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I need a lot of help here so please reply

w1651

By w1651,
in Culture & Language Discussion

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warpedbored

warpedbored

Posted
Posted

In a nutshell you are expected to be a rock. An anchor that can weather the storm. If she has a little tantrum you are the man. You should let it slide and not appear as if it phases you. AMaffan explains Sa Jiao as well as anyone I've ever read. Keep in mind that it is an eastern concept that is difficult for western men to fully comprehend. Read this thread

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?...&hl=sa+jiao

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Jaseball

Jaseball

Posted
Posted

You already have a long post over in the stories section and several replies talk about culture and give excellent advice.

 

I believe that while cultural differences may cause some friction and not being able to communicate in either English or Chinese is a definite problem the fact remains you have a man and a woman together, married, and in a relationship with all the benefits and problems and issues of marriage and relationships.

 

Women are fairly simple. If it is an honest situation, then a man should honor, support, cherish, and do their best to improve the life of their wife. A good wife does the same thing for her husband.

 

Another important fact that most men don't seem to get - you can't reward bad behavior. If a woman is acting out, constantly whining/complaining, making the guy feel like a loser, and is the opposite of being supportive the worst thing a man can do is beg for forgiveness, apologize, buy her a gift, promise to change, etc.

 

Why? Because in certain situations the guy is not wrong and if he isn't wrong and he caves in, then the woman loses even more respect and instead of being nicer she'll act up even more.

 

Another thing to remember is sometimes a person is not 'fixable.' If you happen to fall for a scammer, a bi-polar, a depressed person, or a sociopath there is nothing you can do to change them and the best you can do is recognize that fact, protect yourself, and move on.

 

Never try to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. It never works. Always watch out for people that run hot/cold. Supper affectionate and lovey dovey one minute, then ice queen the next.

 

That said, you may see more replies, but with this thread and the other thread with 50+ replies I'm not sure what else you are looking for.

 

You have a total of 11 posts and the first one was about your wife calling the cops and leaving after AOS.

 

This is sort of like buying an old home to fix up, ripping out the kitchen, baths and making the home unlivable by yourself, then asking a contractor to come in after the fact to fix things.

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Guest Tony n Terrific

Guest Tony n Terrific

Posted
Posted

Woman grow up to be adults but there is still alot of little girl in them. Woman use emotional feelings to get what they need and want. We men use our physical strength to get ahead. Never tell a woman she needs to grow up. The proper way is to say to your lovely how are we going to improve, what are your thoughts dear. Please realize you have a language barrier here as well. Ask your wife to help you learn Chinese. Any normal person loves to help someone espescially if they are an expert in this field.

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Richard & Li

Richard & Li

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Posted

 

Another important fact that most men don't seem to get - you can't reward bad behavior. If a woman is acting out, constantly whining/complaining, making the guy feel like a loser, and is the opposite of being supportive the worst thing a man can do is beg for forgiveness, apologize, buy her a gift, promise to change, etc.

 

Why? Because in certain situations the guy is not wrong and if he isn't wrong and he caves in, then the woman loses even more respect and instead of being nicer she'll act up even more.

 

 

That is one of the truest statements I've ever read.

 

Eventually, they figure out that acting like a jerk gets them nothing. As opposed to being sweet, when they get almost anything they want. (Except for during PMS when all rationality escapes them.)

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fineart

fineart

Posted
Posted

Another important fact that most men don't seem to get - you can't reward bad behavior. If a woman is acting out, constantly whining/complaining, making the guy feel like a loser, and is the opposite of being supportive the worst thing a man can do is beg for forgiveness, apologize, buy her a gift, promise to change, etc.

 

Another thing to remember is sometimes a person is not 'fixable.' If you happen to fall for a scammer, a bi-polar, a depressed person, or a sociopath there is nothing you can do to change them and the best you can do is recognize that fact, protect yourself, and move on.

 

Never try to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. It never works. Always watch out for people that run hot/cold. Supper affectionate and lovey dovey one minute, then ice queen the next.

Well said. Very insightful.

 

Plus, if you don't have what she expects, better not to make the marriage, even though she maybe very beautiful, desirable. You can not fulfill her heart.

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