Visit every 6-9 months?

[Invictus]

Hi, guys. We finally got all our papers together. Logs, pictures, translations, certificates, recommendations, you name it. We're now organizing everything and getting ready to send it out. Now I have a new thing over which to be neurotic, though. No surprise there.

 

I've heard the embassy doesn't like when you haven't seen each other for more than six months. March 6th will be the six month mark since we last see each other, and I'm wondering if I should plan a visit for this spring.

 

Oh, and I also understand that if you state you have a visit planned when you first submit your packet, then evidence collected during said visit could be admissible during the time of the interview. Otherwise, you get no benefit out of it. Is this true?

 

I'm just trying to get some kind of reliable information about this, because it's really making me nervous. On the one hand, I'm saving 50% of every paycheck while living a hermit's life so that I can be prepared to bring her here when she does pass the interview. Also I am at a new job, asking for a week off will not be easy. I just don't get how people do this unless they're rich or self-employed. On the other hand, of course we don't want to leave anything to chance, and even though a visit would set me back (money lost at work, digging into savings that were meant to be used toward future expenses such as her plane tickets and green card stuff, etc), I'll push whoever I must in order to get it done.

 

Right now I have no way of gauging just how crucial this visit will be, hence I don't know how to plan for it, if I should. Can anyone shed some light?

Edited January 26, 2013 by Invictus (see edit history)

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

Hi, guys. We finally got all our papers together. Logs, pictures, translations, certificates, recommendations, you name it. We're now organizing everything and getting ready to send it out. Now I have a new thing over which to be neurotic, though. No surprise there.

 

I've heard the embassy doesn't like when you haven't seen each other for more than six months. March 6th will be the six month mark since we last see each other, and I'm wondering if I should plan a visit for this spring.

 

Oh, and I also understand that if you state you have a visit planned when you first submit your packet, then evidence collected during said visit could be admissible during the time of the interview. Otherwise, you get no benefit out of it. Is this true?

 

I'm just trying to get some kind of reliable information about this, because it's really making me nervous. On the one hand, I'm saving 50% of every paycheck while living a hermit's life so that I can be prepared to bring her here when she does pass the interview. Also I am at a new job, asking for a week off will not be easy. I just don't get how people do this unless they're rich or self-employed. On the other hand, of course we don't want to leave anything to chance, and even though a visit would set me back (money lost at work, digging into savings that were meant to be used toward future expenses such as her plane tickets and green card stuff, etc), I'll push whoever I must in order to get it done.

 

Right now I have no way of gauging just how crucial this visit will be, hence I don't know how to plan for it, if I should. Can anyone shed some light?

I've seen a lot of talk from members about how many times and how often you should visit China, but in truth, there is no such guideline to gain Visa approval. What's most important is to present a comprehensive packet that illustrates the evolution of your relationship, and provide evidence that you have met face to face at least one time.

 

By the same token, it's not uncommon to see a disconnected American man who visited China one time and approaches the filing in a hap-hazard manner. If you can show you have done your best to maintain touch with your partner, whether by telephone, email, or instant messenger, then you should be okay. Keep a sampling of those calls or emails to show you have stayed in touch.

[Invictus]

Thank you, JiangsuExpat. You bring up another question.

 

 

If you can show you have done your best to maintain touch with your partner, whether by telephone, email, or instant messenger, then you should be okay. Keep a sampling of those calls or emails to show you have stayed in touch.

 

 

We met while I was living in China and were together for the first year and a half. We chatted often on QQ but, of course, most of the time this wasn't necessary, since we were practically living together. Therefore there is no extensive communication record of our first fifteen months together. Furthermore, those scant QQ logs are lost; we have both moved since then, hard drives have died, etc. Those computers are gone.

 

There are, of course, pictures. However, we did not meet with the thought of providing "evidence" of our relationship in the future, therefore these pictures do not necessarily show us standing behind some famous landmark. They are just normal pictures taken by us while we hold the camera at arm's length.

 

For the time we have spent apart, there are communication logs to show and plenty of them. But what about our first year and a half? Average people simply don't think about these things when they first meet. Will this reflect negatively on us?

Edited January 27, 2013 by Invictus (see edit history)

[Randy W]

The best (and simplest) rule of thumb is to submit evidence that you have, and don't submit anything that you don't have. Keep that on a positive train of thought - you HAVE a bonafide relationship. It's up to you to present the best and most reasonable picture that you have to the visa officers, and to present it in the best light.

 

The visa officer's job is to recognize that bonafide relationship in what you present.

[credzba]

Invictus,

 

I just want to encourage you to not get to wrapped up in "proof of relationship evidence".

The truth is just as you said, NORMAL people don't start a relationship trying to "prove" anything.

 

The visa officers are not insane (no matter what Tsap says ), and reasonable relationship evidence is accepted.

If you lived together 15 months, how did you communicate? Either you speak mandarin, or she speaks english.

Document (in a evolution of relationship) how you met, how you became a couple, and what you did for 15 months.

You must have been working? where, what did she do.

 

What I am trying to say is the normal stuff people do is what they want.

I dont believe they actively try to fail nice couples, but they know NOTHING about you.

 

If you met me on a train, and I said "come on, you KNOW she is just using you for a ticket to america".

How would you respond. What would you say, or show me (given that you didn't punch me first)?

By same token, many people ask me how I met my wife, and they have to shut me up as I blab on an on about all the fun times we had together.

So, just try to convey to the visa officer all the great stuff you would say to a friend.

 

 

From your picture, you look close in age, and compatible.

Take one of us old, ugly, english only guys with a hot, young, mandarin only sweety .. Now WE got some explaining to do

 

You'll do fine..

relax and enjoy your sweety

 

[tsap seui]

You lived with her for 18 months. Write up a nice evolution of relationship letter to send in with your application. Tell them your story in detail. No need to worry that you haven't been there in six months. Got any photos of you guys with her folks or family...or out for dinner with her friends? They are the best photos I could think of.

 

 

You should be just fine.

 

As far as number of trips, heck, I went over 4 times for 3 week and one month stays with my girl during the 10 months from the time I met her until her interview. That and a kitchen sink of bona fide relationship evidence meant nothin' at the first interview. Then we sat back for almost 4 years and watched women get visas with their guys making one trip to China.

 

tsap seui

[david_dawei]

I've got a question which I know may irk some... but consider another angle:

Why didn't you marry already?

 

If we're going to talk about 'normal'... it's not normal for a chinese girl her age to live with a foreign guy for 18 months and then watch him take off around the worlds... to wait till he gets to the US to file a K1.

 

I think proving your first 18 months together is less an issue. You have pictures and you can submit a letter from both of you attesting to it.

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

I've got a question which I know may irk some... but consider another angle:

 

Why didn't you marry already?

 

If we're going to talk about 'normal'... it's not normal for a chinese girl her age to live with a foreign guy for 18 months and then watch him take off around the worlds... to wait till he gets to the US to file a K1.

 

I think proving your first 18 months together is less an issue. You have pictures and you can submit a letter from both of you attesting to it.

 

We can wait for the OP to answer your question, but I wanted to comment on your post and question. I agree that there are many Chinese women who would not consider living with a man without marrying him. There are however quite a few who would do it. After living in China for nearly five years I would not consider getting married to a Chinese woman unless we first lived together for a period of time. I am willing to bend to most cultural aspects of China, but not this one.

 

I think it's manipulative for any woman to push a man to promise marriage for the sake of living together, or try before you buy. I have seen far too many Chinese women who want a promise of marriage before even meeting a man face to face. In my opinion, if a woman is bringing up marriage in the first several meetings the man should carefully consider putting on his running shoes and getting the hell out of there.

Edited January 28, 2013 by JiangsuExpat (see edit history)

[Invictus]

I've got a question which I know may irk some... but consider another angle:

 

Why didn't you marry already?

 

David,

 

We felt getting married without me having a steady job and a place to live was not the right way to do it. Since I do not wish to live in China, we had to make the sacrifice of separating temporarily so I can begin a career. We weren't going to simply get hitched in China 'cause we could, then come to the States with nothing. I could quit my job and return to China tomorrow, but that would get us nowhere, so we continue to endure for the sake of our future. This is our decision.

 

 

If we're going to talk about 'normal'... it's not normal for a chinese girl her age to live with a foreign guy for 18 months and then watch him take off around the worlds... to wait till he gets to the US to file a K1.

 

I think it is difficult to make such generalizations based on her nationality and age, but I hope my answer above puts things in perspective.

 

Thank you everyone, credzba in particular, for helping me put my head on straight. Sometimes it's easy to sink into worry and nail-biting.

Edited January 28, 2013 by Invictus (see edit history)

[david_dawei]

 

 

I think it is difficult to make such generalizations based on her nationality and age, but I hope my answer above puts things in perspective.

 

Let us know how that answer to the consulate would play out... If I can come up with it, it's not such a generalization on some level... Just saying... you need to be prepared for any questions... and gazes...

[Invictus]

David,

 

We'll do our best, thank you.

[Invictus]

Does David's question or my answer to it raise any red flags for anyone else? It's not the first time I've seen this question discussed and I do not wish to leave anything to chance.

[dnoblett]

Does David's question or my answer to it raise any red flags for anyone else? It's not the first time I've seen this question discussed and I do not wish to leave anything to chance.

She just needs to be prepared to answer why you lived together 18 months and opted to do a K-1 instead of a CR-1.

 

Again you could have done same getting married first, then move to USA to establish support, domicile, home etc, and then filed for spouse visa. Spouse relationship after that amount of time together just looks more normal.

[Randy W]

Sometimes it actually helps to open a door for questioning when you have a good answer. I tend to think you're much better off living your life the way you see fit, rather than trying to anticipate questions that may arise - and NOT trying to do what "looks" best.

[Fu Lai]

I think David's question and your answer are fine. Gainful employment to support yourselves is a strong reply. Preparation!