Gifts for wife's family

[pkroger]

I know that it is the Chinese custom for the bridegroom to give gifts to the bride's family. Can anyone provide guidance as to what kind of gifts are appropriate? Are they usually presented before the wedding?

 

Thanks for your input.

 

Peter

[sylinchinastill]

I read on one guy's site- who married his wife in China and is now applying for K-3- that he gave a red envelope with 100 USD inside- another guy also said he gave a red envelope with money inside. I asked my fiance and he also says this is the custom. I would also suggest- on top of a red money envelope to give some jewelry. My mother-in-law to be bought me some gold rings and necklaces. Jewelry is much less expensive in the US (for nice stones and etc.) than in China- Ashford.com is my favorite website for jewelry. Probably anything from the US would be appreciated. American Ginseng is very big here. I gave my father-in-law a painting of the Smoky Mountains and I think that was well-received as well.

[frank1538]

I suffer from CRS disease (Can't Remember S**t), but I do recall the following. Most were presented on the day of our ceremonial wedding.

 

The principal gift was the payment to the family. Nine is a lucky number in China, so I had 9,999 yuan (about $1,200) for the mother/father. All money gifts went into little red envelopes. This gift was tendered to the father.

 

Traditional teapot, cups, and tea. The teapot had a dragon and phoenix on it, the traditional symbols for male/female, yin/yang, and the state of marriage. This was given to mom (I think).

 

Special red chopsticks, given to mom.

 

Marlboro cigarettes (red box, of course) given to dad.

 

Li shi (pronounced lie see). These are red packets of money to be used later. Most were stuffed with a twenty dollar bill, but a few had $100 (US) in them. For some reason, there was a preference for US money for these packets.

 

One gift that was given in advance to Jingwen was a new bed (frame and mattress). Tradition apparently calls for a new bridal bed for the new couple.

 

Of course, there were additional gifts to Jingwen, but I don't recall any special wedding gifts for the brother and sisters.

 

I think a lot will depend on the customs and traditions observed by the family.

[tonado]

Of course, there were additional gifts to Jingwen, but I don't recall any special wedding gifts for the brother and sisters.

 

I think a lot will depend on the customs and traditions observed by the family.

I have to give money to buy shoes for my wife's brother. The groom also have to buy a roast pig and cakes for the wife's family.

[olemanoman1950]

Well I asked my at the time (fiancee) what gifts to bring and she told me none. Her mother did ask for some American Ginseng she said Chinese was not very good. I ordered on line and took two boxes with me, customs did not check. I think Money in a Red Envelope is the Normal Gift for most mothers and fathers, especially if they are retired. They can never have enough Money. You'll find that most chinese want US dollars not Yuans or CNY's. They like to watch the rates go up and down and are able to Capitalize on the Ups and Downs of their Currency. A good chinese wife will do everything possible to save you money. Where you might think it's weird to want to save a penny here and there, to a chinese women it's called be Thrifty. Oh and God forbid if you buy a shirt and theres a string hanging on it, they want perfect items when they buy them.

[mari]

I really don't know if this is appropriate at the time of a wedding, but definitely nice to give at any time: Scrabble and Domino games are always welcomed by my bf's relatives and friends, of course, if there's someone to explain it to the recipients.

[Trigg]

The principal gift was the payment to the family.  Nine is a lucky number in China, so I had 9,999 yuan (about $1,200) for the mother/father.  All money gifts went into little red envelopes.  This gift was tendered to the father.

 

Yup, at least in Zhanjiang China an amount ending in nine. Although numbers ending in eight are considered lucky, amounts ending in nine or ninety-nine are used for gifts for the future in laws. I learned not to ask why, I just shutup and do it.

Trigg

[sawadee]

Giving money to the parents-in-law is the custom of southern part of China, in Shanghai parents-in-law and the relatives of the bride all give money to the groom.

[Trigg]

Giving money to the parents-in-law is the custom of southern part of China, in Shanghai parents-in-law and the relatives of the bride all give money to the groom.

Hmmmmm, I think I like that Shanghai thing much better. Although, I did get a red envelope from my In laws. My wife siad I should not spend it but rather keep it for luck--I spent it!

[Robert S.]

Whether I had the money or not I just don't like the so-called custom of giving money in these red envelopes. I never heard of this until I saw it mentioned here on Candle. The idea of giving gifts of course is something I like but not cash, it should be something that the person will keep and remember who gave it to them. In my wife's family the item most often for gift giving seems to be sheets and pillowcases and other special kinds of covers. I gave my mother-in-law a pashmina cashmere scarf which she never used and gave to her daughter who kept it for a while until she gave it to me. She thought it was too nice for her. But I'm not going to give back the 3200 RMB jade pendant Mama bought for me.

 

Give them something useful, especially if it says Made in USA it would make a hit.

[se_lang]

Give them something useful, especially if it says Made in USA it would make a hit.

How about a white t-shirt that was made in china but in big red letters on the front itsays "Made in USA"

[oregonknl]

TRIGG!

 

YOU SPENT THE MONEY ?!?!?!!??

 

The red envelope thing is an important part of the Lunar New Year --- children get red envelopes, sometimes with small denominations, in the US -- a dollar, perhaps. Even sometimes, fake money in Big denominations -- said to act the same as real money! -- the purpose being to "prime the pump" for the new year -- make it a wealthy year.

 

This is a great thread for me, because I am meeting my future inlaws next month!! (and haven't given it a thought!) ---thanks, for keeping my bacon intact....

 

In the case of adoption, the whole gifting thing is more delicate.

 

You want to show appreciation to the orphanage director for the good care given to your daughter, but you need to be careful that it doesn't look like a bribe or payoff --- aspects of the past corrupt practices before about 1990...

 

I like proof sets of US coins (small denominations!) encased in plastic, from the US mint. The whole thing is to present it as a cross-cultural exchange, and the directors that I have given them to are delighted..

 

Kim

[Trigg]

TRIGG!

 

YOU SPENT THE MONEY ?!?!?!!??

 

The red envelope thing is an important part of the Lunar New Year --- children get red envelopes, sometimes with small denominations,  in the US -- a dollar, perhaps.  Even sometimes, fake money in Big denominations --  said to act the same as real money!  -- the purpose being to "prime the pump" for the new year -- make it a wealthy year.

 

But Kim, I spent it priming the pump-Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrppp!

[Bobby]

Give them something useful, especially if it says Made in USA it would make a hit.

How about a white t-shirt that was made in china but in big red letters on the front itsays "Made in USA"

Heh.. this is similar to a gift I've been threatening my wife with .. I was going to have a friend make up 5 t-shirts (her and her four sisters) that were black with "Made In China" in white letters on the front, then a little funny blurb about her village on the back..

 

Oddly enough, the part that upset her was that it would have her village's name on it, and as far as she was concerned, that was tantamount to giving out your SSN here in the US..

 

Oh well, I can always get her the shirt my father has, "Where the f?ck is Frogmore, SC?" (minus the censoring, of course )

[se_lang]

Give them something useful, especially if it says Made in USA it would make a hit.

How about a white t-shirt that was made in china but in big red letters on the front itsays "Made in USA"

Heh.. this is similar to a gift I've been threatening my wife with .. I was going to have a friend make up 5 t-shirts (her and her four sisters) that were black with "Made In China" in white letters on the front, then a little funny blurb about her village on the back..

 

Oddly enough, the part that upset her was that it would have her village's name on it, and as far as she was concerned, that was tantamount to giving out your SSN here in the US..

 

Oh well, I can always get her the shirt my father has, "Where the f?ck is Frogmore, SC?" (minus the censoring, of course )

LOL I also want to find one of those "My xxx went to China and all I got was this lousey t-shirt" only I want it written in Chinese.