Yes or No, okay?

[tsap seui]

Yer a dadgum poet Scott, and a fisherman.

 

I find it cool and funny how the Chinese look at each other. It's hilarious to me as I listen to my wife describe hot people....and I'm certain they say the same about cold people....jes like southener's n' damn yankees, or banana benders and the rest of Oz, or the Kiwi's and the Aussies.....lol Life is funny like that, and I enjoy the hell out of it. Laugh laugh laugh..........

 

tsap seui

[Fu Lai]

I didn't mean to portray my girl as a beating around the busher, she is far from it. She is very direct and blunt as can be, with no time to spend dealing with blah blah.

 

Since the Chinese seem to use any sound in the world to agree or disagree, say yes or no, I did convince my wife to use uh-huh and uh-uh as much as possible for my ease of understanding. This is a work in progress right dear? "uh"

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

I didn't mean to portray my girl as a beating around the busher, she is far from it. She is very direct and blunt as can be, with no time to spend dealing with blah blah.

 

Since the Chinese seem to use any sound in the world to agree or disagree, say yes or no, I did convince my wife to use uh-huh and uh-uh as much as possible for my ease of understanding. This is a work in progress right dear? "uh"

 

I didn't see you as describing your wife as beating around the bush. Quite frankly, I have had countless experiences of interactions just like that in work and relationships with Chinese. There is a big difference in expectations with what Americans want and seemingly need to know.

 

I explain it to the Chinese as the five W's and an 'H'. Whenever we want to know something, we are thinking of:

 

1. Who

2. What

3. When

4. Where

5. Why

6. How

Edited February 23, 2013 by JiangsuExpat (see edit history)

[Fu Lai]

... I explain it to the Chinese as the five W's and an 'H'. Whenever we want to know something, we are thinking of:

 

1. Who

2. What

3. When

4. Where

5. Why

6. How

This is good.

 

I still ask who but I have come to understand there are mainly three answers... family, colleagues and classmates. If it is a friend that I know well she will say the name. She has the what, how and when figured out as something I always need to know so she is good with that. She will tell me something she wants to do and I'll ask why. Often she replies, "no why, we will do it." I will ask where is it and she will reply, "in Wuhan." I'll ask where in Wuhan and she'll say, "in Wuchang." I'll ask what street and she'll say "it is far away." Finally I'll ask what is the street and number and she'll reply "you do not know the place so do not ask." So I deduce that she knows where it is but not the address.

 

She still does the "I'll ask a Chinese person" after I give an answer. Example, her 16 year old son wanted to get rid of the peachfuzz on his lip and asked me if he could shave. I said certainly. The hair does not regrow faster or any of that myth. I even showed him and his mother a few doctor sites that confirmed it. She said nothing but 10 minutes later she told her son he could shave. I asked her why she delayed her answer and she said she had to ask some Chinese people and check Chinese doctors first. So I taught the son how to shave.

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

 

... I explain it to the Chinese as the five W's and an 'H'. Whenever we want to know something, we are thinking of:

 

1. Who

2. What

3. When

4. Where

5. Why

6. How

This is good.

 

I still ask who but I have come to understand there are mainly three answers... family, colleagues and classmates. If it is a friend that I know well she will say the name. She has the what, how and when figured out as something I always need to know so she is good with that. She will tell me something she wants to do and I'll ask why. Often she replies, "no why, we will do it." I will ask where is it and she will reply, "in Wuhan." I'll ask where in Wuhan and she'll say, "in Wuchang." I'll ask what street and she'll say "it is far away." Finally I'll ask what is the street and number and she'll reply "you do not know the place so do not ask." So I deduce that she knows where it is but not the address.

 

She still does the "I'll ask a Chinese person" after I give an answer. Example, her 16 year old son wanted to get rid of the peachfuzz on his lip and asked me if he could shave. I said certainly. The hair does not regrow faster or any of that myth. I even showed him and his mother a few doctor sites that confirmed it. She said nothing but 10 minutes later she told her son he could shave. I asked her why she delayed her answer and she said she had to ask some Chinese people and check Chinese doctors first. So I taught the son how to shave.

 

 

It's when we drill down like that we begin to learn whether they are willing to say, "I don't know." That may be even harder for Chinese people than Yes or No.

[Dennis143]

I need to remember and understand all this when dealing with so many newly arrived Chinese. I dunno, but maybe it's better for me just to continue with my very direct approach that seems to often confuse them.

[credzba]

I need to remember and understand all this when dealing with so many newly arrived Chinese. I dunno, but maybe it's better for me just to continue with my very direct approach that seems to often confuse them.

One good thing about your using the direct approach would be to teach them this is the way most Americans will approach things.

It is difficult to accept that a country of people have this totally different way of dealing with things, but would be good for them to know right away.

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

I need to remember and understand all this when dealing with so many newly arrived Chinese. I dunno, but maybe it's better for me just to continue with my very direct approach that seems to often confuse them.

 

I taught a few technical communication classes to the engineers at my company in Nanjing. I opened the first class to 12 people, and later HR contacted me that several more people wanted to attend. I asked, how many more? She said, more than 200! I was surprised, but agreed to let them all attend the introductory class of communicating in technical English.

 

I spent several hours preparing my presentation, that included some interactive events. I felt very awkward however, because even though there were over 200 in attendance, no one had a single question, and would respond to my questions. I learned a lot from that first class. Foremost, I learned Chinese teaching methods discourage talking or asking questions of the teachers during class. They are expected to sit silently, and absorb all. If they have questions, it should be done after the class is over. However, many want to ask questions, but are intimidated as they may feel their English is not good enough, or they may appear stupid.

 

In later classes, I used known interactive techniques, like tossing a ball to a student and asking a question. If they caught the ball, they must answer. Then, ask another question of a fellow student and toss the ball. They all had a blast with that. Laughed and enjoyed every minute. Another class presented the task of making a paper airplane. I separated the engineers into groups of 7-10 and tasked them to make the best paper airplane. Then, write the instructions in English that explained step-by-step how to make the plane.

 

Each group presented their instruction and plane to the class, and then tossed their airplane to see how far it would go. The group with the farthest flying plane won points. But, the group that most effectively explained how to make the plane got even more points.

 

Just speaking oral English helps communication, but Chinese are very weak on communicating concepts and problem solving.

Edited February 23, 2013 by JiangsuExpat (see edit history)

[Dennis143]

 

I need to remember and understand all this when dealing with so many newly arrived Chinese. I dunno, but maybe it's better for me just to continue with my very direct approach that seems to often confuse them.

One good thing about your using the direct approach would be to teach them this is the way most Americans will approach things.

It is difficult to accept that a country of people have this totally different way of dealing with things, but would be good for them to know right away.

I have only recently began to grasp and understand this way of saving face in interacting dialog with (especially) newly arrived Chinese. They often told me that they appreciated when asking an American a question that they were given an honest and direct answer. It never meant much too me before what that meant to them.

 

I think that, sadly, although our direct approach may be refreshing for them it will never rub off in their ingrained way of beating around the bush.

Edited February 23, 2013 by Dennis143 (see edit history)

[2mike&jin]

Just use the BEER METHOD with everything Chinese......"HAVE ANOTHER"!!!

[Dennis143]

Just use the BEER METHOD with everything Chinese......"HAVE ANOTHER"!!!

Whenever they yell "gan bei, gan bei", I always just tell them not to worry, because I can pay for it.

[david_dawei]

My wife claims to be direct but most of it is in her thinking and not so much in her communication, but it is getting better. We often talk about it.

 

But here are my two favorite examples in talking with chinese:

 

1. DIRECTIONS

Question to Chinese: Where is the XZY

Answer from Chinese: Points hand in a direction that appears to be the event horizon.

 

I love those whom you ask while they are walking and they don't stop walking but simply point... and if the direction is the opposite way of their walking they must point their hand over their head towards the rear... but their hand is pointing to either the big dipper or the little dipper.

 

2. PHONE CALLS:

Me: Who called?

Wife: A friend

Me: Does your friend have a name

Wife: Yes

...

{pause}

...

Me: What is her name

Wife: Xiao Mei Mei

...

...

{longer pause... taking a few breaths as I know this drill}

...

...

Me: Which Xiao Mei Mei. You have about 300 of them.

Wife: The one who is dating Xiao Di Di

{No Pause... I'm trying to pick up the pace}

Me: Which Xiao Di Di

Wife: The one who is dating Xiao Mei Mei

 

...

...

{longer pause... trying to decide whether to give up or convert this dialog to a broadway play}

...

...

Me: Is this a friend or is she related to you?

Wife: Xiao Mei Mei.

{new approach}

Me: Oh yea... Xiao Mei Mei... when did we last see her?

Wife: she came yesterday to eat with us.

Me: You mean your cousin?

Wife: Yes.

[Randy W]

But considering that virtually all Chinese names are either 2 or 3 syllables/characters, I can understand they might be used to some vagueness.

[david_dawei]

But considering that virtually all Chinese names are either 2 or 3 syllables/characters, I can understand they might be used to some vagueness.

 

A lot of truth in where your going with that... first writing was on animal bones. then progressed to bamboo and silk. Oral traditions are brief so memorization is ensured. Their history of character brevity in writing has also produced incredible vague meanings. In this way, each person can walk away with their own interpretation. Then one cannot shoot the messenger.

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

Well told story David that illustrates the many steps needed to get information. But, you know, I am wondering why you didn't ask your wife why her friend is dating a small penis?

 

 

 

2. PHONE CALLS:

Me: Who called?

Wife: A friend

Me: Does your friend have a name

Wife: Yes

...

{pause}

...

Me: What is her name

Wife: Xiao Mei Mei

...

...

{longer pause... taking a few breaths as I know this drill}

...

...

Me: Which Xiao Mei Mei. You have about 300 of them.

Wife: The one who is dating Xiao Di Di

{No Pause... I'm trying to pick up the pace}

Me: Which Xiao Di Di

Wife: The one who is dating Xiao Mei Mei

Edited February 24, 2013 by JiangsuExpat (see edit history)