Kindly provide suggestions

[credzba]

Very important to say I think is for you to take care of her for awhile. One wouldn't think that had to be said, but I've certainly seen some threads from disgruntled and disillusioned spouses who left everything they knew to come here, arriving disoriented, tired, and scared, only to find they were expected to immediately begin cooking and cleaning for their wonderful American husbands.

 

Excellent point.

 

You really can drink water from the tap.

 

Don't mess with those bottles under the sink.

 

This is butter. It gets put on bread and toast. This is how you do it.

 

Butt on the seat - feet on the floor.

 

The shower curtain goes inside the tub.

 

This is the dishwasher - it washes dishes. I'll show you how.

 

This is the washing machine. I'll show you how to do the laundry.

 

If there is local bus service, show her how to use it so she won't feel trapped.

 

Make sure she has a reasonable amount of cash and knows the denominations.

 

This is my butt. Kick the "X".

 

Really, if you can get into the mind set that you are introducing someone from Mars to your life style, it will make things easier. Showing how will be helpful since there is a big difference between the way some things are done in China vs here. I remember someone once posting they wrote the names of things on post-its to help their lady learn the English terms.

 

 

I think this seems strange reading it, but it is exactly true. If you have not lived in China, then it is hard to know what is different, so assume EVERYTHING is different.

 

My wife is sitting by my side, she says learn driving is more important than ANYTHING in america. With no car you have no legs, can not even go to the grocery store. My comment on this is buy her a car as soon as she gets the learning permit, so that she has her own car to learn in. I know a man who held off buying a car for his wife until she had her license, and it was a catch 22. She didn't get to drive often (because he drove his car everywhere) and so she didn't learn to drive, and so she never got a car.

 

Wife agrees go to Chinese church for friends. Religion doesn't matter, it is just a social setting. (I use this hour to listen to mandarin).

 

Most wives do not want to sit at home. Either go to ESL to learn english, to school to gain degree or certification (job certificate) or if possible find a good job. My wife says find job in American company, in Chinese business she makes no progress to American way of living.

 

I put those soap dispensers in the showers, and when my wife arrived I got her to write the chinese character on top of each container slot so she would easily know the difference between body soap, hair soap, and hair conditioner. My wife uses Pantene shampoo and conditioner because it is something that was available to her in China, so she knew it.

Even if you don't have a dispenser, somehow MARK the bottles. I remember in China I didn't know which was which, and it was confusing.

 

I think the #1 best item I got my wife was a GPS that speaks directions in mandarin. This is not very expensive, and again comes from my China experience. In China, I had my wife write in Chinese our home address, so that if I got totally lost I could get home. Only with this piece of paper was I brave enough to travel distances from home alone. I expect our wives have the same problem arriving here. At first my wife didn't use the GPS, but now she uses it often.

 

I bought one of those 5 gal water dispensers from Lowes and refill the bottle at the local supermarket for $1.75 per 5 gal. This is not really because of my wife, but I prefer to have hot water, and this is a convenient way. It was convenient for my wife at first, but now she is confident that she could drink out of the faucet, we just don't.

 

My wife says she regrets she did not watch english tv, and now 2 years later her listening skill did not improve because of this. It is comfortable for your wife to watch Chinese TV, so dont expect her to "study" english all the time. Maybe listen to 1 hour of english tv per day.

 

Last, if one of the people here on CandleForLove lives in your town, you can get your wife an immediate contact. They may be different personality, and not end up friends, but initially it can be a good help. If no one lives near you, perhaps a similar age wife can call your wife, and answer her question after arriving.

[Mick]

Make sure the bathroom and kitchen are spotless. And whatever you do, don't forget to clean UNDER the toilet seat.

[rongnjohn]

All well made and very good points, thank you for taking the time to post. Luckily over the last 6 months or so she has made a few acquaintances with some ladies through QQ (although they are 30 min or so away by car). Agreed driving is high on the list, hopefully the WI winters won't be too bad this year and impede learning to drive.

[griz326]

Many good suggestions...to which I can add these:

 

Buy her a long wool or down stadium coat and some thinsulate mittens to keep her warm. If you know her size, have them for her when you pick her up.

 

My girls had a chance to adapt to Montana weather before the cold set in, but your gal will arrive in pre-deep-freeze conditions. It will be difficult for her to get warm most of her first winter.

 

My wife wears a heavy wool jacket in Montana's August heat! I guess it will never be as warm here as it is in Nanning.

 

When they first arrived, I let the girls sleep for about 3 days and cooked mountain man grub for them whenever they'd get up. When they finally were ready to go to town, I'd order 5 or 6 dishes ala carte so they could get a little taste of everything at that restaurant; I'd repeat that process at the next restaurant until they had favorites.

 

 

The water here in Montana is spectacular, so I demonstrated drinking water from the ice-cold, mountain stream that runs through our place. They love the water, but they always warm it up

 

 

I'll save the recommendations about the mountain lions and bear for some other day! B)

 

Good luck.

[lostinblue]

One thing that we forget is about even when the english level is good.(the ability to grasp english) When I would talk slow to Yan she could understand me very well. (80-90) %.(when she first arrived) Throw someone around the dinner table with 10 americans talking and that level goes to about 25%.It is English to chinese in the brain. Very tired brain is what yan mentioned. Only after time will things move forward in her understanding of english at the level we enjoy. Keep that in mind translate often if she looks confused. In other words reword what is being said into a bit simpler level for a while.

[HongKong2LA]

Great post...smart, simple,thoughtful common sense advice.

 

Common sense will serve you well.

 

She will probably be exhausted after the adrenalin rush of getting here. Make sure to give her the time she needs to sleep off the jet lag and don't plan on a lot of activity. It's fine to take her around and show her stuff, but make it short trips with lots of rest time.

 

Don't worry about stocking the pantry, find some local markets in your area and let her do the shopping. Same with utensils - my wife has been here over 7 years and still doesn't have a wok.

 

WalMart and Costco seems to always be a big hit. She will be shocked at how cheap some things are and how expensive others are. That takes some time to adjust. Also conversions from metric to English; litre vs gallon, kg vs pounds.

 

Make sure she has a way to connect with her family back in China and the friends she has made during the process on 001 or where ever. Introduce her to people you know, but don't push her to accept someone as a friend - she needs to make her own.

 

Get her into ESL if possible. It will allow her to meet new people as well as help her English. It also helps give her some independence and build self-image.

 

The over-riding idea is to let her set the pace. Treat her how you would like to be treated if the situation were reversed.

[rongnjohn]

Thank you all for the suggestions, today should be the POE for my fiancee' !!! I will re-read and practice the advice given.

Thank you, John

[chilton747]

Thank you all for the suggestions, today should be the POE for my fiancee' !!! I will re-read and practice the advice given.

Thank you, John

 

Good Luck!!