American women Vs. Chinese women

[SheLikesME?]

After reading Don's and Dougie's posts, and others who have recently brought to my attention, I am realizing my wife has a jealousy problem. I always wondered what her problem was with my son. Now it makes perfect sense. I never thought of this before because I can't think of any justifiable reason for this jealousy. In other words, I don't really understand jealousy. But what I do know about it, shore seems like a waste of time to me.

 

OK, to be fair, I did date an American girl who would get jealous of me trying to be friendly when I met HER relatives. She would give me a hurtish/sarcastic giggle and say something like "you wanna stay here and talk to Uncle Lou"? Huh? She really got jealous when me and her sister in law hit it off. I guess she didn't like her. It was simple getting acquainted talk. Now she was Jewish with a very dominating mother, so maybe insecure. I have noticed a lot of similarities between her and this one. ... The thing is I was strongly considering asking her for marriage. If I had stayed in CA I would have done just that.

 

There is a lot of info on the net about Jealousy. It isn't love so they say.

[chilton747]

After reading Don's and Dougie's posts, and others who have recently brought to my attention, I am realizing my wife has a jealousy problem. I always wondered what her problem was with my son. Now it makes perfect sense. I never thought of this before because I can't think of any justifiable reason for this jealousy. In other words, I don't really understand jealousy. But what I do know about it, shore seems like a waste of time to me.

 

OK, to be fair, I did date an American girl who would get jealous of me trying to be friendly when I met HER relatives. She would give me a hurtish/sarcastic giggle and say something like "you wanna stay here and talk to Uncle Lou"? Huh? She really got jealous when me and her sister in law hit it off. I guess she didn't like her. It was simple getting acquainted talk. Now she was Jewish with a very dominating mother, so maybe insecure. I have noticed a lot of similarities between her and this one. ... The thing is I was strongly considering asking her for marriage. If I had stayed in CA I would have done just that.

 

There is a lot of info on the net about Jealousy. It isn't love so they say.

 

 

 

 

Just my thinking but jealousy can come from insecurity. Insecurity can come from traumatic experiences in one's life. One can love or wanted to be loved so much that they fear the loss of that love which can lead to a desperate need to control the one that they love? And yes culture can be a major contributor to this jealousy especially if it is culturally acceptable to treat family members with physical and mental abuse. One is a product of their environment I always say.

Edited March 2, 2011 by chilton747 (see edit history)

[david_dawei]

I think this well recognized thing called "jealousy" is quite hard to pin down because it has many parts, maybe beyond just part-person and part-culture. But if I were trying to categorize my observations on chinese ladies, I would tend to say that there is something in the culture which definitely gives it an 'ownership' aspect; and it can be quite fierce or for some it can be hardly there. I see this 'ownership' play out in some different areas as well and so when I see a common thread in various situations then I tend to see it as having some cultural influence.

[natopronto]

Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.

 

Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!

[chilton747]

Now what? Let's say your lady came over on a K1. You have known each other a short time and most all of that from long distance. She comes to the USA, you quickly marry, then you learn the truth. She is insanely jealous about everything you treasure other than her.

 

Now what do you do? And I'm not talking about divorce. Also marriage counseling is not an option as her English is not good.

Edited March 2, 2011 by chilton747 (see edit history)

[david_dawei]

Now what? Let's say your lady came over on a K1. You have known each other a short time and most all of that from long distance. She comes to the USA, you quickly marry, then you learn the truth. She is insanely jealous about everything you treasure other than her.

 

Now what do you do? And I'm not talking about divorce. Also marriage counseling is not an option as her English is not good.

 

You stop looking at all the well groomed dogs and start paying attention to the stray you took home

[warpedbored]

My ex wife's mother doesn't seem to have much maternal instinct. My ex was raised more by live in maids than her mother. Her father was affectionate to her but as a Japanese business man he didn't have a lot of time at home. My ex grew up starved for affection. After we married she wanted to monopolize all of my attention. She didn't like me to spend time with my friends or family. She even disliked my hobby, woodworking because it took attention away from her. It finally got to the point where I just didn't go anywhere because it was easier than fighting with her.

 

I don't know if there is a solution other than divorce. That's the only thing that worked for me.

[chilton747]

Now what? Let's say your lady came over on a K1. You have known each other a short time and most all of that from long distance. She comes to the USA, you quickly marry, then you learn the truth. She is insanely jealous about everything you treasure other than her.

 

Now what do you do? And I'm not talking about divorce. Also marriage counseling is not an option as her English is not good.

 

You stop looking at all the well groomed dogs and start paying attention to the stray you took home

 

 

Now you know I wasn't talkin about me. We were married long before she came here so I had advance notice.

 

Just wondering what happens the K1ers who get their gal here quickly and don't really know her.

 

Besides, I don't look around, I am too old.

[Randy W]

 

Now you know I wasn't talkin about me. We were married long before she came here so I had advance notice.

 

Just wondering what happens the K1ers who get their gal here quickly and don't really know her.

 

Besides, I don't look around, I am too old.

 

 

 

You're never too old for window shopping. In fact, I've heard it gets even better once they know you're harmless! B)

[chilton747]

 

Now you know I wasn't talkin about me. We were married long before she came here so I had advance notice.

 

Just wondering what happens the K1ers who get their gal here quickly and don't really know her.

 

Besides, I don't look around, I am too old.

 

 

 

You're never too old for window shopping. In fact, I've heard it gets even better once they know you're harmless! B)

 

 

Very good point I might say! My dad in his older years window shopped quite a bit.

[Randy W]

You're never too old for window shopping. In fact, I've heard it gets even better once they know you're harmless! B)

 

 

Very good point I might say! My dad in his older years window shopped quite a bit.

 

 

And when them young things start flirting and teasing, just show them your blue pills.

 

 

 

NO - the key is to make SURE they know you're harmless. Dirty old men don't cut the mustard.

 

This was one of the most memorable pieces I ever got - from an old guy that the ladies my age were just climbing all over - he says, "Now don't YOU try this at your age, Randy" (this was about 30 years ago).

[chilton747]

 

 

And when them young things start flirting and teasing, just show them your blue pills.

 

 

 

NO - the key is to make SURE they know you're harmless. Dirty old men don't cut the mustard.

 

This was one of the most memorable pieces I ever got - from an old guy that the ladies my age were just climbing all over - he says, "Now don't YOU try this at your age, Randy" (this was about 30 years ago).

 

 

Now you guys have given me a good laugh this morning!

[SheLikesME?]

My ex wife's mother doesn't seem to have much maternal instinct. My ex was raised more by live in maids than her mother. Her father was affectionate to her but as a Japanese business man he didn't have a lot of time at home. My ex grew up starved for affection. After we married she wanted to monopolize all of my attention. She didn't like me to spend time with my friends or family. She even disliked my hobby, woodworking because it took attention away from her. It finally got to the point where I just didn't go anywhere because it was easier than fighting with her.

 

I don't know if there is a solution other than divorce. That's the only thing that worked for me.

 

I came back here to add or correct the jealousy I stated earlier because it is not a love jealousy, or is it? Carl you bring up a good point I also forgot. On the other hand my previous ex was jealous of anyone just before her that I had a romantic feeling for. This wife is jealous about previous who cost me money. That is the twisted diference.

 

My wife says her mother never touched her. Never picked her up and hugged her. There was no real love things done like that, though nothing cruel. Her job was to work and go to school. I think she was closest to her younger brother. Her Dad is not affectionate either. Also her mother trained her that there is NEVER enough money in savings.

 

My wife is jealous of my previous ex because she says her and her family is what made me poor so that I had nothing for her when she got here. The jealousy is over money, is what I came here to post. I think if I had some romance with someone else it would hurt her, or would have in the past, but as she says she would get over it if I had the means to take good care of her. Her Dad is the offspring of a 2nd wife/gf. Many times she seemed to want me to have a gf. If I told her of romantic things in my life she was OK with it. She didn't doesn't care who I loved. BUT if that relationship cost me money which affected her then she is raging MAD, like my ex who had a mnd like a child and whom I constantly fought to not be in debt. If I spend time or money on my kids this bothered her. I needed to spend my time serving her, making money for this marriage because we don't have enough $hundred thousands in the bank. She will NEVER have enough.

 

Carl like you I have spent the past several years not being myself and not doing my hobbies, which sometimes generate enough to pay for themselves or make a little $$. I remodeled the house her way and now I am unhappy with it. So the solution on my part has been like yours. I sat my foot down on land mines before but geeze the extreme emotion from her is frightening to violence. There is some kind of root cause I figure. We have had our affectionate good times, and her heart can be tender and she can see the right way at times. BUT, this jealousy and money thing is too prevalent for me.

 

SO this is an individual thing not a China vs USA thing with the exception of I tend to think there is less affection given to Asian kids and money is emphasized too dang much. Yet I went to China because previous ex pushed me to spend on credit rather than live within means.

Edited March 4, 2011 by SheLikesME? (see edit history)

[chilton747]

My ex wife's mother doesn't seem to have much maternal instinct. My ex was raised more by live in maids than her mother. Her father was affectionate to her but as a Japanese business man he didn't have a lot of time at home. My ex grew up starved for affection. After we married she wanted to monopolize all of my attention. She didn't like me to spend time with my friends or family. She even disliked my hobby, woodworking because it took attention away from her. It finally got to the point where I just didn't go anywhere because it was easier than fighting with her.

 

I don't know if there is a solution other than divorce. That's the only thing that worked for me.

 

I came back here to add or correct the jealousy I stated earlier because it is not a love jealousy, or is it? Carl you bring up a good point I also forgot. On the other hand my previous ex was jealous of anyone just before her that I had a romantic feeling for. This wife is jealous about previous who cost me money. That is the twisted diference.

 

My wife says her mother never touched her. Never picked her up and hugged her. There was no real love things done like that, though nothing cruel. Her job was to work and go to school. I think she was closest to her younger brother. Her Dad is not affectionate either. Also her mother trained her that there is NEVER enough money in savings.

 

My wife is jealous of my previous ex because she says her and her family is what made me poor so that I had nothing for her when she got here. The jealousy is over money, is what I came here to post. I think if I had some romance with someone else it would hurt her, or would have in the past, but as she says she would get over it if I had the means to take good care of her. Her Dad is the offspring of a 2nd wife/gf. Many times she seemed to want me to have a gf. If I told her of romantic things in my life she was OK with it. She didn't doesn't care who I loved. BUT if that relationship cost me money which affected her then she is raging MAD, like my ex who had a mnd like a child and whom I constantly fought to not be in debt. If I spend time or money on my kids this bothered her. I needed to spend my time serving her, making money for this marriage because we don't have enough $hundred thousands in the bank. She will NEVER have enough.

 

Carl like you I have spent the past several years not being myself and not doing my hobbies, which sometimes generate enough to pay for themselves or make a little $$. I remodeled the house her way and now I am unhappy with it. So the solution on my part has been like yours. I sat my foot down on land mines before but geeze the extreme emotion from her is frightening to violence. There is some kind of root cause I figure. We have had our affectionate good times, and her heart can be tender and she can see the right way at times. BUT, this jealousy and money thing is too prevalent for me.

 

SO this is an individual thing not a China vs USA thing with the exception of I tend to think there is less affection given to Asian kids and money is emphasized too dang much. Yet I went to China because previous ex pushed me to spend on credit rather than live within means.

 

 

Dougie thanks for your post. It explains alot as to what has been happening in my relationship.

[chilton747]

One thing on the positive side here.........I have always been a musician and my exes were extremely jealous of this. Not so with my wife now. She likes it because of the money.

 

Money = happiness..........yes that IS weird. Yep I got the "fear of losing real estate to the exes kids" as well.