybe not China again. When I met my husband he had just left the states because he didn't like it here but then once he got to China he was ready to leave again after not too long. The things that he had remembered that were so great I think he had only made that way in his mind- plus he outgrew his friends a bit- they still drink a lot, play mahjong and go to clubs and he just wasn't into that anymore. I could see us in HK- I liked Shanghai okay but I just think that it is a lot easier for Hengli here than for me in China because there are so many more Chinese people here and etc. Link to comment
awch Posted November 25, 2004 Author Report Share Posted November 25, 2004 Thanks for the replies everyone. Ok, here's another topic. When you were in China, were you often told by your husband or his family to stay at home when you wanted to buy something because it would be more expensive if you were there? An example: I want to buy a nice "chinese" style vase to send back for my dad and step-mom for Xmas. After consulting his mom, Xiao Ming told me him and his mom will go choose one because it will save money. It's ridiculous! It makes me feel so annoyed... somehow "insulted".... maybe it will be a little cheaper if his mom bargains when I'm not there but I can't believe it will make THAT much of a difference- the problem is- Xiao Ming and his mom think it WILL make a big difference. If I'm by myself and I speak Chinese to people selling stuff, I usually get it for the right price. It's that Chinese proverb "We can always fool a foreinger". It drives me crazy- I always tell Xiao Ming fine, I will go by myself to buy it... but don't ask me to stay at home! Link to comment
sylinchinastill Posted November 25, 2004 Report Share Posted November 25, 2004 Yes- Hengli said that so often- especially when we were buying things for our business. (I usually didn't want to go anyway)- sometimes I didn't mind and I would walk through first and then tell him what I wanted and have him ask about the price and then I would walk up and pick out exactly the one I wanted. I don't know... Sometimes I just wanted to go alone and then I would come back and I always said I got it for cheaper than I did- I'm pretty good at bargaining and I like to do it- sometimes- sometimes I get mad at people- but I also think that if it is something big- and I can save a lot- I would rather have it be for a fair price- besides- whatever it was would usually break in a week or two anyway. But we also played games with people- like I would go ask a price and then he would go ask and then I would appear and ask why his price was cheaper- just to add some joy to the life of the market sellers. Link to comment
oregonknl Posted November 25, 2004 Report Share Posted November 25, 2004 Sorry to intrude on the "girls' post ... but this one, about barter is one I can't resist... Yeah, Fei also believes she can get prices better if she is without me ---- and I'm sure its true --- but what's the point? If she is buying something that both of us will have, what if I don't like it? So here is our system... We come to a stall, and Fei picks something up that she thinks we both might like... If I shake my head no, then thats the end. (unless she really wants it, if so, she might keep it in front of me). If I don't say anything, (act disinterested, usually look at something else entirely) she asks: how much? --- of course, its usually at least 50% more than we would pay ... she tells me, and I make a big stink, NO WAY!! LETS GO! ...and I start pulling on her arm ... She engages in frantic negociation, as I try to drag her away, she makes a final offer, and either 70% of the time they accept, or 10% of the time the run after us after rejecting our final offer --- and then to accept.... 20% of the time, we lose --- but hey! its China! There is always another deal! Link to comment
LouRose Posted November 25, 2004 Report Share Posted November 25, 2004 I believe its true that a Chinese person could get a better price on stuff, though I'm not entirely sure. My "Chinese family" doesn't seem to consider this - they have never suggested buying something without me. They seem to think since I can speak Chinese I won't get ripped off, which is definitely not true in Beijing but they live in Harbin where there are so many Russians that maybe the shopkeepers are used to it. Actually sometimes I try to get Li Zhuang to buy stuff instead of me to get a better price, but it doesn't work out because he is terrible at bargaining. Unfortunately I am bad at bargaining too, my main strategy is just to eavesdrop while Chinese women are buying stuff and see how much they are paying.Amber, maybe you and your mother in law could each go separately and see who really gets the better deal. You can bargain hard, get a good price, and prove her wrong. Hey, that would make a great reality show! What do you think?*~Louisa~* Link to comment
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