birthday present for fiancee in China

[TLB]

My fiancee has a birthday in September; she's in China, I'm in the USA. What do you guys do to give your wives presents for birthdays? I have a sense that giving gifts for birthdays is not as prevalent in China compared to the West; am I right about that?

 

Any ideas for marking her upcoming birthday would be appreciated; what have you done that worked? Maybe didn't work?

 

thanks

 

Tim in Austin

[Zhou Zhou]

I sent lot's of cards when we wuz a courtin'...they were appreciated and kept.

[steveandrong]

of course, everyones wife is different...what might be acceptable for one may not be for another....i see others are stumped on this by the lack of quick replies.....but, if i had to do this again, i would just send her a beautiful boquet of flowers and some money and tell her to shop for some clothes that she really likes...my wife would do this on taobao.....very nice things to find there.

[lche195]

I just sent $$$$ told her to buy whatever she like, It worked for me.

[Robert S.]

You could get by with just saying happy birthday on the phone. My wife and I can't seem to remember each other's birthdays. But I agree with ZZ that a card would be good.

[Cerberus]

of course, everyones wife is different...what might be acceptable for one may not be for another....i see others are stumped on this by the lack of quick replies.....but, if i had to do this again, i would just send her a beautiful boquet of flowers and some money and tell her to shop for some clothes that she really likes...my wife would do this on taobao.....very nice things to find there.

Tim,

 

I'm using Steve's post as a reference point, and IMHO, he is dead on target. Depends on the woman. Regard to bouquet of flowers; earns me a serious ass-chewing from my wife, and she states that the flowers last for a few days, die, and she throws them out. In her opinion, this is a serious waste of family money. A small variation is to have the florist in China, send/deliver a live potted plant. Your fiancee can then re-pot the plant with a special planter she selects, water and care for the plant, etc. This was a big hit with my own wife. When she asked for an explanation. I simply told her that is was an extension of our living love, etc, etc, and she cared for the plant, in the same manner she cared for our love. Unfortunately! My wife does have a "brown thumb" as to plants. Thank God, that I'm not a plant!

 

Money is always acceptable, for her to buy essentials she needs. My wife receives some extra money for special days Yin then takes family to dinner, and saves the rest for our family, and at times spends it on my nieces for things that they need.

 

What about books, special video tapes of sappy Western love stories? As Steve stated; it depends on woman to woman. Respectfully; you are the one marrying her and later living with her. So you might just as well start researching now. You will gave the identical issues, in your future the future within the US. BTW, be prepared to make a "few" mistakes along the way! Just like I did!

 

My wife regard cards, as a waste of money. Therefore, I will stay with RobertS's opinion. A couple of well-timed phone calls, goes over far better than anything from Hallmark provides.

 

As a side note, and only a suggestion. If you want to be a big hit with your fiancee, go to the Internet and research Chinese holidays/special days (e.g. Tomb visitation day, Children''s day). Send special gifts during these inauspicious occasions, when she least expects it. Like she is surprised when you send a gift or a card on her birthday! DAHHHH! Like she didn't expect this in the first place anyway?

 

What is the term? "Shock and Awe!" I once sent my wife a plant, followed by a phone call on Children's Day in China. Totally blew my wife away, as she wasn't expecting anything, for such a lousy holiday! I didn't have to make the phone call! She called me, and was wondering what the special occasion was. I told her Happy Children's Day, and explained I sent it since I loved her the same on Children's Day, as much then as on our anniversary and her birthday. Chinese women love surprises, and to be surprised. Lord! My wife began crying on the telephone.

 

This is one of the small tricks that make a intercultural marriage work. You can use this as a suggestion, to make the both of your lives far happier. Yes! Yin still calls me crazy for wasting money her on these weird holidays. However, the memory is always there in her mind, and I can see the happiness she still carries, and she hugs me many times for these small surprises, and still talks about them.

 

Please remember that this is my wife and not your fiancee, so YMMV (Your Mileage May Vary) Good Luck!

 

Dave

Edited August 5, 2010 by Cerberus (see edit history)

[credzba]

My fiancee has a birthday in September; she's in China, I'm in the USA. What do you guys do to give your wives presents for birthdays? I have a sense that giving gifts for birthdays is not as prevalent in China compared to the West; am I right about that?

 

Any ideas for marking her upcoming birthday would be appreciated; what have you done that worked? Maybe didn't work?

 

thanks

 

Tim in Austin

 

My wife was one of those "Flowers are a waste of money, please don't send flowers any more!"

 

However, when I sent her flowers (via chinese delivery) and chocolate via usps mail TO HER WORK then I only got griped at out of habit. The fact her colleagues got to see presents from her "foreign devil" husband was more important than the gift itself.

She gave away the chocolate to her colleagues, and that just gave her another opportunity to say they are from my HUSBAND.

 

Everyone is correct that it depends on the person, but for my wife, being able to "show off" a little was worth more than the presents.

[Cerberus]

My wife was one of those "Flowers are a waste of money, please don't send flowers any more!"

 

However, when I sent her flowers (via chinese delivery) and chocolate via usps mail TO HER WORK then I only got griped at out of habit. The fact her colleagues got to see presents from her "foreign devil" husband was more important than the gift itself.

She gave away the chocolate to her colleagues, and that just gave her another opportunity to say they are from my HUSBAND.

 

Everyone is correct that it depends on the person, but for my wife, being able to "show off" a little was worth more than the presents.

Tim and other CFL BM's,

 

I want to add a bit onto Credzba's comments.

 

My wife was a former PRC Agriculture Bureau clerk. That is one thing that she demanded from me early on in our relationship; DO NOT send things to her workplace. 1) All the other girls/women became jealous, and would gossip incessantly regards to her. 2) My wife was never a CCP member; but her cell-supervisors were, and she could be fired at the drop of a hat. All gifts which I did send, were sent to her home. BTW! Most expecially since I was a laowei in the first place. 3) My wife wouldn't even wear her engagement ring in her workplace, in fear of starting rumors. She would wear the ring at home, or shopping, etc. But NEVER in her workplace. A 1.5 carat diamond center placed diamond, with two.5 carat side diamonds, will do nothing but bring trouble and rumors. Again; this is up to the individual couple, which is an issue to be talked about between themselves. Far be from me, to dictate what is right and wrong. Just beware of the consequences on both the woman and the man's parts.

 

This choice is entirely up to the couple of what you can and can get away with. Personally, I would suggest checking with the fiancee/fiance before any gifts are sent to the workplace. Getting fired in China, is no laughing matter.

 

However! Credzba's comments regard to flowers are dead on target. It really does depend on the woman.

 

I will add one item, and attempt not to throw a bucket water on your parade. How the woman receives the gifts, accepts them, etc, etc; Can be a redflag warning for you. You are intelligent, and can fill in the blanks. If they are received glibly, and wants better presents, than you had better walk away, or at least do some serious hard-thinking. It can and often time does get worse. Credzba's and my ass-chewing's, simply reflect the nature of our wives. DO NOT waste the family money. Save it for the final plane ticket, hotels in GUZ for her interview, save it for furniture which she chooses in the US.

[Rob and WeiLing]

Tim and other CFL BM's,

 

I want to add a bit onto Credzba's comments.

 

My wife was a former PRC Agriculture Bureau clerk. That is one thing that she demanded from me early on in our relationship; DO NOT send things to her workplace. 1) All the other girls/women became jealous, and would gossip incessantly regards to her. 2) My wife was never a CCP member; but her cell-supervisors were, and she could be fired at the drop of a hat. All gifts which I did send, were sent to her home. BTW! Most expecially since I was a laowei in the first place. 3) My wife wouldn't even wear her engagement ring in her workplace, in fear of starting rumors. She would wear the ring at home, or shopping, etc. But NEVER in her workplace. A 1.5 carat diamond center placed diamond, with two.5 carat side diamonds, will do nothing but bring trouble and rumors. Again; this is up to the individual couple, which is an issue to be talked about between themselves. Far be from me, to dictate what is right and wrong. Just beware of the consequences on both the woman and the man's parts.

 

This choice is entirely up to the couple of what you can and can get away with. Personally, I would suggest checking with the fiancee/fiance before any gifts are sent to the workplace. Getting fired in China, is no laughing matter.

 

However! Credzba's comments regard to flowers are dead on target. It really does depend on the woman.

 

I will add one item, and attempt not to throw a bucket water on your parade. How the woman receives the gifts, accepts them, etc, etc; Can be a redflag warning for you. You are intelligent, and can fill in the blanks. If they are received glibly, and wants better presents, than you had better walk away, or at least do some serious hard-thinking. It can and often time does get worse. Credzba's and my ass-chewing's, simply reflect the nature of our wives. DO NOT waste the family money. Save it for the final plane ticket, hotels in GUZ for her interview, save it for furniture which she chooses in the US.

 

I would agree with Dave that each woman is different; however, he's talking about "wasting family money" from the standpoint of a married man. I just talked with WeiLing about this and she knew immediately (without me telling) that Dave is already married. She said that during courtship, gifts are more appreciated as it shows that the man isn't just whispering sweet nothings. She gave the hypothetical response of her mother receiving flowers from her father: "Éñ¾­²¡£¡ÄãÂò»¨¸ÉÂïѽ£¿"--or, Retard! What the hell are you doing buying flowers (for me)?

 

When I got my wife's (still girlfriend at that point) address, I only told her it was to send a letter--which I did send. I never told her I'd be later sending flowers, chocolate, or gifts. The address she had me mail to was her office, so that's what I used. She was always excited beyond belief (WeiLing gets that way, it's really cute). The first time I sent flowers in a vase, the second time I sent flowers and chocolate, and the third time I sent flowers and a stuffed bear. All were from a Chinese website and delivered the same day I ordered--even on weekends. (I could have ordered to be delivered at specific times on specific days; pretty flexible). I could look it up if you'd like.

 

In fact, the first time I met WeiLing in person, I gave a box of See's Candies chocolates. She ate three and gave the rest to family during Spring Festival. I was appalled, I gave her a 2lb box to enjoy herself over time. It turns out, she's not a big chocolate-eater, and it's Chinese custom to share gifts like that with people around. (Then again, some things she says are Chinese custom appear to only be local to her hometown, or that area. China is as big as the States, and probably has a set of unique customs for each dialect in the PRC!) Months later, when she joked around that she wanted to share chocolate with her friend at work, I surprised her by actually sending flowers and chocolate that day. She still mentions the Dove chocolate from time to time. The stuffed bear that I sent her is still propped up by the couch at her parent's house.

 

Dave is onto something with surprises and with keeping track of Chinese holidays. I'll give a hint that one is coming up. Aug 16th is this year's Chinese Valentine's day. (It's lunar-calendar based; 7th day of 7th month). Your fiancee may know you're planning something for her birthday, but a small token on that day may win some surprise brownie-points.

 

Perhaps it's somewhat relevant to mention that when Chinese receive gifts in person, they hold them and take them home to open in privacy... When my family brought gifts to her family for the wedding, my parents were mystified that the presents sat still-wrapped and everyone was just staring excitedly at nothing happening. I had to explain that American custom is to rip off the packaging ASAP to show enthusiasm and appreciation for receiving the gifts. My sister-in-law told me that she felt naughty/disrespectful by opening them right away--even though we told her to! Oh, how customs differ...

[Cerberus]

 

 

"Perhaps it's somewhat relevant to mention that when Chinese receive gifts in person, they hold them and take them home to open in privacy... "

Rob, time practiced custom. However, very smart Chinese people. Open the chocolates up in private, and in the case of a chocolate lover, they don't have to share them!

[TLB]

 

 

 

Perhaps it's somewhat relevant to mention that when Chinese receive gifts in person, they hold them and take them home to open in privacy...

 

This is undoubtedly true in many cases, but not always. My fiancee rips open any present I give her as soon as she gets it in her hands (and has from the beginning). Her folks, perhaps because they received my gifts in their home, did open the presents not in front of me, but pretty much immediately as well (which was good, since I needed to do some translation for them).

 

I guess as with most things, generalizations are only true generally. B)

 

Thanks for your ideas!

[david_dawei]

My fiancee has a birthday in September;

 

Is that her lunar or solar birthdate? I know some will consider one vs the other more important.

 

A similar situation is what date they consider as the marriage date may not be a date written down on any document

[Turbo SS1414]

I am glad this thread was made eventhough its old My girls birthday is in November and I have to think of things to get her. I was planning on getting her two shirts first of all. One from Oklahoma State university and one from University of Florida. I am a graduate of both schools so if we go to football games she has a shirt to wear. I would like to get her 1 more thing a little more special though.

 

She said when she was young her mom just got her birthday cakes instead of presents. However, she knows of the birthday present relationship and now I think expects them lol