How do you communicate with your love?

[AZwolfman]

Many of you have made me realize how very lucky my wife and I are that we can both speak English very well. Not only is this important now, but it was necessary for us to even meet, develop a relationship, and fall in love. Not much has been said about meeting online (which I will write about on a later date), but that is how we met. Even if you met online and were able to have your email communications sent to a translator, you would eventually have work out instantaneous 2-way communication when you met physically.

 

What I am curious about is, in the absence of same-language communication, how did the two of you even meet? How were you able to develop the relationship? How did you manage to fall in love with one to whom you could not speak? Since open communication is key in any relationship, how was understandable communication possible between the two of you?

[frank1538]

Given the recent post about the need for a tape showing communication in Chinese, this is again a relevant topic.

 

At the beginning, for me, it was a "family affair". Several of the nephews are college educated and spoke very good English. Unfrotunately, Jingwen was not, so everybody had a hand in helping us communicate at first. Being fiscally conservative, Jingwen wanted to have her kids take English lessons so she could learn from them. Not the best idea, but understandable.

 

Today, we speak Chinglish, and her English is passable. My Chinese is actually a little better than her English, and our everyday conversations rarely present a problem with this and electronic translators. When there is very important information to pass on, like what to expect in the P3, I will send her an email both in English and Chinese - in English just in case she wants to have it translated by a professional.

 

Latey, she has been recording our on-line chats with her camcorder just in case a question is asked about how we communicate. Unfortunately, I sometimes forget that I am on camera and start talking about distance and desires and other things that may be a bit too personal for publication. But, hell, I'd stand naked in front of the VO if I had to.

 

As a precautionary measure, since I will be in Guangzhou for the interview, we will also tape a conversation in advance - just in case. Given the volume of real time chats (text copies of all Yahoo chats), I hope that this will be sufficient.

 

Communication is very important in a relationship. And, what I have found out is that, as communications skills improve, so does the depth of the relationship. I can just imagine what it will be like when Jingwen speaks as well as any American. I just hope she doesn't pick up too much Southern slang in the process. The first time she calls me bubba will be the first time I'll consider moving from the South.

[Joseph-1]

I was lucky that Lynn speaks english,and we communicate well enough for the most part. She has a tendency to use some of our less desireable words which promted me to ask where she learned them. She surprised me in saying that she had known a couple of american kids who lived in her

hometown when she was young and the boy had a potty mouth. Its interesting the way an argument can result over a mis-spoken word and how the meaning can be mis-understood. These little obstacles can be frustrating.

We take our language so much for granted at times that we forget what adverse impact a mild expression can have to someone who sees that word or phrase " insgnificant to us" may seem downright isulting to our

Chinese partner.

Its best to keep in mind that we are from different worlds,and trying to adopt a life style that neither have any experience coping with.

Add to that the fact that neither of us have ever been married before. Oh what big changes. The Undiscovered Country Indeed.

[Guest Long_strider]

What I have discovered is that with the language challenges between Yuqing and I, we have to work very hard at communicating clearly. Because of this intensity of communication it has helped to create a much closer bond...

 

I have found that when communcation is very easy in a relationship, my tendency is to not work so hard on having a successful relationship. Communication is "taken for granted" and I become "lazy" in a relationship.

 

For me personally, the fact that Yuqing's English and my Chinese are limited is, in my opinion, a good thing for our developing relationship. We discover many new facets about each other everyday. We often laugh about our language mistakes and also have an occasional argument when messages are misinterpreted (also when the messages are clear lol). Everyday life in a good relationship!

 

Mi

[Dave G.]

For us, it was and continues to be a mix of English (60 %), Chinese (10%) JingMei-ish (15%), and Charades. With the kid, it's more Charades than anything else.

 

On this note, I had an interesting experience yesterday. Americans are not willing to adjust language use and speed when talking to a foriegner. I asked the OBGYN to slow down when talking about the baby. She didn't. PISSED ME OFF! I had to "translate" needlessly, wasting all sorts of time. People in the lab weren't helpful either. They gave her a cup and told her to fill it (with urine). Told her to use the restroom. Well, she did....the one down the hall. NEVER directed her to the lab's WC. Then, they got miffed at her b/c she didn't use their bathroom (cost them extra time). Grrrrrrrrr....people are so stupid!

 

Oh well.....

[natrigon]

As for me I met Mei by accident in Shenzhen. I was communicating with her sister for many months by email. There was a possible romantic connection between her sister and I but there was also a tangible age difference.

 

On a business trip to HK I made plans to go into Shenzhen for a week and meet the sister. Unfortunately her work (maybe not wanting her to meet an American) sent her 6 hours north to work in a different store. The sister was very sad, felt obligatged and sent Mei (her older sister who spoke no English) to meet me with an older male co-worker who spoke excellent English.

 

In the busy train station I was searching for two unknown Chinese people when my eyes came across Mei. She had a great... um "aura" for lack of a better term. The three of us met every day. We explored some business ideas I had. We saw the sights, went bowling and of course we ATE PLENTY OF FOOD. The three of us had a great time. Each night I really looked forward to the next day... with Mei.

 

Difficult situation because after all I was there to meet her sister but I was very impressed with Mei's character, humor, intelligence and grace ( oh, did I mention she can really eat, haha). Finally the night before my departure the sister returned and we met. She was very sad not to be able to spend more time with me. My final day in Shenzhen we hung out but clearly she was not my type. She also agreed I was not her type and I left Shenzhen.

 

Many weeks went by and I continued to think about Mei. One day I called the older English speaking friend. I told him I would like to get to know Mei. He was very suprised and told me that as far as her knew Mei had no desire to meet an American let alone maybe leave China. He suggested I email the sister and request her help.

 

After 3 emails (and many more weeks) beating around the bush I finally (and directly) asked the sister to speak with Mei and relay my intent. To make a long story short eventually agreed to talk with me. We began communicating solely with emails which I translate with software into Chinese. Now 1 year later, she can speak English decently. My Mandarin speech is improving. We can talk on the phone for an hour or so almost every day without many language glitches. If we come across a topic with no previous language reference I spell out the word(s) and she enters into a electronic translator and we hammer through it.

 

What a great process of developing a relationship, from the ground up. I have been over to China three more times and it just happened that we are a great match. We have similiar views on almost everything... war, work, love, food, music, religion... etc.

 

Now when we talk she speaks English and I speak Mandarin... well mostly. We do use our special form of Engarin and/or Mandlish as well as some other language that has yet to be officially named only referenced by us ( and you others in the same position ) as the language of love.

 

Until next time,

 

Louis

[Mick]

What a beautiful and interesting story Louis. It made my heart soar like a hawk. As they say, love will find a way.

 

As for our case, conversing in English is no problem as Li was an English teacher in China and has excellent English skills. Now, if we had to communicate in Chinese, with my limited Mandarin skills, we would be in big trouble. I can get the words right sometimes, but I always butcher the tones and end up saying the wrong thing.

[Eric&Yuhui]

Great story Louis.

Ah, life has a funny way to show that, well, that life's great !

 

Right now, Yuhui has been busy in the kitchen with French recipes, because I have 7 family members ( yep... to sunny FL ) coming to the US Dec 21 tfrom France to spend Xmas with us... Ain't that sweet ?

I sampled her French cooking last night.. Not bad at all for a Shanghainese !

[Mick]

Great story Louis.

Ah, life has a funny way to show that, well, that life's great !

 

Right now, Yuhui has been busy in the kitchen with French recipes, because I have 7 family members ( yep... to sunny FL )  coming to the US Dec 21 tfrom France to spend Xmas with us... Ain't that sweet ?

I sampled her French cooking last night.. Not bad at all for a Shanghainese !

Sounds like you have a great holiday planned Eric. Should be a great expereince for Yuhui. Have a great time my friend.

[tonado]

Communication with my wife takes a lot of patience and effort.

[frank1538]

Right now, Yuhui has been busy in the kitchen with French recipes, because I have 7 family members ( yep... to sunny FL )  coming to the US Dec 21 tfrom France to spend Xmas with us... Ain't that sweet ?

I sampled her French cooking last night.. Not bad at all for a Shanghainese !

Got room at the table for one more?

[tywy_99]

Right now, Yuhui has been busy in the kitchen with French recipes, because I have 7 family members ( yep... to sunny FL )  coming to the US Dec 21 tfrom France to spend Xmas with us... Ain't that sweet ?

I sampled her French cooking last night.. Not bad at all for a Shanghainese !

Got room at the table for one more?

French cook'n is good if you take it to the far left,... like Arcadian?, right on down to CAJUN!!!...........WooooYeeeee!! I Guaruntteeee it!...........

 

Being born on the bayou, Noth'n like crab gumbo and jambalaya!!!!,,,Oh, and pleez...don't call me a coonass!

 

trivia!: what makes gumbo...gumbo???.........

[warpedbored]

Right now, Yuhui has been busy in the kitchen with French recipes, because I have 7 family members ( yep... to sunny FL )  coming to the US Dec 21 tfrom France to spend Xmas with us... Ain't that sweet ?

I sampled her French cooking last night.. Not bad at all for a Shanghainese !

Got room at the table for one more?

French cook'n is good if you take it to the far left,... like Arcadian?, right on down to CAJUN!!!...........WooooYeeeee!! I Guaruntteeee it!...........

 

Being born on the bayou, Noth'n like crab gumbo and jambalaya!!!!,,,Oh, and pleez...don't call me a coonass!

 

trivia!: what makes gumbo...gumbo???.........

Okra?

[tywy_99]

Right now, Yuhui has been busy in the kitchen with French recipes, because I have 7 family members ( yep... to sunny FL )  coming to the US Dec 21 tfrom France to spend Xmas with us... Ain't that sweet ?

I sampled her French cooking last night.. Not bad at all for a Shanghainese !

Got room at the table for one more?

French cook'n is good if you take it to the far left,... like Arcadian?, right on down to CAJUN!!!...........WooooYeeeee!! I Guaruntteeee it!...........

 

Being born on the bayou, Noth'n like crab gumbo and jambalaya!!!!,,,Oh, and pleez...don't call me a coonass!

 

trivia!: what makes gumbo...gumbo???.........

Okra?

HA HA AH!!.....Carl!........yur right!....give that man a VISA!......

[warpedbored]

My biggest fear is the VO won't think that Bing's English is sufficient. She speaks some and reads and writes it fairly well. Her vocabulary is somewhat limitited and we have to use electronic translators some but we manage quite well. It is kind of amazing really how people can communicate without a common language if they have to. So much of communication is non-verbal. Bing is taking English classes and has improved remarkably since I was there. She has also picked up quite a bit from our chats on yahoo messenger. I told her all she has to know how to say anyway is "I love you" and "yes dear". This was replied to with an emphatic "no say yes dear!" We both had a good laugh over that one.

Carl