PBS.org Independent Lens - Seeking Asian Female

[Bigguy_33]

http://video.pbs.org/video/2339246842

 

Here is the film itself

http://video.pbs.org/video/2365001610

 

This is a film documentary that was on PBS yesterday.

 

I think every man on this website, past and present, should watch this film about an American man seeking a Chinese wife. FYI, it is produced by a Chinese woman who was raised in the USA

 

Many of the postings concerning situations in marriages and relationships, I’ve read on this website over the last 10 years are shown in this film.

 

I watched it twice. I think it maybe a little uncomfortable for some of you to watch it since its like looking into a mirror a seeing your own reflection.

 

(Sorry if this was posted before, I did try searching for it on CFL)

 

One great thing, after studying Chinese everyday for the last 3 years, I could understand a lot of what Sandy was saying in Chinese.

 

Here is some of the description from the PBS website.

http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/seeking-asian-female/images/film.jpghttp://www.pbs.org/independentlens/seeking-asian-female/images/film2.jpghttp://www.pbs.org/independentlens/seeking-asian-female/images/film4.jpg

Steven is an aging white man obsessed with marrying an Asian woman, dreaming of a devoted young wife. Sandy is the young, feisty, ambitious Chinese woman he finds online. This engaging documentary follows their tumultuous love story.

For years, twice-divorced airport garage attendant Steven has been writing to numerous women through an online dating site that specializes in connecting Western men with Asian women. At times, his pursuit seems like utter fantasy. He falls for a 24-year-old woman across the Pacific entirely through pictures and email. When she eventually breaks his heart, he meets another Chinese woman, 30-year-old Sandy. They become engaged, and she flies to San Francisco to marry him.

Steven and Sandy negotiate cross-cultural differences huddled around Google Translate as they try to communicate despite an enormous language barrier. While they attempt to work out the significant bumps in their relationship, filmmaker Debbie Lum finds herself becoming more than an outside observer: Steven and Sandy begin to rely heavily on Lum to bridge the large gap between their two disparate cultures.

“One day Steven calls me in desperation,” Lum says. “He and Sandy have had a huge fight. I rush over to film them — but quickly become enlisted as translator using the broken Mandarin I learned in college. Finding myself caught in the middle of their tumultuous lives, I begin to see their complicated relationship from many different angles.”

Sandy comes to realize that both Steven and life in America are not as ideal as she had expected. But as she confronts many of Steven’s bad habits, he begins to change. His obsession with many Asian women becomes a deep commitment to one — and he recognizes that in order to keep Sandy, he must learn how to be a caring, respectful, and culturally sensitive husband. Above all he must confront the reality of marriage — not to the sweet innocent girl he imagined, but to a demanding, strong-willed Asian woman

Edited May 9, 2013 by Bigguy_33 (see edit history)

[ameriken]

I just came to post this but you beat me to it. Watching it now.

[Bigguy_33]

I just came to post this but you beat me to it. Watching it now.

 

This guy (Steven) is embarrassing to watch !

 

Did you hear the line where the producer said to Steven after Sandy has arrived.. "She hungry ! You need to feed her !....."

Edited May 9, 2013 by Bigguy_33 (see edit history)

[ameriken]

lol, yeah, couldn't they have picked a better example to highlight?

[Bigguy_33]

lol, yeah, couldn't they have picked a better example to highlight?

Remember that old quote.....

 

"We have met the enemy..... and he is us"

 

I just don't know if he is any different than many other guys doing the same thing..... I've seen it many times here.....I bet you have too.

[ameriken]

 

lol, yeah, couldn't they have picked a better example to highlight?

Remember that old quote.....

 

"We have met the enemy..... and he is us"

 

I just don't know if he is any different than many other guys doing the same thing..... I've seen it many times here.....I bet you have too.

 

True, they're out there, but there are plenty of better examples as well, such as the majority of people on this forum.

 

At least it ended well, I like that the producer addressed her own stereotypes.

Edited May 9, 2013 by ameriken (see edit history)

[Fu Lai]

the producer has many stereotypes "asianphile" indeed! What about calling asian women who are with white guys, "caucasiphiles"? Kinda offensive

[Randy W]

Just downloaded and started watching it - seems like it'll be a very good show. It's amazing that she would be able to cut in so thoroughly from the beginning, but . . . WHAT A CREEP. Than again, that creepiness and his openness was probably how she was able to put it together.

[Randy W]

 

That look on her face when his friends said, "It's good to have you!" was priceless.

[Randy W]

the producer has many stereotypes "asianphile" indeed! What about calling asian women who are with white guys, "caucasiphiles"? Kinda offensive

 

An "asiaphile" is what it is. The show calls him a "confessed asiaphile", so there doesn't seem to be any question there.

 

Her husband (also married to an Asian), on the other hand, isn't called one and apparently isn't one.

[warpedbored]

I know guys like this are out there and there are more than a few of them. They do make the rest of us look bad. I didn't marry my wife to get a young sweet obedient wife. She' s only 3 years younger than I and most certainly is a "steel rod swathed in flowers".

[Randy W]

Just got to the end of it - it's amazing that she was able to get that degree of confidence from both parties.

 

An amazing study, and one that I would recommend for everyone here, especially those with substantial age differences.

[406camaro]

Amazing there still together, after 4 years good for them

[Mick]

I watched the documentary beginning to end. I thought it was interesting in some ways, especially how the girl making the film became sort of emeshed in the relationship. I hoped she would have dealt more with the hassles of getting a visa, but that aspect got little mention. Perhaps they had smooth sailing through the process. I also found myself wondering where this guy got all his money. I mean, he flew off to China at the drop of a hat at least three times. Tough to pull off on a cashier's salary I would think. I know his brother has some bucks, as he shelled out 20K on the wedding. I also would have like to have seen more explanation of "losing face" as the wife mentioned it on several occasions, as well as her sense of shame. At one point she said, "I won't be able to hold my head up in front of my friends" and she spoke of friends and co-workers laughing at her.

 

Of course I know it is easy to sit here and be a Monday morning quarterback. Overall, I thought the director did a great job and I enjoyed watching the film.

[ameriken]

I also found myself wondering where this guy got all his money.

 

I wondered about that too, but right around 31:00 he gets a phone call and I think he said it was about a credit card he had 'a long time ago'. He must have put his trips and other expenses on the card and then didn't pay it.