Chinese women prefer older men: Poll

[Fu Lai]

(China Daily)

 

08:18, December 27, 2012

 

A majority of young Chinese women polled in a survey said they like dating older men.

 

Nearly 70 percent of female respondents aged between 18 and 25 said they like to have a boyfriend about 10 years older than them, because older men are considered more thoughtful, attractive and economically better off.

 

If in such a relationship, their biggest worries include parental objections, finding the older man is already married, or not being able to control the man.

 

A center under the National Population and Family Planning Commission conducted the poll in cooperation with a major matchmaking website company in China. About 100,000 people participated and the results were released on Monday.

 

The number of divorces in China is increasing at a higher rate than marriages. The divorce rate has been estimated to reach 2.29 percent in 2012, with 3.09 million couples splitting up, the poll said.

 

The poll also found a severe gender imbalance among single Chinese of marriageable age. The highest sex ratio imbalance is in Yunnan province, at 122 males to 100 females.

 

In Guangdong province, the ratio is 112 males to 100 females. It means there are 1.65 million more men than women of marriageable age in the province, according to the poll.

 

I am less than 10 years older than my wife, BTW. But she is older than 18-25.

Edited December 27, 2012 by Fu Lai (see edit history)

[Zhou Zhou]

I've often wondered what eligible/young Chinese men thought of us Westerners coming to court women in their homeland. I've never felt any dislike or anger. ZZ

[Dennis143]

I've often wondered what eligible/young Chinese men thought of us Westerners coming to court women in their homeland. I've never felt any dislike or anger. ZZ

I spent 8 days with a Guangzhou woman. I noticed an unusual amount of men just hanging out on the streets at night in groups. My lady would cling to me whenever and wherever we walked. On more than one occasion a man would run up to her, usually in a crowded area, and yell "Gi" (whore) in her ear. It didn't seem to bother her in the least. Guangzhou is the only place in China where I felt a bit of animosity from Chinese men.

[Mick]

Li and I encountered a significant amount of hostility during our first year together and her employer even asked her not to be seen on the street with me. Li refused to obey this edict and basically told them to screw off. She is not one to have someone tell her what to do or not do. This was in Anhui, which is a notoriously conservative province. Things were so bad that we eventually moved to Guangdong, where things were polar opposite. In Shantou, where we lived for four years, we did not experience any problems at all. In Anhui, Li was not allowed in my apartment beyond 9 pm. In Shantou, the university provided us with an apartment even before our formal marriage and there was never any kind of restrictions. We were encouraged to live together and it was expected that we would do so. Our first year was back in 1997-98, and I suspect things are a bit looser even in Anhui now. As the gap between the number of males to females widens, I think things may become a bit more "tense," however.

Edited December 27, 2012 by Mick (see edit history)

[Fu Lai]

More on the economic aspects of this...

 

No Car, No Apartment, No Deal: Chinese Singles Reach 180 Million

 

Nov 19, 2012 By eChinacities.com

 

Editor's note: The following was translated and edited from an article that appeared on Chinese news portal Sina.com. It used the recent Chinese "holiday", Singles Day (Nov 11), as a jumping off point for a discussion of Chinese single men and women, who now number as many as 180 million according to a survey published earlier this year. The article also discusses how women's economic and material considerations make it very difficult for a man without a car or an apartment to find a partner, even through professional matchmaking services.

 

On November 11, Taiyuan resident Dai Jun updates his QQ profile: "Time really flies. Another Singles Day rolls around and I'm still single…"

"Singles Day" is the playful nickname young Chinese have given to November 11, the date when four lonely "1"s line themselves up on the calendar page. And for many, the day is more of a painful reminder than a reason to celebrate.

 

"Tons of my classmates have already gotten married. It's actually pretty embarrassing for me on Singles Day," says 28-year-old Dai Jun. This year, Singles Day happened to fall on a weekend. Figuring he might as well throw embarrassment to the wind, Dai signed himself up for a Singles Day event hosted by a local marriage matchmaking company.

 

"You ought to at least have an apartment before you get married; this isn't college romance anymore. Meeting people like this guarantees that you know people's work, education, and economic backgrounds up front," one Ms. Hou told reporters. Hou works in Taiyuan, and says she found her partner through a similar matchmaking service. According to her, "Material considerations are the basis of marriage."

 

"I've been through this matchmaking thing before," said Dai, "but sooner or later the other party will always bring up work, living situation, and income." Dai's home is a small town in northern Shanxi Province. Although he's been out of college and working for five years, his meager savings aren't enough to buy an apartment in Taiyuan. Dai says his lack of a car and apartment is the main reason he hasn't been able to find a partner through matchmaking services. Dai Jun isn't the only one. As is often said by the Chinese media, treating marriage like a business decision is simply the Chinese way.

 

Matchmaking criteria

At the beginning of 2012, an investigative report into the Chinese marriage situation in 2011 was published, a collaborative effort between the Ministry of Civil Affairs and the online matchmaking service Baihe.com. According to the report, over 90% of women chose "has a stable source of income" as a necessary condition for marriage. Almost 70% of women chose "the man must have an apartment". The survey also reveals that close to 80% of surveyed women believe a man's monthly salary must be at least 4,000 RMB to consider him a potential match. Out of which, 27.1% believe a man must make at least 10,000 RMB a month to be "suitable".

 

In China, being unwilling to get married to a man without an apartment hardly puts you in the minority. Just owning an apartment, however, doesn't mean you're destined for happy marriage. Likewise, not owning any property doesn't mean you aren't. Every weekend in Taiyuan's Yingze Park, hundreds of parents gather to exchange information in the hopes of finding eligible matches for their sons and daughters. "Men are afraid of getting into the wrong business; women are afraid of getting into the wrong husband," quipped one father present on behalf of his daughter. He says parents take all kinds of factors into consideration when looking for matches for their children: Are they civilized? Do they have a temper? Do they have a stable job and income? Do they have an apartment? Questions like these are hard lines for parents. According to this father, perfect marriages require consideration of both "hardware" and "software".

 

Experts agree

Geng Yeqiang, associate professor at Shanxi University, believes matchmaking shouldn't get all wrapped up in utility and pragmatics. "The fact that so many marriage-age women prioritize economic status is a reflection of changing societal attitudes towards marriage. To a certain degree it's a reflection of China's rapid economic development and its effect on popular attitudes. But two people should never put material considerations at the top of their lists; love is always the most important thing." As one online commenter put it, "Marriage is a kind of investment, but it should be an investment of love in return for happiness, not an investment of youth in return for material security."

 

Data from the report reveals more than 180 million Chinese are single. Gong Haiyan, founder of the Chinese matchmaking site Jiayuan.com, explains that China is in the process of urbanization, with many young Chinese moving from rural areas and small towns to big cities. The stress of just getting by is immense, leading many to focus on competing for careers and to push their marriage plans back further and further.

 

Is materialism China's modern disease?

Many marriage experts believe modern society has an unhealthy tendency towards materialism when it comes to marriage. They say the attitude epitomized by Beijing model Ma Nuo's infamous words on the Chinese dating show If You Are The One—"I'd rather cry in a BMW than laugh on the back of a bicycle"—is one we would do well to eschew.

 

The report also indicates that 57% of surveyed women agree with the statement "Marrying well is better than doing well" (干得好不如嫁得好), a figure down from the previous year's 71%. For Tian Fanjiang, director-general of the marriage matchmaking industry committee that conducted the survey, this is a reason to be optimistic: "This means that even though income and housing are still women's main considerations when choosing a mate, the importance of economic factors is decreasing somewhat. Chinese people are becoming more sensible when it comes to marriage."

[Fu Lai]

I've often wondered what eligible/young Chinese men thought of us Westerners coming to court women in their homeland. I've never felt any dislike or anger. ZZ

I posted a thread about this recently having to do with the foreigner aspect:

How do Chinese men really feel about foreigners marrying Chinese Women

[Yuanyang]

I don't know if "prefer" is the right word or not. I'd say that all things even that a Chinese girl is more likely to not have a problem (socially or with family) dating or marrying an older man than would a Western girl (Sugar Daddies excluded of course).

[Doug]

My latest comment from her has been that we both know how to CHERISH now, in other words at this time in our lives. I don't think age had so much to do with it other than I am head over heels about her and her me, and this is what we both wanted. I am 17 yrs. older but with her at 42 what's the dif?

 

I am the oldest, heaviest, and make the least money of all she chatted with of any interest to her. I never feared the others. When I discovered who she was on the inside, I got my ass on over there, even though I was the busiest I have ever been at work and things. The others didn't due to being so busy. That was probably the major dif. although she just might have put them off, but you know women. If something is sooo good, you better take action.