Texas Question

[NUWORLD]

Well folks i hate to say this but this is a China safe haven question.

 

The only reason I'm posting here is that it is state side.

 

We are helping an Chinese woman that is having problems with the husband spanking the child many times.

 

I know here up in the north east this is a NO! NO! and if caught you will wind up in jail.

 

Anyone in the big Country know about the spanking of children?

 

The woman in question has been told the law has been changed and it is OK! to spank/beat children.

 

Any help would be great and ASAP!!!

[Randy W]

Child abuse is a no-no under ANY circumstances - "love taps" are no problem and unlikely to get anyone in trouble.

 

There's a lot of gray area in between. It's hard to judge from here. Spank/beat ?? You say "beat" and "spanking many times", and "safe haven" - this indicates you probably already know the answer.

 

In general, it's advisable to let the birth parent take the lead in any child rearing issues, but yes, you CAN get in trouble.

[NUWORLD]

Yes Randy i understand the spank/beating thing.

 

Just got off the phone with person in question.

Come to find out the spanking involve a ruler (Yes the 36 inch kind)

[Randy W]

Sorry - I'm just VERY hesitant to judge someone based on second hand information. But I DO think you know the answer here.

 

I've seen both sides of the "child protective" thing - on the one hand, it can be very easy to run someone through the wringer over a simple mistake - on the other, it can be important to get involved before damage is done.

[chilton747]

Me and just about everyone I know got spanked with a lot worse than a yard stick. Belts hurt a lot worse. Not to mention large limbs.

[dan_ling]

I also got spanked many times, sometimes deservedly so! There is a difference between a spanking and a beating.

[credzba]

Well folks i hate to say this but this is a China safe haven question.

 

The only reason I'm posting here is that it is state side.

 

We are helping an Chinese woman that is having problems with the husband spanking the child many times.

 

I know here up in the north east this is a NO! NO! and if caught you will wind up in jail.

 

Anyone in the big Country know about the spanking of children?

 

The woman in question has been told the law has been changed and it is OK! to spank/beat children.

 

Any help would be great and ASAP!!!

 

 

 

 

There is no law against spanking a child (at least in Texas).

There is a law against child abuse, but abuse would have to include bodily or mental harm.

 

I used to be a foster parent here in Texas. Kids who got separated from their parents had issues like :

1) Used a lit cigarette on a 2 year olds arm to punish them.

2) Left an 18 month old child in a playpen all night while they were out doing drugs.

3) Left a 2 year old alone in the apartment while the mom went out on a date that lasted all night.

 

In addition, these were not something that happened once, they were repetitive actions by the parents that were reported, investigated, and then acted on.

Spanking a child with a ruler could be seen as abusive, but in the arena of the kinds of things I listed, I doubt anyone would convict a parent spanking a child of abuse.

[credzba]

Just thinking through this. It's quite possible for a natural parent to see corporal punishment delivered by a step parent to be more severe than it really is. What's been offered up for consideration is perception rather than objective observation.

 

 

When I consider spanking, or any punishment, my thinking is I don't have a right to punish anyone that I don't love stronger than the punishment.

 

In most, if not all, cases punishment of a child is the act of a loving parent being disappointed or angry with the child, and the emotional pain caused by that disruption of the normal loving relationship.

The physical act of spanking has very little contribution to the punishment, the emotional hurt is far worse.

 

The risk of a step-parent punishing their step-child is they don't have the years of loving relationship that is required to result in true punishment of the child.

The child can become afraid of pain, but that does not teach them anything except fear of the adult.

The child punished by a loving parent is afraid of the loss of relationship, and that is the real punishment.

 

[NUWORLD]

The risk of a step-parent punishing their step-child is they don't have the years of loving relationship that is required to result in true punishment of the child.

The child can become afraid of pain, but that does not teach them anything except fear of the adult.

The child punished by a loving parent is afraid of the loss of relationship, and that is the real punishment.

 

 

This is what has/is happening The boy is only 5 years old and is terrified of his step father.

 

The boy gets spanks daily and multiple times during the day.

He gets a spanking for not finishing his food.

He gets spanked for going to sleep in the car while driving.( What the hell every kid falls to sleep in the car, He's 5)

 

Basically he gets spanked for what ever reason you can think of.

 

Yes, We all got a spanking during our younger years.

My mother and father would beat the hell out of me with a belt and of course the HOT Wheel track!!

 

That was the generation ago and children have more rights today than we did back then.

 

Now i understand each state has there own laws about corporal punishment.

Don made a good point here:

It's quite possible for a natural parent to see corporal punishment delivered by a step parent to be more severe than it really is. What's been offered up for consideration is perception rather than objective observation.

 

Now i do know here in Ohio the law is on the children side.

 

My sister in-law went to jail after giving her son a spanking.

Her son call 911 and the next thing she knew was, She was in jail for child abuse. (I was there that night and nothing out of the norm happened, Just like we all got spanking when we where younger)

 

Sorry folks I'm getting off topic a bit.

 

CPS has already been to the family house in question.

A friend from the Chinese church the woman goes to called CPS.

 

Now they are in the system now!!!

 

It has gotten to the point and so bad the woman is thinking about sending her son back home to China.

Them problem with this idea is that they have one other child together, A baby girl (U.S. Citizen baby)

The baby girl never gets a spanking, Just the Chinese boy of 5 years old.

 

So there it is folks.

Even though China safe haven has helped many Chinese Woman, this is the first time we are helping a child!

[xiaozhu]

 

Now i do know here in Ohio the law is on the children side.

 

My sister in-law went to jail after giving her son a spanking.

Her son call 911 and the next thing she knew was, She was in jail for child abuse. (I was there that night and nothing out of the norm happened, Just like we all got spanking when we where younger)

 

Sorry folks I'm getting off topic a bit.

 

CPS has already been to the family house in question.

A friend from the Chinese church the woman goes to called CPS.

 

Now they are in the system now!!!

 

It has gotten to the point and so bad the woman is thinking about sending her son back home to China.

Them problem with this idea is that they have one other child together, A baby girl (U.S. Citizen baby)

The baby girl never gets a spanking, Just the Chinese boy of 5 years old.

 

So there it is folks.

Even though China safe haven has helped many Chinese Woman, this is the first time we are helping a child!

 

 

It is sad to hear the story and glad CPS involved. It seems father loves his own child more than stepson. You are right. It is a bad idea to send the boy back to China, which only keep the boy out of the family. As a mother, I can not imagine a life of leaving a child alone somewhere else. Children are innocent in the marriage.

 

China calls butt safe place only because people think spanking/beating this area does not easily cause serious damages to children. However it is not an excuse to punish children. There are many horrible stories in China that children are dead because of serve beating on the butt. I think it is correct to stop the father to avoid big damage in the future.

Edited April 3, 2011 by xiaozhu (see edit history)

[NUWORLD]

Yes the father take more care of his own child.

The respect/love of the Chinese son is very limited if at all.

 

Even though the Chinese mother is considering sending her son back home to china.

The boy would be with grand parents and not with mother.

 

I have talked to the boy on the phone (I remind you all he is 5 years old) he speaks very good English.

He is very scared and frightened of his step father but he does not want to leave his mother.

 

Were at a catch 22 or we may say up a creak with out a paddle?

It's looking like it's going to be a package deal.

One for all or all for none.

 

China safe haven has a policy of a open door home.

We always have a room for those that need it.

But like always, when offered it is often denied only for the fact the party is scared and do not know what to do?

 

Sometimes it takes a third party to step in and make it happen for there well being.

 

We all know our Chinese love ones come from far away and are some time very confused when times are tough.

 

I have been here on CFL for many years now and have seen the good and bad.

The happy and sad days of the china/US relationships.

 

Most often things work out, But then again times do not.

 

This is why CFL and CSH work together in helping our chinese love ones.

 

For any new member i will explain CFL= Candle For love

CSH= China Safe Have

 

You may even see some members with title Safe harbor member These are CFL/CSH Members

 

These are pined topics here on CFL

 

China safe Haven

 

Safe Harbor

 

 

CFL/CSH is here to help any time 24/7/365

 

This little 5 year boy is scared and his mother is getting lost in the system by the minute.

 

I'm going out on a limb here only for the fact the father may be a member here on CFL.

 

They live in the Dallas TX area.

 

I know we have CSH members in this area!

 

Even more going out on a limb!

 

Most of you already know my name.

 

Nuworld AKA

Mike/Michael

[xiaozhu]

....

 

This is why CFL and CSH work together in helping our chinese love ones.

 

For any new member i will explain CFL= Candle For love

CSH= China Safe Have

 

You may even see some members with title Safe harbor member These are CFL/CSH Members

 

These are pined topics here on CFL

 

China safe Haven

 

Safe Harbor

 

 

CFL/CSH is here to help any time 24/7/365

.......

 

Mike/Michael

 

 

Thank you very much for the message!! I get to know what China Safe haven really refers to in your post. I am so so sorry for misunderstanding it with another term used commonly in China. Please accept my apology!!

Edited April 4, 2011 by xiaozhu (see edit history)