O/T :angry: :angry: Stupid *(&^%%$&$*&%$@

[Guest Se_Lang]

I have not done a "My story" yet but here are the cliff notes.... I was married a little over 14 years when the EX decided to give me the greatest gift in my life, She took off with a kid 9 years her junior Ok now I got the kids, Bills, van, 401K & profit sharing. She got her 2 credit cards and is not paying child support.

 

Now I have asked her in the past if I could bring the kids to China with me, Her response is NO her kids are not leaving the country NO NO NO, Her only reason is because she has not seen the kids in 18 months and nobody else (meaning MM) is going to see her kids before she does and the only reason she has not seen the kids is because her and BF are both unemployed and can not afford to drive 7 hours to meet me half way.

 

Now in their mind because I can afford to fly to China and pay people to care for my kids while I am gone I should pay for her so she can see her kids, However I am already not getting child support and I got all the bills so I feel she can take on the burden and responsibility to meet me half way to pick up kids.

 

I could ramble on a lot more but this is the short version. But I find it simpily amazing she wont allow the kids to see another country or culture.

[Bob & Minglian]

It seems to me there must be a way to have your children travel with you for a visit to China. What a wonderful experience for them! You are now remarried, your new wife lives in China, and in time she will be here with you and your children. I think this is an important trip. And Ray is right: your exwife is using the children as a means of hurting you. Her life isn't so great so she's doing what she can to make sure yours isn't so great, either. She jealous, dislikes your being happy because she's not, and is striking back the only way she knows how. She fears your new wife will replace her as the mother of her own children and she resents it. Down the road she will likely attempt to disrupt your marriage. The best thing to do is to stay calm, think ahead, and be proactive. And try your best to keep your children away from the issue between your exwife and you. I don't know your custody arrangements but I bet it would be worth your time to seek out legal counsel as a remedy to the problem. Unchecked this will only get to be a bigger problem. For now, work on the trip, but also work on resolving the problem before your new wife gets here. Hang in there. A lot of us have gone through what you're going through.

[keelec]

Wow,

 

An opportunity of a lifetime, touring a country like China. I think it is always important to experience a new culture, and am glad that you wish to share that experience to your children, especially now that it is part of the culture of your family. What is more important, for your ex to play games, or allowing your kids to meet their new grandparents? Yes, they are part of your family too. And, of course, your new wife (and their new stepmother).

 

You have to figure out a way to make it work. Perhaps you can trade holidays with your ex. Somehow, arrange to get them to her for either Thanksgiving or Christmas. Are they old enough to fly down to her mother's house for a weekend? Have you been in touch with their maternal grandparents? Perhaps they will help if they don't think you are the epitimy of all evil. Where are the grandparents with respect to the ex. You could send the kids to the grandparents, and leave it up to your ex to share the weekend.

[MoonCarolCafe]

Ayup. Sounds like you have a snake in the grass out back for certain. My advice: Stop talking to her about your new wife. She can't fcuk with your happiness if she does not know what is making you happy.

 

Have you considered taking this before a judge? You want to expand your childrens' horizons, and she refuses to let you provide them an educational experience because...??? I did a bit of travel when I was young. Best thing ever my parents did for me.

[frank1538]

Why do you even need her permission? If you have legal custody of the kids, the decision is yours and yours alone. While you should do nothing that would alienate the children's relationship with their mother, it sounds like you have the rights here, not her.

 

Please do not take this as legal advice, but as the custodial parent, you should have great latitude in how you raise the children.

[Bobby]

I'm with Frank on this one... if you have sole custody and have severed all ties, then why not take them to China? Sure, its not fair to take them some place where the mother would not be able to visit, but what effort is she making at this point? In my mind, people lose the right to complain the minute they decide not to make any effort to remedy their situation. I'd say stick with your plan and do what you want to. If you spend all of your time waiting for her, you will have had allowed her to drag you into the hell that is her life. You might as well live the best life you can now and provide your kids with the best life possible.

[tonyontherock]

I'm with Frank on this one...  if you have sole custody and have severed all ties, then why not take them to China?  Sure, its not fair to take them some place where the mother would not be able to visit, but what effort is she making at this point?  In my mind, people lose the right to complain the minute they decide not to make any effort to remedy their situation.  I'd say stick with your plan and do what you want to.  If you spend all of your time waiting for her, you will have had allowed her to drag you into the hell that is her life.  You might as well live the best life you can now and provide your kids with the best life possible.

Really, why would you need her consent? Is it because it would be her time for visitation? If so, just try trade some time and if she is stubbon about it, just do it and see what the hell she can do. For violation of her visitation rights? Document every communication with her in writing. If both she and her bf are unemployed, I doubt they will have the money to litigate any visitation violation. If they do get a legal aid lawyer, what is the judge going to say? Do it again I will switch custody to the loser pair?

[whoever]

In fact, what can she do to stop you from take her to China? She could file a court complain when she can't even afford to visit her daughter???

The Judge might just laugh at her if she brought that to court.

[bobmal99]

Do not worry about it just take your kids with you on vacation, no matter where you want to go. You have custody, and every legal right to take your children wherever you want to!!!

 

Good luck have fun and a great trip.

[keelec]

I am sure there are laws to prevent emigration. Obviously that is not Se Lang's intent. However, it is likely a subject that needs to be tread on lightly.

 

When in doubt, seek the advice of a real lawyer, rather than the opinions of a group of part-time "armchair lawyers", part-time “armchair quarterbacks”.

 

However, in general, I have found it best to tell my parents of how wonderful of a camping trip I just finished rather than explaining my future plans for an ice cold float trip down the Rogue River mid-winter during flood stage. It is just easier to explain later.

 

----- Clifford ------

[Guest candy_and_pj]

I have not done a "My story" yet but here are the cliff notes.... I was married a little over 14 years when the EX decided to give me the greatest gift in my life, She took off with a kid 9 years her junior      Ok now I got the kids, Bills, van, 401K & profit sharing. She got her 2 credit cards and is not paying child support.

 

Now I have asked her in the past if I could bring the kids to China with me, Her response is NO her kids are not leaving the country NO NO NO, Her only reason is because she has not seen the kids in 18 months and nobody else (meaning MM) is going to see her kids before she does and the only reason she has not seen the kids is because her and BF are both unemployed and can not afford to drive 7 hours to meet me half way.

 

Now in their mind because I can afford to fly to China and pay people to care for my kids while I am gone I should pay for her so she can see her kids,  However I am already not getting child support and I got all the bills so I feel she can take on the burden and responsibility to meet me half way to pick up kids.

 

I could ramble on a lot more but this is the short version. But I find it simpily amazing she wont allow the kids to see another country or culture.

 

hi See_Lang and all member:

how are you?i am candy(P.J's fiancee),this is my first write and talk with you,i just want to say sorry here,actually kicked See_Lang is me,not P.J,all things,it is my fault,it is not P.J,i hope you don't blame P.J,if you blame then blame me ok,i know kicked See_Lang is a mistake,i don't know and understand about U.S culture,so i saw some i shouldn't see word,maybe it is a jokking,but completeness i don't know,so made a mistake,sorry everyone,See_Lang,can you forgive me and come back Candle love again?i know all member need you come back here.i hope you can promise me,don't blame P.J,that is my beg to you

i hope you have nice future each.

 

candy

[Dave G.]

I have not done a "My story" yet but here are the cliff notes.... I was married a little over 14 years when the EX decided to give me the greatest gift in my life, She took off with a kid 9 years her junior      Ok now I got the kids, Bills, van, 401K & profit sharing. She got her 2 credit cards and is not paying child support.

 

Now I have asked her in the past if I could bring the kids to China with me, Her response is NO her kids are not leaving the country NO NO NO, Her only reason is because she has not seen the kids in 18 months and nobody else (meaning MM) is going to see her kids before she does and the only reason she has not seen the kids is because her and BF are both unemployed and can not afford to drive 7 hours to meet me half way.

 

Now in their mind because I can afford to fly to China and pay people to care for my kids while I am gone I should pay for her so she can see her kids,  However I am already not getting child support and I got all the bills so I feel she can take on the burden and responsibility to meet me half way to pick up kids.

 

I could ramble on a lot more but this is the short version. But I find it simpily amazing she wont allow the kids to see another country or culture.

 

hi See_Lang and all member:

how are you?i am candy(P.J's fiancee),this is my first write and talk with you,i just want to say sorry here,actually kicked See_Lang is me,not P.J,all things,it is my fault,it is not P.J,i hope you don't blame P.J,if you blame then blame me ok,i know kicked See_Lang is a mistake,i don't know and understand about U.S culture,so i saw some i shouldn't see word,maybe it is a jokking,but completeness i don't know,so made a mistake,sorry everyone,See_Lang,can you forgive me and come back Candle love again?i know all member need you come back here.i hope you can promise me,don't blame P.J,that is my beg to you

i hope you have nice future each.

 

candy

Candy,

 

That's so sweet. I think all is well. Did you get the flowers Se_Lang asked me to send to you?

 

Dave

[se_lang]

hi See_Lang and all member:

  how are you?i am candy(P.J's fiancee),this is my first write and talk with you,i just want to say sorry here,actually kicked See_Lang is me,not P.J,all things,it is my fault,it is not P.J,i hope you don't blame P.J,if you blame then blame me ok,i know kicked See_Lang is a mistake,i don't know and understand about U.S culture,so i saw some i shouldn't see word,maybe it is a jokking,but completeness i don't know,so made a mistake,sorry everyone,See_Lang,can you forgive me and come back Candle love again?i know all member need you come back here.i hope you can promise me,don't blame P.J,that is my beg to you

i hope you have nice future each.

 

candy

Dont worry Candy there was never any hard feelings, I knew it was a misunderstanding and thought it would all work out fine and it did all is forgiven and forgot.

[se_lang]

I have been very busy these last couple days an have not had a chance to respond, But I need her signature for any child under the age of 14 or a death cert for her or divorce papers granting me full custody, Sadly I only have joint custody at this time but primary placement so I am stuck for one of the kids by his age, But never fail she made sure she had it stated in the divorce papers that I am not allowed to bring kids outside the US without her permission.

So for me it is simple just like a K1, I wait then after my MM is here and the kids mother still has not seen them I will take her back to court and ask for full custody. The kids will have other chances to see China, This is the only way she has to control things in my life so she will use to her fullest at her kids expense which BURNS me to no end. I am half tempted at this point to write the courts and ask them for permission.

[Bob & Minglian]

I am half tempted at this point to write the courts and ask them for permission.

Each year of a child's life comes with a different perspective. For them to experience China at their ages now may have a different feel to them altogether at different ages. It will also prepare them more for when your wife is here with you and them in the U.S. They will have had an opportunity to be in her culture, in her homeland. Another time will be great, too, but there's also no time like now. Why not construct a tactfully written letter to the court requesting it grant consideration for their travel to China on your next trip. You have everything to gain and absolutely nothing to lose. There is every indication from what you've shared that you will not be getting her "permission." The court may very likely see it in a much different light.