The Power Shift - What do (Chinese) Women Want?

[chef4u]

Hello everybody, it certainly has been along, long time since I have posted in this group. So many new faces and so many of my old good friends are still kicking in this group. Anyway, the following link makes for some really interesting read:

 

http://www.echinacities.com/expat-corner/the-power-shift-what-do-chinese-women-want.html

 

Your thoughts? :-)

[dnoblett]

Good article, yes money seems to be a driving factor in many relationships, but this is not just in the east, in the west they are called gold-diggers.

 

Good to see an old timer on, I noticed your posting and thought, "wow it has been a while".

[DennisLeiqin]

Hey Richard, good to hear from you. Hope all is good and that being big rock star in China hasn’t gone to your head.

 

I see Chinese trophy wives driving their Mercedes, Beemers, Lexus’ etc. I see many just ordinary Asian women driving those too. Status and a show of money are very important. Chinese women often compare among each other and, IMO, not meeting up to another’s income or living standard includes some loss of face.

 

So, is it for love or money…?

When I read the article, I kept thinking ‘what’s love got to do with it?’, as that’s basically the crux of Chinese relationships. Now, I know many Chinese couples who have learned to love and have developed a love between each other no different than any western couple. Yet, I wonder, if that’s how their relationships began…with love or a partnership for a secure future.

 

China is a society that (mostly) shows no physical affection towards one another. They weren’t hugged as children and they don’t hug their children. Public displays of affection are strictly taboo. The only public displays of affection that I notice are between those of the same sex. Still, a lot has to do with age, education, income class and area they were raised as to whether they’re outwardly affectionate or not.

 

Speaking in generalities and from my own personal experience with the many Chinese women whom I know here in America, most Chinese women don’t kiss nor know how to kiss. Kissing isn’t depicted on their Chinese soaps and it’s not something they’re taught or have had role models like us westerners have. That doesn’t mean that they aren’t willing to learn and that they may enjoy that form of affection with an American husband, but it is just plain foreign to them. Heck, my wife and I have very good close and long-time Chinese women friends who still stiffen up like a board when/if I try to give them a hug. Then there are others who have embraced ( ) the western style of greetings by hugs. Again, a lot has to do with age and background. Their Chinese world and our western worlds are just that, two very different worlds where acceptable social norms are very different. And, some just never thaw to our western ways.

 

Back to the article...if women marry for money, I wonder if some Chinese women hope and expect that they will be living in the lap of luxury and prosperity by marrying an American man? And, their disappointment after coming here and realizing that he’s not rich and there aren’t all the comforts she expected causes her to explodes with anger and rage, especially after leaving everything behind to now only feel alone, isolated and poor?

 

Let me go a bit further with a rant on Chinese boys. Cripes, what is with some of them…androgynous, low testosterone, waif-like boys that many Chinese girls are attracted to?

Heck, we had a young 19 yo Chinese college boy living with us for a while. He was tall, ran, lifted weights, worked out… yet, when I introduced him to our group of Chinese singles at our church, I see him sitting at a table alone with three very pretty Chinese coeds and, instead of engaging them, his head is buried into his cell texting away.

And, then there’s this other teenage Chinese boy who goes everywhere clinging to his mother like a 4 year old child. When mom and he are sitting together, he has both arms wrapped around her arm with his head buried in her neck while his mama strokes his hair he coos up at her like a man looking at his lover. Cripes, it’s just too ef’n creepy. Yet, Chinese see nothing strange.

And then there’s my wife’s son, Ning, who lives with us. He says that he doesn’t like to be touched. One weekend his good buddy, a single American man ~30, Rusty, came and stayed at our home for a weekend. I took Rusty to get a foot massage, but not wanting to be touched, Ning just sat in the lobby waiting while the massage ladies laid hands on Rusty and me. Whenever Ning is with me and if I should see an attractive woman that turns my head, he seems oblivious. He’s not gay, I am sure. But gosh darn it, he’s got no American red blooded sexual man drive equivalent within him. I just don’t get it. Heck, poor kid doesn’t even know how to hug his mama. Really, no wonder many Chinese women look at us like some exotic creature.

 

Anyway, what was the question?

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

Hello everybody, it certainly has been along, long time since I have posted in this group. So many new faces and so many of my old good friends are still kicking in this group. Anyway, the following link makes for some really interesting read:

 

http://www.echinacit...women-want.html

 

Your thoughts? :-)

 

I think the article is pretty much on target, both with its presentation and cultural explanation about why things are this way. There is a significant difference in the Chinese women you will find on dating websites and Chinese women who are educated, with a bank account, good job, own a car and a house. Young Chinese boys don't have much to offer girls like this, which is why they may bury their head in their cellphone in public places.

[Amaro]

I didn't read the article and soon as I read the topic, "money" is the only key word that came to my mind. I blame their society due to taking "keeping up with the joneses" to the extreme

[Thomas Promise]

Hello everybody, it certainly has been along, long time since I have posted in this group. So many new faces and so many of my old good friends are still kicking in this group. Anyway, the following link makes for some really interesting read:

 

http://www.echinacit...women-want.html

 

Your thoughts? :-)

Good seeing you again Richard. It was a shame we all could not have met in Nanning during the New Year. I hope things are well for you..

[chilton747]

Good to see you here Cheffie Dude! Come around more often. We miss you!

[Doug]

Yes good to see you.

Mine had all this affection and touching even in a Taxi in China. She was crazy warm, yet a complete bitch over the money. Wanted to wear the pants, so always a power struggle.

 

Speaking of boys Dennis: In Little Rock a Chinese family there where the wife was going to med school to become a doctor, and her doctor husband was there, the husband slept on the pull out sofa bed, and their 6 year old boy slept with Momma. She was a nice looking woman too. I liked her. Man I expressed myself to Weiyan how wrong that was, but she said or acted like it was no big deal, or maybe Ok typically. I certainly had to break Lil One in to sleeping by herself, even though, bless her heart, she measured the bed and 3 of us could sleep there just fine. Haha, we didn't let her get away with it though. I do agree with you, as walking around in Beijing I could not help but notice how the men don't notice, when I certainly noticed even through winter coats. Dang those gals are built..

[david_dawei]

Interesting article but seems nothing really new is being shared. The gender gap has been documented since the early 80s; if it has taken 30 years for that to effect the appearance of a power shift in journalist then so be it; china marches to a slow drum anyways just not sure if outsiders are too slow to see what is going on in that vast country.

 

I think woman have much more power than most realize; but chinese men already know this. The woman control the family, finances, children.. and drum roll... the husbands too. If there is any remaining ethics left, it shows itself by men who don't ogle. It's considered demeaning to the lady and if one is married they don't dare get caught doing it either. IMO, this is not just self-restraint, it is a cultural way of living... albeit, it does seem void of the kind of emotional expression we take for granted.

 

While they talk about the man and zhaogu, they don't mention that in some cases, the chinese lady is the one in more of a position to provide the money and property; I've seen this in 20-somethings.

 

Another comment on the seeking equal levels in your partner. I think this is true on a few areas not just financial. Another one is that urban men will generally not marry a rural lady. This would therefore make the available city men more available to the city lady. So the gap alone cannot really be a singular controlling factor to the relationship issues and the shifts that occur.

[DennisLeiqin]

Interesting article but seems nothing really new is being shared. The gender gap has been documented since the early 80s; if it has taken 30 years for that to effect the appearance of a power shift in journalist then so be it; china marches to a slow drum anyways just not sure if outsiders are too slow to see what is going on in that vast country.

 

I think woman have much more power than most realize; but chinese men already know this. The woman control the family, finances, children.. and drum roll... the husbands too. If there is any remaining ethics left, it shows itself by men who don't ogle. It's considered demeaning to the lady and if one is married they don't dare get caught doing it either. IMO, this is not just self-restraint, it is a cultural way of living... albeit, it does seem void of the kind of emotional expression we take for granted.

 

While they talk about the man and zhaogu, they don't mention that in some cases, the chinese lady is the one in more of a position to provide the money and property; I've seen this in 20-somethings.

 

Another comment on the seeking equal levels in your partner. I think this is true on a few areas not just financial. Another one is that urban men will generally not marry a rural lady. This would therefore make the available city men more available to the city lady. So the gap alone cannot really be a singular controlling factor to the relationship issues and the shifts that occur.

If there is any remaining ethics left, it shows itself by men who don't ogle. It's considered demeaning to the lady and if one is married they don't dare get caught doing it either.

 

Now David, I know very well that when an attractive woman crosses your path that you do not ogle, but you do notice. And, I certainly hope that you know that I understand and adhere to the 3 second rule when looking at an attractive woman to avoid being labeled an ogler.

 

Still, I have difficulty understanding any man with red blood in his veins who states they didn't see or never noticed...

 

I love my stepson, Ning. I think that he knows that I cherish him and will take care of him, if needed, just as I will take care of his mother. I think that he is just shy and introverted. I believe that much of that is from his non-western, Chinese-style nurtured upbringing that didn't lay any foundation for the love of the human touch.

 

And, that's OK. It's just different for me. Learning is continuous. So is accepting.

[tsap seui]

Dennis, I'm with you and Doug....I LOOK, to the point of twisting around into a pretzel. My wife knows I'm gonna look, I know I'm gonna look, and a good looker knows she has been "looked". It's harmless and doesn't interfere with my marriage as Wenyan is secure with the marriage.

 

How a man can't or doesn't look is way beyond a simpleton like me to figure out. I'm gonna look...dammit!! I also walk behind my wife often...I look at her butt as much as I can too. Of course that is "research", mind you. I've been tryin' to figure out just how she can get that lil' butt to give that extra lil' twist when she walks. I've asked her if that hurt...LOL

 

Gulp, I did almost get into trouble once....on our weddin' day inside the caca Hotel in Shenyang where we got married. Winnie was signin' some final papers in the marriage bureau and I stepped outside the glass door to burn one....just as Winnie came out, a beautiful lil' young darlin' came out just behnd her, walked up to me and with a blushin' face said, " I want to tell you, you are a very beautiful and pretty man." I was so shocked I could only manage a quick "thank you ma'am" and Wenyan grabbed my hand and I was lead right down the steps, and out the door. Then she started laughin' at me. Shucks, I didn't do anything to influence that young gal, she was in the process of gettin' married herowndangself...no, I wasn't offended because a woman was lookin' at me....LOL

 

Ya think them Chinertuckian mens might have a testosterone deficency? Lawd knows they has got the bestest lookin' wimmin around.

 

 

tsap seui

Edited May 4, 2012 by tsap seui (see edit history)

[david_dawei]

Still, I have difficulty understanding any man with red blood in his veins who states they didn't see or never noticed...

Have you ever asked chinese (men and/or women) about this?

 

Whether they will admit to notice or not is one thing... but 'why' they don't stare is the more interesting issue.

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

Still, I have difficulty understanding any man with red blood in his veins who states they didn't see or never noticed...

Have you ever asked chinese (men and/or women) about this?

 

Whether they will admit to notice or not is one thing... but 'why' they don't stare is the more interesting issue.

 

I agree with you David that it is a rare sight to see a Chinese man stare at a hot sexy long legged, leather booted, mini-skirted, woman in public. But, I agree with Dennis. Perhaps a blood transfusion will help. We Western guys just behave differently toward women than Chinese men do. We look, we hoot, we holler, we make wild kissing sounds, and say stupid suggestive things. Some of these things even don't go over well even in the US, but, many of them are viewed as harmless fun by Chinese women who are tired or boring Chinese boys who prefer playing with their cell phones.

Edited May 4, 2012 by JiangsuExpat (see edit history)

[DennisLeiqin]

Still, I have difficulty understanding any man with red blood in his veins who states they didn't see or never noticed...

Have you ever asked chinese (men and/or women) about this?

 

Whether they will admit to notice or not is one thing... but 'why' they don't stare is the more interesting issue.

Oh yes they can stare, David. I get stared at as if I am an inanimate object. There's certainly no three second rule when it comes to staring at me! Usually those hard, long stares are from men.

 

I have asked some Chinese men do they notice, most don't understand the question.

Edited May 4, 2012 by DennisLeiqin (see edit history)

[david_dawei]

Oh yes they can stare, David. I get stared at as if I am an inanimate object. There's certainly no three second rule when it comes to staring at me! Usually those hard, long stares are from men.

 

I have asked some Chinese men do they notice, most don't understand the question.

Our context was staring at women. If we now shift this to staring at foreigners then that goes without saying...