Yes or No, okay?

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

I've spent a little time communicating with Chinese people in English, and have become very familiar that Chinese people are not willing to answer a yes or no question. As a technical communicator, it is very important for me to get validation that I understand what I am hearing and reading. So, like most Americans I frame my questions to elicit a yes and no response to find out whether I've got it right.

 

Reading and listening to Chinglish may be amusing sometimes, but when you need information fast during travel, life, and work, you will have little choice except to be patient. Chinese conversations are cyclical in nature. So too is their writing. Western communication tends to move from top to bottom, and develop with specific ideas and concepts. For example: what time will the plane depart? what time will the plane arrive at its destination? is the plane late today? how late is the plane today? you say the plane is late today; how late is the plane?

 

When visiting a location in China, you may ask, "how old is this bridge?" A Chinese answer may go something like: "When the flowers bloom in Autumn, the men go to the city. The children then walk to the market with their mother." So, we are like, WTF? Yeah, okay, but how f-ing old is the bridge?

 

Chinese language, culture, and writing is flowery in nature. I get all that stuff. But, when you just need to find out what the hell is happening, it can get very annoying. These days, I am am not willing to listen to the reasons, logic and background, I just want to know whether the room is available, what time will we eat, what is the latest time to checkout, and so on.

 

So, after you ask these typical questions, and think you understand, you want to be sure that what you think is happening matches what they think, and that you're in complete agreement. Far too many times when I thought I had it right, it wasn't right. In fact, they may not even know the answer to your questions, but by culture, they want to save face, so they say what they think you want to hear. This adds another layer of bullshit to this challenge.

 

I am interested to learn what methods other members use to find out what they need to know. I'm not talking about copping out and listening to drawn out routines in order to get answers. But rather, I'm talking about getting specifics, fast, efficient and as painless as possible.

 

My thinking is threats may be the best method. For example. I know where you live. My friends have taken your family hostage and are holding them at ass-point. If you do not answer my yes or no question with a simple yes or no, my friends will begin farting in your family's faces.

Edited February 20, 2013 by JiangsuExpat (see edit history)

[Dennis143]

I know nothing about your question and much less about an answer... except, that if it were me, I'd have a beautiful, devoted, Chinese woman at my side to help guide me through this shit.

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

I know nothing about your question and much less about an answer... except, that if it were me, I'd have a beautiful, devoted, Chinese woman at my side to help guide me through this shit.

 

Rather sounds like being walked through life like a child unaware of what's going on. If that works for you, cool. For someone who lives in China, it would be a pain in the ass to wait for someone to lead you around before you go anywhere or do anything.

 

My post is more intended to draw attention to the cultural differences between Chinese and Americans. Most educated Chinese who have traveled are familiar with this and laugh about it.

[Fu Lai]

Seriously, I just repeat my pointed question like a robot until I get the answer. They quickly realize that I will not stop asking until I get the pointed answer.

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

Seriously, I just repeat my pointed question like a robot until I get the answer. They quickly realize that I will not stop asking until I get the pointed answer.

 

Haha....I also do that. Just smile and continue to repeat yourself and see who gives in first. For example: "Is that dayang shopping center?" "It is a shopping mall." "Yes, I see. But, is it dayang shopping center?" "This is city center. Many stores here." and so on it goes

[Fu Lai]

It can be very frustrating and at times I wonder if it is a language barrier, but I will ask my wife to find out the time of an event and she does it too. She will call up the place and report back that the place opens at 9 am. What time does the event start? She will call back and report that we can go anytime and get tickets. What time does the event start? She will call back and report that they have a morning and afternoon show. What time does the event start? She will call and report that most people come at 10am. What time does the event start?

Edited February 21, 2013 by Fu Lai (see edit history)

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

It can be very frustrating and at times I wonder if it is a language barrier, but I will ask my wife to find out the time of an event and she does it too. She will call up the place and report back that the place opens at 9 am. What time does the event start? She will call back and report that we can go anytime and get tickets. What time does the event start? She will call back and report that they have a morning and afternoon show. What time does the event start?

 

Unless the Chinese person has traveled a lot to Western countries it can be a frustrating experience. It's rooted in their culture and language. Direct questions put the responsibility on them and their response is to give it right back to you instead of answering your Yes or No question.

 

For anyone who is married to a Chinese woman, or has a relationship with one, they have no doubt seen and experience this reluctance to speak the affimitive or negative in mandarin. Which is, dui, for yes, or shi, which is "it is, or be". The negative is bu shi or mei you.

 

Americans are often considered to be rude and pushy when they try to get clear answers to their questions. The best resolution I've found is to make a joke, like: "If I asked whether you would like me to kill your mother, would you answer yes or no?"

 

Edited February 21, 2013 by JiangsuExpat (see edit history)

[tsap seui]

When I explained this to my wife Jesse, she made one comment...."Man talk about hot people" southern people. LOL She said being in Guangzhou drove her crazy wiht her asking a question and never getting an answer...said she see's the same thing with Chinese women she's met in America, "Not women no answer question, or take long time and many talk to answer"

 

Yes, she is prejudice...and blunt

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

When I explained this to my wife Jesse, she made one comment...."Man talk about hot people" southern people. LOL She said being in Guangzhou drove her crazy wiht her asking a question and never getting an answer...said she see's the same thing with Chinese women she's met in America, "Not women no answer question, or take long time and many talk to answer"

 

Yes, she is prejudice...and blunt

 

 

Haha, I agree with your wife! I just returned from Guangzhou after spending a few days in Shenzhen also. Not only is the language different there, Cantonese, they seemed more prone to spin you with circular talk.

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

It can be very frustrating and at times I wonder if it is a language barrier, but I will ask my wife to find out the time of an event and she does it too. She will call up the place and report back that the place opens at 9 am. What time does the event start? She will call back and report that we can go anytime and get tickets. What time does the event start? She will call back and report that they have a morning and afternoon show. What time does the event start? She will call and report that most people come at 10am. What time does the event start?

 

You did a good job of explaining daily life verbal exchanges in China. If there is food being served at a Chinese event, all Chinese show up early to make sure they don't miss it. There is no concept of being 'socially' late to a gathering. There is a calm contentness that allows them to sit and sit while drinking tea and talking all day or until the late evening.

 

Edited February 21, 2013 by JiangsuExpat (see edit history)

[Fu Lai]

Yes, finally she will call back and report the morning event starts at 11am.

So I know the place opens at 9am, we can get tickets for the event after they open, the event happens both in the morning and afternoon, most people come at 10 am and the morning event starts at 11am.

 

All I really wanted to know is when the event started.

 

Round and around...

[Mick]

When I first moved to China, the round about way of getting at things drove me crazy as well. I think I finally just got used to it, because I never was able to find an effective way to change it. My wife is just the opposite, however. She is very direct and often gets impatient with folks who beat around the bush so to speak.

 

Also, sometimes Chinese people will not ask yes or no questions, either. Or for that matter, not directly approach an issue. A humorous example happened shortly after my arrival. The university where I was teaching had several ex pat teachers. I was hired in as the "Senior" because I have an advanced degree. One of our young teachers, James, had a tendency to show up late for his eight o'clock classes and after several weeks, the Dean decided it was time to deal with this issue. As the Senior Teacher, it was evidently my responsibility to whip the whippersnapper into shape. The Dean, however, did not come straight to the point. Our conversation started like this as we were walking to my classroom.

 

Dean: It is a very cool morning for September.

Me: Yes it is.

Dean: Did you have your breakfast?

Me: Yes, I had baozi and a meat pie.

Dean: So, what time does James usually have his breakfast?

 

You get the idea.

 

We finally got around to his showing up late for class, but not until we had discussed what time the student dining hall opened and what they normally ate for breakfast, etc. I actually came to enjoy this sort of thing, once I realized there was no way I could ever change it.

[credzba]

I am slowly learning to do this, but not with respect to China.

I work in Israel, and a conversation there CAN NOT start with the build is broken.

 

You have to start with:

good morning, how are you.

Your children?

...

Say, I tried to build last night, and it failed.

 

 

So, I don't think it is only a Chinese thing, in fact Americans may be the different behavior, in that we are too direct.

[tsap seui]

I was too tired to finish up last night...Wenyan is a very direct woman and I inherited my talking around a subject from my southern parents...lol She told me a few antidotes about her dealings with "hot" people as she calls southerners. Then she told me I talked just like them. I had to laugh at her, and at myowndamnself as many is the time she has told me "just you say YES or NO, I no care about other". As I laughed I told her, "well, I am from the American south". I got a quick view of my father in my minds eye as I realized how like he was that I am....got to tell you a story to get to the yes or no parts...lol

 

I love these conversations with this hilarious and very bluntly spoken woman. We banter and engage each other like Laurel and Hardy (I'm Stan to her Ollie) or like Moe and Curly (yep, she's Moe) and I'm often dancing in nyuk nuyk nuyk circles and slappin' myself on the back of my head as she symbolicly beats me about the head and shoulders with a huge grin on her face. What a team, what a lucky man I am for finding my perfect foil who loves to laugh as much as I do. She's my quick witted and verbally cutting Gracie Allen...and I love and eat up every second of it. It is the rare "serious" conversation we have that doesn't include laughter.

 

Ol' Winnie is very tough on "hot" people, how they talk in circles, how they dress...the list goes on and on but she always slows down and says, "Hot people have very big patience...cold people no have same patience, no have time for that." No they don't....I never knew impatience could be so endearing and funny.

 

Say goodnight Gracie... the sun has peeked out of the clouds, it's time to put on my 3 layers of winter togs and get back out into the wind and swirlin' feathery snow flakes and go do the other thing in my life what makes me young and inspired....figure out and put together a complicated enclosure around a cellar door where nothing is level or plumb or square. Trapezoids, as I call old houses, are what keeps the electrical circuits in my head firing....Lord how dull and mundane workin' on a house that has at least one level, square, or plumb surface must be. LOL

 

 

Good luck with finding a hot person who will give you a straight answer, Jesse. :rotfl:But they have lots of patience.

tsap seui

[Aussie in love]

Talking in riddles is common. So are blunt, direct questions and statements. How much do you earn? What score did your child achieve? You are fat. How much did you pay for your house? You are bald. What birth sign are you?

 

These approaches are poles apart. Why? What separates them?

 

 

 

 

 

Ol' Winnie is very tough on "hot" people, how they talk in circles, how they dress...the list goes on and on but she always slows down and says, "Hot people have very big patience...cold people no have same patience, no have time for that." No they don't....I never knew impatience could be so endearing and funny.

 

Good luck with finding a hot person who will give you a straight answer, Jesse. :rotfl:But they have lots of patience.

tsap seui

Sure, we are generalizing, but what the hell?

 

North are direct, south indirect.

South are calm, north hot tempered.

Northeners can't cook, southeners eat anything. Four legs, fair game, except your own chair.

North say south are pretentious. Northern girls more prone to smoke and drink.

South cant be trusted, northern people are gold diggers.

 

I guess this doesnt really apply to Gen Y. So much movement and homogenization now.

 

Please, this is not personal or specific. Are the general claims valid? What others traditional traits are there?