PJ Posted October 20, 2003 Report Share Posted October 20, 2003 All, As you know, I really strive to be fair and balanced. Believe me, it is not easy to maintain a site with so many people and differing opinions. There are often times where debates and disagreements emerge. Sometimes these get heated very quickly. "Differences of opinion and debate are supported. However, no personal attacks ..." Usually when there is discord between members, I try hard not to take a side. I never want to get into the situation of trying to determine right from wrong. However, I will stand by my family before all else, and I will *not* tolerate any personal attacks toward my fiancee, hence the deletion of an account. There is nothing more important to me in the world than her. Thanks, P.J. Link to comment
MoonCarolCafe Posted October 20, 2003 Report Share Posted October 20, 2003 A public thanks for maintaining the site PJ. Link to comment
whoever Posted October 20, 2003 Report Share Posted October 20, 2003 Thank you PJ. Let's hope we all know what's right from wrong. Link to comment
frank1538 Posted October 20, 2003 Report Share Posted October 20, 2003 I take my hat off to you for handling a very tough job of maintaining the board, but I must have missed what happened to result in the deletion of the account. But, I certainly agree with you that no one's personal attacks on our fiance(e)s or spouses should ever be tolerated. Link to comment
Dave G. Posted October 20, 2003 Report Share Posted October 20, 2003 I take my hat off to you for handling a very tough job of maintaining the board, but I must have missed what happened to result in the deletion of the account. But, I certainly agree with you that no one's personal attacks on our fiance(e)s or spouses should ever be tolerated.Ditto... But, now I'm really confused. I just saw the posted open letter to Se Lang. It is none of my business what happened but it raises some interesting issues. I know I'm basically a guest on this forum. Administrators/moderators have established "rules of engagement" in order to participate and when rules are violated, members can be kicked off the CFL island. I know in the past my feathers have been ruffled and I know I've ruffled others' too. But, since this isn't "my house," I don't have a delete key. At the risk of tipping my hand too much and appearing like a total geek, does everyone remember the original Star Trek? The episode from parallel universe when we met the Evil Spock? http://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/k/eyebrow.gif Kirk had a contraption in his living quarters where with the push of a button, he could eliminate his enemies. But, since the Good Kirk was there, he could never push the button. So, what's all this babbling mean? I agree the moderators have a huge responsibility. They have to monitor discussion threads while also being active participants. I'm glad we can share information, commiserate, and even have heated debates. I've learned so much here. Sometimes just posting my thoughts helps me think things through. Personally -- and not having been solicited for this opinion -- I believe threads should take their natural course. Public reaction can help moderators get a sense of their appropriateness to help determine whether they need to evoke their administrative rights. Those who have been around for the last few months can think of instances where it was clear that certain members had no desire to provide useful information or supportive feedback. Yet, it took time to establish that. I feel badly that Se Lang was booted. His posts were good. I thought he was sincere and am having a hard time believing he'd intentionally say anything negative about another. If anyone has had contact with him via email, please contact him and ask that he email PJ so they can discuss whatever happened. And, PJ -- just so you know, don't be too hard on yourself. You reacted like anyone in love would. In the beginning with JM, my mother said some unkind things. I blasted that poor little 84 year old woman (she's a bit bigoted but I think I've gotten her straightened out). It's clear that this has been a good learning experience for PJ (and others probably). Let's just get our member back. http://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/8/wink2.gif Link to comment
PJ Posted October 20, 2003 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2003 Dave, Thank you very much for this insightful post. I definitely did react too quickly, and really feel that it's just a misunderstanding that could easily be straightened out. I don't want to kick anyone who is a productive and positive contributor to Candle, and I definitely don't want my fiancee to be sad or upset. I will admit I am a bit overprotective and in the future, I'll be more careful to balance impulse with fairness. P.J. Link to comment
lori&dave Posted October 20, 2003 Report Share Posted October 20, 2003 Calm down, PJ. I know it is hard for u to keep calm now since u are deeply in love with ur fiancee, however, as an outsider, I agree with Dave.G. Imagine, if it were someone else asked u to delete another person's account becoze he felt his fiancee got personal attack by the guy, would u make the decision so soon? I suggest we sould have a vote on issue like this to make people feel that candleforlove is a place where we can talk what's on our mind. I agree personal attack is harmful to the forum here, however we're humanbeing, we are not perfect enough to be as neutral as God. What's more, people here care about u and maybe that's why they hope u would be wise and sage enough not to get hurt again. Link to comment
Dave G. Posted October 20, 2003 Report Share Posted October 20, 2003 Calm down, PJ. I know it is hard for u to keep calm now since u are deeply in love with ur fiancee, however, as an outsider, I agree with Dave.G. Imagine, if it were someone else asked u to delete another person's account becoze he felt his fiancee got personal attack by the guy, would u make the decision so soon? I suggest we sould have a vote on issue like this to make people feel that candleforlove is a place where we can talk what's on our mind. I agree personal attack is harmful to the forum here, however we're humanbeing, we are not perfect enough to be as neutral as God. What's more, people here care about u and maybe that's why they hope u would be wise and sage enough not to get hurt again.This is a great thread! So many emotional and philosophical ramifications!!!! Whereas I agree with and support PJ's motives, I disagree about the decision. Perhaps it's my own opinion about Se_Lang. I thought he added a lot to the forum and it was clear he used it well. I was sorry to see him go. Hope he can be located and brought back. Yet, like I said, I'm visiting in "PJ's home." CFL is his baby and it's his job to nurture it how he sees fit. The idea of a vote is fascinating. I was thinking the same thing. Here are some pros and cons to that: Pro - All members have a democratic say about online participants. Con - Looking at past polls, very few participate. With over 600 members, can 10 people who vote really provide a fair sample of opinions? Con- Trust me....if you all came to my house, there would be no democracy. I'm the dictator in my home and make the decisions as I see fit. (Of course, when JM gets here, it will be a Monarchy -- she's my queen!) Pro - On line voting takes some of the pressure off administrators. Just some other thoughts.................. http://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/8/greenwinky.gif Link to comment
se_lang Posted October 20, 2003 Report Share Posted October 20, 2003 All, As you know, I really strive to be fair and balanced. Believe me, it is not easy to maintain a site with so many people and differing opinions. There are often times where debates and disagreements emerge. Sometimes these get heated very quickly. "Differences of opinion and debate are supported. However, no personal attacks ..." Usually when there is discord between members, I try hard not to take a side. I never want to get into the situation of trying to determine right from wrong. However, I will stand by my family before all else, and I will *not* tolerate any personal attacks toward my fiancee, hence the deletion of an account. There is nothing more important to me in the world than her. Thanks, P.J.PJ I really do not understand what I said was an attack on your MM I was reading the site and found out I was the one who was kicked. I am very sincere when I say there was no personnel attack on your MM if you have read any of my posts I don't bash people or bad mouth anyone least not you or your MM, If I offended you in anyway please tell me what it was. Until PJ says otherwise I wont post again. Link to comment
Bob & Minglian Posted October 21, 2003 Report Share Posted October 21, 2003 It seems to me that Se_lang has given more to Candle than he's received. He's not been one to simply seek information for himself but has been a contributing member. I don't recall him ever attacking anyone. Yet, as with others who have posted on this topic, we don't know what was said and in what context it was said. Certainly, personal attacks should not be tolerated from anyone. But, "members" somehow should have a say, however that's done. I hope Se_lang and PJ can work through whatever it was and that he will return with his same member status and still feel "at home." Link to comment
PJ Posted October 21, 2003 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2003 Thank you, Don. I also feel that se_lang has added a lot of positive insight to Candle, and I truly believe what happened was a misunderstanding due to cultural differences. se_lang, I realize I was wrong in deleting your account without speaking with you and getting to the bottom of the misunderstanding. I have restored your post count to this new ID, and I hope you will remain a part of our community. P.J. Link to comment
Guest hakkamike Posted October 21, 2003 Report Share Posted October 21, 2003 It would be nice to know why he got booted so the rest of us do not make the same mistake(not that I would lose any sleep over it)? Later, Michael Perez Link to comment
se_lang Posted October 21, 2003 Report Share Posted October 21, 2003 Thanks, for all your support (it is nice to be loved ) I was not mad or upset with PJ he did what we all do at times and he cooled down and corrected it. The reason I said I would not post again until PJ said it was ok was like Dave G said this is PJ's home I was asked to leave, even if it was a misunderstanding until he says it is ok I was not going to violate that, Now if Dave G has an image of lots of flowers he can send to PJ's MM it would be a nice start to clear things up with her. Link to comment
se_lang Posted October 21, 2003 Report Share Posted October 21, 2003 It would be nice to know why he got booted so the rest of us do not make the same mistake(not that I would lose any sleep over it)? Later, Michael PerezIt was mostly a big misunderstanding with American humor. I think this was a learning experence for everyone so I dont think it would happen again. I wont post or explain the misunderstanding unless PJ's MM says she is ok with it. Sorry folks Link to comment
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