Baptism

[dnoblett]

If I am not mistaken, it is also "taboo" for an unmarried couple to sleep together in the Chinese parents home as well.

 

I hear ya Charles. When i first met my wife the first time we visited her parents home.

Her farther had us separated in two parts of the house for the duration of our stay.

 

I'm Irish Catholic and to this day when my wife and i visit my father he STILL! makes us sleep in separate rooms.

He says he don't want no hanky panky going on in his house.

Now that IS SEVERE!

[george lee]

amaro,

 

did you explain to your soon-to-be-wife what a baptism is and roles of a catholic wife?

 

is she a buddhist? is her family a buddhist? if she and family are buddhist, will you understand buddhist ways? will you convert to buddhist one day? would your parent oppose to you for converting to buddisht? can catholic and buddhist live together under one roof? too many questions to answer down the line. many young people in china are getting married in church but they are still buddhist at heart. couples just want to want have a western style wedding.

 

i'm not christian, catholic, or any western religions, only practice buddhist from what i see from my parent.

[Cerberus]

OK heres the deal, I currently live with my parents, and I am going to get a place once my lady comes. Well my dad just had a discussion with me, he is a very religious man. He says if I live with her and sleep in the same bed with her before I marry her in a church wedding I would be living in Sin. So I am like ok cool, whatever, we get married in church and then move out right. Well, I am not sure how long the baptism and communion and confirmation would take for her. I think like 6 months or something, because my brothers wife had to do it. So what do I do, crash at my parents place until she finishes that stuff, get married in church then move out? My parents are willing to give her the guest bedroom as her room. So in other words, no sleeping together for 6 months lol!!!

 

1) Aren't you sort of dodging a long-coming issue with your family over religion, that has been coming for long time already? You would have the same problem with your family over religion whether your fiancee/wife was Chinese, Korean, Japanese, or San Fernando "valley" girl. There is no insult intended by what I'm stating.

2) Other members have chimed in, and basically their thoughts were: 1) How do you feel regard to your own religious beliefs? 3) What does your fiancee/wife feel about this issue? Most esp, since she is an intricate part of the equation. 3) What will the both of accept as a common-held belief system for the both of you, and what compromises are the both of you willing to accept? Very hard questions, since she is also a part of the equation. Obviously, the both of you have some serious-ass heart searching to do. After all; you didn't marry your father, mother, family or their belief systems. You married her, and are a new family, with your own belief system. What your family believes into a higher deity and/or value system; I will never interfere in, and neither should any other person.

 

What does this have to do with your situation? Simple! My own family (western father) became a reborn Pentecostal Christian, with all the rebound effects of the book of Revelations, Chinese hordes taking over the world at Armageddon, etc, etc. You might imagine the reception my own wife received. This stated; my father passed. My wife wrote a speech at his passing from China, and later read at his eulogy, regard to God and gathering in the toys, and time to sleep. It brouhght the house down, and endeared my wife forever into my Western families heart's.

 

Personally, for my family; Yin is a curious mix of Buddhism beliefs, coupled with Roman Catholic traditions (but hates the controlling nature of the Catholic Church; Yes! We do attend Mass), but also enjoys being a "luke-warm" Lutheran with the communion, dinners, etc, etc. Yin and I both enjoy the beliefs of the right of communion (Catholic and Lutheran), and oftentimes Yin will cry during this particular time. Myself, I'm a mix of Buddhist, Lutheran, and Native-American (Cherokee), with a bit of hardnosed-ass soldier (5 conflicts) thrown into the mix, but firmly believe in the Triune God. Obviously, this belief system takes time, a lot of heart-to-heart and mind-to-mind conversations to develop between a married couple. LOL! You gotta say one thing; Your new conversations over this particular issue won't be boring! :rotfl:Might I suggest to not to blindside your wife. and have her prepared for your family. I did it, both on the Western-side and the Chinese-side. It takes time, a lot of bravery on both your parts, and a lot of nicely (well-thought out) conversations. They key idea is to pre-plan for the worse scenario.

 

I dont know what to do, I want to make him happy and I was going to do the church stuff later while I moved out, but he says it invalidates the point of getting a church wedding if we are already living together. What do you guys think I should do?

 

Have her crash at my parents place, while she attends that church stuff, get married in church then move out, or

 

Move out, worry about the church stuff later, who cares what my dad thinks, and get a church wedding later down the road.

 

Have you read my Significant Differences thread in the Culture sub-forum? No insult intended. However, you and/or your fiancee have formed your own "new" family unit (religious or otherwise). Your fiancee/wife looks to you for guidance and leadership for the family; and yes, this does include religious values/beliefs of the family. I suspect that your wife wants to have her "new" family (you), to have their own home, without parental and/or religious influence besides giving advice. If you moved to China, wouldn't you expect the same considerations in regard to yourself?

 

Just remember a southern expression that is used....

 

"A square peg won't fit in a round hole, lessen you gotta a big hammer to pound it in. But, the pounded peg ain't gonna look to good!" Same saying, applies to your new family in regards to customs, language, choice of food, cleaning/cleanliness of the home, family matters (West & East) and even down to religion. You/her dictate where the family will go on any and/or all issues.

 

In short; talk between yourselves, set up a good game plan, anticipate the future in a worst-case scenario, both of you be flexible, and be prepared for hard-nosed decisions. I lost four of my own immediate family due to my wife's Cinema culture. My wife lost her own mother, and 2 others due specifically to me being Western, to both of our religious beliefs.

 

Neither of us have any regrets, since we are our own family.

 

Now it the time to adapt, and overcome. Just do it wisely. Best of luck

Edited October 15, 2010 by dnoblett
Quote tags fixed (see edit history)