Gift giving

[timb]

Since my return from China, my gal has told me she no longer likes her friend that introduced us, and has broken off contact with her. She told me that her friend, during the time we all three were together, mentioned something about getting a gift for my sister. I didn't put much into this, but my gal thinks it's a big deal.

 

Also, my gal said her friend didn't bother to show up and bring a parting gift, such as fruit or food, on the day of my departure.

 

I was surprise to learn my gal told her friend that she has broken it off with me, Which was a lie to her friend.

 

Does this makes sense to anyone?

[Randy W]

Does what make any sense?

 

 

Seems like two no longer good friends.

[timb]

Question 1 - Does offering to get a gift for your boyfriends sister imply that the friend would an interest in the boyfriend?

 

Question 2 - What purpose does it serve to tell the friend that she and the boyfriend are no longer together?

 

 

 

 

 

Does what make any sense?

 

 

Seems like two no longer good friends.

[Guest Wuhan4me]

There's a whole etiquette to gift giving in China.

 

I've still not figured it out, so I keep gifts with me when I travel, to give to the various relative and friends...

 

The 'non-giving' can be a problem, sure, but I really don't know about consequences, and certainly not the consequences you've described. I'm not ignoring them, but usually the gifts my wife asks me to gather up are electronics , cell phones, and lap tops...

 

IMO, gift-giving is a sign of respect, and withuot it, someone is gonna lose some face.

 

There's all kinds of connections going on with your situation, I wouldn't begin to figure it out with just the info you've given so far.

 

That's my 2 jiao - hopefully someone else will chime in.

[Guest Tony n Terrific]

About all my wife ask for to bring is vitamins and American Ginseng. I guess they promote a good lifestyle is their thinking.

[timb]

I got a little more clarification today. Apparently the friend of my girlfriend told us she bought clothes for my sister. She never produced them and never showed up at my departure to give them. So my gf thinks her friend is a lier and now does not like her.

[Guest jin979]

I got a little more clarification today. Apparently the friend of my girlfriend told us she bought clothes for my sister. She never produced them and never showed up at my departure to give them. So my gf thinks her friend is a lier and now does not like her.

 

 

sounds a little bit crazy to me. she is friend not family so why does this matter. small heart small mind.СÐÄÑÛ

 

friend lied, yes, will effect them but not important to you

Edited August 19, 2009 by jin979 (see edit history)

[david_dawei]

I got a little more clarification today. Apparently the friend of my girlfriend told us she bought clothes for my sister. She never produced them and never showed up at my departure to give them. So my gf thinks her friend is a lier and now does not like her.

But she more intentionally and deceptively lied back... I'd worry less about the gift related issues.

[squirty]

Ehhh...typical crazy Chinese women? haha, of course married to one too, so can't speak too much. She's probably looking over my shoulder as I type this. gotta go!

[Jaseball]

It's the principle of the matter. If you say you are going to do something, then do it. It's not the gift itself, it's what was said and not completed.

[dnoblett]

I noticed where this was posted "Polls & Surveys" which usualy has a poll or survey attached to the post.

 

Moving this one to "Culture & Language" Sounds like "Culture" to me.

[dongyan]

First her friend told her to offer your sister a gift,she was kind of jealous because she thought that's between you and your girlfriend,she didn't want your attention on her friend.

Second,she told her friend that she had broken off contact with you,that meant she didn't trust neither you not her friend enough.you got to talk to her see why she was so worried and why lied about a little thing.building a trustful relationship in the first place is very important.

[Richard & Li]

Gift giving is complex. The last time I went to China gifts constituted about 75% of my luggage. I don't know if I got it right, but the family was very nice (as always) and certainly gave me credit for trying (if I got it wrong).

 

Now, I rely on my wife to handle gift giving. No questions asked: Whatever she says, goes.

 

My guess is there were more issues between these two women. The incident you speak of might have just been the 'straw that broke the camel's back'.

[timb]

There are many complexities with this relationship that I didn't understand until now. I'm not quite sure why my gal think she needed "Lina", her older ex-friend, but I think since Lina had nabbed a guy who adores her, my gal looked up to her as someone who knew how do find a good guy. Lina told her give me $100, cause that is what it costs to advertise on the net for her. I think this was lie number one. I don't think there were any places she was advertised, other than the place I found her, and that place didn't cost anything.

 

When I was in Shenyang, Lina told us, she had gotten a gift for me and/or my sister. My gals other good friend got me a gift, and showed up on the last day to help with my send off. Lina did not do this, so if she did say she got either me or my sister a gift, she neglected to give it. So this, in my gals view, was a lie. A lie she felt was not from a true friend.

 

I got the feeling, even before going to see my gal, that there was an issue between them. But since Lina spoke good English, and my gal knew at that time I trusted Lina, she didn't mention anything to me because she knew she could not explain it properly and it could jeopardize my going to Shenyang at all.

 

My gal has told me many times now, she does not like Lina, and she really does not want anything more to do with her. I'm sure there are more things about Lina I don't know, but my girl does not bad mouth her.

 

I think the lie to Lina had more to do with not giving Lina any more reason to have contact with her. As far as I know, Lina has not spoken or talked with Lina since that time, which if she really were my gals friend, you would think they would be speaking more often.

 

I have no reason to doubt my gal now, and I could not detect any attempt to deceive me. Yes, she is capable of lying, and I've understood her reasons for doing so.

 

I'm sure as her English improves I will learn more.

[david_dawei]

There are many complexities with this relationship that I didn't understand until now. I'm not quite sure why my gal think she needed "Lina",

Confidence... scared... insecure... security... pick any one and it will do.

 

I really don't think 'why' matters much... I think it was just the natural thing for her to do at the time.