How often do you go back to china to visit your family?

[xiaoyan1985]

with long distance and expensive plane tickets, once we move to the states,I probably can't visit my home as often, mu parents live in a very small town which is hours away from Beijing, that will make my future visit more difficult, so i wonder how often do you visit china?

[dnoblett]

My wife has been back to China twice over the past 7 years, we had her mother visit us for about 5 months this year.

 

It is not easy to take long periods of time away from a full time job, and also the cost of travel are factors.

[tsap seui]

I always felt it was very important for my wife and son to stay in touch with their relatives and in my wife's case, her friends in China. They came to America in August of 2011 and in late May of 2013 they (during Fengqi's high school break) they went back to china for 3 full months. Wenyan left August 11th of 2014 for another 3 month stay. You only get your parents once.

 

One of my biggest regrets about the way the State Department screwed over my wife and son's immigration is the fact that had they given them their visa's back in 2007 like they should have, my father would have been alive and well and had a few years of the happiness of having my dear wife and son in his life, he passed away just under a year before the State Department released my wife and son from their illegal clutches. As well, I could have brought my mother and father in-law to visit us in America. It bothers me to this day that my father and mother in-law are too ill stricken to bring them over here. In 2007, up until 2010 or so they were in good enough health that they could have come over. Dammit, I would have given anything to take my father in-law for a tour of Washington, DC...he would have loved that and it would have been one of the highlights of his life.

 

The US State Department screwed over my family in many more ways than just the 4 years and 10 months they wasted, holding us back. So much more was lost during that damned wait.

 

I hope you can go visit your parents yearly, if you choose.

 

tsap seui

[credzba]

We don't have set time period, but seems to be about every 2 years.

We would go more often, but my wife cannot get off work.

 

The cost of travel is not too expensive ( about $1,200 US roundtrip ) but 18 hours each way on the air plane is terrible.

It takes a week or so to adjust to time difference.

 

When we go, we like to stay for months.

[amberjack1234]

I love China and would go every year if Liren would go but she won't. We have been married for 15 years and she has only returned to Beijing once. Actually her parents live just south east of Beijing about 2 hours drive from the airport.

 

Larry

[NickF]

ChunMei goes back at least once a year, occasionally for an extended period. She's leaving this time on 11 January, and won't be back in the USA until 25 May. Her father will be 94 years old in January, and her mother is almost 80, and is in the early stages of dementia, so I certainly don't begrudge her wanting to spend whatever time she can with her parents. She's also said that when her parents die she might not go back to China at all, especially if her son can come here occasionally to visit.

[DocMartin817]

We go back once a year at spring festival. Liwen stays longer -- I stay 3 to 4 weeks and she usually stays two months. I have an office in our apartment there and am able to do most of my work pretty well.

[tsap seui]

ChunMei goes back at least once a year, occasionally for an extended period. She's leaving this time on 11 January, and won't be back in the USA until 25 May. Her father will be 94 years old in January, and her mother is almost 80, and is in the early stages of dementia, so I certainly don't begrudge her wanting to spend whatever time she can with her parents. She's also said that when her parents die she might not go back to China at all, especially if her son can come here occasionally to visit.

Nick, my wife often says the same thing about when her folks pass. I don't believe it, and at least hope she goes back occasionally...with me on her arm. The way things are with her folks I would be more than a nuisance if I went with her as she is so busy. I hope ChunMei's mother's dementia doesn't progress the way Wenyan's mother's is. It breaks my heart to hear Wenyan describe what she is doing, as well as how her poor father is having to exist now. They are such good people, sometimes life is so unfair.

 

This sorta shit sucks in the highest order, I hope I just go quick with no drama on my loved ones. I wouldn't wish what Wenyan's family is going through now, on anyone. Wenyan's body is in America but her heart and mind is in what is going on in China. She needed a break from the intensity, and she wants to start this new business but I'm doing some quick changes in one of her apartments that just went vacant, bidding a little time, and hope I can talk her into heading back, soon, for another stay. Her two brothers are already worn out with this daily horror story with their parents.

 

Another thing that rips my heart out is that there is nothing I can do. No amount of money can help...I could go sit with the folks and talk with Ba, hand feed him food, carry him to the bathroom or move him in his bed, but Ma, in a moment of clarity may look again at me as the one who took her daughter out of her life and just add more angst to the voices she is hearing in her head. I hate being up against a wall with nothing I can do about a situation. Ma and Ba are two really nice folks. It's hard not to think about the years stolen from us by that damned State Department, the things we could have done, places I could have taken them in America, the extreme pleasure it would have given Ba in particular, whatever. I found a way to make lemonade out of their lemons they threw at us in the past with Fengqi and Wenyan.....this....what can I do with this?

 

My heart and best wishes are with your wife and her parents.

 

tsap seui

[NickF]

tsap seui

 

Thanks for the kind thoughts. I went through four years od increasing dementia with my father before he died, so I know what ChunMei's going through. her mother was beginning to experience symptoms at the time I first met her parents, and didn't have much interaction with me. Now ChunMei says she asks when I can come visit. I'm going to try to make the trip while ChunMei's there this spring.

 

As or her father, he such a nice man. He speaks no English, so I've always communicated with him through ChunMei, but I felt comfortable with him the first day we met. When ChunMei took me to their apartment the first time I visited China, he was watching TV. The family socialized for a while (ChunMei has 3 sisters and a "brother" who is actually her cousin.) Then the ladies went into the other room to talk (about me, of course,) leaving me alone with her father. The first thing he did was change the TV channel to find a program with English sub-titles so I would feel more comfortable. That's when we bonded.

 

Later ChunMei taught me the Cantonese phrases that I used to ask her dad permission to marry his daughter. He'll be 94 in January, and I'd seriously like to seem him live another 15 years at the least. He's had 2 strokes, and can't get around as well as he did when I first met him, but mentally he's as sharp as he ever was. When he dies it will be a little like losing my father again.

 

Now with ChunMei going back for almost 5 months, I'm hoping that I can go visit for a couple of weeks in the spring next year when the Nanning weather's decent.

[tsap seui]

NIck, that had to be tough going for both you and your father. Wenyan mom is yelling in the room at people who aren't there...very agitated and pissed off....saying she's responding to the people yelling angrily at her...it goes on for hours. THen there will be small times of clarity for the poor soul. Ba can only lay there, helpless, in the bed, sometimes with tears on his face.

 

I love my in-laws. Ba and I really hit it off. At times, after a family meal in a restaurant we'd go to catch some taxis and Ba would hold one of my hand in both of his, tightly, all the way out the door and until the taxis came.

 

Ba knows what I did in Vietnam and once he found out I was looking for a large Chinese flag he unlocked a drawer that held his prize possessions...a large collection of Chairman Mao buttons (sorta like campaign buttons). NOw mind you, he won't even let his sons look at those buttons, but he gave me 3 of them, then locked them back up. On my next trip I shined up one of my heavy air medals with the ribbon and all, and gave it to him. I got so many of those stupid medals they meant nothing to me when they were handed out to me, but the look in Ba's eyes and the wonderment in his voice as he held the medal was worth a million dollars to me.

 

On Wenyan's trip Ba secretly, when no one was looking took out the large bag of his Mao buttons and gave them to Wenyan to take. Ba is the only one in the family who joined the Communist party, I know they mean a lot to him, and from when we could get Wenyan to translate for us I know he would have loved to come to America and see the sights in DC. Oh what I would have given for Wenyan to have gotten her visa when Ba was still healthy enough to make the trip here. It will forever be a regret in my life, one I can't do a damned thing about. One that I've got the hundreds of emails to that F'ing Guangzhou, two dumbassed presidents, and Janet what's her shitty name, lackey congressmen.....it still pisses me off what the sorry assed F'ing State Department took away with their criminal acts. And now I see all I should have been doing is get Wenyan over here illegally and everything would be okay!!!!! Grrrrrr..........how my fingers would love to slither around a neck!!!

 

I hear you when you say ChunMei's father's passing will be like losing your dad again. I STRONGLY feel that sentiment.

 

Good luck to you guys and ChunMei's parents.

[xiaoyan1985]

Thank you for sharing your story, Tsap seui. I have to say wenyan is so lucky to have you for caring about his family so much. That shows how much you love and care about her...I think it is more important for his dad to see how much you care than visiting the US...good luck for you and wenyan.you two deserve to be happy!

[tsap seui]

Thank you for those nice words, xiaoyan. In so many ways I have been very fortunate to have met Wenyan and her family.

 

I wish you the best in your life, too.

 

tsap seui