engagement ring

[Quinque]

hi again

 

my fiance is insisting on getting me a ring and says I should wear it to the interview but I think its a waste of money... he is pretty upset and says its a foolish risk not to take every advantage we have, is he right?

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

hi again

 

my fiance is insisting on getting me a ring and says I should wear it to the interview but I think its a waste of money... he is pretty upset and says its a foolish risk not to take every advantage we have, is he right?

 

No. I don't think he is right in this case. The biggest advantage you can do for yourselves is to completely document the evolution of your relationship together. This includes keeping copies of all receipts of places you've visited together, restaurants, parks, trips, and so on. Also, copies of all airplane tickets, correspondence by email showing both of your complete email addresses, dated photos that cross-reference and depict both of you together at the places shown on receipts.

 

A ring provides no real evidence of a relationship, but documents do.

 

 

--edit--

 

I also want to add that while a ring provides no real evidence of a relationship, it doesn't hurt either. A ring is the first thing scam artists use because it's quick and easy. You guys should decide between yourselves whether you want a ring or not. If you feel it's better to save money right now, that's a valid point to which you can document in your evolution of relationship letter. I wouldn't get hung up on the ring thing, as the bulk of evidence must be presented using verifiable documents rather than a ring.

Edited June 21, 2009 by ShaQuaNew (see edit history)

[george lee]

my wife wore her engagement ring during her interview but i don't think it has any bearing on the process.

[warpedbored]

It is our custom to buy an engagement ring for the woman we are going to wed. It does show that the man is commited to the woman. This is a lifetime thing and to us not a waste of money. He will expect you to wear it and the wedding ring always. In American culture a married person who goes out without their wedding ring on is like wearing your green hat.

[Quinque]

hi again

 

my fiance is insisting on getting me a ring and says I should wear it to the interview but I think its a waste of money... he is pretty upset and says its a foolish risk not to take every advantage we have, is he right?

 

No. I don't think he is right in this case. The biggest advantage you can do for yourselves is to completely document the evolution of your relationship together. This includes keeping copies of all receipts of places you've visited together, restaurants, parks, trips, and so on. Also, copies of all airplane tickets, correspondence by email showing both of your complete email addresses, dated photos that cross-reference and depict both of you together at the places shown on receipts.

 

A ring provides no real evidence of a relationship, but documents do.

 

I hope we have enough proof, we have been living together in shanghai for the last year and a half, he works online and we just keep renewing his visa 6 months at a time but the lease is in my name. I was thinking bc his visa shows he hasnt left china and keeps getting renewed is pretty good proof and his mom has been doing money transfers to my bank account and cards wishing us well, he even has his absentee ballot from the last presidential election addressed to our apartment with his name on the envelope.

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

hi again

 

my fiance is insisting on getting me a ring and says I should wear it to the interview but I think its a waste of money... he is pretty upset and says its a foolish risk not to take every advantage we have, is he right?

 

No. I don't think he is right in this case. The biggest advantage you can do for yourselves is to completely document the evolution of your relationship together. This includes keeping copies of all receipts of places you've visited together, restaurants, parks, trips, and so on. Also, copies of all airplane tickets, correspondence by email showing both of your complete email addresses, dated photos that cross-reference and depict both of you together at the places shown on receipts.

 

A ring provides no real evidence of a relationship, but documents do.

 

I hope we have enough proof, we have been living together in shanghai for the last year and a half, he works online and we just keep renewing his visa 6 months at a time but the lease is in my name. I was thinking bc his visa shows he hasnt left china and keeps getting renewed is pretty good proof and his mom has been doing money transfers to my bank account and cards wishing us well, he even has his absentee ballot from the last presidential election addressed to our apartment with his name on the envelope.

 

 

Just make sure you have lots of dated pictures together. You should have others take pictures of you whenever you go somewhere, and get dated receipts to prove you were there.

[Randy W]

A ring carries whatever meaning the two of you attribute to it, but icarries little weight at the interview, especially compared to the mountain nof other evidence you have

[samsong]

Randy W and warpedbored have the best replies, imo. They talk about the real meaning of an engagement ring and didn't clutter it up with other things needed at the interview which I'm sure you already know. The topic is about an engagement ring. My opinion on it?- it's not a bad idea to have one but listen to Randy W and warpedbored.

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

hi again

 

my fiance is insisting on getting me a ring and says I should wear it to the interview but I think its a waste of money... he is pretty upset and says its a foolish risk not to take every advantage we have, is he right?

 

No. I don't think he is right in this case. The biggest advantage you can do for yourselves is to completely document the evolution of your relationship together. This includes keeping copies of all receipts of places you've visited together, restaurants, parks, trips, and so on. Also, copies of all airplane tickets, correspondence by email showing both of your complete email addresses, dated photos that cross-reference and depict both of you together at the places shown on receipts.

 

A ring provides no real evidence of a relationship, but documents do.

 

I hope we have enough proof, we have been living together in shanghai for the last year and a half, he works online and we just keep renewing his visa 6 months at a time but the lease is in my name. I was thinking bc his visa shows he hasnt left china and keeps getting renewed is pretty good proof and his mom has been doing money transfers to my bank account and cards wishing us well, he even has his absentee ballot from the last presidential election addressed to our apartment with his name on the envelope.

 

Have you completed an evolution of relationship letter? Do you have dated photos and receipts?

[Mike and Yan]

The interview is all about documentation.

 

Your love, between you two, is everything.

 

A ring is nothing.

 

But, you plan to live in America? White is not a color of death, it is purity. There are more 'nutty' things in America. Jewelry is another one.

 

In USA, the cost of beautiful flowers is not important, the statement is. The obvious symbol of waste is relevant. Go figure practicality.

 

The token gift of an expensive ring, the pure white fidelity of a wedding dress, love captured in a rose?

 

A pathetic fight against the ring symbol is acceptable and warranted. You are a Chinese woman. But yield politely and recognize the meaning.

 

The ring is VERY meaningful. It's expenditure required months of labor. It demonstrates commitment, PUBLICLY. It comes from the heart. While a clear waste of resources, its rejection is tremendous hurt for him.

 

It hurts you little, so accept it. Put up with a stupid tradition, smile. Remind yourself of his love when you see his picture or when you see the ring on your finger.

[warpedbored]

The interview is all about documentation.

 

Your love, between you two, is everything.

 

A ring is nothing.

 

But, you plan to live in America? White is not a color of death, it is purity. There are more 'nutty' things in America. Jewelry is another one.

 

In USA, the cost of beautiful flowers is not important, the statement is. The obvious symbol of waste is relevant. Go figure practicality.

 

The token gift of an expensive ring, the pure white fidelity of a wedding dress, love captured in a rose?

 

A pathetic fight against the ring symbol is acceptable and warranted. You are a Chinese woman. But yield politely and recognize the meaning.

 

The ring is VERY meaningful. It's expenditure required months of labor. It demonstrates commitment, PUBLICLY. It comes from the heart. While a clear waste of resources, its rejection is tremendous hurt for him.

 

It hurts you little, so accept it. Put up with a stupid tradition, smile. Remind yourself of his love when you see his picture or when you see the ring on your finger.

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

The interview is all about documentation.

 

Your love, between you two, is everything.

 

A ring is nothing.

 

But, you plan to live in America? White is not a color of death, it is purity. There are more 'nutty' things in America. Jewelry is another one.

 

In USA, the cost of beautiful flowers is not important, the statement is. The obvious symbol of waste is relevant. Go figure practicality.

 

The token gift of an expensive ring, the pure white fidelity of a wedding dress, love captured in a rose?

 

A pathetic fight against the ring symbol is acceptable and warranted. You are a Chinese woman. But yield politely and recognize the meaning.

 

The ring is VERY meaningful. It's expenditure required months of labor. It demonstrates commitment, PUBLICLY. It comes from the heart. While a clear waste of resources, its rejection is tremendous hurt for him.

 

It hurts you little, so accept it. Put up with a stupid tradition, smile. Remind yourself of his love when you see his picture or when you see the ring on your finger.

B)

 

A ring is a nice touch on a personal level, but something for the couple to decide amongst themselves. The OP was only requesting as to whether the ring would be helpful for the interview.

 

hi again

 

my fiance is insisting on getting me a ring and says I should wear it to the interview but I think its a waste of money... he is pretty upset and says its a foolish risk not to take every advantage we have, is he right?

[warpedbored]

The interview is all about documentation.

 

Your love, between you two, is everything.

 

A ring is nothing.

 

But, you plan to live in America? White is not a color of death, it is purity. There are more 'nutty' things in America. Jewelry is another one.

 

In USA, the cost of beautiful flowers is not important, the statement is. The obvious symbol of waste is relevant. Go figure practicality.

 

The token gift of an expensive ring, the pure white fidelity of a wedding dress, love captured in a rose?

 

A pathetic fight against the ring symbol is acceptable and warranted. You are a Chinese woman. But yield politely and recognize the meaning.

 

The ring is VERY meaningful. It's expenditure required months of labor. It demonstrates commitment, PUBLICLY. It comes from the heart. While a clear waste of resources, its rejection is tremendous hurt for him.

 

It hurts you little, so accept it. Put up with a stupid tradition, smile. Remind yourself of his love when you see his picture or when you see the ring on your finger.

B)

 

A ring is a nice touch on a personal level, but something for the couple to decide amongst themselves. The OP was only requesting as to whether the ring would be helpful for the interview.

 

hi again

 

my fiance is insisting on getting me a ring and says I should wear it to the interview but I think its a waste of money... he is pretty upset and says its a foolish risk not to take every advantage we have, is he right?

Are you sure it isn't helpful? My wife insisted on one specifically for that reason. A VO wouldn't write a blue slip because you don't have one but that doesn't mean they don't notice.

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

 

Are you sure it isn't helpful? My wife insisted on one specifically for that reason. A VO wouldn't write a blue slip because you don't have one but that doesn't mean they don't notice.

 

It may be helpful, but the prerequisite is to have ALL the paperwork in order first. That includes all the details in a dated timeline that specifies the evolution of the relationship. That letter should be supported by evidence, that shows they have been communicating and spending time together. The evidence should be corroborated by using verifiable things like receipts, email, phone records, dated photos, and so on. If after all of that information is in order, then they, at a more personal level can discuss whether or not to get a ring.

 

I recall having a similar conversation with my wife before her interview. I thought it important from a personal perspective to get a ring. She however didn't want for us to spend the money right then, and thought using it for other things was more important. I didn't take this request or perspective personally, and decided to honor her position at that time.

[Randy W]

Are you sure it isn't helpful? My wife insisted on one specifically for that reason. A VO wouldn't write a blue slip because you don't have one but that doesn't mean they don't notice.

 

It's a piece of evidence. I would advise these two that they NOT buy it for that reason. But if they do decide to buy one, take pictures to include with other relationship pictures and/or a copy of the receipt.