Baptism

[Amaro]

OK heres the deal, I currently live with my parents, and I am going to get a place once my lady comes. Well my dad just had a discussion with me, he is a very religious man. He says if I live with her and sleep in the same bed with her before I marry her in a church wedding I would be living in Sin. So I am like ok cool, whatever, we get married in church and then move out right. Well, I am not sure how long the baptism and communion and confirmation would take for her. I think like 6 months or something, because my brothers wife had to do it. So what do I do, crash at my parents place until she finishes that stuff, get married in church then move out? My parents are willing to give her the guest bedroom as her room. So in other words, no sleeping together for 6 months lol!!!

 

I dont know what to do, I want to make him happy and I was going to do the church stuff later while I moved out, but he says it invalidates the point of getting a church wedding if we are already living together. What do you guys think I should do?

 

Have her crash at my parents place, while she attends that church stuff, get married in church then move out, or

 

Move out, worry about the church stuff later, who cares what my dad thinks, and get a church wedding later down the road.

[chilton747]

What does the wife to be say about this? After all, she is the boss.

[Amaro]

Oh if I told her we were going to stay in my parents house till we got a church wedding, she would freak!!! Realistically, it would be very hard for her to swallow.

[credzba]

OK heres the deal, I currently live with my parents, and I am going to get a place once my lady comes. Well my dad just had a discussion with me, he is a very religious man. He says if I live with her and sleep in the same bed with her before I marry her in a church wedding I would be living in Sin. So I am like ok cool, whatever, we get married in church and then move out right. Well, I am not sure how long the baptism and communion and confirmation would take for her. I think like 6 months or something, because my brothers wife had to do it. So what do I do, crash at my parents place until she finishes that stuff, get married in church then move out? My parents are willing to give her the guest bedroom as her room. So in other words, no sleeping together for 6 months lol!!!

 

I dont know what to do, I want to make him happy and I was going to do the church stuff later while I moved out, but he says it invalidates the point of getting a church wedding if we are already living together. What do you guys think I should do?

 

Have her crash at my parents place, while she attends that church stuff, get married in church then move out, or

 

Move out, worry about the church stuff later, who cares what my dad thinks, and get a church wedding later down the road.

 

 

WAIT a sec !!

Your wife doesn't need to have baptism and communion and confirmation to marry you !

I am Catholic, or at least I grew up Catholic, and the church does not require your wife to even be Christian to marry you. My brother was married by the Bishop in his area, and his wife was not Catholic.

 

Not "living in sin" is achieved by marriage through the church, in front of a priest or clergy.

Conversion to Catholicism is a hugely different thing, and certainly does not mean your "living in sin".

 

 

ANOTHER thought I had, after writing the above is "WHO CARES" what your parents think/want.

I realize that sounds terrible and harsh, and everyone actually does cares what their parent think ... up to a point.

However, you are getting married, and I believe the church teaches that "Gen 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

 

You need to be realistic, and honest with your parents.

Mom, Dad, you know I love you dearly, and always will, but ..

This is my wife, and my new family, and we need to make our decisions as a family.

We will be happy to listen to your wisdom, and thoughts, but in the end, the decisions we make for our family are ours to make.

With respect to your concern about our living in sin, we have made the decision to live together before we are formally married. I know you don't agree with this decision, however it is our decision to make, and it is what we feel is best for our lives.

You know your prayers for us are always welcome.

 

 

If you cannot make a decision for your family, how can you hope to "join to your wife, and become one flesh"?

Edited October 11, 2010 by credzba (see edit history)

[Ryan H]

Do what is best for you and your wife. It's YOUR life, not your dad's.

 

IMO, get your own place when she moves here.

[pkfops]

Do you know anything about Buddhism?

[Dennis143]

I think you owe it to your wife, your parents and to yourself to be independent of mom and dad before she arrives.

 

You are (will be) her husband. She's giving up everything to come here to be with you. Her life is in YOUR hands not your father's.

 

Did you not think of any of this before you set out to on this quest to marry someone from another country? What were/are your plans?

 

Your wife will look to you to be her rock, not your father. It's way past time to prepare a home for her. Get moving!

Edited October 11, 2010 by Dennis143 (see edit history)

[Amaro]

Everyone has made excellent points. I will do what I intended to do and get my own place when she comes here. I have been waiting to get her here to get my own place so I could sign the lease with her name on it. Also, a place we can agree on together. And no, I don't know anything about Buddhism

Edited October 11, 2010 by Amaro (see edit history)

[knloregon]

Really, there are two elements here--- are you a Christian ?? How to please your father, and conversion to Christianity for your soon to be wife, right?

 

Did you attend a Christian church with her in China? Did you meet her through a Christian organization in China? (and I'm sorry that I'm not up on the specifics of your relationship). Does she have a clew about Christianity? I'm not sure... I really don't see how to resolve this----as a Christian, I absolutely don't believe she should be dragged into the the Church----its a transformation that takes time, and the up side is that she (being Chinese) would probably be more receptive (to adapt to the family) than your average girl off the street.

 

But trying to force her is probably going to end badly not only for the Church, but also your relationship. Pretty clear that your Father wants HIS way--- but its not the ONLY way.

 

My suggestion: Find a Chinese Christian church (I have here in Portland). Many of them are Baptist, because the Baptists took an early interest in saving the souls of Chinese in America. (for instance, the Church here in Portland was established in 1879) Heres the thing: The Chinese Baptists have seen it all in the last 100 years or so, they have been discriminated up one side, and down the other, so the last thing they want to do is discriminate. My guess is, if you find a local Chinese Christian church, you------and more importantly----your wife will be welcome with open arms.

 

And it solves the problem of your Father. (and if it doesn't----its time to break some of those ties, IMHO)

[david_dawei]

I see too many issues caused by your parent. Forcing a religion on another and removing their freedom to choice for themselves is ironic here. It comes down to who dictates your life. If it doesn't feel natural, then it's probably wrong. What is the natural thing to do? Is it natural to submit?

 

The sad thing is; your wife may likely follow what you want; maybe even suppress her thoughts and feelings for the submission required of her. Is that what you want? Even if you told her to speak, she may find it easier to just suppress herself since she comes from a culture where 'relationships' define you and what you do (and don't do).

[dnoblett]

Another point K-1 requires marriage within 90 days of entry to the USA, 6 months is longer than that. You would have a problem and additional costs adjusting status if you waited that long to marry.

 

Are you planning on a legal courthouse marriage within the 90 days and then eventually a church marriage down the road?,

[Amaro]

Yeah I am a catholic and raised one all my life. I told her about the conversion and she was cool with it. She is willing to accept it.

 

She does not think this would be a burden or I am forcing anything onto her, if we do this, she would be able to get married in a church.

 

Yes we would get married legally in court, do the AOS and finally the church marriage.

[dnoblett]

Yeah I am a catholic and raised one all my life. I told her about the conversion and she was cool with it. She is willing to accept it.

 

She does not think this would be a burden or I am forcing anything onto her, if we do this, she would be able to get married in a church.

 

Yes we would get married legally in court, do the AOS and finally the church marriage.

My mother is the same way with the "Living is Sin" issue, so for about a month we slept in separate rooms, once we were legally married "Court marriage", my mother hand no issues.

[chilton747]

If I am not mistaken, it is also "taboo" for an unmarried couple to sleep together in the Chinese parents home as well.

[NUWORLD]

If I am not mistaken, it is also "taboo" for an unmarried couple to sleep together in the Chinese parents home as well.

 

I hear ya Charles. When i first met my wife the first time we visited her parents home.

Her farther had us separated in two parts of the house for the duration of our stay.

 

I'm Irish Catholic and to this day when my wife and i visit my father he STILL! makes us sleep in separate rooms.

He says he don't want no hanky panky going on in his house.