Matches Made in Heaven

[shenzhen]

"I'm sick of Chinese women's snobbery." -- Interesting that now Chinese men are looking outside of China for women to marry according to this article. I can't say that I strongly agree with any of these comments about Chinese women in this article.

 

"Vietnamese women have a totally different set of requirements (from Chinese women)," Zhao says.

 

"All they want is a considerate, honest and filial husband, and a loving, happy family."

 

http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/life/2010-03/...ent_9666346.htm

[warpedbored]

Very interesting. Some of the comments are identical to what I've heard American men say about American women.

[weiaijiayou]

I agree -- these comments sound very familiar. As Ben Hamper said, "the grass is always greener on the other side, until you have to hop the fence and cut that shit down." There are better and worse fits, but I believe the search for the "perfect wife" is a fool's errand.

 

My wife and I were just watching the movie "Heaven and Earth" which dramatizes the life of a Vietnamese woman who met an American soldier and came to the US (pretty good movie). I think the course of that relationship, although it certainly had its distinct characteristics, is pretty representative of what tends to happen with these "matches made in heaven."

 

One of my Korean friends paid a few thousand dollars to join a dating service in Korea with unlimited dates until he either marries or dies. He's obviously dated women from both Korea and China but just hasn't found that match. Perhaps I'll suggest looking in Vietnam...

[Kyle]

This isn't all too surprising. Intercultural relationships have, for some - and I'm assuming many on this site will agree, a lot of appeal because there is a sense of intrigue when experiencing a new culture. The old saying "the grass always looks greener on the other side" comes to mind. The honest truth is that Chinese men could indeed find the qualities he desires in a Chinese companion if he patiently searched. I have found that Chinese women and American women can hold the same characteristics - this being true from both positive and negative sides of the spectrum. Obviously, culture does bring a certain amount of seasoning that can bring a unique aspect to any relationship.

 

I would love to see a followup on this story five years down the line after the honeymoon stage of the relationship passes. The true test of the relationship at least in my experience with my wife is figuring out how to meld our two cultures into a new and unique lifestyle and world view. To me, this isn't always easy to do and requires a great deal of patience and communication from both parties.

 

Honestly, marriage is hard enough on its own without dealing with two separate cultures. In many ways, if I would have married a woman from America (born and raised with an American cultural view) many aspects in adjusting to married life would have been easier. For me though, I wouldn't change a thing and would do it again and again a hundred times over. For all of the difficulties intercultural marriages can bring, there is a great amount of reward that comes from doing it successfully.

 

Speaking from my own experience, dating interculturally is kind of like a steroid to the relationship. One needs to recognize this and make sure they don't rush into anything too quickly, letting the excitement take control of logical thought. Ok, I'm starting to get off on a tangent. Anyway, I'd love to see what the guys in this article have to say five years down the line. Hopefully, they'll be as content then as they are now - after they experience the negative qualities of their spouses' culture.

Edited April 2, 2010 by Kyle (see edit history)

[GDBILL]

Very interesting. Some of the comments are identical to what I've heard American men say about American women.

 

 

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, perhaps.

 

Interesting that they didn't mention visa requirements. They did mention naturalization, but I'm wondering how that would work since 1) there is no 5-year requirement to become a Chinese citizen and 2) they usually don't approve applications anyhow.

 

I agree with Kyle in that a 5-year follow-up would be nice.

Edited April 2, 2010 by GDBILL (see edit history)

[david_dawei]

maybe in a land where 'face' is such an issue that men have to deflect their reasons for seeking outside of china; afterall, the problem cannot rest with them if they are to present themselves as worthy husbands

 

Chinese men suddenly becoming the romantics?

 

I think maybe their comment of 'snobbery' has some hidden meaning; maybe the chinese women want something more out of their counter-part that they are not inclined to do but another country (lady) is willing to accept them for how they are. I feel the men want a woman who doesn't brandish a mop

 

The chinese man liked that his vietnamese partner grabbed the umbrella and held it to shield him; that's exactly what the chinese lady wants him to do for her... suddenly, in a land dominated by chinese men, they want equal umbrella treatment?

 

But the comment concerning the man who said he meet women seeking to marry for money or higher social status... that's breaking news.

 

I think, like most issues, both sides have some point which paints the whole picture.

[Sam and Fen]

I have dated Indian , American and now Chinese women.

 

They are all the same, just a different set of issues with each one.

It is just a question of which set of issues do you want to live with.

[warpedbored]

This is my second inter-cultural marriage. My ex is from Japan. After we broke up I dated several American women and most of them were very nice. I could see how many cultural land mines could be avoided. The problem was I missed the inter-cultural exchange. Being with a Japanese woman for 21 years had reshaped my world view. It was a constant learning experience learning about her history and culture. I became somewhat of a Japanese history buff, particularly Edo period. I took up an interest in Shinto religion but I could never quite grasp it. It's one of those things I think you have to be Japanese to understand. I could see how that ancient base in Japanese culture still manifested itself in modern Japanese culture. Probably much as David sees Taoism influence in modern China.

[SmilingAsia]

Someone I admired chose a Vietnamese girl intead of me. She is 16 years younger than I am. I think it's a wise choice:

 

1. I cannot tolerate if he bossed me around like he did with the young girl.

2. I cannot tolerate him being impatient.

3. I was upset when he forgot things, not organized.

4. I'm not sure his talents, money can compensate his performance in bed.

5. The young girl has very nice ass - this is the comment from a female friend, not me..........hehe.........

[GDBILL]

Someone I admired chose a Vietnamese girl intead of me. She is 16 years younger than I am. I think it's a wise choice:

 

1. I cannot tolerate if he bossed me around like he did with the young girl.

2. I cannot tolerate him being impatient.

3. I was upset when he forgot things, not organized.

4. I'm not sure his talents, money can compensate his performance in bed.

5. The young girl has very nice ass - this is the comment from a female friend, not me..........hehe.........

 

Yes, obviously a wise choice.

[Zhou Zhou]

Someone I admired chose a Vietnamese girl intead of me. She is 16 years younger than I am. I think it's a wise choice:

 

1. I cannot tolerate if he bossed me around like he did with the young girl.

2. I cannot tolerate him being impatient.

3. I was upset when he forgot things, not organized.

4. I'm not sure his talents, money can compensate his performance in bed.

5. The young girl has very nice ass - this is the comment from a female friend, not me..........hehe.........

 

Yes, obviously a wise choice.

 

LOL...good choice. I've dated many US American and women from Spanish speaking American countries, Germany and Asia, too. And like stated above they all go their issues and many similar. Chinese, women seem to appreciate and want the basic things from a relationship. Lao po, always has a calming effect on me and together we resolve problems...I am very happy that we got together.

[Kwyjibo]

maybe in a land where 'face' is such an issue that men have to deflect their reasons for seeking outside of china; afterall, the problem cannot rest with them if they are to present themselves as worthy husbands

 

Chinese men suddenly becoming the romantics?

 

I think maybe their comment of 'snobbery' has some hidden meaning; maybe the chinese women want something more out of their counter-part that they are not inclined to do but another country (lady) is willing to accept them for how they are. I feel the men want a woman who doesn't brandish a mop

 

The chinese man liked that his vietnamese partner grabbed the umbrella and held it to shield him; that's exactly what the chinese lady wants him to do for her... suddenly, in a land dominated by chinese men, they want equal umbrella treatment?

 

But the comment concerning the man who said he meet women seeking to marry for money or higher social status... that's breaking news.

 

I think, like most issues, both sides have some point which paints the whole picture.

 

China is a man's world, but it's not all gold for them. A Chinese man is expected to pay for everything. Don't have enough money to pay the bride price, and buy an apartment, no marriage for you. And nowadays the cost of an average wedding (photos, banquet, honeymoon etc), in the big cities is the same as an American wedding. Many are marrying later in life because they have to save up the money. And many still have to be financially helped out by their parents.

 

It doen't affect us as much because most of us are earning Western wages.

Edited April 16, 2010 by BabeInTheWoods (see edit history)

[Kwyjibo]

"I'm sick of Chinese women's snobbery." -- Interesting that now Chinese men are looking outside of China for women to marry according to this article. I can't say that I strongly agree with any of these comments about Chinese women in this article.

 

"Vietnamese women have a totally different set of requirements (from Chinese women)," Zhao says.

 

"All they want is a considerate, honest and filial husband, and a loving, happy family."

 

http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/life/2010-03/...ent_9666346.htm

 

I assume he's talking about the modern Chinese female who wants a partner who is taller than them, better educated, has a better job, money, and a apartment. Which is not exclusive to Chinese females.

 

As China gets richer, it's females will become more like their Western counterparts.

[LeeFisher3]

Probably the most important statement in the article was:

"Anyway, you need to be a good husband to have a good wife," Dai says