Have you ever thought about this?

[LENJIA]

You know I was thinking the other day about this. I am the first American in my families generation to marry into another ethnic group. Jennifer is also the first to marry into another ethnic group. You know it is really amazing when you set and think about it, Jennifer and I are changing both of our families to a point that they will never be the same again. Where will it go from here? I was just wondering if this is the same case with the rest of you guys. How does the rest of youre family feel about it, and how does youre Wife and or Fiance's family feel about it?

[Martytb]

My family (the ones I talk to) can't wait to meet Wei Ping in person. It won't really affect the family tree much as we both are beyond having children.

Her family is a bit torn by the whole thing. They like me, and some like me a lot. They are upset that they will not have access to Wei Ping for free medical service anymore though. When her sister realized what marrying me would do she got a little ticked. She'll get over it.

[Robert S.]

My father's third wife is from Columbia. My brother's wife is from Peru. They are disappointed with me for marrying such an exotic person like a Chinese lady, although they like her personally. I wish that the Chinese language and most particularly the writing were not so inaccessible. I know a good bit of Spanish. But I am locked out of ever really getting a handle on Chinese culture and thinking. When we all get together it looks like some kind of motley ethnic gathering. And we are part American Indian on my father's side as well. Ping seems to especially regard my Peruvian sister-in-law as incredibly foreign.

[Trigg]

What a great thread. I'll need a lot more time to think about a comprehensive answer. However, when I first started corresponding with my wife, my mother was outraged. "Why do you want to find a bride from 10,000 miles away?" and "but she's a commie isn't she"? "What's wrong with an American woman"? And of course I heard the stereo typical comments from dear old Daddy. "Chink, Gook". My brother said "Hey Trigg, that's a good idea. Chinese women do everything their husband says and they never complain."

 

 

Well, my brother was almost right except it is me who does what I'm told. Mommy dearest now loves Fang Ling because Fang Ling believes that we should take care of our parents and she cleans my mothers house every time we visit. Dad. well that's a different story-he's a bit hard headed.

[warpedbored]

Any shock my family had about marrying outside my ethnic group has long since disapated since my ex-wife is Japanese. Now when I told my mother that I was marrying a woman from China at first her ole McCarthyism head stuck out. She figured Bing was a commie wanting to come spy on us. When I pointed out that there is not much to spy on in Portland Oregon she changed her mind. Now everything is fine.

[Robert S.]

Maybe they are not spies but instead are deep undercover sleeper agents for when China takes over the world!!!!!

[Guest Gene]

I have always been the black sheep of my family, funny I was born the year of the Ram, so I have already used up all of my "shock value" points. I find it very hard to surprise my family with anything. The only concern was that I was being taken advantage of by someone wanting a green card. I have dispelled that theory and everyone is as excited as I am for them to get here. My son is especialy excited for his new mother to be here and more so his new brother, they are only one year apart 10 and 11. Huahua and I both would like to have a little girl so this will be a first for my family tree to have anything other than a "White Bread" gene poole. I haven't told them this, but like I said I have already used up all of my points, and that would not be an issue anyway. I look at it as our small additon of integration of the world population and we will all live Happily Ever After

[LENJIA]

I guess my mom and dad were a little pessimistic at first, especially when I told them that I was going to fly to the PRC by myself. I dont know if they were more worried about me doing that or getting married to a gilr from China. My dad is "oldschool", (retired Lt. Col in the Air Force) and I thought that he would have a few choice words about it, but to tell you the truth, he didn't have much to say about it. I think once they found out that I was actually going to go through all of this, thats when they started to really get involved in the whole process along with me. When I would go to there house, they would ask how Jennifer was, how much more time before she gets here...ect I was pretty happy at the response that I got from them and my sister also. I think at first it was really hard for Jennifer to accept my parents and the way people act in the states, but overall, she has grown to love my parents and accept them for what they are.

 

I just set and think about how it is going to change our generation of the Parks family. We are English and Scottish heritage, and now all of a sudden, there is Chinese in our family tree. I cant wait to set and be able to tell my son about this one day and see what he thinks of it. I never thought in a million years that I would be married to a Chinese girl, better yet have the chance to actually go to China and visit. I think it is the greatest thing that has ever happend to me in my life and I think I can speak for Jennifer and say that she thinks the same way. I feel like my life has started all over again, it's the greatest feeling in the world.

[John & Hai Yan]

It wasn't all that long ago that Italian, Jews, Greeks and countless other ethnic groups, would ostracize someone for marrying outside their own ethnic clan. The same went for religious and racial groups. Some of this continues today. Dire predictions were made about the collapse of morals, and the breakdown of society. In the end it has made the world community a little smaller, and our understanding of each other a little better. Fear drives this prejudice. Love breaks down the barriers.

[Jeikun]

Once, in a post some months ago, I posted a few very insulting comments about people looking for a bride overseas. Of course it was being used to show how ridiculous stereotyping in general can be by pointing out one that none of us would agree with, and would all find offensive.

 

Funny thing is, when I was younger I actually believed that. My uncle (Dad's youngest brother) was socially inept. Very shy, few friends, at 28 had never even been out on a casual date. He started ordering "mail order bride" catalogs. I was very condesending about it. So I developed the opinion that that sort of thing was the actions of the desperate, looking for some foreign woman who primarily saw them as a meal ticket.

 

When she first arrived in the states, and often had fights with him about money, almost leaving him more than once, I saw little to change my impression. But over time, they worked through their problems and developed a strong marriage, have 2 beautiful children and are very happy together. My whole family loves her, so I realized I was judging too harshly.

 

By doing this though, my dad's side of the family who were a bit suspious of interracial relationships (be they Americian of foreign) had already got past their prejudices long before I ever dated an Asian girl.

 

My ex wife was Japanese, so at this point no one in my family thinks anything of me dating interracialy. Though my grandmother on my dad's side did say something that made my skin crawl once. "Well, at least she's not black. I don't know if I could accept that." That was insulting on 2 levels 1 it implied "Well, she's not white... but at least she's not..." and on the other level I would have no compunctions whatsoever about dating someone who was black, but now knew that my grandmother would be looking down on it.

 

My mother when I was a child always took great pains to make sure I was color-blind I think. I can't ask her about it, because she passed away before I was an adult. I do remember though, that I didn't even realize that asians were considered a seperate "race" until I was nearly a teenager. She had some interest in Japanese artwork, and it led to my interest in the language. As a teenager I wanted to visit Japan, or teach English there one day, and had many pen pals there.

 

When I joined the Air Force, Japanese wasn't an option so I took Korean as my language, and my area of study. Given all of this, my family is not suprised at all though my dad was a little shocked that I would enter into another long distance relationship after having spent years and a lot of money in another one. My ex went to college in Michigan when I was stationed in Maryland, and I would drive out there 3 weekends a month.

 

As for Jun, I'm not positive how her family sees it. Maybe I should ask I know they like me, but I never really asked their reaction specifically to the "race" question. I do know that when she was still looking online, she talked to someone who was half Japanese, half Chinese briefly and her father's reaction was "NO JAPANESE!!" I also know that the idea of actually having a relationship with caucasian had never really even crossed her mind until not long before we began talking. Maybe she can post here and be more specific.

 

Well, I've rambled and babbled enough I think. What was my point? Oh yeah, my family is fine with it. They just want me to be with someone who makes me happy, and an interracial relationship is not something new to my family, or to me. In Jun's family it is something new (well as far as caucasians are concerned), but while I see they have no problem with it, I'm not sure about their EXACT or INITIAL reactions. I think basically, they only want someone for her who will love her and make her happy though. Well, as long as they aren't Japanese...

[James]

I am the first person in my family that I know of to marry a foreigner or person of another race. My whole family has been supportive, including my parents, siblings, and extended family. Mainly they just ask when my wife will be getting here. My sister has even started a little advance work on getting a reception planned (making a guest list and so forth).

 

Whether anyone in my extended family secretly disapproves, I have no way of knowing. But when I show everyone our pictures, they seem interested and make positive comments about how pretty my wife is and how cute her daughter is.

 

And we are from Kentucky

 

If anything bothered my family, particularly my mom, it was the fear that going to China wouldn't be safe. And of course now, I anticipate going back and forth to China for the rest of my life, as often as finances permit, to visit my wife's family.

 

At the place where I worked until last month, I was very close to most of my co-workers, maybe 20 people or so. Many seemed to think the whole deal was cool. Others seemed a little apprehensive but bemused more than anything, writing it off as me being eccentric. A few did come to me and express concern that I had done something crazy, acted too rashly, etc.

 

I think there are two elements that can provoke reactions. One is the interracial thing, which I haven't found to be much of an issue, at least not yet (but my wife is not here yet.) The other is the meeting someone online and flying halfway around the world to meet and get engaged to/marry her thing. I find that that part does tend to throw people a little. But whatever. It's my life to live, not theirs. Anyone else have thoughts on that aspect of it?

[James]

"My ex went to college in Michigan when I was stationed in Maryland, and I would drive out there 3 weekends a month."

 

Wow! How far is that??

[Jeikun]

"My ex went to college in Michigan when I was stationed in Maryland, and I would drive out there 3 weekends a month."

 

Wow!  How far is that??

527 miles each way.

[Jeikun]

I think there are two elements that can provoke reactions.  One is the interracial thing, which I haven't found to be much of an issue, at least not yet (but my wife is not here yet.)  The other is the meeting someone online and flying halfway around the world to meet and get engaged to/marry her thing.  I find that that part does tend to throw people a little.  But whatever.  It's my life to live, not theirs.  Anyone else have thoughts on that aspect of it?

When I went to see Jun, I took my vacation two months before I was technically entitled to it. I didn't tell our owner my reasons because he's kind of a "fatherly type", and I worried he would be inclined to turn down the request thinking he was doing me a favor by preventing me from acting "too rashly".

[LENJIA]

I think there are two elements that can provoke reactions.  One is the interracial thing, which I haven't found to be much of an issue, at least not yet (but my wife is not here yet.)  The other is the meeting someone online and flying halfway around the world to meet and get engaged to/marry her thing.  I find that that part does tend to throw people a little.  But whatever.  It's my life to live, not theirs.  Anyone else have thoughts on that aspect of it?

I think the interracial thing that you talked about is the most important thing. When I first started the K1 Visa, I only told a hand full of people at my work about it, but word got around that I was doing it. There are a few people that I know talk about me behind my back and say things that they wouldn't say to my face, but I really dont care, it is my life and as long as Jennifer and I are happy, that's all that matters. There are a few that still crack the usual Chinese joke here and there, but I have learned to just pass them by and not even say anything to them.

 

The worst thing that I hate is when Jennifer and I are walking around and people just stare at us like we are from another planet, I dont understand what the big deal is. I guess that most Americans think that we should just stick to our own race, which I think is the stupidest thing that I have ever heard in my life.

 

I guess all in all this leads back to the topic again, I sorta knew that I would have a hard time with people dealing with this, but I guess it could be a lot worse.