chinadave update

[carhil24]

John,

Thank you for your kind words. I just wanted to tell you to "keep up the faith!" I guess right now hearing those words does not help the feeling of helplessness and heartache you might have right now, but you just need to remember that everything has a purpose. You may not know what the purpose of all of this waiting is right now, but someday you will. All of us on this site who have their wives by their sides now, have gone through exactly what you and many others are going through right now. It is a rollercoaster of emotions. I remember that it seemed that everyday that I called my wife (fiancee at that time), one of us would be picking the other one up. One day, I would be down, ready to call it quits and move to China, and she would brighten my day. The next day, she would be down, thinking that we would never be together, and I would have to pick her up. But trust me, when you see her (if you are able to make the trip) coming out of that consulate with the visa in her hand, immediately all of the heartache and helplessness will be forgotten, and at that moment you will realize that all of it was well worth the wait! I remember when we both were in the taxi immediately afterwards (we had a flight to catch), both her and I were crying, and the driver and her daughter were looking at us like we were crazy. Trust me, we will remember that moment for as long as we both live. Hang in there, your time is coming soon!

[carhil24]

Chinadave,

If you haven't had your fill of advice, I want to add one more piece which I didn't mention before. Find someone who makes you laugh! It seems too simple, but often times in our lives we get caught up in the rat race of working, school, finances, etc, and we forget how to laugh and just have a good time with each other. I don't know if my wife and I are different than other couples, or maybe we both have yet to grow up, but we are constantly, day after day, making each other laugh. My original, naive image of a Chinese culture which never laughed, joked, or had a good time, was completely destroyed when I met my wife. From the very beginning of our communication, we always enjoyed kidding each other and trying to play jokes on one another. From early on when she first asked me for a photo of myself, and I downloaded a photo of a immensely overweight man sunbathing in a speedo, and told her that this was me enjoying the beach in California, and the day in Beijing when she had to use the restroom, and then exited through a different door and from a distance watched me as I paced back and forth waiting and waiting for her, until finally, in broken Chinese, I asked a woman who was about to enter, if she could check on her. I paid her back, though, the day I called her from my city, and told her about the encounter that I had with a spider in my back yard that was the size of a dinner plate. There was a quiet pause, and then the inevitable question, "Do they ever get inside the house?" And of course I answered, "Well, not very often, so you don't have to worry. And when they do, we just kill them with a broom." At that moment I could hear the wheels churning, reviewing her decision about coming to America. I cannot tell you everything that happens in our house because some of it is very embarassing, but needless to say, when I am taking a nice, long, hot shower, I am still very watchful for that glass of ice cold water coming over the top of the shower door. Oviously, there is never a dull moment around here. Anyway, the point of all of this is, life is too short to not enjoy it with someone that you can laugh with and have a good time. When times get rough, and a problem has knocked you on your butt, a good laugh together will make it all pale in comparison to the person you have by your side. There have been so many times that because of the culture differences and language barrier between my wife and I, that misunderstandings have occured, but we have always found some sort of humour in the situation, and soon are laughing like a couple of fools. Dave, I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you are able to find someone you can laugh with for the rest of your life.

[frank1538]

I don't know if my wife and I are different than other couples, or maybe we both have yet to grow up, but we are constantly, day after day, making each other laugh.

Like one of my T-shirts proclaims:

 

Aging is inevitable,

Maturing is optional

 

This is a philosophy that should guide more of us. As you stated in an eariler post, the American rat race can certainly grind you down, but if there is laughter, there is life.

 

I remember when a friend of mine turned 40. I asked her if it bothered her. She said when she was under forty and did somehing spontaneous or childish, she had this feeling that people were saying grow up. Now she says that she feels that she can do whatever she pleases because it keeps her young.

 

May we all laugh with our spouses and stay forever young.

[Dave G.]

May we all laugh with our spouses and stay forever young.

I turn 41 this week. My mom still asks when I'm going to grow up.

 

NEVER!

 

http://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/_950/balloon.gif

[Guest sanfranciscojoe]

Dave, we reached that conclusion independently some time ago. hope to see you in SF.

[tonyontherock]

Dave, sorry to hear that things did not work out. From the posts on this board and other things. I got the distinct impression that neither you nor Sarah are bad people or had less than honest intentions.

As far as dating is concerned, consider meeting the girls here in person.

I was on the market for a little while after I became free, at least here in NYC there are quite a few Chinese girls, lovely ( and a few I had to say really pretty) in the dating scene. The same with Russian girls. For Russians, the party is organized by DOC's at different places ( also a lot of non-immigrants). The Chinese dating services hold parties almost every weekend. It is not that far for you. Some of the girls are those "easy" kind, but most were looking for marriage.

I hope the next one would end up in a happy situation, instead of almost marriage. Good Luck.

[tonyontherock]

Dave, about working in China. I know some one is looking to open a new school teaching English in Beihai, Guangshi. If interested, you may want to check it out. Instead of just getting a salary, you can own it as a partner. I came back too soon to do it. (P.S. There are some real nice ocean front properties on for auction just last week. Wish I could teach and live right on the Ocean. It was too darn hot and humid for me. ) Education is good area for development in China. The bottom line in China is, it pays little unless you own it! It is filled with pitfalls as well as opportunities. Despite the general low wages, most who own pull in a lot of money. Most of the construction that is going on in Nanning was done by this one guy, the largest English language schools in Guangshi and Shenzhen owned by another who just started it a few years back.